“Will you join me, Regulus Black?” Voldemort asks, his voice calm and almost kind but Regulus can hear cruelty sitting just below the surface, so similar to his mother’s. “I want you as part of my army.”
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
The words echo in Regulus’ mind and he meets the Dark Lord’s eyes, his heart fluttering in his chest.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
Nobody wanted him. Nobody. Not his parents; he was only ever their backup heir, unimportant and useless. They didn’t want him, they merely settled for him.
Not his brother, who replaced him as soon as he left for Hogwarts, with a boy who shone like the sun compared to Regulus who was only a star. Then he left Regulus for his new brother, to live with them, to love them, to join a family better than the one he had because Regulus was replaceable.
Not the boy he grew to love, the boy that his brother had replaced him with. When push came to shove, he was once again abandoned, left for somebody else, someone easier to love and care about.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
Regulus wants to have hope. He wants to hope for goodness, hope for love, hope for salvation because this is the wrong thing to do, he knows this. But all of his hope was diminished, a flame dashed out the second his brother left the house.
Right now, he can only see two ways this will go. He takes the deal, gets the Mark where he is finally wanted for something. Or he refuses, is punished, and then takes it but is no longer wanted.
The former is much more pleasing right now.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
Nobody was there for Regulus when he was at his lowest. When he was alone, locked in his room with blood dripping down his legs, his wand hanging limply by his side. What was a couple more scars amidst the countless others that wrapped around his calves?
Nobody noticed when he began to falter, barely able to get around the castle for classes because he hadn’t eaten in days, not wanting to live anymore.
Nobody said anything to him when he broke down at night, putting silencing charms around his bed so that his roommates wouldn’t hear.
Nobody saw the dark circles under his eyes that formed after he stopped sleeping, unable to bear the nightmares that plagued his mind at night, instead choosing to study through the nights.
Nobody cared when he began to take potions like they were nothing, dulling his heart, filling his hollow body with enough life to survive.
Nobody spoke up when he came back from Winter Break covered in bruises and scars, barely able to walk.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
Why should he do the ‘right’ thing now? Right for who? Other people in the world? The ones who had never looked out for him? Why should he have to help them when nobody helped him?
Right in front of him was an opportunity. One to be cared about, one to be seen, one to have power for the first time ever. He was tired of being ignored, tired of being abandoned, tired of being powerless over his own life.
Regulus could hear James and Sirius in his mind, telling him that he didn’t have to do this, that he was supposed to be better than his parents but the truth was, Regulus wasn’t. He was selfish, he was hurt, he was broken.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
James had succumbed to weakness, picking the easy way out by breaking up with Regulus instead of fighting, of trying, of struggling.
Sirius had given in, allowing himself to leave behind his responsibilities, his duties, his little brother whom he’d always promised to protect for an easy life with the Potter’s.
Regulus wanted to give up, to collapse to the ground in exhaustion and do the only thing he could think that wouldn’t hurt him. Why shouldn’t he? Everyone else had.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
Finally, he had a chance to be someone besides “Sirius’ little brother’ and “The Black Family Heir”. He could be himself, Regulus Black.
Was this the route he wanted to take? No. Was it the only choice? No. Was it his only choice? Yes.
Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe he should’ve been stronger, should’ve fought harder, should’ve tried one last time to do the right thing but he didn’t.
Regulus gives up.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
His entire life, Regulus just wanted to be enough for someone. Right now, he finally was. Enough to join something that was bigger than him. Enough to be wanted. Enough to finally be seen as his own person.
“I choose you.”
Three words. That’s all it takes. Three words and his fate is sealed.
Maybe he should regret it. Maybe he should change his mind in these last seconds of freedom but Regulus doesn’t. Maybe this makes him weak. Maybe this makes him strong. Maybe this makes him a bad person. But the thing is, he no longer cares.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
Someone finally wants him.
With a flash of green light, he is branded for the rest of his life, finally chosen for something. When the light clears from the room, he is no longer the backup, the second choice, the replacement. No longer just Sirius’ former brother, James’ former lover or his parents disappointment.
He is Regulus Black, the youngest soldier to ever join the Death Eaters, the right hand of Lord Voldemort, the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.
He’s finally himself. On the outside, he’s tough, unbreakable, cold and cunning. On the inside, he’s weak, soft like rotting wood that termites easily bite through, begging for help. On the inside, he’s broken.
A broken star.
Regulus is the heart of Leo the Lion, known for bravery, courage, the driving force made to overthrow Orion and the other constellations. However, bravery can be many things. It can be strong and tough, used for good. It can be doing the right thing for the wrong reasons.
He shouldn’t have been named after the Leo constellation. He was seen as stronger than Sirius, quieter, more hidden, but he wasn’t. He was just as damaged as his brother, if not more.
However, it no longer matters. His fate is sealed, this time finally by his own choice. So Regulus lifts his chin and gives the Dark Lord a thin smile, his eyes icing over.
I want you.
I want you.
I want you.
He’s finally where he belongs.