Chapter 2
Remus wakes slowly, then all at once.
There’s a hand in his hair, an arm wrapped securely around his chest, and voices.
He burrows closer, listens as the voices change pitch and cadence.
One of the voices is a low rumble against his forehead, which he realizes is pressed to Sirius’ side, under the protective circle of his arm.
It’s very comfortable, and he’s loath to move.
The blanket is wrapped securely around him, tucked under with a great deal of care.
Warmth pools in his chest at the mental image of Sirius tucking the blanket around him, careful not to wake him.
Away in his own little world, it takes a minute to register that Sirius is still talking.
Is he talking to me?
The other voice chimes in again, and he relaxes inwardly.
James.
“He’s out like a light,” Sirius says softly, and the hand in his hair strokes it gently. “Got home late last night, and we talked. We’re okay now.”
James’ sigh of relief is audible even to Remus, burrowed as he is under the covers. “For a bit there I was worried about you two. You’re sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah. We talked a lot. Still a bunch we’ll have to go over, but we’ve got a week until he has to head out again, so we’ve got a bit of time.”
“Good. Is he awake?”
Sirius hums, sliding his hand down to smooth over his exposed shoulder. “Probably. Stopped snoring a bit ago.”
“I don’t snore,” Remus mumbles into his hip, voice thick with sleep. “Lies, all of it.”
A soft laugh greets his complaint, and Sirius bends to press a kiss to the top of his head. “Hi, love. Want to sit up and say hi to James?”
With a low groan, Remus pulls himself into a sitting position. “If I must.” Then, softer. “Hi Jamie.”
“Hey Remus.” James gives him a warm smile, reflection slightly distorted by the small mirror. “We were worried when you didn’t check in last night. All good?”
“All good,” he says quickly, darting a glance at Sirius, who gives him a sly grin. “I was… distracted.”
James snorts. “I bet you were.”
“Piss off,” Sirius returns cheekily. “No need to be jealous, Prongs.”
“Hardly.” James rolls his eyes, fondly exasperated. “I did have a reason for calling, you know.”
“Other than missing my charm?”
“Yes, actually. Lily’s home from Mungo’s today, so we thought it would be nice if we had lunch with everyone for once.” James shrugs one shoulder, his smile tired. “It’s been too long, and… it’d be nice.”
“That would be nice,” Remus chimes in, sinking back to pillow his head against Sirius’ chest. “It has been too long.”
Sirius nods, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Yeah, same here.”
“It’s settled then?”
Remus zones out then, listening half heartedly as the conversation changes to something else, but mostly just focusing on the heartbeat under his cheek.
It’s soothing, and almost puts him to sleep again.
He’s dislodged from his spot briefly as Sirius stretches to put the mirror on the bedside table, then settles back with a content hum.
They’re quiet for a moment, and Remus breathes slow and deep.
“Good morning,” Sirius says softly. “How’re you feeling?”
He turns the question over in his mind, and is slightly shocked to find that he feels good.
“Good,” he says just as softly. “I’m home. I’m with you. We’ll see the others in a bit. I’m really good.”
“Good.” Sirius turns into him, curling around him carefully. “I think we should nap.”
“Do we have time?” Remus nudges his side. “What time is it?”
“It’s still early,” he shrugs one shoulder, sliding down to rest his head on the same pillow. “We’ve got time, because he called at the bloody crack of dawn.”
“Mm. He does that.”
–
Remus tumbles from the Floo awkwardly, landing sprawled on his back with a groan.
Immediately there’s laughter, warm and light, and he smiles at the upside down figures of his friends. “Morning, all.”
Lily stoops to help pull him to his feet, laughing as he stumbles again while standing up. “Hi love. All right?”
“Two left feet, that’s me,” he jokes, stooping to kiss her cheek. “Cheers.”
James tackles him with a hug, once he’s safely on his feet. “Remus!”
He tucks his face into James’ shoulder for a brief moment, letting out a sigh at the familiar feeling.
James doesn’t let go first, ever.
It’s a habit he picked up from his mum, once upon a time, and still carries on with.
People just need hugs, sometimes, he’d told Remus once. And I’ll be damned if I don’t give good ones.
He just so happens to be in need of a hug from one James Potter, and so he doesn’t let go for a moment.
James, of course, doesn’t either.
He hears the telltale rush of the floo again, knowing it’s Sirius coming through, and steps back reluctantly.
Concern shines in James’ eyes behind the glasses, warm and gentle. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, just-” Remus hesitates,glancing back to where Sirius is hugging Lily. “Well... no.”
“No?” James tilts his head, taking in the details of his appearance.
The new scars are telling, he knows, and he feels almost ashamed under the scrutiny.
“Something’s wrong, then?” He’s still quiet, as if knowing this is a touchy subject. “Do you need to talk about it?”
Remus meets his eyes, lifting one shoulder. “I’ll tell you all together. It’s… about where I’ve been going.”
James nods, taking this in stride. “Got it. Do you want to eat first, or would you rather get it over with?”
Thank Merlin for James.
A rush of fondness hits him, and for a moment he can’t breathe for the feeling.
“This first,” he manages through the lump in his throat. “Please.”
It’s just them, James explains as he ushers them towards the couches.
“Pete’s working, couldn’t get away with short notice.”
He feels guilty for it, but… Remus is glad of it.
The fewer people here the better.
Even though he’s going directly against Dumbledore’s orders, he knows it needs to be the absolute minimum of people knowing.
People he’d trust with his life.
Right now, that list doesn’t include Peter, not with his long silences, his disappearances, and general shiftiness.
So it’s just the four of them, and he’s glad for it.
Sirius drops to the couch beside him, automatically throwing an arm around his shoulders, which he gladly leans into.
“Just us, Rem,” James prompts gently. “You can tell us.”
He reaches up, tangling his fingers with Sirius’ on his shoulder, and takes a deep breath. “The reason I’ve been gone so much,” he begins carefully, “is because I’m on missions for Dumbledore. You all know this.”
They nod, Lily tucked up under James’ arm on the sofa opposite.
Sirius squeezes his hand.
“I’ve been going to the werewolf packs.”
It’s no easier, saying it aloud for the second time.
“I’ve been trying to convince them to fight for us, or at the very least to not fight with Voldemort. Neutrality is… more difficult, for them. The general opinion is that… it can’t be much worse than it already is, for us. Werewolves. We’re barely seen as human as it is, you know. So. The packs are saying that it’ll be the same either way, whoever wins. I’ve been trying to change as many minds as I can, but it’s bloody difficult when society doesn’t see us as people who deserve basic rights.” He swallows tightly, lowering his voice from where it had risen. “It’s a losing battle, I’m afraid. No one else is fighting it. It’s why I’ve been gone so much, and coming back looking like hell.”
“Merlin, Remus,” James whispers. “That’s…”
“Shit, I know,” he laughs bitterly. “And Dumbledore swore me to secrecy under threat of my own fucking magic. So I didn’t tell any of you, because I couldn’t.”
At his side, already knowing this part, Sirius is quiet, although once he knows the rest he’ll be furious.
Lily leans forward, gaze intently focused on him. “Go on. We’re listening now, Remus.”
“What changed?” James asks, shrewd as ever. “Why can you tell us now?”
“Because of my mission next week.” He draws in a deep breath, letting go of Sirius’ hand to turn and face all of them at once. “His intention… is to announce my death.”
There’s a split second of shocked silence before Sirius springs to his face, eyes wide and tension radiating through his body. “What the fuck?”
All at once, everyone is talking over each other, outraged, and Remus closes his eyes and waits it out.
“Remus, for the love of Merlin, tell us what the fuck that means,” Sirius spits. “Are you- is he-?”
“I’ll be going undercover,” he says quietly, holding up a hand. “That’s the mission. Deep under. He’s going to announce that I was ambushed, and didn’t make it. In order to make it believable, he undid the spellwork that kept me from telling anyone. I’m supposed to tell you about my past missions, and those only. That way, when I… went missing, none of you would look for me, believing what he said.”
“What the fuck,” James echoes. He’s shaking, anger radiating from every feature.
Lily is white faced, covering her mouth with one hand. “He… wasn’t going to tell us that, was he? He’d- he’d let us know that you were okay?”
“... no. He wasn’t planning on it, no.” Remus runs both hands through his hair, setting it on end. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you either. I told him I wouldn’t but…”
He meets Sirius’ gaze, wide eyed. “I wasn’t going to do that to you. To any of you.”
He’s dropped the final bombshell, and he’s desperately hoping he made the right move.
“So…” James pinches the bridge of his nose between forefinger and thumb. “He was just going to let us believe that you were dead? What the fuck does he mean we wouldn’t come looking for you? You’re- you’re ours, Remus. They can’t have you. We would- we would have burned the fucking world down to find you, you have to know that.”
Remus stares at him, and his fingers feel numb.
You know that.
“I know,” he says faintly.
Because there’s no mistaking the truth in James’ words.
They would have burned the world down.
It’s terrifying, being loved that much.
“This is so fucked,” Lily whispers. “So you- you were supposed to only tell us about the past missions, not this new one. To make it… believable. He didn’t make you vow not to tell us about everything else?”
Remus smiles, wryly. “He said that because I knew you all best, to use my own judgement on how much I needed to say to make it believable. I… judged… that I should tell all of it.”
James cracks a smile, pressing his palms over his eyes. “You’re a fucking scoundrel. Of course you did.”
Remus hugs his knees. “I’m not going to lie to any of you, it’s going to be dangerous. Probably the most dangerous mission I’ll ever go on. But… I’ll be alive at the end of it, hopefully.”
“You will be,” Sirius says gruffly, still the only one who refuses to meet his eyes. “You’re not- you can’t-”
Unable to finish his sentence, Sirius springs to his feet and retreats.
Footsteps storm up the stairs, and a door slams somewhere upstairs.
Remus closes his eyes, and drops his head to his folded arms.
Immediately James and Lily drop down on either side of him, each wrapping arms around him until he’s totally cocooned.
“It’ll be okay,” James murmurs. “Just give him a mo’, he’ll be back.”
I’m not so sure.
“We’ll find a way to keep in contact,” Lily murmurs. “We’ll find a way. Something to let you know we’re still with you, wherever you are. I promise.”
“We won’t be able to talk,” Remus croaks. “If something does go wrong, I can’t let them trace anything back to any of you. I can’t. I won’t risk it.”
“We’ll find a way,” Lily repeats. “I was the brightest witch of my year, remember? I’ll figure something out. We’ve got a week, that’s plenty of time.”
He laughs, but it catches in his throat instead, and a sob comes out.
“Oh Moons,” James whispers. “You’ve had quite a time of it, haven’t you?”
“I’m sorry,” the words are ragged, and he tries to wipe his eyes discreetly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t-”
“Nope. Shh.” Lily pulls his head down onto her shoulder, giving him a firm kiss to the top of the head. “We’re your best friends, babe. The amount of times I’ve cried in front of you is innumerous, it’s about time you did the same.”
“You deserve to break down,” James adds. “You deserve it more than most, at this point. You’ve had to do this alone, Rem. That’s not fair.”
Lily squeezes him gently. “You’re not alone anymore.”
The relief hits, and along with it the urge to just fucking sob.
He does.
James pulls away slightly, and Remus wonders why for a split second before Sirius is back, sliding into the empty space and curling around him protectively.
Remus can’t help but clutch at him, chasing the feeling of safety in his embrace.
“I’m sorry I left,” Sirius whispers against his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“‘S okay,” he mumbles. “I’m fine, I just-”
“You don’t have to be fine, Remus. You don’t.”
It hits him then, in the arms of the people he loves most, just how hard the past months have been, and he breaks down all over again.
“I’ve got you,” Sirius says softly. He holds him ever so carefully, one hand on the back of his neck, the other arm around his lower back. “We’ve got you, Rem. It’ll be okay.”
Some storms you just have to ride out, and this is one such tempest.
He resurfaces some time later, red eyed and bleary, fully cried out.
Everyone else is quiet, contemplative, although their eyes are red as well.
Sympathy tears, he thinks.
Or, Remus corrects himself, because they’re scared for him, for the mission ahead.
Noticing he’s cognizant again, Sirius shifts to look at him, still pale but looking better than when he’d disappeared upstairs. “Are you alright?”
“No,” Remus answers honestly. “But… I’m closer than I have been in a long time.”
Sirius nods, his gaze distant. “Good.”
The quiet drags at him, and he twists his fingers into the hem of Sirius’ shirt, tugging slightly to pull his attention back. “Are you angry with me?”
Sirius brings a hand up to cradle his jaw, pulling Remus in to press a kiss to his temple. “No. Of course not. I’m… I’m scared. And angry with Dumbledore, not you. I just- I don’t know what to do. You’re leaving again.”
Leaving me.
The unspoken words hang in the air.
“I won’t know if you’re safe,” Sirius continues, subdued. “You might get badly hurt, or even-”
He breaks off, pulling in a shaking gasp of air. “And I wouldn’t know. You- you can’t die, you can’t-”
Now it’s his turn to comfort Sirius, and he does to the best of his ability, giving him a space to break down.
“I’m sorry,” Sirius gasps against his shirt, holding tightly enough that his fingers are turning white. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”
“Don’t,” Remus says back, holding him, just holding him as he shakes apart. “It’s okay, it is. It’s okay. I’m still here. I’m still here.”
…
“I’ve figured it out,” Lily announces.
Remus tilts his head back against the arm of the couch, squinting at her upside down figure. “Figured what out?”
“How to keep in touch.”
He sits quickly, swinging his legs over to plant his feet on the floor. “What do you mean? How?”
“Well…” Lily leans against the couch, pulling his sleeve up to bare his forearm. “How do you feel about tattoos?”
Confusion lines his smile. “Fine, I guess?”
“Magical tattoos, Remus.” Lily meets his eyes, lowering her voice. “I’ve been reading up on it, and there’s ways to do it. People can get matching tattoos, ones that… convey their emotions, kind of.”
“Lily… how would that even work?”
“Say you and Sirius did it, yeah?” Lily presses her hand to his arm. “You pick something to use for the design. I’d do the spell, of course, we have to keep it secret. But then it will change colors depending on how the other person is feeling. If you’re happy, it’ll be one color, sad it will be another, worried, angry, sad, and so on. And if… if worst comes to worst…”
Remus stares at the blank skin of his arm, mind whirling. “You mean if I die. What would happen?”
“It would disappear.” Lily swallows tightly. “It’s not perfect. We couldn’t talk to you. But we would at least know you’re okay.”
“Does it draw on, what, our magical signatures?” Remus glances toward the stairs. “Would anyone else be able to use it to hurt him? I won’t do it if there’s any chance of that, Lily.”
“Once it’s in the skin, it doesn’t register as anything other than a normal tattoo. That is to say, non magical. Just ink. It’s only more than that for the two people who have it.”
“It’s worth a shot,” Remus manages. “It doesn’t transmit anything physical, right? I won’t be- I won’t hurt him if I-?”
“No,” Lily says again. “Just feelings. You won’t feel the other person’s feelings either, you’ll just know what they’re feeling. It’s the best I could find, Rem.”
Remus gives her a quick smile, shaking his head. “You did good, Lils. It’ll work. We should ask Sirius.”
“He’s squirreled away in your room,” she stands to offer a hand. “We can crash his party.”
Still holding hands, they dash up the stairs.
The door is shut, but Remus bursts through without a care.
Sirius peers out from under the blanket, shaking his hair out of his eyes. “Remus-?”
“We figured it out.” Remus wraps his arms around Sirius’ shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
Lily drops onto the bed, bouncing with glee. “I figured it out, you mean!”
“Yes, you’re brilliant and we love you. Tell him!”
“Tattoos!”
Sirius blinks at her, befuddlement clear in his gaze. “... tattoos?”
“Yes!”
“I’m… not following.” Sirius tips his head back against Remus’ stomach, searching his face for answers.
“The communication issue,” Remus reminds him softly. “Lily’s figured out something to make sure all of you know I’m fine.”
“Oh.” Sirius looks back at Lily. “Oh. Tattoos?”
“Magical ones.” Lily scoots closer, finding his hand to squeeze reassuringly. “I found a spell. It’s almost like the mirrors you and James have, except it works with emotions.”
“How?” Sirius leans forward, pulling Remus with him. “How would that work?”
“We pick a design,” she starts. “Or rather, you and Remus do, I’m assuming you’ll do it with him.”
Sirius nods.
No question there.
“The spell will make it so once you have the matching tattoos, it will change colors to reflect what the other person is feeling. So for instance, if Remus is happy, we’ll know because your tattoo will be yellow. I think that’s the color it said. If you feel… sad, his tattoo will show blue. There’s a guide in the spell book. I can’t remember which colors go with the emotions, but it’ll work!”
Sirius smiles, finally, relief spilling over his features. “It’ll work,” he repeats softly. “It- it works.”
“You’ll know,” Remus murmurs against his shoulder, thinking back to their initial conversation after he’d revealed the plan. “You’ll know if something happens.”
He’s careful with it, but Sirius pulls him down onto the bed beside him, wrapping around him when he’s settled.
“What about…” Sirius hesitates, swallowing tightly. “What if you…?”
“It would disappear,” Lily says softly. “We’d… we’d know. That’s the only time it would ever hurt, is if… that happens. It would hurt, and disappear.”
“You said it wouldn’t hurt,” Remus says sharply. “You said-”
“It’s just in case,” Lily insists. “If he’s not paying attention, or if he’s asleep, or-”
“I don’t care,” Remus digs his fingers into the blanket, tension lining his shoulders. “I don’t-”
“Remus,” Sirius breaks in, tone disbelieving. “I’d rather fucking know, okay? I don’t care if it hurts. If something happens to you, and I don’t realize, that would kill me. Do you understand? That would hurt me worse than a magic tattoo ever could. Trust me when I say that.”
Remus subsides, worry still gnawing at his insides. “I don’t like it.”
“You don’t have to like it, love,” Sirius murmurs. “Let me do this. For you. For us.”
“If it helps,” Lily adds sagely, “the ritual is mostly used between married couples.”
“If it helps,” Remus splutters. “If it helps-”
“What d’ya say, Moons?” Sirius reels him back in for a kiss, separating with a cheeky grin. “Marry me?”
And it’s a joke, of course it is, how could it be anything else-
But Sirius is smiling, and so sincere, and-
“Always,” Remus promises, and knows that the honesty in his voice is picked up on.
Sirius softens, then, and curls in to press their foreheads together. “June wedding, then?”
And Merlin, how he wants-
“June wedding,” he agrees, and knows he’s smiling entirely too soppy for it to be a lie.
…
The week passes in a blur, entirely too fast for his liking.
Remus spends every night curled up in Sirius’ arms, and every day with him and James and Lily.
Dread crawls under his skin with every thought of the coming months, but he does his best to hide it away, to pretend he’s not worried, that it's just another mission.
He is, and it isn’t.
They do the ritual on the last day before he leaves.
It’s just the three of them, himself and Sirius facing each other, cross legged on the floor, a basin in between them.
Lily kneels beside them, wand in hand, a small knife in the other.
She’d always been the best between them at Potions, and there was no one they would trust more.
“Essence of comfrey,” she murmurs under her breath, and the oil spills over the surface of the potion with a sheen of rainbow. “Dandelion root.”
Remus twists his fingers in between Sirius’, chest tight at the tension in his gaze.
“As soon as I add the fluxweed we’ll be ready to start,” Lily says gently. “Remember the steps?”
“Picture the designs,” Sirius says immediately. “You say the first part alone, doing the wand work. You add the basil, we repeat after you. You add the powdered blossoms, we add the blood.”
“Yep. Three drops each,” she looks between them. “No more, no less or it’ll mess with the balance.”
“Got it.”
Sirius squeezes Remus’ hand, pulling his attention back. “It’ll work, Rem.”
He tries to smile, and fails miserably if the way Sirius’ face softens is any indication. “I know.”
“Ready?”
He turns back to Lily, and gives a steady nod, entirely at odds with how he’s actually feeling.
“Right. Here we go.”
With that, she tips the ingredient in, and immediately starts chanting.
It’s low and soft, and Remus stares at the pale skin of Sirius’ wrist, and at his own.
A star, he thinks, imagining the lines darkening his skin.
Soft and beautiful, clean lines crossing each other until they form the star that makes up Sirius’ name.
Across from him, Sirius meets his eyes, something soft and private in his gaze.
I love you, Remus thinks, and knows that Sirius gets it.
Lily reaches for the bottle of dried basil and measures it out in a clean scoop, glancing between the two to make sure they're ready before tipping it in.
“Sanguis Sanguinis mei,” she says clearly.
Remus echoes it, watching dazedly as Sirius’ mouth moves in tandem with his own.
“De vita ad mortem.”
“De vita ad mortem,” he returns, and there’s something in the air, stirring and thickening as magic responds to the call.
The last part he knows by heart, has spent days mouthing it to himself in a silent promise.
He repeats and repeats and repeats, and knows that this is important but he can’t think of anything other than the way Sirius’ mouth shapes around the words.
The last words spill from their lips, and Lily reaches for the second to last ingredient, a mix of powdered heliotrope and rosemary.
The potion gleams a dull blue as she stirs twice clockwise, and three times in the opposite direction. “Now.”
Remus takes the knife first, pressing the point to the tip of his thumb.
The skin opens easily, and he hovers his finger over the cauldron, careful to only let three drops spill in.
Wiping the blade with a clean cloth, he offers the knife to Sirius, who mimics the action.
Thumb, press, spill.
Before Sirius can wipe away the blood on his finger, Remus catches his hand and raises it to his mouth, kissing the affliction away.
Sirius watches, something sparking in his gaze.
They both blink out of the trance to find Lily watching with an amused tilt to her mouth.
Something warm pools just under his breastbone, and he reaches out to line up his forearm with Sirius as Lily taps her wand to first one, then the other.
“Participes,sentire, amare.”
A pleasant heat covers his arm, and a glowing cord emanates from the tip of her wand to wrap around their joined hands.
When it dissipates, he lets out a relieved breath.
There on his forearm is the north star, clean lines leaving no doubt as to what it is.
On Sirius’ wrist is a crescent moon in the same spot.
They’re different colors, and he glances at Lily automatically.
She’s watching silently, and smiles when their eyes meet. “It worked.”
“Yours is yellow,” Sirius says softly. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re worried,” Remus says automatically. “Are you?”
A flush creeps over Sirius’ face, and he glances away. “I… yeah.”
The star cycles from yellow to pink, and Remus watches in amazement.
His moon stays at a light blue-gray, and Remus remembers reading the meanings attached to which colors.
Sadness, and it’s correct.
Pink, however.
That’s…
“And that’s my cue,” Lily says brightly. “Test them, try it out, whatever you feel like. Come over for dinner, yeah?”
Sirius shoots her a quick smile, and Remus tugs him back around.
“You’re feeling something interesting,” he says softly. “D’you know what pink means?”
Amusement quirks up the corner of his mouth, and Sirius sways closer. “I can guess.”
“Mm. You don’t have to guess, see, because it’s you feeling it. You want me.”
Sirius’ gaze drops to the fresh tattoos, smile growing as he taps a finger against Remus’ wrist. “It’s not just me, apparently.”
The same shade now adorns his own skin, and Remus laughs at the sight. “We should do something about that.”
…
They make it to dinner late, as it turns out.
Lily and James are no doubt aware of what they were doing, but aside from raised eyebrows and sly smiles, they leave it alone.
He’s glad.
Remus doesn’t have it in him to take part in friendly banter, or teasing, or any of the usual ribbing that occurs between their group.
Time is running out, and for all he knows he’ll be dead by the time the next moon rolls around.
Of course he doesn’t say this aloud, but he drinks in every detail of the evening, committing it to memory.
The way Sirius laughs, free and easy, the way his eyes shine when he meets Remus’ gaze.
Lily’s hair in the firelight, the way her smile brings out a dimple in one cheek.
James’ boyish grin, his easy affection shown in an arm wrapped around their shoulders, a kiss pressed to the top of messy hair.
Remus takes this all and stores it away, in a deep corner of his mind to take out and examine when things get cold and harsh over the coming months.
He misses them all, viscerally, even though he hasn’t yet left.
Too soon, night falls.
Time drags on until they’re standing by the fireplace, and no one is ready to say goodbye.
“Remus,” Lily says abruptly. “Remember what I told you.”
I’m pregnant. You have to come back before they’re born.
“I remember,” he says quietly. It drags from his throat. “I- I remember.”
James steps forward, hooks a hand around his elbow, and pulls him in.
Remus hides in his shoulder, and wishes he could always feel as safe as James Potter’s hugs made him feel.
“Be safe,” James says against the side of his head. “Or I swear to Merlin we’ll come drag you back by the hair.”
“Understood,” he breathes.
Lily slips into the hug, wrapping her arms around his waist. “Be safe,” she echoes. “I love you.”
James echoes this.
“I love you,” Remus returns. “Both of you. I’ll come back.”
The lie sticks in his throat.
Thing is, he doesn’t know if it’s a lie.
He dearly hopes it isn’t, but he knows the pack he’s going to.
He knows that there’s little chance of him getting out unscathed.
Because he’s selfish, he hides that information away and pretends.
…
They get ready for bed in silence, never too far from each other.
Hips bumping hips, elbows bumping elbows, hands clinging and separating, shoulders pressed against shoulders.
They brush their teeth in tandem, and climb into bed in the same way.
Sirius turns on his side, and Remus tucks himself into the warm line of his body.
Matching parentheses, chest to back, and they’re silent.
So much to be said, nothing to be done.
A careful arm slips around him, hand tucking under his ribs, and Sirius noses against his neck. “Come back to me.”
It’s soft, a plea begging to be heard.
“Please.”
Remus presses into him, wraps his fingers around the slim wrist, imagines the outline of his moon on that very arm. “I love you.”
It’s not an answer, and Sirius recognizes that.
“Please,” he says again. “Come back. I need you to promise, Remus. Please.”
“I’ll come back,” he says softly, almost too softly. “I will.”
Sirius breathes out, and in, and his next breath comes out as a sob.
“I’m not ready,” he whispers, choked. “I’m not, I can’t- I can’t lose you.”
Remus turns over to pull him closer, face pressing into the curve of his shoulder and neck. “I’ll do my best to come back,” he promises.
This is not a lie.
“I’ll do my best,” he swears. “I’d do anything to come back to you.”
“Then do it,” Sirius says desperately. “Do it, do whatever you have to. I’ll be here. No matter what, I’ll be here. I’ll be waiting. Just come back.”
…
It’s raining, when he leaves.
Fitting.
He leaves Sirius with a final, bruising kiss that turns into another, and another, and another, until they’re just breathing together.
Breathing in tandem, and the marks on their wrists show aching sadness.
Remus pulls away, places one final kiss to the corner of Sirius’ mouth, and leaves.