Back Again
Alice was orchestrating (or rather, doing a mediocre-to-passable job) the Stark posse’s exit from Monaco, directing suitcases onto waiting cars and so forth, when Christine Everhart caught up with her. “Miss Abernathy, hi, Christine Everhart,” she introduced.
“Oh, I remember!” Alice said. “Hey, sorry about that crude humor regarding your name the other day,” she apologized. “I could sense some weird tension going on between my boss and my boss’ boss regarding you, and as you may have figured out, I don’t really have much of a filter. I hope I didn’t embarrass you.”
Christine waved it off. “Think nothing of it, Miss Abernathy. Just brought back some bad schoolyard memories, but it’s all water under the bridge.” Especially if I can make you look like a horse’s ass in public, Christine thought. “So… tell me about Surge Protector. I think the world’s first female superhero would make a killer centerpiece for our Powerful Women issue… if you don’t mind talking a little?”
“Well, I can answer a few Qs, sure, but Mr. Stark is counting on me to get us all back to the States in one piece,” Alice said.
“Well, you certainly helped ensure that he stayed in one piece out on the racetrack,” Christine observed. “How long have you been a superhero?”
“Oh, years now, I guess you could say,” Alice vaguely replied. “And… I’m not at liberty to discuss the exact nature of my superheroic origins.” AKA ‘Half of it I don’t remember, and the other half of it is too fucking crazy for print’.
“Interesting… so you were part of the United States’ ongoing ‘biggest secret that everybody knows about’ efforts to recreate the Super Soldier program, I take it?” she asked.
“No,” Alice said. “It was, uh… a private contractor.” Alice was kinda-sorta sure that was the truth.
Christine’s eyebrows surged up. “Tony Stark dabbling in biotech now? Or was it someone else? Hammer Industries? Advanced Idea Mechanics?”
Alice opened her mouth. “…It’s funny, the name’s completely slipped my mind. And that’s not a dodge, either.” She tapped her temple. “It’s Swiss cheese up here these days.”
Christine frowned. “So you were deployed in a live combat role, and sustained some head trauma?” she asked. “Iraq? Afghanistan? Gulmira? Is that how you met Iron Man?”
Alice shook her head. “Nah, I worked at legal in SI before Mr. Stark snagged me to be his assistant. My being a superhero was just a big coincidence, and came as a big surprise to him.”
“I’ll bet…” Christine said. “Now, you admitted to me yesterday that you were a lesbian… would you feel comfortable if I printed that in the article? I can absolutely withhold it if —”
Alice nodded her head vigorously. “Oh, please, go right ahead,” she said. “I had a… a friend… who was dishonorably discharged because of that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell shit. He’s… he’s dead now. I think.” Alice frowned. Hadn’t he been her best man? “Anyway, fuck hiding in the closet. Anyone wants to do a hate crime on me? Well motherfucker, what an amazing coincidence, ‘cause I hate crime.”
“Now that is a hell of a quote,” Christine said. And most of it’s actually printable! she thought wryly. “Any last words of wisdom for our readers?”
Alice nodded. “I’m nobody special, really. Every woman has within her the ability to become a superhero. Kill your rapist.”
Christine’s mouth fell open long enough that Alice could have counted her individual tastebuds. “Well. That’s certainly… advice,” she finally managed to say.
“Yes,” Alice agreed. “Good advice!”
Christine opened her mouth for a rebuttal but, for the life of her, couldn’t think of one. “Thank you for your time, Miss Abernathy,” she finally said, fleeing as fast as diplomatically possible.
Well, she certainly wouldn’t need to massage any of the quotes to make Abernathy seem like she was unhinged, but at the same time… Christine found herself unexpectedly liking the woman. How the hell had that happened?
***
Once the company jet was airborne, Alice made her way to the lounge, hoping to use it to start getting caught up on the past eight years of movies, but found Pepper in there, watching a news broadcast about the Milan attack. “Oh hey, it’s Garry Shandling,” Alice remarked.
A faint, uneasy smile crossed Pepper’s face. “Close, that’s Senator Stern, from Pennsylvania. He’s… not Tony’s biggest fan, and this attack is only going to make him press harder for Tony to surrender his suits to the military.”
“Well… far be it from me to argue against my boss’ position… but would that necessarily be so bad, objectively?” Alice wondered. “I mean… I know Tony’s a good dude, and that the military can and has done fucked up things in the past, so the status quo is probably better for everyone in the long run, but… what if Tony goes nuts, starts firing his repulsors into an orphanage? Or what if he dies, what happens to his suits then? Or if the military gets their own hands on Iron Man tech, and without Tony’s influence, they use it to just commit a shitload of warcrimes?”
Pepper muted the TV. “Trust me, Alice, Tony and I have thought of all those questions and many more, and they keep us laying awake at night a lot of the time. …Well, they keep me laying awake,” Pepper elaborated. “Tony probably sleeps like a baby.” She leaned forward a little, a probing look on her face. “Speaking of questions, Miss Abernathy, I have some for you.”
Alice’s eyes went widened. In one motion, Pepper Potts, the long-suffering one-time assistant of Tony Stark had vanished, replaced with Virginia Potts, the cool, calculating CEO of Stark Industries. She’d faced down scores of monsters and evil bastards, but never before had Alice been so intimidated.
“Fire away, Miss Potts,” Alice said, giving her a small, friendly smile. “I’m an open book.”
Pepper made a little sound in her throat. ‘We’ll see,’ it said. “After the attack on the race track, I called up the head of our legal department. I asked them if they, or anyone at all who worked there, had ever once interacted with you, or even physically seen you. Do you know what the answer was?”
“None of them had any idea who I was,” Alice guessed.
Pepper nodded. “Correct, Miss Abernathy. I guess I can skip the next few questions where I try to paint you into a corner, seeing as how you admitted to it… who do you work for?”
“SHIELD,” Alice said. “They wanted to have a close eye on Tony.”
“Why?” Pepper asked, confused. “He calls them about once a month to discuss that Avengers Initiative — which he still hasn’t told me about — and Phil hasn’t mentioned anything whenever we get together for lunch.”
“Oooh, Phil? Alice said, intrigued at the gossip.
Pepper gave her a severe look. “Agent Coulson and I are just friends, Miss Abernathy, and I’ll thank you not to divert the line of questioning.” She took a deep breath. “…Does Tony know?”
“Yes,” Alice confirmed. “I told him right off the bat, before I was even officially his assistant.”
Pepper closed her eyes and counted to ten. “Okay. I guess that’s something else I’ll have to talk to Tony about. Miss Abernathy, do you know why SHIELD would even do this?”
Alice figured it probably had something to do with the fact that Tony was dying, but knew that would just disturb Pepper a great deal. “I can’t say right now, Miss Potts,” Alice said. “It’s… not my secret to tell.”
Pepper nodded. “You’ve been honest so far, despite my expectations, so I doubt any prying would do me any good…” She leaned back against the chair again. “So… what’s your story?”
So Alice told her what she could remember — the zombie apocalypse; the virus that gave her, specifically, superpowers; the discovery of her clone heritage; and finally the time travel that seemed to slide her to a universe where superheroes (well, A superhero) lived and breathed.
“I know it all sounds incredibly crazy, Miss Potts, but —” Alice started.
Pepper held up her hand. “Two years ago, Tony had me stick my hand into a hole in his chest to help him replace the hardware that had been installed to keep him alive. It was at that moment that I realized the man I — I mean, my boss — was a mad scientist. Seeing him in the Iron Man armor for the first time after that hardly came as a surprise, and shortly after, when I was running for my life from another of Tony’s suits — modified to be almost the size of a bus — I wasn’t terrified of the suit so much as the man piloting it.”
“What happened?” Alice asked, again kicking herself for skimming that file on Tony.
“I killed him,” Pepper admitted in a small voice, looking down at her hands. “I set off an explosion that blew up half the building, and Stane didn’t make it out.” She looked back up to Alice. “So, I guess you could say my barometer for crazy has… gone through some recalibrations.”
“So… you believe me?” Alice asked, surprised.
“It’s not that simple,” Pepper said. “It’s apparent you’ve undergone some enhancements. Maybe even the Super Soldier serum. I don’t know if I buy the story of a zombie virus that turns just one person out of seven billion into a superhero. The idea of time travel, or going into another universe where people like Batman and Superman are real…” She shook her head. “The only thing really in your favor right now is that you seem to be a good person, and you saved Tony’s life.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “…What are your intentions with Tony?” she asked.
“I’d like to be his friend/superhero ally,” Alice said. “…Are you thinking I had some romantic feelings for him?” Alice snickered. “Miss Potts, Tony has more cause to be worried than you do. I’m gay.”
“Oh. Oh!” Pepper’s eyebrows went up in shock. “Well… Stark Industries has always had a robust diversity, uh, policy, so…” Alice snickered again at having caught Pepper so off guard that she began spewing policy on autopilot.
Tony appared in the doorway, covered dish in hand. “Pepper, have you been bullying my sidekick?” Tony scolded. He set the dish and some silverware down on the table in front of her and revealed… something that looked like roadkill.
“What is that?” Pepper asked, slightly cautious.
“This is your in-flight meal,” Tony said.
“…Did you just make that?” Pepper finally worked up the courage to ask.
“Yeah,” Tony said. “Where do you think I’ve been for three hours?” he asked.
Alice leaned forward and scrutinized the dish. “Mr. Stark, I’ve spent three hours on the toilet and produced more appetizing-looking results than that,” she declared.
Tony stared at her. “You need a high fiber diet,” he finally informed her. “Nobody should spend that long on the can.”
“You can leave now, Miss Abernathy,” Pepper said.
Alice nodded. “Can I?” she said, grabbing the edge of the plate.
“By all means,” Pepper said, relief evident on her face. Tony made a face o his own, expressing the unfairness of criticizing his poor culinary skills while still partaking of their fruits.
Alice thought about eavesdropping for a moment, to see if they started talking about her, but then realized it was the start of a deeply personal conversation and again fled with all haste.
She found there was a little conference room with a TV, and to her delight found that it got movies. She started flipping through the digital library available onboard the plane when Happy walked in. “Oh, we watching a movie?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Alice said. “I’ve, ah, been living under a rock the past eight years, so I’m starting to catch up.” She highlighted X2.
“Hold on, hold on,” Happy stopped her. “You haven’t seen a new movie since 2002, and your first choice is X2?” He made a face.
“Yeah?” Alice said. “It’s… research-ish. Research adjacent.”
“No, no, no, no, no,” Happy said, plucking the controller from her hands. “If you really haven’t seen a movie since 2002, there’s only one real option here.” He scrolled all the way back up to the Ls and selected Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.
And that’s why Alice was ugly crying when they deboarded the plane in California a few hours later. “Welcome back to America, Miss Potts,” a woman greeted them, a young redhead with hair in red curls. She pointedly ignored the sobbing woman.
“Natalie Rushman, Tony Stark,” Pepper said, introducing her. “Tony, this is Natalie, my new assistant.”
Tony stared at her, then at Alice, then at Pepper. “Okay, I’m half tempted to trade up.” Alice didn’t even have it in her to stick her tongue out at him.
Pepper shook her head. “CEO’s privilege, I have first pick of assistants,” she said with an air of superiority. “And this one actually is from legal,” she added ironically, trying (and failing) to give Alice the ol’ stink eye. (It’s hard to give someone the ol’ stink eye when they’re crying their own eyes out).
Natalie walked up to Alice and held out her hand. “Miss Abernathy, I hope I can look forward to coordinating with you in the future,” she said.
Alice nodded, barely returning the handshake, unable to look the woman in the face, and too busy heavily crying to be able to see more than an indistinct blob if she did anyway. “Yeah… I’m sorry, I’m a mess… I just… why did Frodo have to leave?” she wailed.