Saturday January 11th 1986
`Merlin how long can one person be in labor.` Sirius sighed and leaned far back in his chair, making the two front legs lift of off the ground.
`Piss off Sirius.` Marlene spat at him. `It`s not you that`s pushing an entire human being out of your snatch now is it?` she gave him a shove and he toppled over, chair and all.
`Oi, watch it.` Sirius grumbled, clambering to his legs again.
Remus was pacing up and down the waiting room of the hospital, working on his fifth cup of coffee. It was five in the morning and Mary had been in labour for almost twenty-four hours by now. After he had gotten Sirius` note he had ran to Hogsmeade to apparate to London, but once he was inside the hospital it had become evident that he hadn’t needed to rush, Mary`s baby was taking it`s sweet time.
For most of the day they had all been there; he, Sirius, Marlene, Jaz, James, Lily and obviously Darren. James, Sirius and Marlene, who weren`t used to muggle hospitals, had been having the time of their lives at the start of the day, gawking at all the strange or odd looking contraptions that were being wheeled past them. Now everyone was delirious from sleep and agitated from waiting.
At first they had been allowed to be in the same room as Mary, but once Sirius had started levitating random objects and letting them fly around the room, she had kicked them all out save for Darren and Lily, who she wanted by her side for moral support. Around midnight James had gone to pick up Harry, whom had been spending the day at the Burrow in the company of the Weasleys.
Jaz had fallen asleep on a couch, but Remus, Sirius and Marlene were wide awake, hyped up on the anticipation of meeting the new addition to their lives and probably too much caffeine.
`It`s bollocks that we can`t do magic here.` Sirius whined, flicking his wand from one hand to the other.
`Put that away.` Remus said sternly. `We`re surrounded by muggles.`
`Oh yeah, where?` Sirius answered, cocking an eyebrow. `Where are all these muggles? For as far as I can see we are the only ones sitting here, at FIVE IN THE MORNING.`
`You can always go home.` Remus spat back.
Sirius grumbled something, but didn`t reply and instead folded his arms sulkily over his chest. Quickly, Remus gulped the last of his coffee down, it had gotten cold and tasted bitter, a shiver ran up his spine.
`I`m going outside for a while.` he said. `Need some air.`
`You`re not going to smoke are you?` Marlene asked him firmly.
`No, I`m not going to smoke.` Remus answered. He had thought about it, but he wouldn`t. He pushed through the glass hospital doors, the place smelled of chemicals and sick people, he hated it. Outside he leaned his head against the brick wall, it was still dark but he didn`t have any trouble making out all the shapes around him. Slowly he breathed in the chilly morning air, he felt overwhelmed, visiting Hogwarts, getting a job there and Mary going into labour all in the span of such a short time was a little too much to process. Cars zoomed by on the street and splashed their wheels through the slush from the melted snow that was still laying around. A dull throb of a headache was starting to appear behind his eyes, he pressed the palms of his hands deep into their sockets until he saw small stars appear on the inside of his lids.
***
Remus sprang up as he felt a soft hand rest down on his shoulder. `Hi love.` Lily said and went to stand beside him, also resting her back against the wall. She looked rumpled, her red hair was knotted and she had dark circles underneath her eyes. `A lot isn`t it?` she asked.
`Hmm.` Remus said, rubbing his brow. `What are you doing out here?`
`Mary kicked me out.` Lily answered. `And I couldn`t bear to stay in the waiting room with Marlene and Sirius, it`s like those two are on something.`
`Right.` Remus chuckled softly.
Lily rested her head against Remus` shoulder, he put an arm around her and they grew silent for a while, following the cars passing by with their tired eyes.
`I`m really scared Lily.` Remus said suddenly. He didn`t know why he said it, he didn`t like to display his emotions like they were up for auction, but something in Lily always made him spill his guts to her.
`Of what?` she looked at him earnestly, her green eyes reflecting the light of the lampposts.
`Everything.` Remus said, letting out a pained laugh. `Of getting a job at Hogwarts, of the change, of me and Sirius having to move and what that will mean for us. Mostly about growing up.`
`You didn`t tell me you got the job!` Lily said, looking at him in amazement.
Remus grinned bashfully, `Yeah, I didn`t think it would be a good time to announce it, with Mary being in labour and all.`
`That`s amazing Remus!` she kissed him on the cheek. `I`m so proud of you.`
`Yeah well.` Remus said, shuffling his feet on the concrete.
`But I get what you are saying.` Lily continued, biting her lip. `About being scared.`
`But you seem to be having it all figured out? A relationship, a kid, a steady job.` Remus replied, looking at her, a frown on his forehead.
`Well yeah, sure. But you know, we didn`t really have another choice, we thought we would be dead by the end of the year. So getting married, having Harry, seemed like the sensible option, the only option.` she inhaled deeply. `But still there isn`t a day that goes by that I`m not terrified, that I`m not having the feeling that I have no clue what I am doing.`
`Then, how do you do it?`
`Just one day at a time.` she answered smiling and after a short pause, `And luckily all the good stuff outweighs the scary and bad.`
Remus nodded and squeezed Lily`s shoulder. `I`m scared I`m going to lose Sirius.`
`I know you are love.` she replied. `But you`re not, I assure you, you two love eachother way too much for that. And hey look-` she went to stand in front of him, looking at him seriously. `You have been through so much together, this will work out as well, you just need to talk to him.`
`You`re right.` Remus sighed. `I`m blowing this entirely out of proportions.` Talking to Lily about his fears didn`t make them disappear but it made them seem more bearable, as if he was looking at them from an outside view.
`Have you told him? That you got the job.`
Slowly Remus shook his head, again it hadn`t seem like the right moment to do so, he hadn`t want to steal the limelight away from Mary. `I will as soon as all of this is settled down.` he replied.
Lily opened her mouth to say something, but the door flew open with a bang and Marlene pelted out, panting heavily. `I`ve been looking all over for you two.` she heaved. `The- It`s-` she was searching for air and words. `The baby is here.` Marlene finally managed to bring out.
***
The blinds were closed in the small white room and the only light was coming from a warm tinted lamp on the bedside table. Mary was sitting up straight in the bed, her forehead still beaded with sweat and her face tear streaked, but her eyes were sparkling and she had a soft smile on her face as she stared down at the little bundle in her arms. Next to her stood Darren, a hand on her shoulder and staring enamoured at their child.
`It`s a girl.` Mary whispered, looking up at Remus, eyes glistening with tears.
Remus felt a lump forming in his throat as he saw Mary caress the little plume of hair on the tiny head. His Mary had a baby, his Mary was a mother. She willed him to sit down in a chair next to the bed and he complied without question. They had been allowed to come into the room one by one, which he though was very strategic of Mary, he was sure they hadn`t been able to keep it quiet if they had all been gawking over the baby together.
`Have you settled on a name yet?` Remus asked.
Mary looked up at Darren, whom nodded. `Rose.` she said. `We`ve decided to name her Rose, short for Rosemary.`
`That`s a beautiful name Mary.` Remus whispered softly, looking in amazement as the bundle slightly stirred. The only baby he had seen this close up had been Harry and that was over five years ago by now.
Darren went out of the room to call both their families and Remus and Mary were left alone. The clock on the wall softly ticked and a beam of light was streaming through a gap in the curtains, Remus stood up to close up the gap and when he turned around again he noticed Mary was crying.
`Hey, what`s wrong?` he ask gently as he sat down at the edge of the bed.
`Nothing.` she shook her head through her tears. `Or everything. I don`t know.` she snorted her nose.
`Can I get you something? Shall I get Darren? Or Marlene?` he was sure both of them would be able to be a better comfort for Mary than he would.
Mary shook her head again. `No, just you being here is enough. It`s just-` she faltered.
`What?`
`What if this is it? What if from this moment on I`ll be only seen as somebody`s mother and somebody`s wife. What is this the end of my independence?` she sniffed. `I`m scared to lose myself. I`m scared that people won`t see me for me anymore and only as an extension of other people.`
Remus kept quiet, not sure how to answer, he looked at his hands, fidgeting with a plead in the bedsheets.
`I don`t want that Remus.` Mary cried softly. `I don`t want my life to be over.`
At this Remus looked up. `Hey, hey-` he said, gripping her hand. `Your life is not over. Just because you are a mother now doesn`t mean you can`t be anything else anymore.`
`But what can I be Remus?` she asked, pleading. `I`m not passionate about anything. I can do a number of things at a moderately okay level, but there is nothing that I excel at, nothing that I truly want to do.`
`You`re still young, you`re only twenty-six. You`ll find something, you`ll figure it out.` Remus answered.
`But what if I don`t?` Mary asked, her dark eyes big.
`Then you don`t.` Remus said bluntly.
Mary laughed. `Gosh Remus, you`re really good at cheering people up, did you know?`
He smirked, comforting people or cheering them up had always been a weak point of his and still his friends always chose him to confide their worries or secrets to, he didn`t understand it.
Rose made a croaking sound in her sleep and turned over so a corner of the blanket she had been wrapped in came undone, revealing her little face. `She looks like you.` Remus said.
`Does she?` Mary asked.
Smiling Remus nodded, Rose had the same high cheekbones and dark glowing skin as her mother, he hoped she would be the same angel of a human that Mary was.
`Can you put her in the cot?` Mary gestured towards the cradle that stood next to the bed. `I need to have a couple of minutes of sleep before the family arrives.`
`Of course.` Remus answered, accepting the little bundle into his hands, he was terrified he would drop her.
`Support her head.` Mary said as she watched anxiously while he lowered Rose into the crib.
`There you go.` Remus whispered as he tucked the cloth the baby was wrapped in in place.
***
They were riding the underground railroad back home, after years of taking it Sirius still marvelled at the muggle invention and wasn`t able to stop asking Remus questions about how certain parts worked, most of which Remus himself didn`t even know how they did. His stomach growled from too little to eat and too much coffee and he was thinking about what they still had left in their fridge at home, it wasn`t much, he knew that. He wondered how long it would take for Dumbledore to sent him further instructions, would there already be a letter waiting on him at home?
`I want a baby.` Sirius sighed.
`No you don’t.` Remus replied, staring at the darkness of the underground tunnels.
`You`re right. I don`t.` Sirius replied, shifting back and forth in his seat. `I at least want a cat.`
`We`re not getting a cat.`
`Oh come on, let`s get a cat.` Sirius whined. `I want a cat, Moony it`ll be fun! Once we`re living in the old Grimmauld Place we`ll have the room!`
Remus kept quiet, fidgeting with a thread that had come loose from his coat.
`Moony I-` Sirius continued, but Remus cut him off.
`I got the job.`
`What?` Sirius asked, suddenly no longer smiling.
`I got the job.` Remus replied. `I`ll be a professor at Hogwarts. I`m supposed to start as soon as possible.`
`You-. When, erm, when did you find out?` Sirius looked at him, brow furrowed.
`I already knew when I left Dumbledores office.` Remus said, not daring to meet Sirius` eye. `I-. I didn`t know when to tell you, it didn`t feel like the right time, or place, there in the hospital.`
`No you`re right. I-` Sirius swallowed. `I`m happy for you Moony. This is great!` he said smiling.
`Is it?`
`Yes, it is! Isn`t it?` Sirius asked confused.
`You know this means I`ll be moving there?` Remus said, still only looking at his shoes, they could use polishing.
`Right.` Sirius said, Remus looked at him, he was gnawing on his bottom lip.
`Well, I`m not sure if I`ll be moving there. But I think it is sort of mandatory, I`d at least have to live somewhere where I can commute back and forth easily and I`m afraid if I`d were to keep living in London it`d make things too hard.`
`Okay, then I`ll come with you.` Sirius said resolutely.
`Really?`
`Are you serious? I`d follow you to the ends of the earth.` he grinned. `Whatever happens, we`ll make it work. We`ll always will, you and me.`
Relieved, Remus exhaled and slumped back into seat. The worst part was over, it would be okay, they would be okay. Whatever happened next would be fine, because Sirius would be there with him.
`So why can`t we get a cat?` Sirius piped up again after they had been quiet for a while.
`Because we`ve already got you.` Remus replied and smirked.
///