two
The Sunday of August 25th, 1991, exactly one week before Harry was due to leave for school on the Hogwarts Express, was a full moon. This meant that, much to his Godfather’s dismay, he would be spending most of the week at Severus Snape’s house.
Sirius had gone to bed early on that Saturday night leading up to the moon, having been doing most of the cleaning for the day and hovering over Harry. He was tired, and was up before the sun had even risen, though Remus didn’t really know why. Sometimes Sirius had issues staying asleep for very long, though, and Remus supposed that last night was one of those nights.
And so Remus stayed up with Harry, both of them packing his bag for the week at Snape’s. Harry, who, most of the time was excited that he would be getting to see Severus and didn't ask many questions about why he was going, was sitting across from Remus with a straight back and a slightly crestfallen face.
“Are you alright, Harry?” Remus prodded gently, and Harry looked up and knit his eyebrows.
“Why do I have to go to Snape’s this week?” Harry asked quietly, twining his fingers together in the nervous habit that Lily had had when all of them were in school. Remus felt a frown tug at his lips as he thought of that, his mind slipping. He didn’t know if she had ever grown out of that or not. He tried to shake her from his thoughts.
Remus knew that he shouldn’t settle on a because I said so. Harry deserved to have a reason as to why he was leaving, but his stomach twisted rather painfully at the thought of actually revealing the truth to him. He knew that the boy wouldn’t be scared or judge him-- he was much too young to know the discrimination set against werewolves in the wizarding world, anyways, but…. He just wasn’t sure it was the time.
Remus pursed his lips out instead. “Padfoot and I…” he started, gauging Harry’s reaction to his tone, “have to go away on a trip for the ministry.”
“Is Mr. Weasley going too?” Harry asked, tilting his head.
“No,” Remus said. He thought it would be a bit unfair to go to the Weasley’s and ask them to back his lie up in case Harry asked. Besides, they wouldn’t even understand why Remus was lying to Harry in the first place. “It’s just us. It’s a secret, though, so I can’t tell you any more details. Is that alright?”
Harry nodded, and while he still looked sad, Remus hoped that maybe it would help him if he didn’t think they were just sending him away.
“I’m sorry that this is happening before you start school, Harry,” Remus said softly, ruffling Harry’s hair a bit as he did so. “Padfoot and I would have liked to spend more time with you.”
“It’s okay,” Harry said, and his sad smile made Remus look away. He didn’t like hurting Harry’s feelings.
“We’ll try to get back early.”
“Okay.”
“Do you have your trunk all packed for school?”
“Yes, Moony.”
“Have you finished packing for Snape’s?”
“Yes, Moony?”
“Have you brushed your teeth and showered?”
Harry didn’t answer, and Remus glanced back at him as he stood up from Harry’s bed.
“Go brush your teeth and shower,” Remus said, only a bit sternly. “You have a long day tomorrow, and you need to be in bed before 10.”
“Okay, Moony.”
“Okay, Harry.” He ruffled his hair again. “Good night, then. I love you.”
“...Love you too.”
Remus smiled and left Harry’s room, leaving the door open just to prompt him to actually get up and get ready for bed instead of remaining among his pillows for the next hour or so. Remus crossed the landing to his and Sirius’s room, and he pushed the door open quietly.
Sirius was sleeping on his side, facing away from the window that was to the left of their bed. The moonlight was hitting his back, and his face was shadowed in darkness. Remus smiled, as he normally did when he was greeted with this sight. Remus was usually the one who went to bed early, so this was a bit of a rare sight. He closed the door and crossed the room so he could discard his shirt and change into some sweatpants before clambering in bed. He tried not to dip the mattress too much, but as soon as he was laying down and about to close his eyes, Sirius turned over and opened his eyes to look at him.
Remus’s hand came out in the darkness to cup his cheek, and Sirius's eyes closed. He looked beautiful like this. The light from the window hit him sharply, dramatically accentuating his features. “What are you still doing awake?” Remus asked quietly, the words sounding so quiet in the already silent room. They hung between the two of them for a moment, and Sirius turned his head to kiss Remus’s palm lightly. Remus sighed contently.
“I don’t want to go to Snivellus’s tomorrow,” Sirius mumbled into Remus’s hand, and Remus had to suppress the urge to giggle. “You always force me to be so nice to him.”
“You need to set a good example for Harry. You don’t want him arguing with everyone, do you?”
“He wouldn’t.”
“He would, Sirius Black. That boy acts just like you. He loves you and looks up to you more than you know.”
Sirius groaned softly. “Remus, don’t just say things like that.”
“Why not?”
“I wasn’t expecting it!”
“So?”
Sirius’s hand came up to clutch lightly at Remus’s wrist, and he turned and kissed his hand again. “You drive me crazy, Remus.” He kissed him again.
Remus rolled his eyes, and moved closer to Sirius so that he could bury his face in the man’s chest. “You know, I could always just go to the shrieking shack if you don’t want to send Harry off to Severus’s that badly.”
“You’re not doing that,” Sirius said immediately, arms coming up to hug him protectively.
“It wouldn’t be too bad, now that I’ve got those potions-”
“You’re not doing that.”
“Sirius-”
“No, Remus,” Sirius said softly, though it was stern. “It’ll be fine. Harry loves Snivellous, he’ll take care of him, and I’ll take care of you here, alright?”
“Alright.”
“Now go to bed, you silly Moon,” Sirius kissed the top of his head. “Long day tomorrow.” He kissed him again. “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
And Sirius scoffed, though it was quiet, and sounded weirdly distant. Remus supposed that he was drifting into sleep. “That’s impossible,” Sirius stated, and that was the last words spoken between the two of them for the rest of the night.
The next evening, Remus, Sirius, and Harry floo’d to Snape’s house. He lived in a more isolated area of a smaller town in Wales, which Remus definitely thought was refreshing. He grew up in a town in Wales, and everytime they visited Snape, the scenery outside always made him feel at home. The three of them stepped out of the fireplace, and Snape was there, crossing his arms, and looking bored, if anything.
Remus smiled, giving a polite ‘hello’, and watched as Harry ran up to give Snape his monthly welcome hug. Snape reluctantly hugged him back, though he looked pained to do it. When Remus was turning his head to look at Sirius, to make sure he wasn’t making a face, though, he saw Snape smile softly at Harry, then look down to talk to him when Harry released him.
“Say hi,” Remus mumbled out, elbowing his partner in the ribs. Sirius cast a glare his way.
“Hello, Snivellus. I hate what you’ve done with the place,” Sirius announced airly, walking toward the other man in a sweeping motion. “Have you cleaned since we last came here? It certainly doesn’t look like it.”
Snape didn’t reply, instead curling his lips up into a sneer. He looked down at Harry, then. “Perhaps you and Moony should take a seat on the couch while…. Padfoot and I take care of dinner.”
The nicknames sounded odd in Snape’s slow drawl, and Remus’s lips quirked up into a smile. Snape, after learning that Harry only referred to Remus and Sirius as Padfoot and Moony, had begun calling them that when he was talking to the boy. Molly and Arthur did it too, and Remus, however strange it was, couldn’t help but feel oddly embarrassed about it.
Harry nodded, coming over to plop down on the couch, and Remus fixed him with a stare. “Don’t just throw yourself onto the furniture, Harry,” he scolded. This had been an issue with Harry recently. He liked to just throw himself onto things, and while it might have been fine at first, Remus noticed that some of their furniture at home had been a bit unsteady in the recent months.
“Snape let’s me do it,” Harry defended. “He doesn’t care.”
Remus wanted to roll his eyes and cross his arms, but he steeled himself. Sometimes making sure that he was a parental figure was really annoying, especially given that Harry had been developing James’s attitude. “I don’t care what Snape lets you do,” Remus scolded quietly. “If I tell you not to do something, you listen to me. Snape isn’t raising you.”
Harry huffed out, but mumbled out a “fine.” And Remus looked away from him as he stood up to admire all of the pictures lining Snape’s mantal, forcing himself to move on from the interaction. Remus looked at them every time he was there, especially because of one of the pictures-- a bit smaller than all of the others, and definitely more grainy, but there nonetheless-- was a photo of Snape and Lily as kids.
It had to be their second or third year at Hogwarts, and the two of them were standing outside the castle, laughing as the wind blew. Lily had her arm thrown loosely around Severus, her leaning up toward the sky as she laughed, in that loud way that had attracted everyone’s attention since day one. That was one of the things that James had loved about her-- something that he had mentioned at their wedding, even.
(It had been quite cute, really.
The two of them were standing there, stating their vows, and James had had a speech prepared for that day, that he had recited to Remus, Sirius, and Peter on multiple occasions before the big day, but Remus sat in the audience, and watched as James paused mid-speech, closed his eyes, and then brought his hands up to cup Lily’s face so lightly and began speaking utter nonsense to her.
James was never good with words, and Remus couldn’t help but smile at the way that James was stumbling over everything, and he went on about different things about her that had caught his attention in the first place-- her laugh, the way that it had him captivated the first time the two had met, and her ‘overall loveliness’. Sirius had huffed out a laugh at that.
Thankfully, Lily, always the best at handling James, had raised one eyebrow at him and he stopped fumbling, and went back to his speech at hand.)
Remus didn’t notice that he was smiling at the photo for so long before Harry was there at his side, asking to see it, so he handed it to him.
When Harry was younger, when they’d come over to Snape’s and he and Sirius disappeared into the kitchen together to cook dinner, Harry would ask Remus for the picture, and after Remus handed it to him, he’d sit on the couch and look at it until it was time to eat. They had photos of James and Lily at home, of course, though there weren’t many that were before their sixth year.
(Right before Sirius got disowned, his mother had come into his room and taken all of his things and trashed them, including all of the pictures that Sirius had stored in there.
He had been devastated when it happened. He’d left in the middle of the night after a nasty fight and ended up phoning Remus-- Remus had given him his house phone number in third year just in case something ever happened, and Sirius had never used it before. But he stopped by a muggle phone booth and rang Remus’s house, and Remus was woken up by his mum telling him that a polite young lad named Sirius Black is on the line for you, and Remus had never run down his hallway so quickly.
He’d run into the kitchen in such haste, and then pulled the phone up to his ear and tried to keep his voice steady as he said his hello, but his breath stopped short when he heard the breathy catch to Sirius’s tone.
Sirius wasn’t one to cry in public, or where anyone could see him, really. And while this whole ordeal happened only a few months into the two of them dating, Remus was one of the only people Sirius was comfortable crying in front of, and Remus knew exactly what that catch Sirius had in his voice meant.
He’d come over, just for the night, and curled up in Remus’s bed. Remus was used to sleeping in such a small bed with Sirius, and he didn’t mind it, but he hated the way that he had to be sure to lock the door of his bedroom just in case his father decided to walk into the room at any point in the night.
Remus had layed down next to Sirius, unsure of what to do, or if he was feeling alright enough for Remus to pull him close. He knew that, sometimes, when Sirius came back from staying at home for a long time, he was uncomfortable with physical affection, and making him upset was the last thing Remus wanted to do, so he tried his best to keep his distance. But then Sirius had turned over so that the two of them were face to face, noses almost touching and looked at him with the saddest eyes Remus had ever seen him give, and croaked out a “Remus?”
And so Remus tentatively wrapped his arms around Sirius, who immediately buried his face in his chest and cried.
After that whole ordeal, and after Sirius had begun living with James instead of his family, the four of them had begun taking more pictures to try and make up for all of the other ones that they had lost.)
Harry surprised Remus this time, though, and the two of them stood there for a long time as Remus watched Harry examine the photo-- watching the two of them move over and over again, and then Harry handed it back to Remus with a small frown. “Are you alright, Harry?”
“Ron said that I laugh like that.”
Remus’s heart felt like it broke at that, and he smiled sadly and ruffled the boy’s hair. Now that he thought about it– Harry’s laughter was a mirror of Lily’s. He’d have to ask Sirius if he’d noticed it, later. “James would have loved to see that.”
Harry smiled up at him, and Remus led him over to the couch, and the two of them sat talking quietly until Sirius came out of the kitchen, a certain furrow to his brows that Remus knew all too well, and plopped down onto Remus’s lap enough to knock the breath out of him. He swatted his arm, hard, and opened his mouth, but before he had the chance to tell him off, Harry spoke.
“Don’t just throw yourself onto the furniture, Padfoot,” Harry said sternly, and Remus had to lean forward to hide his smile in the back of Sirius’s sweater. Sirius just gawked at Harry, who made sure to keep a straight face and level him with a stern expression that could challenge Remus’s.
“Remus, what have you done to our boy?”
And Remus was glad that he didn’t have to make a face, because there Harry was, looking offended for him.
“You can’t be rude to Moony after crushing him,” Harry scolded.
“Harry-”
“No.”
And Remus was fully laughing now, and was sure that Sirius could feel it, because the other man leaned back, turning his head so that he could look at Remus. Remus could see the disbelief written all over his features, and it only made him laugh harder.
“Say sorry to Moony,” Harry said.
Sirius leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose. “I’m sorry, Moony.”
“I don’t forgive you,” Remus said, and while Sirius’s face fell in utter offence, Remus just breezed past it. “Why aren’t you in the kitchen helping?”
“Snivellous is being mean-”
“Grow up, Sirius Black.”
“Remus!” Sirius whined, slouching down and trying to turn so he could cling desperately to him. “Why are you being so mean to me?!”
Harry started laughing next to the both of them, and Remus and Sirius both stopped a moment, fond smiles growing on their faces. And then Sirius leaned forward to give him a quick kiss on his lips, before pulling back.
“If you two are done doing that,” Snape’s drawl came into the room, and Remus looked up to see him turning his nose up at Remus and Sirius on the couch. He heard Harry giggle behind him. “Dinner is-”
There was a ring at the doorbell, and all four of them looked up in surprise.
“My apologies,” Snape said. “I wasn’t expecting guests. One moment.”
He crossed the room, and Remus craned his neck to see who was at the door.
He felt Sirius stiffen in his lap when Snape said, “Hello, Mrs. Malfoy.”
Remus grabbed his hand.
“Hello, Severus,” Narcissa said quietly, and the three sat still, quietly on the couch. “Lucius just came home from work with more… Dark objectives, and the two of us have been fighting all night. Would you be able to do me a favor and take Draco for the night?”
“Of course,” Snape said, and his voice sounded infinitely softer than Remus had ever heard it. “Would you like to come in for dinner? Lupin and-”
“No, thank you,” Narcissa said quickly, and Remus noticed her eyes flitted over Sirius. “Lucius sent Draco to his room, and doesn’t even know I took him with me. I can’t imagine he’ll notice the boy is gone, but I’m sure he’ll be expecting me back soon.”
And Remus’s stomach twisted, thinking that Narcissa Malfoy was saying all of this in front of her child.
“Of course. Have a safe trip home. I’ll see you tomorrow, I expect?”
“Of course,” Narcissa said. “Go on, Draco.”
And then the door closed, and Snape returned, followed by a little boy.
Remus knew that the Malfoy’s had a son that was around Harry’s age. He’d known Lucius back in Hogwarts, though he was a few years older than him, and Narcissa, as well of course. She was one of Sirius’s cousins, and would often hang around with a particularly nasty bunch of Slytherins, though Sirius always told him that Narcissa was the nicest of the bunch.
Draco Malfoy was a picture-perfect resemblance of how his father looked in school. He had the same hair, and the same cold stare. If Draco was frightened, he did a good job of concealing it.
“Draco,” Snape said. “This is Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and-”
“Harry Potter,” Draco finished for him, fixing his gaze on Harry.
“Yes, well,” Snape’s eyes went back to Sirius and Remus. “Dinner is ready, by the way. The table just needs to be set. Draco, go introduce yourself.”
Snape disappeared, and Remus swatted at Sirius. “Go help him.”
Sirius groaned dramatically, but he got up and disappeared into the kitchen anyway. Remus looked over at Draco, who had taken a seat on one of the chairs adjacent to the couch.
“This is Remus,” Harry said, nodding towards him. “He’s my dad.”
“Nice to meet you,” Draco said, and Remus fought the urge to show his surprise at his manners. Lucius had never uttered a polite word at anyone he came across at school.
“Do you go to Hogwarts?” Harry asked.
“In a few days, I will,” Draco said quietly, but he held his chin up high, and Remus couldn’t help but feel bad for him. The stupid pride and superiority complex that Lucius Malfoy had obviously ingrained in this kid’s head was keeping him from actually being able to show himself being vulnerable, even though this was obviously a very overwhelming situation for him.
And all at once, Remus was reminded of Sirius, and the way that, when the two of them had met in their very first year at Hogwarts, he’d been the exact same way.
Their conversation was interrupted by Snape and Sirius announcing dinner, and the five of them ate together quietly.
Draco was rude, blunt, and definitely thought he was a lot better than Harry. But Remus could tell that he, in a way, looked up to him. Harry had a famous name that he was sure Draco had been hearing about all his life, and Remus wondered if it was something that Lucius held above his head.
He was nothing short of rude to Remus and Sirius, though the two didn’t mind because, well, he was 11 and had a bad home life. They knew he didn’t know any better.
About a half hour after dinner had finished, Remus stood, and winced at a sharp pain in his back. He doubled over just a bit, and Sirius was at his side right away, grabbing onto his arm and asking if he was alright.
Remus nodded, and Sirius turned around to Snape, who had reappeared with his monthly potion in hand.
“Are you alright, Moony?” Harry asked, and Remus nodded. Harry, somewhat used to this behavior, went back to playing a card game with Draco, but Remus didn’t miss Draco’s eyes on him as Remus tried not to wince again as the pain came back. It twisted up his spine, sharp and twisting throughout his back. He was in for a long night.
“Are you alright, Mr. Lupin?” Draco asked, and for a moment he looked like he’d forgotten completely about his role of sophistication, and just looked like a kid. “Are you hurt?”
“I’m okay, Draco,” Remus said, waving his hand a bit, though Draco looked unconvinced.
“My mum gets really bad headaches sometimes, and I help her with those all the time,” Draco said, quickly, and too loudly. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No, Draco,” Snape said. He put his hand on Remus’s shoulder, which felt a bit weird, considering Remus was pretty sure Snape had never touched him in his life. He turned his head to see Sirius staring at the hand on his shoulder. “Mr. Lupin just needs to go home and get some rest. Harry, say goodbye to them.”
“Bye!” Harry called, not looking at them. Remus rolled his eyes, and he and Sirius quickly floo’d home.
He couldn’t stop thinking, though, once they got there, and Sirius sat him on the couch so he could make him a cup of tea, about how much Draco reminded him of Sirius when he was younger. Sirius, who had come to Hogwarts with the same horrible ideologies as his family simply because he hadn’t known any better, and who was rude and too blunt and treated everyone like they were below him. He had gone to school with the mindset that he wasn’t allowed to make friends because everyone was beneath him.
He’d had to grow up a lot faster than he should have, and Remus could see that the same was happening to young Draco Malfoy. Remus couldn’t help but feel immense pity for him.
He did his best to shelter Harry from that; he didn’t want Harry to grow up faster than he had to-- besides, everyone deserves to be a kid and have a fun, happy childhood.
He worried about him, sometimes, for that very reason. He worried that they sheltered him too much. Or maybe he would begin to grow out of the two of them all together.
“Why do you have sad Moony eyes?” Remus looked up to see Sirius sitting on the couch, holding a cup of tea out to him. Remus took it gratefully.
(“Why am I looking at sad Moony eyes?” James had asked him. He’d been the one to come up with it, and it was the first time that Remus had heard it. They were in their third year at Hogwarts, and Remus was sitting at the table in the great hall, elbows in front of him and a frown on his lips.
“I don’t have sad eyes,” Remus had protested. “‘M just thinking, that’s all.”
“Well– what are you thinking about then? Maybe I can help.”
And even if he didn’t feel like sharing his troubles– James being kind and willing to share his burdens always made him feel better.)
“I don’t have sad eyes,” Remus repeated, like he always did, and Sirius smiled sadly.
“Are you in pain?”
“A little.” A lot.
“Can I help?”
“I’m afraid there’s not anything you can do, my love,” Remus said tiredly, and Sirius frowned at that.
And suddenly, in front of him, Sirius was gone and in his place was a big black dog.
Remus huffed out a laugh, moving so that Padfoot could come and lay on him. Remus brought his hands up to run through the soft fur. Tonight was going to be a long night, but at least he didn’t have to go through it alone.
After full moons, Remus always woke up in his and Sirius’s bed.
Sirius always carried him up there after he transformed back- though Remus had never once asked him to do so. He woke up around midday the Monday after the moon, and he turned over, already feeling different aches all over his body.
The potion that Snape began brewing for him only a few short years ago helped him to keep a sound mind during transformations, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t wake up the day after aching and hurt.
He sat up slowly, and looked to the side table next to him to see a cup of tea and some water. Scribbled on a note said:
Went out to get some things for dinner. I’ll be back as soon as I can.
I love you. Hope you don’t feel too buggar this morning.
XOXOXOXO
Sirius Orion Black
Remus snorted at Sirius’s signature, wondering why his boyfriend had felt it necessary to use his full name when it was just going to be him seeing it, but sighed contently nonetheless while he put it back down on the nightstand and picked up his cup of tea.
He didn’t want to try and get out of bed-- he’d had a bad knee that was usually unable to support his weight after full moons, and in recent months it had only gotten worse-- the pain lasting for weeks sometimes instead of just days.
So he sipped his tea. He grabbed his wand at one point, and accio’d one of Sirius’s sweaters that were hanging out, slipping it on over his bare skin, before he fell asleep again.
He woke up, he was sure not even two hours later, to kisses on his cheek.
His eyes fluttered open, long eyelashes blinking and laughing lightly once he registered a mop of hair dangling in his face.
“Hey,” he mumbled. “‘M sleeping, idiot.”
“My moony was awake enough to drink his tea and put some clothes on,” Sirius said, lips brushing his cheek as he spoke. “So he’s awake enough for me to give him kisses.”
“But I was sleeping,” Remus argued weakly, not attempting to stop Sirius in his swarm of kisses. He pressed his lips firmly but softly all over his jaw, trailing up at some points to kiss his lips, or to kiss the tip of his nose, before moving back to his jaw and eventually down his neck with light, peppering kisses.
“Remus Lupin, you were only sleeping because you had nothing else to do.”
And yeah, he had to admit that was true. Sirius pulled away to look at him, leaning in to kiss him once more, as if he couldn’t get enough. Mornings like these were so rare now that Harry was around-- one or the other always waking up early so that Harry wouldn’t be awake alone for too long, or Harry coming in the room to wake them both up if he got too bored.
“Are you in any pain?”
“No, Sirius-”
“Remus-”
“Okay, maybe just a bit,” Remus’s hands came up to cup Sirius’s face, and he pulled him down for a kiss. “But you shouldn’t worry about it-”
“I will worry about it-”
“-Because there’s not much we can do about it, is there?”
Sirius pouted at him, fixing him with what Remus assumed was supposed to be some kind of cool glare, but really it just ended up looking silly and endearing.
“Sirius, there’s dog hair all over this bed.”
“Remus!That isn’t my fault!”
“Yes, it is. You need to clean it up before Harry gets home.”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Do you want lunch, love?”
“Yes,” Remus answered quickly, and Sirius scampered up and to the other side of the bed to help Remus. “Can you get me some pants?” Remus asked.
“Why? I think the view is fine-”
“Sirius.”
“Fine.”
Sirius got him some, helped Remus get dressed, and then helped him down the stairs-- Remus had to rely on him to help a lot more than he would like to admit, leaning on him a little more than usual. Sirius, he was certain, had noticed, but chose not to say anything, which Remus was always grateful for.
Harry came back home a few days later.
Normally, they waited a week for him to return, but Remus and Sirius thought that it was important that he was able to be at home before being sent off to Hogwarts.
As soon as he floo’d in, though, he was bouncing off the walls with energy that Remus couldn’t keep up with.
And so Remus sat outside on a bench that was much too uncomfortable for him in this state, and watched as Sirius tried to teach Harry how to ride his new broomstick.
“Now, Harry,” Sirius was saying. “It’s important that you don’t fly too high. There’s a lot of muggles around us.”
Remus decided not to remind him that this place was perfectly hidden from muggles, and instead just watched with mild amusement as Harry nodded, trusting Sirius’s word completely.
Harry ran around the yard, screaming and laughing after Sirius as he floated in the air above the two. Remus watched for a great while, but he found himself pushing himself up all too soon, standing upright on weak legs. “I’m going inside,” Remus called out to the two of them. “I’ll start dinner.”
Sirius landed the broomstick in an instant. “No, Moony– I’ll make dinner.”
Harry pouted his lips. “No fair! I wanted a turn! I don’t want to go inside yet!”
“Harry,” Remus said gently. “We can come back outside later, and then you’ll have your turn.”
Harry tugged on Remus’s arm. “It’s not fair, Moony! Why can’t you stay outside with me!”
A twinge of pain shot through his arm, and Remus pulled away on instinct. Hurt flashed on Harry’s features for a brief moment, and Sirius was by his side in an instant. He placed a hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Moony isn’t feeling good. We need to go inside so he can rest.”
Harry ran inside without saying anything, good mood gone.
Sirius took a step closer to Remus, reaching out to gently grab his hand. “Are you alright? Did he hurt you?”
“No,” Remus lied, though he knew it was useless. Sirius could see right through him.
“Right,” he said. “What do we do about him, then?”
“I don’t know,” Remus said. “I don’t want him being upset with us when he goes off to school.”
“We could just tell him, you know.”
Remus fixed him with a look. “Sirius, we’ve talked about this.”
“And we never agree on it, Remus. I think he deserves to know.”
“And I’m telling you I’m not ready,” Remus argued. “He’ll know when he’s older.”
“And when is that?” Sirius asked. “You said he’d know before he went to Hogwarts. I don’t want to keep lying to him.”
“You don’t want to keep lying to him?” Remus asked, a fury of fire lighting somewhere within him. “I have to do this to everyone I know, Sirius. The only living person who knows outside of us, Albus, and Snape, is Greyback. Do you really think I want to lie to him?” He threw his hands up. “You don’t get it.”
Sirius was silent for a long moment, and Remus sighed.
“I’m going inside.”
He went in before Sirius could respond.
He went to bed without dinner that night, and after a few hours of sleep he felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently and calling out for him. He opened his eyes to see Harry, sitting on the bed right next to him, with a bowl of soup in his lap.
“What are you doing?” Remus asked, sitting up gently to try not to shake Harry and spill anything. “What time is it?”
“I brought you some dinner,” Harry said quietly. “I thought you’d want to eat.”
Remus wasn’t feeling very hungry, but he didn’t want to tell Harry that. He could tell this was him trying to reconcile after this afternoon. So he grabbed the bowl and slowly raised the spoon to his lips, humming out a quick ‘mm!’. Harry broke into a toothy smile.
“I helped Padfoot make it!” He said. He looked proud.
Remus thought back to their argument in the back, and he felt a twinge of guilt. “What’s Padfoot doing, then?”
Harry took a bite of the soup. “Dunno,” he said. “‘Said he had to go to the shops.”
Remus’s eyes bugged out of his skull. “He left? How long ago?”
“Dunno,” Harry said again, and took another bite of soup.
Harry fed him a bite, too.
Remus sighed.
The two of them sat together like that– eating the soup in silence. Once the bowl was empty, Harry quickly put it on Sirius’s nightstand and got under the blankets next to Remus. He was silent for a long time, before he said quietly, “I’m sorry I made you mad.”
And Remus felt his heart break. “Harry, you didn’t make me mad. I’m sorry if I made you feel like that.”
“Did I make you mad at Padfoot?”
“No, Harry. Not at all. Me and Padfoot are just disagreeing on something.”
“On what?”
Remus stared at him for a long moment. He was sinking into the pillows, Lily’s eyes and James’s face staring up at him. For a few moments, he was going to tell him.
But then his stomach twisted. What if he went to school and told everyone? What if they took him away from him?
“It’s a secret,” Remus decided on, and Harry’s lips pulled into a pout. “I’ll tell you when you’re a little older.”
Harry sighed dramatically, turning over in the blankets, and Remus huffed out a laugh.
“Are you sleeping in here, then?”
Harry nodded. “It’s scary when Padfoot isn’t here.”
“I know,” Remus said quietly. “He’ll be home soon, I’m sure. You can stay here for tonight, okay?”
Harry nodded again, burrowing under the covers further and scooting closer to Remus. Remus closed his eyes and quickly drifted back to sleep.
He was awoken again much later, by a much larger hand on his shoulder and a much deeper voice calling his name.
His eyes opened, and he saw Sirius leaning over him. “Come with me,” Sirius whispered, pointing at Harry sleeping beside him. Remus got up carefully, making sure to move slowly.
Once he was out of bed and out of the room, Sirius grabbed his hand, leading him down the stairs. “Come with me!” He said quietly. “Come on!”
“Sirius-” Remus started. His irritation was seeping back now that he was more awake. “Where were you?”
“I’ll show you in a moment, Remus,” Sirius said quietly. “Just come with me.”
Remus rolled his eyes, and followed Sirius throughout the house. “What is it?” Remus asked. Sirius went ahead of him, disappearing into the study. Remus held a sigh in, and followed.
And on the desk in front of them, sat a stack of books, and a white owl. Sirius turned around to face him, his hands holding a bag of chocolates.
“I wanted to say that I was sorry,” Sirius started. “You’re right. I don’t know how it feels. And I don’t have a right to tell you whether or not you’re ready to share anything with Harry.”
Remus felt like his stomach was doing flips– nerves twisting into circles. “Sirius,” he said softly.
“I know you don’t feel well. But we had to go to the shops for Harry. I’m sorry you weren’t with me, but I picked up all of his school things, and a little extra for him to write to us everyday.”
“Sirius,” Remus started again, this time even quieter.
“And I got you a few books, too. I know you fancy Lockheart–”
“I don’t-”
“-and you always read his new books, so I picked up the one I saw at the shop. And I got you loads of chocolates. And there were a few robes I bought you ‘cause I thought you’d look nice. And I bought you a new cauldron because I know you’ve been wanting one-”
“Sirius Black,” Remus said, louder this time. “You did not have to get me all of those things.”
“I wanted to,” Sirius said.
“Sirius,” Remus said again. He was at a loss. He felt like his heart was swelling.
“You know I love giving gifts.”
He stepped closer to Sirius, grabbing onto the denim jacket that he wore, pulling him close to him. “This doesn’t mean I forgive you.”
“”Course not,” Sirius said. He stood on his toes. “Now kiss me, please.”
Remus leaned down and kissed him slowly, softly.
“Did you eat, love?” Sirius asked once he pulled away. “Harry and I made you soup.”
“Yes,” he said. “He came upstairs with it and ate it with me. I think he ate more of it than I did, though.”
“Just like James,” Sirius said with a snort. “I put it away before I left. I made extra ‘cause I don’t want you to have to cook.”
“Did you just leave, then? Why didn’t you wake me up?”
Sirius frowned. “I told Harry where I was going, and to run upstairs and wake you.”
“Sirius Black,” Remus said sternly. “Don’t do that again. I think he was awake alone for a while.”
“I won’t. I’m sorry,” Sirius said, grabbing Remus’s arm gently.
“What if he had gone somewhere?”
“I thought he would listen to me,” Sirius said with a frown as the two of them walked to the kitchen. “He always does.”
“He’s getting older, love. You’re going to have to get used to that.”
“Still,” Sirius grumbled.
And Remus laughed at that, kissing Sirius on the side of his temple.
The next day, the two of them sat Harry down and had a very important talk with him about listening, especially in situations like the one last night.
Harry, much like how he always reacted in situations like this, sat at his seat with tears in his eyes, repeating his sorrows and regrets.
Remus sat down next to him, placing his hand heavily on Harry’s back. “We’re not mad at you, Harry,” he said gently. “We just need you to understand that it’s important that you listen to us. What if something happened? Padfoot and I wouldn’t have known.”
Harry wiped his eyes. “I didn’t want to wake you. You said you didn’t feel good.”
“And that’s something we love about you very much,” Sirius said, the same tone as Remus. He knelt down in front of the two. “You’re the kindest soul we know, Harry. We just need to be on the same page about this because we want you to be safe.”
“Okay,” Harry said quietly. Remus pulled him into a side hug. “I’m sorry.”
“We love you more than anything,” he said. “Want to see what Padfoot bought you?”
And in an instant, Harry’s eyes were alight once more.
The next morning, Remus stood in the kitchen, the bright light shining through opened blinds and coating him. It was the eve of when they were meant to send Harry off to school, and Remus was having trouble sleeping. He was restless, and he decided that he would make him a special breakfast.
His knee was still giving him a bit of grief, but he leaned on the counter for support when he needed it.
He heard heavy footsteps on the stairs– much heavier than usual, and he turned around, an eyebrow raised. Harry came running into the kitchen.
“Moony!” He yelled, and Remus’s eyebrows furrowed instantly.
“Harry!” He shushed. “Much too loud.”
“Sorry!” Harry said, volume still ear-piercing. “I had the best dream ever!”
“What was it, then?” Remus asked, turning back to the counter, resuming his cooking.
“Are you making our cannolis?” Harry asked, rushing over, his hands trying to grab at the ingredients on the counter. “Can I help?”
“Yes, but go wash your hands first.”
Harry rushed to the sink.
“What was your dream, then? You can tell me as we roll these out.”
“We got a dog!” Harry bellowed.
Remus snorted.
“Can we get one Moony? Can we? Can we? Can we?”
“We already have one,” Remus said, without thinking. “I don’t think Padfoot-”
“What?” Harry shrieked. “Did Padfoot get one?”
“No, Harry, I-”
But Harry already ran upstairs.
Remus sighed.
Around five minutes later, Remus heard a small pop behind him, and he turned to see Sirius Black standing right next to him.
“A dog, Remus? We have a dog?”
Remus was possessed with giggles, doubling over, unable to answer.
“He’s going to be down here any second! What do we do?”
“You apparated down here?” Remus asked between laughs.
“Remus Lupin!”
There were footsteps down the stairs again, and Harry appeared in the doorway. “Padfoot!” He shouted, running towards the man.
Sirius ran out of the kitchen, and Remus listened with bemusement as the two of them chased each other around the house.
When the two of them were settled, a mere ten minutes later, Harry sat slumped over at the table. Sirius stood at Remus’s side. “Do you need any help?” He asked, not for the first time, but Remus just firmly shook his head.
“You two always make these for me,” he said. “I’m figuring it out on my own.”
“You’re making them wrong,” Harry said from behind them, and Sirius gave him a look over his shoulder. “Where’s our dog?”
“Yes, where is our dog, Remus?” Sirius asked.
“I don’t know, Sirius,” Remus responded. “Why don’t you show him?”
“You know where he is?” Harry asked, tone dipping back into shrieking territory.
Remus and Sirius met eyes, and a silent conversation passed between them.
Remus turned for a moment, leaning his back against the counter and watched as Sirius turned into padfoot.
Harry’s jaw dropped instantly.
The next day, they dropped Harry off at Hogwarts.
Remus drove to the train station. He used an old muggle car that he had bought years ago that lived in their backyard untouched, only acknowledged when Sirius wanted to brag to Arthur Weasley that Remus knew how to drive it.
Harry had requested Sirius to be turned into a dog when they dropped him off; the excitement of discovering his other form still hadn’t worn off. Remus wondered dimly if he wanted to show off.
Harry ended up clinging to the side of Remus’s sweater, nervously flicking his head back and forth and looking at all of the people in the crowd around him. Remus’s arm covered his shoulders protectively, but he could tell Harry was getting more and more anxious at the platform.
And while Padfoot was certainly new and exciting to Harry, it wasn’t helping him in this new environment. He didn’t need a dog, afterall, he needed his dad.
And so Padfoot led them on a small detour, into an empty room filled with seats. Suddenly, Sirius was standing next to them. Harry looked up at him, and Sirius crouched down to smile at him fully.
“You alright?” Sirius asked quietly, hand coming up to smooth down the bangs hanging over Harry’s forehead. Harry nodded, then, obviously remembering the many nights where Remus had gently explained to him that being honest with his feelings was always best, shook his head instead. Harry’s eyes flitted back to the crowd outside. “It’s hard to be around so many people, right?”
Harry nodded.
“I get scared around crowds, too, love. But it’s just for a little while. Right now, it seems scary, because it’s all new. But when you get to school, you’ll be so busy making friends that you won’t even remember how scary this all is.” Harry seemed a bit unconvinced for a moment, and Remus’s hand fell down on top of Harry’s head and Harry looked up at him. “Do you think new things are scary, Moony?” Sirius asked him.
“Absolutely,” he said to Harry, his voice gentle. “Remember when you first went to the Weasley’s? You were worried, but that turned out fine, right?”
“Plus,” Sirius said. “Ron, Fred, George, and Draco will be at Hogwarts with you. And Snape!”
“What?!” Harry asked, and Remus could see the nerves shoot straight out of him as he stared at Sirius with comically wide eyes. “You guys didn’t tell me!”
“He wanted to surprise you,” Sirius said solemnly, and Remus had to look away to keep from laughing. The moron. “So pretend you don’t know, alright?”
“Okay!” Harry agreed happily, and Sirius stood back up.
“Do you want me to turn back into Snuffles for you?”
“No,” Harry said, hand coming and clinging to Sirius’s coat. “I just want Padfoot.”
And so Sirius and Remus walked him to the platform.
As soon as the three of them walked through that brick wall, Harry’s eyes lit up.
And soon, the clock was getting too close to 11. People were shouting to get everyone on the train, and Harry turned around to them, eyes quickly filling with tears again.
Sirius crouched down and pulled him into a wordless hug. He pulled away, hands on the side of Harry’s face, wiping the tears as they fell.
“You’ll be okay, Harry,” Sirius said. “I promise.”
“You’ll be home for Christmas,” Remus assured. “You’ll blink and you’ll be back with us, alright?”
“Alright,” Harry said, though his lip still quivered. “I’ll miss you two.”
“We’ll miss you more, I’m sure,” Remus said.
The minutes ticked on the clock, and Sirius stood upright. “You need to board, Harry. Why don’t you go find Ron?”
“Will you stay here? So I can see you?”
“We’ll be here until we can’t see the train anymore,” Remus said. “We’ll wait.”
Harry nodded, and too soon he was disappearing onto the train.
Remus felt the absence as soon as the train began rolling. He already felt like a big piece of him was gone. Sirius moved closer to his side, clutching onto his sweater.
“I miss him already,” Sirius mumbled, his voice wavering.
“I do too, love,” Remus assured. He grabbed onto Sirius, kissing the side of his temple as they waited.
The train disappeared, too far for them to even see the smoke.