Amorette stumbled into their dorm, bottle in hand.
What time was it? Probably after midnight, that's normally when she would head back in regardless of how wasted she was.
She attempted to close the door quietly but it slammed shut, making both her and the sleeping girl across the room jump.
Celeste practically had a heart attack when she heard the door slam. Her eyes had suddenly opened and she jolted awake, sitting upright in bed. She looked around with a scared look on her face before she realised who made that noise.
"..Amorette? Is that you?" She asked hesitantly. She rubbed her eyes sleepily and checked her phone for the time, wincing as the light from the screen shined in her face.
"..Did you just get back?" She mumbled as she put her phone down on the nightstand, yawning and running a hand through her messy hair.
"Mm." Amorette nodded lazily as she wobbled over to her bed, untying the strap of her heel.
She wasn't exactly too sure why she did this. Perhaps it was to drown out the lingering thoughts she always tried to push down, or maybe she did just enjoy this.
Celeste watched her with tired yet concerned eyes. It was obvious that Amorette didn’t look too well.. and the way she was wobbling around like that? She was definitely drunk again.
She moved the covers off herself, getting out of bed before walking over to Amorette. "..Let me help you." She mumbled as she got down to her level, helping her take off her heels.
Amorette watched as the girl leaned down to untie the remaining ribbon of her heel, her stomach churning at the sight.
She looked over her appearance, her own eyes darting from the soft but worried expression on her friend's face to her lips, all while simultaneously trying not to shiver at her gentle touch.
A blush rose to her face, making her immediately look away. She hated this. She hated how this girl made her feel.
She wasn't supposed to feel — to BE like this. She was supposed to be normal. She was supposed to want to be with someone different.
Celeste didn’t really notice Amorette’s flushed face, mostly because she was focused on helping her. She gently put down her heels before standing up straight again.
"You need to get into bed, c’mon. You’re not in a state of walking any further-“ She muttered tiredly.
Celeste took ahold of Amorette’s wrist and began leading her to bed, gently guiding her into sitting down on the edge of it. As soon as Amorette sat down, Celeste then got on her knees in front of her, still somewhat holding onto her wrist.
"..You really shouldn’t be getting drunk like this. You know better than that-" She said in a concerned tone, sighing softly as her gaze flicked up at Amorette’s face. “And I know why you do it, but it’s not healthy..” When the girl answer, she gently let go of her wrist now that she was sitting down, her gaze turning more serious. "..How many drinks have you even had tonight? I need to know so I know how bad your hangover is going to be tomorrow.. And-“
She paused for a moment.
"..and I’m not just saying all this because I’m your roommate, Amorette. I say it-“ She hesitated for a moment, looking away as she continued to speak. "..I say it because I care about you, Amorette."
Amorette looked up from her lap, blinking slowly. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.
Why was she like this? Why did she feel like this? This wasn't right. She was already arranged for marriage. Hell, she was currently dating him.
She looked over Celeste's expression before shrugging slightly, "I would hope."
"Please.. just-" Celeste pursed her lips before looking back at Amorette with a pleading look in her eyes.
"Just don’t push me away, alright..? I know you try to. You push me away whenever I try and help you, or whenever you think I’m getting too close." She muttered, gently grabbing ahold of her friend’s hands. "I don’t want to leave you and have you do something stupid while you’re drunk and lonely."
There it was again.
The tightening in her chest, the fluttering in her stomach that came with being around Celeste. Ever time she touched her, even if it was just a brush.
It was unnatural.
Amorette's brows furrowed as she pulled her hands away, awkwardly placing them to her sides, "I won't."
Celeste was about to say something else when Amorette suddenly pulled her hands away. She couldn't help but feel somewhat hurt now, but she didn't show it. Instead, she just pursed her lips and slowly got up off her knees.
"..You always say that, Amorette.." She murmured before walking back over to her own bed.
She got back into bed, pulling the covers over herself. It was pretty clear that she was upset, even though she was trying to hide it.
Celeste turned away from Amorette, sighing before speaking up again. "I'm going to go back to sleep. Goodnight, Amorette."
And she shut her eyes, trying her best to fall asleep while also secretly hoping Amorette would start saying something. It was probably useless, but.. maybe she would?
Even if her hopes weren't up.
She closed her eyes and buried her face in the pillow, trying to stop herself from thinking too much about this.
Though it was futile. Celeste was sure that Amorette had some sort of feelings for her, but.. it wasn't like she could just straight up say it. She had no evidence, and Amorette was already dating some random guy.
Amorette just stared.
She didn't know how much time had passed as she just simply looked at her friend, a wave of confusion and guilt washing over her.
They had been friends for years. And as of late, she had started feeling more and more. She would catch herself staring at her lips when they talked, and her heart would skip a beat whenever they touched.
She had been trying so desperately to push these feelings away, telling herself that it was just a phase and that she was liked boys, like she was supposed to be.
Celeste had pretty much given up on Amorette talking to her by now, and was trying to sleep. Though, despite her best efforts, her mind kept wandering back to Amorette.
She felt so stupid. Why had she tried to hold Amorette’s hand anyway? Why did she even bother trying to talk to her? Of course she wasn’t going to get a reply. She never did.
Celeste couldn’t help but keep thinking about it. She was almost on the verge of tears, and honestly she hated herself for being so stupid.
She slowly opened her eyes again and was about to turn the light on her night stand until she felt something shift at the side of her bed . Her breath hitched in her throat. She didn’t dare look, or even move. Her heart was pounding in her chest now.
Celeste had heard the noise, and the fact Amorette didn’t say anything made her extremely anxious but she continued to keep her eyes shut, hoping that Amorette would say something and that the feeling of being watched was just in her head.
"You know, I think really like you." Amorette slurred out as she hugged her knees, "But I can't be with you."
She rested her head on her knee, silent for a second before she spoke again, softly to she made sure she didn't wake her roommate. "I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to like boys, get married and have children, all just so I can pass down this stupid sorcery talent."
Celeste’s eyes had opened once Amorette spoke, and now she was listening.
Her eyes widened a bit as she heard her say that, and she couldn’t help but feel relieved that her feelings were actually mutual. Though, what Amorette had said after only made her even sadder. She pursed her lips and listened silently still, her entire body tensing as Amorette continued talking.
Amorette hugged her knees even tighter now, her face buried in them. She was so confused.
For years, she’d been convincing herself that she only liked boys. That her feelings towards Celeste were just a result of their intense friendship, and that they’d eventually just disappear. But they didn’t. And here she was, still having these feelings while also dating another guy.
"I’m such an idiot.." She mumbled into her knees.
Her grip on her legs remained strong, so tight that her nails left imprints on her skin and her heart was now beating extremely fast. She hated this. All just being one big lie to herself.
She wished to be normal. That she only liked guys. Things would be so much easier that way. She wouldn’t be such a disappointment, and she wouldn't be feeling so incredibly guilty right now.
Soon enough, Amorette fell silent again. She wanted to say something, but she couldn't. She couldn't even bring herself to move.
Sure, she knew there was a possibility that Amorette would turn her down. But hearing that she liked her too, knowing this whole time that this wasn't a one sided thing, knowing that they could've been dating instead of her dating some random guy.
It absolutely broke her heart.
She kept her eyes closed as she continued to listen, the feeling of wanting to cry starting to come back.
Celeste almost wanted to turn around and hug her, but she knew it was a terrible idea. She probably wouldn’t want that right now. So instead she just stayed silent, biting her lip lightly to keep herself from crying or saying anything.
The silence between them seemed to drag on for ages, before Amorette finally said something again.
"Celeste-“ she murmured, speaking her name with a slight hint of nervousness. "Are you awake?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Celeste bit down harder on her lip when she heard Amorette say her name. "..Yeah. I’m awake." Celeste replied in a quiet voice, slowly beginning to roll over to face her.
Her eyes fell on Amorette, and her heart sank. She looked like what could only be described as a drunken mess. Her hair was all frizzy and messy, and her outfit was slightly wrinkled from being out tonight.
She looked so vulnerable, in a way. Like she couldn’t be bothered to try and hide her true feelings from anyone at all right now. Celeste didn’t exactly know what to do, or how to respond. She just looked at Amorette in silence, waiting for her to speak again.
Amorette had finally looked up from her knees, her eyes meeting Celeste’s. She looked so conflicted. Almost as if she wanted to say something, anything, but just couldn’t bring herself to actually do it.
Her grip on her knees loosened slightly, and she began to speak in a soft whisper, "I like you. Really.. a lot. I keep telling myself that it isn't true and that I only like guys- but I can’t stop.. I-I can’t stop thinking about you, and it's.. so frustrating-"
Amorette paused momentarily, her gaze falling away from Celeste before looking back at her again.
"I've been trying so hard to act normal, pretending that I like guys again because I know that’s what I’m supposed to do-“ she went on, her voice becoming even more strained.
"But I can’t help what I feel. And I just don't understand why it has to be this way.. I.. I wish it didn't." She mumbled, sounding almost like she was on the verge of tears.
Celeste’s heart broke hearing how frustrated Amorette sounded. She knew all too well how she felt, and how much of a struggle this could be. For a split second, she wanted to just get up and go comfort her, to hold her close to reassure her that everything would be okay.
But she knew better. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t. So instead, she just listened.
"And it just hurts.. so goddamn much. To be so.. confused like this." Amorette continued, her grip on her knees getting tighter again. "I hate it. I wish it could all go away and that I could just be normal, and like guys like I’m supposed to-" Her voice slowly got louder in volume, her eyes beginning to get watery.
"But I can't. I just-" she paused, going silent for a few seconds before speaking again, quieter now.
"..I just can’t stop thinking about you."
Celeste felt like her heart was shattering with every single word that fell from Amorette's mouth.
She hated hearing how much pain she was in. All because of something that she couldn't help. Because of her. Because her feelings towards Celeste wouldn't go away, and they were slowly driving her insane.
And it was the most painful thing to hear, because not only did she feel the same way, but she couldn't do anything about it.
Amorette stayed silent once more, just looking at Celeste. She looked as if she wanted to say more, to keep talking and vent all of her feelings to her friend.
But no words came out this time. Instead all she did was stare, her eyes filled with a mixture of frustration, confusion, and.. fear.
Fear of what would happen if she gave in to these feelings. Of what would happen if she let herself truly feel how she felt, and started something with her friend.
Celeste still stayed quiet, her gaze remaining locked on her friend. She could clearly see the fear in her eyes, and it hurt her even more, knowing that Amorette was so afraid of letting herself be happy with her.
That was what it all boiled down to. She was scared of being found out, of being looked down upon by her peers, by her family — all because she wanted to be happy with someone she loved.
Someone like Celeste.
The silence between them remained, as Amorette continued to stare at Celeste with a conflicted look on her face.
That look only made Celeste feel worse, if that was even possible at this point. She wanted to say something, anything- but there were no words that would come to her.
So instead, she just stared back. Her eyes meeting Amorette’s in a silent, pleading way, hoping that she would say something, anything- to break the silence.
Just then, a single tear rolled down Amorette's cheek.
She quickly wiped it away, closing her eyes for a few seconds. She looked as if she hated herself for being weak like this, for letting herself cry in front of someone. She opened her eyes again after a while, looking back at Celeste.
"..I can’t do this. I'm sorry, I can’t-" Amorette murmured, her voice coming out strained, as if she was trying to hold back another wave of tears. She stood up, quickly moving over to her bed.
She put on her shoes before grabbing her jacket and walking out the door. Celeste sat upright in her bed when Amorette so suddenly stood up. She didn't have time to react, or even say anything - her friend was gone before she could even get the words out.
She wanted to get up and run after her, to bring her back and tell her that she felt the same, and that everything would be okay.
But she couldn't. So instead she stayed sitting there, staring at her bedroom door that was still wide open, a pang of guilt and pain settling in her chest.
Her eyes remained on the door for a few more moments, before slowly shifting down to the floor.
Celeste had no idea where Amorette was going, and that scared her more than anything. She was out there, all alone, probably heading out to some party or a bar to drink even more.
And as much as she wanted to chase after her, wanted to hold her close and never let go, to tell her that she felt the exact same way, and to never ever push her away again like she had been doing. She knew she couldn't.