Chapter 19
Regulus~
Regulus walked down with Remus to dinner, they’d spent the past few hours reading together, mostly in silence. Sometimes Remus would find something especially outrageous and tell Regulus about it, he loved those times. He didn't think he’d enjoy hearing Remus’ opinions on the things he read but for some reason he’d found himself hoping Remus would talk to him. It’s easy to see why his brother finds the boy so endearing. When they got down to the table Regulus went to take his usual spot next to James and across from Sirius but Remus pulled him over to the seat next to him and Sirius.
“Ending it. Remember?” Remus whispered to him. Regulus wanted to listen but James was looking over at him sadly. Regulus isn’t good at saying no to James, especially not when he looks at him the way he is, with his big brown eyes and soft sad smile.
“Yeah, I know.” Regulus begrudgingly sat by Remus. He shot James a simmer of a smile, James lit up immediately. Regulus was horrible at denying James.
Peter, Sirius and Effy all came in next, all of them stopped and shot Regulus an odd look, as if he was out of place. Lily and Monty came in next, talking loudly about an upcoming quidditch game and the political connotations of the game. Lily sat next to James in Regulus’ usual spot. Regulus clenched his jaw. His spot. His spot next to his James, yet there she sat. Regulus wanted to scream.
Remus nudged his shoulder with his own, “Get it out of your head before you get hurt.”
“I know, I know.” Regulus lied.
Dinner went by quickly, Effy, Sirius and Peter spent the majority of it talking about some incident in the green house. Regulus didn’t hear it, he was too busy staring at her. Lily and James sat there giggling to each other, making snide comments under their breaths - no doubt about Regulus. Regulus felt like screaming but he held it in until dessert.
“Lily, you’ve been awfully quiet, what’s on your mind?” Effy asked her.
“Oh, nothing much. Your son is just trying to make a fool out of me.” She joked, playfully pushing James.
“Am not! Lily’s just being sensitive!” James joked back.
“Oh, really? Who was it who went all red over a joke earlier? I don’t seem to recall, do you, James?” She smirked. Lily and James were back to whispering around to each other again, Regulus felt like throwing his coffee at them.
“Reg.” Remus warned, trying to calm him down.
“I know.” Regulus got up and went to take his plates up to Dotti.
“Regulus, where are you going?” Euphemia called out.
“You didn’t finish your desert.” Fleamont said through a full mouth.
“I lost my appetite.” Regulus shot Lily and James a snarky look.
“Are you feeling alright, son?” Fleamont asked, getting up to take Regulus’ plate from him. Monty put his hand to Regulus’ forehead to check for his temperature, “No fever.” He observed.
“I’m fine. Just not hungry.” Regulus lied.
“Are you sure you don’t feel sick?” Monty asked again, inspecting Regulus’ face as if he’d find the answer there.
“I’m sure.” Regulus looked over at James, he wasn’t looking back - too busy talking to Lily.
“If somethings wrong… come to my office later if you want to talk, don’t forget I’m not just the nurse for the Falmouth Falcons, Karl, Kevin and Basil come to me for emotional help too.” Fleamont reminded him.
“I know but I’m fine.” Regulus insisted.
“Reg, if Karl Broadmoor himself can come to me to talk about his feelings, then I’m certain you can too. You can tell me things, you’re allowed to.” Fleamont assured.
“Okay… maybe.” Regulus lied.
“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ll be eating the rest of this.” Fleamont gestured to Regulus’ uneaten cake.
Regulus made his way up the stairs and down the hall, straight to his bedroom. The second the door closed and his music was loud enough to drown him out but not loud enough to disturb everyone else, he sank down to his bed and sobbed. Eventually crying felt useless and non-justifiable enough, so of course, Regulus being Regulus, he gave himself a justifiable reason.
Regulus went and sat alone by the mirror, staring at himself, begging the universe to tell him what was wrong with him. why did James want her and not him, what had he done to deserve this?
His trance was broken by a knock at the door, “Regulus?” James called out. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” He called back.
“Hey, you seemed a litt- Why are you on the floor?”
“Why aren’t you?” Regulus deflected.
James laughed, “Okay, anyways, I came up to ask if you wanted to go for a late night skate? Practice, you know?” James asked, crouching down next to Regulus.
“Oh, no, I don’t want to do those anymore.” Regulus lied. “Skating is not for me.”
“What? But- no- what? What about Emmeline?” James stuttered.
“I’m listening to you, finally. You’re right, if she’s going to like me, she’s going to like me for me - not for who I am not. I’m faking a part of me and it’s really just quite a useless waste of my time.” Regulus explained, parroting words Remus would’ve used.
“I’m a waste of your time?” James looked offended.
“Well, you’re only here because of me changing myself for her and as I’ve said; changing myself for her is a waste of time. So, yes James, that renders you wasteful.” Regulus felt horrible lying straight to his face, especially when he was looking at him with his sad brown eyes.
“So, if she wasn’t wasteful neither would I be?” James questioned.
“Yeah, pretty much.” Regulus was going for aloofness but was sure James could see right through him.
“Then she’s not wasteful, Reg! You can still have her! Emmeline’s lovely, Regulus. I think you should keep trying, she’s worth it. She’s not wasteful. Just do it for her.” James said desperately but came to a slow sad stop.
Regulus looked up at James and his heart burned, “I know she’s worth it.” He bit the inside of his cheek, willing away his emotions. “But, I’m not wasting my time anymore, James.”
“Please, Reggie. Please, I’m not wasteful.” James’ voice quivered as his eyes became glassy. “I’ll be useful, I swear. Please, give me a chance to be useful. Please, please, I’m begging you.”
“I’m really busy, Potter. I’m packing to go to Evan’s for a few nights. Can you get out?” Regulus brushed him off as if he wasn’t on the edge of tears himself.
“Potter? Really? Did you seriously just say that?” James’ voice cracked as a tear rolled down his cheek. “So that’s it then? I’ve served my purpose so you’re telling me to go? I’m nothing to you again, is that it?” James wiped at his eyes. “Cool. Fine. Great to know I meant so fucking much to you, Reg.” James got up and paced to the door.
“Close the door on your way out.” Regulus answered, biting back his own tears.
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Regulus had been at the rosiers for a few hours, he hadn’t told anyone about James yet, he wasn’t planning on it. Dorcas sat curled up next to Evan in his bed stealing his chips off him when he wasn;t looking. Barty and Pandora laid cooped up next to Regulus. They’d been watching ‘The Bitter Tears Of Petra Von Kant’ for the past hour, Pandora and Evan had already gotten emotional multiple times.
“This is making me feel rather lonely.” Pandora announced.
“Same.” Regulus agreed.
“Can’t relate.” Dorcas smirked.
“Oh Salazar! That reminds me! Cass, James basically confirmed Marlene likes girls.” Regulus smiled at her despite the mention of James. His friends all bursted out laughing.
“Merlin, Reg! You’ve got to be joking right now!” Barty barked out a laugh.
“What?” Regulus asked.
“Reg, we’re already together! Have you not been listening at all since we got here?” Dorcas laughed.
“Wait, you're together?” Regulus felt a wave of guilt take him over.
“Yeah! Oh my gods you haven’t listened to a single thing that’s been said today, have you?” Dorcas giggled.
“Sorry, I’m awfully tired.” Regulus lied.
“Oi Reg! You’ll be absolutely gobsmacked to find out Evan and Barty are together too!” Pandora yelled.
“Dora, I’m not that clueless.” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“It’s just ‘cause you saw them kiss earlier.” They retorted, eyes shining with mischief.
“Oh, bugger off.” Regulus laughed. “Wait, so does this mean Dorcas won the bet?” Regulus asked.
“No? Me and Barty got together first… I think?” Evan guessed.
“No, I think it was us… wait, but you did get with Amos first. Did Evan win?” Dorcas asked.
“No. Ev and that thing don’t count. If Evan’s winning - I’m also winning.” Barty declared before plopping himself between Evan’s thighs.
“Did you guys even decide what makes you win this bet or did you just want to make a bet? If it’s the second part, we need to discuss gambling addictions.” Pandora decided.
“Shit… we didn’t actually think this through at all.” Evan realised.
“Okay, how about we call it a three way tie.” Dorcas stuck her hand out.
“Deal.” Evan and Barty said in unison, shaking her hand.
“Deal!” Pandora jumped up to shake her hand too.
“Dora, you weren’t even in it.” Regulus laughed.
“I know, I just wanted to make a deal too.” They explained.
“And you say we have gambling problems.” Evan poked his siblings head.
“Oi Reg, this means you can finally stop torturing yourself with Potter.” Barty laughed.
“Yeah…” Regulus responded.