Chapter 4
They don’t wait long.
In the meantime, Dumbledore vanishes the pot that contains evidence of Remus being sick, and offers a cup of tea.
Remus refuses.
He does take a mint, though.
…
There’s barely a second’s warning, the flames turning green just a moment before James spills out onto the rug, followed closely by Lily.
Then Sirius.
Remus surges to his feet, fixed in place as the tangle of limbs separates.
Lily sees him first, and she bursts immediately into tears.
“Remus-!” the word tears from her throat, and she’s across the room in a blur, and in his arms.
“Lily,” he breathes. “Lily.”
James hauls Sirius to his feet, the two moving as one, and Sirius-
His eyes are fixed on Remus, with a desperate, crazed sort of hope in his gaze.
Lily’s sobbing, face pressed to his shoulder, and he reaches out, questing fingers filled immediately as Sirius takes it in a vice-like grip.
They fall together, Sirius planting himself firmly against Remus, face tucked into the curve where his neck meets shoulder, breath coming quick and hot against his skin. “You’re alive,” he gasps- sobs. “You’re alive.”
Remus holds him, hand sweeping over his back, his arm, his shoulder, his neck, anywhere he can reach because he’s here. “I’m here,” he affirms breathlessly. “I’m here, love. I’m alright.”
He’s here, and safe, and they’re all here and safe, and he kind of just wants to sleep, and cry, and hold onto them forever, and eat something that isn’t pureed.
Maybe not in that particular order, but the sentiment remains.
James plasters himself against Sirius and Lily, arms wrapping around the three of them until they’re all stuck in a group hug that seems to go on forever.
No one is complaining.
Remus presses a kiss to Sirius’ hairline, another to his temple, anywhere he can reach, and breathes them in.
He’s home.
Sirius shuffles impossibly closer, tucking himself under Remus’ chin, and his voice is shaky. “How? Remus, you- we thought you were dead. The mark just- it vanished, how are you here?”
Remus holds tighter, lifting his gaze to where Dumbledore is very obviously looking away to give them privacy. “We overlooked one detail. Apparently… the magic that keeps it going counts the heart stopping, even briefly, as death.”
Sirius makes a soft choking noise pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. “Your- your heart stopped? Are you okay? Is- did you-?”
“I’m fine now,” Remus assures, tugging his hand up to press a soft kiss to the palm. “I’ll live, I promise. I’ve had worse.”
Lily’s hand slips into the bend of his elbow, and she squeezes softly. “You’re back now,” she says firmly.
“I’m back,” he repeats. “I’m done.”
This last is directed towards Dumbledore, who tips his head in slow acknowledgement as he rises from the desk. “I’ll give you all a moment.”
As he opens the door, Dumbledore turns back briefly. “Remus, I’ll be in contact for the details.”
“Like hell you will,” Sirius bites out. “I swear to Merlin if we don’t get at least a solid week of peace I’m going to kill you.”
“Sirius,” Remus runs a hand over his arm, cupping his elbow gently. “It’s okay. We’ll get it. We’ll have our time, I promise.”
“I will ensure that you have time to rest and heal,” the headmaster assures. “You may use my office as long as you need. And Remus?”
“What?”
“I am glad you’re alive.”
“Yeah,” he says blankly. “I’ll bet.”
The door closes behind him, and already the air feels lighter.
Remus noses against Sirius’ temple, breathing him in for a long moment. “Ready to go home?”
Sirius nods sharply, but doesn’t move.
Tension shows in the lines around his eyes, and in the desperate grip he has on Remus, and it’s heartbreaking to see.
Remus takes control, then, stepping back towards the fireplace and trusting Sirius to follow.
He does, he always does.
“I’ll go through first,” James says staunchly. “Me ‘n Lils. Your flat, right?”
“It’ll be cold,” Sirius argues faintly. “I haven’t been- I haven’t stayed there.”
“We’ll warm it up,” Lily reassures him. “I think you’ll both feel better to be home home.”
Neither can seem to muster up the energy to argue, even if they wanted to, and Remus is entirely too exhausted to do anything but go along with their plans.
It does sound good, though.
Home.
“Me first,” James says again, finally taking his eyes off Remus to grab a handful of Floo powder from the mantel. “Lily?”
“Coming.” Lily smooths a hand over Remus’ cheek, cradling it for a brief moment before she lets go. “Okay. Yeah. Right behind you.”
Two flashes of green flame later, and they’re alone.
At his side, Sirius is quiet, still, entirely a juxtaposition to how he should be.
“Sweetheart?”
Unnatural stillness.
Remus brings his chin up with a gentle finger.
Their eyes meet, and Sirius crumbles.
Knees hit the floor in unison, and then Sirius is burrowing into him, clawing at his shirt in a desperate bid to be closer.
Horrible, keening sobs rip from his throat, chest, lungs, ragged and painful, torn from the very depths of him, and he can’t speak for it.
Remus pulls him in, pulls him in, pulls him in and wishes there was a way to open up his very ribcage and let him crawl inside.
“I’m here,” he whispers against his hair. “I’m here, I’m here, I’m here. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry.”
“You can’t-” Sirius gasps. “You can’t, you can’t, you can’t-”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” Remus digs his fingers in, relishes the realness of the touch, the surety. “I won’t, I’m not, I swear-”
“You can’t,” Sirius’ voice breaks clean in half, and it’s so painful that Remus feels his heart twist at the sound. “You can’t, you- promise you won’t-”
He can’t finish the sentence, but it’s clear what he’s trying to say.
“I won’t,” Remus says again, desperate to reassure. “I won’t, I promise. I’m done. I’m staying now, no more leaving. None, I swear.”
Finally the reassurance seems to get through, because Sirius relaxes against him, breath coming easier with each passing moment.
Remus shifts against the floor, wincing when each change in position is worse than the last.
Everything that he’d pushed aside to greet his loved ones is rising to the surface again, and being on the floor is no longer feasible.
“Sirius,” he murmurs, careful not to startle him. “Hey, I need- I need to get home so I can take something for pain.”
Instantly Sirius pulls away, and it’s clear he’s remembered the state Remus is in because he transitions seamlessly into caretaker mode. “Right. Come on, let’s go through.”
“I didn’t mean stop touching me,” Remus grouses.
Without faltering Sirius swoops in to kiss the corner of his mouth.
When he pulls away, there’s a weary smile pulling at his own mouth. “Never, but you need to be taken care of. No arguing.”
“I wasn’t going to,” Remus says, you know, like a liar.
“Of course you weren’t.” Sirius slips an arm around his waist, quickly wiping his face with the back of his sleeve. “Come on.”
Remus’ heart twists again to see the mask come back up. “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay,” he says quickly. “Please don’t pretend.”
“Don’t worry,” Sirius says tiredly, “as soon as I get a moment to take it in I’ll be in pieces again.”
…
Remus stumbles as he lands in the living room, pain flaring up from yet another trip sent spinning through the flames.
Three sets of hands are instantly there to catch him, and two withdraw as he steadies.
Sirius continues to hold onto him, one hand cupped around his elbow, the other twisted into the fabric of his shirt. “Remus?”
“I’m- I’m okay.” Remus straightens up, wincing at the pain still burning through most of his body.
“You’re not,” Lily says sternly. “Sit the fuck down.”
“Best do as she says,” James says supportively. “She’ll hex you if you don’t.”
Sirius has gone quiet beside him again, even as he’s guided to a seat on the… bed?
In the interim before they came through, it’s obvious that James and Lily have both been hard at work.
Mattresses have been brought in from both the bedrooms, with enough blankets and pillows piled on to hide them entirely.
It’s a lovely idea, and he would kiss them both for it if he wasn’t so fucking exhausted.
Lily spells away his shirt, and inhales through her teeth, face paling at the damage. “Remus… what the fuck happened? You said you were okay! This isn’t okay!”
Remus shrugs weakly. “Might have exaggerated. What happened is the mission went tits up. I told him it would happen.”
The end of her wand glows, and the pain recedes slightly.
Relief has him breathing easier, tension easing as he leans back.
“Yeah, we got that part,” Sirius says lowly. “But… what happened?”
“Remus,” James says softly, and his voice is heavy. “Re, we thought you were dead. The fucking mark disappeared, and it-”
“It hurt,” Sirius breaks in, and his voice shakes, his hands tremble at his sides. “It hurt so badly, Remus, and I thought that you were dead and that hurt so much worse- I wanted to die with you-”
“Don’t say that.” Remus croaks. “Please don’t say that.”
“I did-” and Sirius is wild eyed, devastation pooling in the corners of his lips and eyes all over again- “I did, because you weren’t there and I- I didn’t-”
Remus curls into him, tucks himself into the spot that’s just his, and breathes him in. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I tried to write, I tried-”
“It’s okay,” Sirius tries to reassure him. “It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re here- you’re here and you’re safe-”
Living in fear for his life for so long, missing his family, missing Sirius, shitty food, cold nights and lonely days, followed by days and weeks of agonizing pain, and the emotional toll that all of this has taken…
Everything catches up all at once, and Remus takes his turn to break down.
It’s well deserved.
Crying hard enough to rattle him to the very bones, he puts it towards reshaping his bruised and battered self into something a little less put together.
"You're safe," Sirius promises, holding him tighter, as if he can hold him together by force of will alone. "You're safe, I've got you. It's okay, it's okay."
It takes a combination of a calming drought and Sirius holding him as he cries, but the storm does calm.
Lily works through it, fetching bandages and tinctures, magical ointments that sooth the pain and redness of his wounds, and he’s so grateful for her.
For all of them.
Sirius holds him throughout the entire ordeal, chin resting on his shoulder, voice soft and low as he talks him through it.
The safest place in the world, he feels, is right here in the arms of Sirius Black.
Eventually he does have to resurface, face stained with tears and throat raw, but the storm in his mind has cleared some.
Now he's just… tired.
So very tired, weighed to the bone with exhaustion that clings and clings and drags him down and he's so tired.
Lily smooths down the final bandage, and lifts the first of two potions to his mouth. “Pain potion," she explains softly. "Then when you're ready I've got a replenisher, and a dreamless sleep as well."
Everyone waits patiently until the potions start to kick in, and in the meanwhile Remus turns his face into Sirius' shirt again, twisting his fingers into the soft fabric, and just clinging.
"I've got you," Sirius whispers against his temple, pressing gentle kisses to his skin between words. "If you need to, you can sleep first. We can wait for an explanation, now that you're home."
Remus noses at the curve where Sirius' neck meets his shoulder, entirely soothed by the familiar warmth and smell. "You don't want to know?"
"I'm fucking dying to know, love," Sirius says honestly, fingers curling around his elbow to squeeze gently. "But a stiff breeze would knock you over right now, and you're more important than my incessant need to know things."
He gives himself a moment to breathe, matching the pace of Sirius' heartbeat under his ear, and takes stock of his body.
Everything still hurts, but it's more manageable than it had been before the potions.
The tiredness hasn't gone, though, and he mentally apologizes to Irene for not believing her about overexerting himself.
"I need to sleep," he concedes heavily. "If you're sure."
"Remus," James jumps in carefully. "He's right. You're here. That alone is worth everything. We can wait for the how's and why's."
Relief drains into his body, easing some of the tension that had formed. “Where’s Harry?”
“Mum has him,” James explains quietly. “Was giving us a break, it’s been…”
“Hard,” Lily finishes, squeezing Remus’ ankle. Her eyes are red, and there’s another tear spilling down her cheek. “It’s been so very hard without you.”
Sirius rubs a thumb over the bend of his shoulder, fingers putting on gentle pressure that tips him into Sirius’ warmth. “Come on. Bed.”
His voice lifts a bit, directed at James and Lily. “You two as well. None of us have been sleeping well, and this setup’s big enough for the four of us.”
“I won’t argue that,” Lily murmurs. “Merlin knows I’ll sleep better if I can see you alive and… well. Not whole, but mostly in one piece.”
Something twinges in his ribs when he laughs at that, but it’s overshadowed by how the sound visibly eases the deep lines etched in his loved ones’ faces.
“Bed,” Sirius repeats, and he sounds so very tired. “We all need it.”
“I don’t think I can stand,” Remus confides, and takes a second to wonder why that fact doesn’t phase him. “My head is… spinning.”
No one else seems very worried, which is strange.
“That’ll be the potion, love,” Lily says gently. “Let’s get this one down you as well, and you’ll feel amazing, I promise.”
“I’ll carry you,” Sirius assures him, smoothing a hand over his arm. “I’ve got you, Re.”
“You always do.”
True to his world, Sirius lifts him easily to transfer him to the makeshift beds on the floor.
The pillows are heavenly under his head, and the blanket smells so much like home that he kind of wants to cry all over again.
Sirius settles in behind him, a long line of warmth against his back and legs, and it eases some of the ache that he’s felt for so long.
Remus eschews the pillow for Sirius’ arm, tugging him in as close as humanly possible.
Sirius makes no argument, slipping one arm over his waist to pull him in, resting his palm over the beat of his heart.
Lily brings over another vial as they settle in, a tasteless liquid that leaves his limbs heavy, and his thoughts foggy.
It’s so nice, he thinks drowsily, to not feel anything other than Sirius’ arms around him.
“I’ll check the wards,” James says from somewhere far away. “Go on and lay down, Lils.”
Remus shifts backwards into the warmth of Sirius’ hold, and closes his eyes.
The mattress shifts as Lily settles in on his other side, and her hand drapes loosely over his extended arm.
He’s floating, and it’s so nice.
Something niggles at his brain, something important that he’s forgotten.
Just there, on the tip of his tongue.
“Sirius,” he mumbles, tries to say, but his mouth won’t cooperate. “Sirius?”
“Right here,” Sirius murmurs into his shoulder. “What is it?”
“I…” Remus frowns at the way his words slur together. “Mm. Talking.”
“It’s okay,” his voice is low and gentle. “Take your time.”
With the last of his conscious thought, he gathers the words from where he’s held them close to his chest and gives them over.
“Love you. That's… that’s all.”
He slips into dreams without hearing the answer, but somewhere in the back of his mind he knows it was returned.