Chapter 3
Remus lay awake that night, small slivers of moonlight cutting through the curtains to illuminate horizontal slits of light on the floor. It was almost one on the morning, and he still couldn’t sleep, his mind playing Sirius’s frightened expression on repeat like a scratched record.
He rolled over and grimaced into his pillow, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the most light as possible.
The darkness had always been a calming thing for Remus, when the light of the moon couldn’t touch him, couldn’t hurt him. Tonight, though, the darkness provided a screen for all of Remus’ worst thoughts to play on, an endless loop of his most terrible memories.
He sat upright and took a deep breath, trying to steady the heavy beating in his chest. The wooden floor was cold when his feet touched it, the bathroom tiles even colder as he stared at his reflection in the mirror.
Heavy circles hung under his eyes; his curly hair tangled. Angrily, Remus tugged his fingers through his hair, ripping the curls apart.
The water from the tap was cold too, a welcome relief as he scooped it in his cupped palms and splashed his face until he could form coherent thoughts.
Why was everything cold?
Unconsciously, Remus walked down the stairs and pulled on his coat. It was only when the night air hit him that he realized he was outside.
Why was he outside?
Remus sighed. No, he knew exactly why he was outside.
Turning on the spot, Remus disappeared, leaving only a loud crack behind him.
Number twelve Grimmauld place was quite possibly the most depressing place to look at in the middle of the night.
The grey stones seemed to suck the light in, creating a bubble of darkness around the place. It gave it a dreary, gloomy sort of look that… wasn’t exactly appealing.
Shaking off the feeling of nervousness that crept over Remus, he picked a stone up from the sidewalk and tossed it in his hand.
He really hadn’t thought this through.
Sirius’s room was on the fourth floor. If he aimed it just right, he could— wait.
Exasperated at his own foolishness, Remus withdrew his wand from the pocket of his jacket and pointed it at the stone in his hand. A quick, nonverbal, “Wingardium Leviosa”, and the stone was floating towards Sirius’s window. A small ‘tap’ noise sounded when it hit the glass, not quite strong enough to break it, but, knowing how light of a sleeper Sirius was, it should be enough to—
Yup.
The window opened, and a bleary-eyed Sirius poked his head out. Remus waved.
In an instant, Sirius’ demeaner changed drastically, his eyes going wide when his gaze landed on the person below his window.
“What are you doing here??” He hissed, his grip white on the windowsill, “No, wait, don’t yell up to me. There’s a fire escape.”
Remus glanced around, his gaze catching on the small, rickety-looking fire escape next to one of the windows on the ground floor.
Cursing himself for not having seen it earlier, he pushed the gate open and climbed the steps carefully, trying to make as little noise as possible.
He stopped directly below Sirius’ window and looked at him, one eyebrow raised.
“Remus, you can’t be here.” There wasn’t much conviction in Sirius’s voice.
“Sirius, what’s going on? I can tell when you’re not ok.”
Sirius sighed, “I can handle it.”
“I don’t want you to handle it by yourself.”
“Rem…”
Remus tilted his head back and took an angry breath, “I can stand out here all night.”
“Merlin, you’re not going to leave me alone, are you?” It wasn’t really a question, but Remus answered anyway.
“Nope.”
Clenching his jaw, Sirius let out a deep breath, “Fine.”
Remus pushed himself up on the windowsill and pulled his legs through until his feet hit the floor of Sirius’s bedroom.
Much like James’, Sirius’ room was covered in red and gold, possibly more than James, although they all knew why. Sirius’ rebellious streak was longer than anyone else Remus knew.
The walls, however, were as black as the rest of the house. It seemed that was where Sirius’ parents drew the line (Remus was pretty sure the line had been drawn far before that, though). On the walls hung still, muggle photos -probably ripped from magazines- of girls in swimsuits, although Remus also noted several pictures of muggle men, which he winced at, knowing how much trouble Sirius had probably gotten over those.
An unfinished letter sat on Sirius’ desk, his pot of ink spilled over it, blotting out the words.
“Ok, you’re here. What do you want?”
Remus just hummed in response, taking in the room in front of him, until his eyes drifted to Sirius and latched onto the white bandage circling his arm. Noticing him staring, Sirius shoved his arm behind his back, but the damage was already done.
“Sirius… What’s that?”
“Nothing, I just- fell.” There it was, the telltale pause between the words that you’d only notice if you’d spent five years around him.
Remus took a step forward and caught Sirius’s arm, running his finger down the bandage as he watched Sirius’ face.
“Was it your parents?”
“I told you, I fell.” Sirius pulled his arm out of Remus’s reach and glared defiantly at him.
Something was off, but Remus couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Sirius’s personality was ever-so-slightly shifted.
THE CHILD ABUSE PORTION STARTS NOW.
****There’s no way to read the story without reading it, so if you can’t read that, please find another fic. You should always be comfortable when reading a story.****
Reaching forward again, Remus grabbed the edge of the white gauze and pulled it off, revealing the gash down Sirius’ arm. The gauze over the top of it was bright red, and the wound hadn’t formed a scab yet, so it had to have happened recently.
Sirius’s gaze darted away when Remus looked up, his eyes wide and his lips parted in shock.
“Pads…?”
“Rem, please, it’s nothing.”
Shaking, Remus brought his hand up to touch Sirius’ face, only to stop when he flinched away from him, his eyes pressed closed tightly. Remus immediately dropped his hand and took a step backwards, tears threatening at the corners of his eyes. Sirius was /scared/of him.
“Merlin, Sirius, I’m so sorry. I overstepped; I shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t going to hurt you.”
Sirius bit his lip and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, his breath hitching.
It hurt Remus to see him like this. He wanted to do something, anything, to help, but if Sirius thought he was going to hurt him-
“I know! I don’t know why I did that!” Sirius burst out, running one hand through his hair, “I just— merlin, I didn’t mean—"
“Shh- Sirius, it’s ok.”
“It’s not ok! I’m pathetic! I knew you weren’t going to hurt me, you’re moony for merlin’s sake!”
The irony of that statement was clear, but Remus didn’t have the time to ponder it. Wrapping his arms around Sirius, he sank to sit on the floor, his back pressed against the frame of Sirius’ bed. Sirius’s fists clutched at the back of Remus’s coat, his face pressed into the crook of Remus’s neck.
“’m sorry,” Sirius hiccupped. Remus’s heart broke a little in that moment.
“You didn’t do anything. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Sirius sniffled again, but stayed quiet.
Ten minutes later, they were both asleep.
The sunlight streamed through the still-open window that morning, casting a bright golden glow over the room. Cursing himself for not having shut the curtains the night before, Remus moved to stand up, but stopped when he noticed the black-haired boy in his lap.
Shit.
Sirius was right, he really couldn’t be here right now, as much as he wanted to spirit Sirius away to the safety of the Potter’s. But Sirius looked so peaceful like that, so vulnerable, all the fear and sadness from the night before having disappeared. Remus couldn’t bring himself to wake him up.
Luckily (or, unluckily), he didn’t have to. A soft tapping sounded at Sirius’s door, and Remus stiffened. Sirius slowly sat up as well, pushing himself back until he balanced on his heels as he rubbed at his eyes.
The tapping sounded again, louder this time, and Sirius jolted awake, staring at Remus, his eyes wide.
“Sirius, I’m coming in! You’d better be decent!” A boy’s voice said from outside the door, and before Remus could hide, the door was pushed open and Regulus entered, looking tired. His hair was a mess, and he was dressed in a loose white shirt and grey shorts. He stopped the moment he saw Remus, his lips parting as he stared at the two of them, “Shit, Sirius. What in Merlin’s name?”
Sirius shushed him and slammed the door shut, “You can’t tell mum, Reg. Please.”
Regulus frowned, “I wasn’t going to. Sirius, he can’t be here.”
“I know. He’s leaving. Right, Rem?”
Remus nodded, having no intention to do any such thing.
“See?”
“Fine,” Regulus rolled his eyes and opened the door again, “You know what would happen if mum saw him though.”
“I know.” The door shut behind Regulus and Sirius and Remus were left staring at each other, “Remus, please, you need to leave.”
“Come with me. You can stay at the potter’s.” Remus stood up.
“I—”
“Or at my place for Merlin’s sake! Just please, don’t stay here!”
“Remus… I want to—”
“Then do it! What’s stopping you?!?”
“I can’t just leave Reg!”
“He can come too; you know the potters wouldn’t mind!”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“Ask him, Sirius. Please.”
“Fine. I’ll ask him,” Sirius grumbled, grabbing Remus’s scarf and handing it to him, “You need to go.”
“I’m not just going to leave!”
“Why the hell not?!?”
“Because.” Remus waved his hand, trying to formulate an answer, “Because you’re my boyfriend, and I’m not just going to leave you with that!” He gestured vaguely towards to door.
Sirius took a heavy breath, and it seemed like he was about to respond when they both stilled, heavy footsteps pounding up the stairs.
“Shit. Shit, shit, shit.” Sirius cursed.
“What—"
“That’s my mum. Shit!”
Remus froze in the act of tying his scarf around his neck, his gaze fixed on the door.
“SIRIUS ORION!” A woman’s voice screamed from what sounded like the floor below them.
“Go!”
But it was too late. The door swung open and Walburga stepped into the room, carrying with her an air of disgust that seemed pointed at everything she looked at. Her voice was deadly calm as she glanced between her son and Remus, “Who’s this?”
Sirius paled, “I—It’s—”
Pointing her wand at Remus, Walburga hissed something under her breath, but before she could finish what Remus could only assume was a curse, Sirius had pointed his wand at her and yelled, “Expelliarmus!”
In a flash of red light, Walburga’s wand flew from her hand and landed just outside of the door, through which Regulus had just entered.
Walburga turned to her eldest son, her eyes shooting daggers, “I haven’t even started with you yet.”
Sirius’s wand arm shook, but he raised his chin in careful defiance when Remus put a hand on his shoulder.
Walburga’s eyes focused on a bag in the corner of the room, which Sirius must have already had packed, “Where are you planning on going?”
“Away.”
“Good riddance to bad rubbish, I suppose.”
Sirius flinched and Remus snarled at her, “Bad rubbish? Sirius is the best person I have ever met, you bloody piece of—”
“-so. This is the half-breed filth Crouch tells me you’ve been… associating with?”
Regulus’s expression changed then, “Barty told you what?”
Walburga turned her glare to him, and he lowered his head, his lips pressed into a straight line.
Sirius grimaced, “If by that, you mean he’s my boyfriend, then, yes.”
Walburga gritted her teeth and snarled out, “It’s good that you’re leaving then. I will not allow some f*g like you under my roof!”
Regulus flinched at that, although, with all the tension in the room, Remus wasn’t sure anyone but him saw it.
Sirius shakily nodded and Walburga let out a snort, turning to face Regulus, “Come along.”
Regulus, caught between wanting to stay with Sirius and obeying his mother, froze.
“Reggie? Will you come with me?”
Regulus shakily swallowed and looked like he would do anything to say yes, but his mother raised an eyebrow and he looked away from Sirius.
“I… can’t just leave.”
Sirius wiped at his eyes with his free hand as Walburga pushed Regulus out the door and let it slam behind her.
The moment Remus was sure the door had fully closed, he grabbed Sirius and pressed his lips to the crown of Sirius’ head.
“I’m so sorry.”
Sirius began to cry in earnest then, breaking down as he gasped against Remus’s collar. Just the sound was enough to tear at Remus’ heart.