A Little Less Alone

Sunday had slipped away slowly, the kind of lazy day that Beth usually loved. Except today, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

Viv had spent the day at her place, but unlike usual, she’d been quieter, more distant.

Now, with the dinner with Steph and Dean creeping closer, Beth was lying on top of Viv on the couch, her head resting comfortably against her stomach while Viv worked on her laptop.

Beth had been aimlessly scrolling through her phone, not really paying attention to anything, when she tilted her head up and asked,

“What are you doing?”

Viv barely glanced down, her fingers still moving across the keyboard. “Finishing my column.”

Beth smirked. "You make it sound like very serious work."

Viv chuckled under her breath. "That’s because it is."

Beth rolled onto her side, reaching out to trail her fingers across Viv’s thigh. "Can I read it?"

Viv hesitated for a second before turning the laptop toward her.

Beth sat up slightly, pulling the computer closer while Viv’s hand found its way into her hair, her fingers brushing through it absently.

As Beth started reading, Viv leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

"Do you like it?" Viv asked after a moment, her voice quieter.

Beth finished reading, then grinned up at her. "A lot."

She closed the laptop, setting it aside before smirking. "It’s very well written—almost like it was done by someone much smarter than me."

Viv frowned instead of laughing, her fingers stilling in Beth’s hair.

"You are smart," she said, her tone more serious than Beth expected. "You just don’t care about this kind of stuff. But that doesn’t mean you’re not smart."

Beth blinked at her, caught off guard.

Then, she let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head.

Viv narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why are you laughing?"

Beth smirked, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Viv’s ear. "Because it’s cute how much you care."

Viv rolled her eyes but didn’t push her away.

Beth sighed, sitting up properly. "Alright, we really need to start getting ready."

Viv leaned back against the couch, not moving. "Is it very fancy?"

Beth thought about it for a second. "A bit more than usual, I think."

She expected Viv to start getting up right away—she was usually the one ready first. But instead, she just sat there, staring at nothing for a moment, like she was somewhere else entirely.

Beth watched her carefully, noticing the way her fingers tapped lightly against her thigh, like she was thinking too hard.

"You okay?" Beth asked softly, nudging her knee against Viv’s.

Viv snapped out of it quickly, looking over with a small smile. "Yeah. Just distracted."

Beth didn’t press, but the feeling lingered.

After a long pause, Beth got up first, stretching before heading to her bedroom to change.

She picked out something nice, nothing over the top, but something that would fit the slightly fancier setting.

As she adjusted her outfit in the mirror, she walked back toward the living room—only to pause in the doorway.

Viv was standing near her jacket, reaching into the pocket and pulling out a small bottle.

Beth watched in silence as she saw Viv twist the cap off, shake out a pill, and pop it into her mouth before grabbing her glass of water from the counter.

Beth frowned.

"What was that?" she asked, keeping her voice light.

Viv turned, her expression unreadable. "Nothing. Just vitamins."

Beth hesitated, not entirely convinced, but she didn’t push.

Viv disappeared into the bathroom to finish getting ready, and Beth just stood there, staring at her jacket.

Her fingers itched.

She shouldn’t.

She knew she shouldn’t.

But before she could stop herself, she reached for Viv’s jacket and pulled out the bottle.

Her eyes skimmed over the name on the label.

And her stomach twisted.

It wasn’t vitamins.

It was anxiety medication.

Beth quickly put the bottle back, her heart beating faster than before.

She sat on the bed, suddenly feeling like she had discovered something she wasn’t meant to.

By the time Viv walked back out, adjusting her sleeves, Beth had already decided.

She wouldn’t say anything.

Viv would tell her if she wanted to.

Maybe she was just a bit ashamed of admitting it, and Beth didn’t want to push.

She forced a smile, standing up and reaching for Viv’s hand.

"Ready to go?"

Viv nodded, but Beth couldn’t shake the feeling that something was weighing on her.

The drive to the restaurant was better than Beth expected.

Viv, who had spent most of the day quiet and distant, now seemed more relaxed. The tension in her shoulders had eased, and her expression wasn’t as far away as before.

Beth took that as a good sign, deciding to treat the night like she normally would—no overthinking, no walking on eggshells.

Viv had been asking her a few things about Dean—how long he and Steph had been together, what he was like outside of football, little things that made the conversation feel easy.

Beth answered everything with her usual teasing tone, but after a while, she tilted her head slightly, looking at Viv from the corner of her eye.

"Are you nervous?" she asked, smirking.

Viv didn’t even pause before shaking her head. "No."

Beth grinned. "That was a bit too quick."

Viv huffed, turning her gaze toward the window. "I’m not nervous."

Beth let it go, knowing when to push and when to let Viv come to her own conclusions.

By the time they arrived at the restaurant, Viv’s nerves seemed to have eased slightly—until she took in the dim lighting, the white tablecloths, the well-dressed crowd.

She turned to Beth with a mildly panicked expression. "You could have told me it was this fancy."

Beth smirked, shutting the car door. "Would it have changed anything?"

Viv gave her a look. "Yes. I feel so underdressed."

Beth shook her head, stepping closer and grabbing Viv’s hand. "You’re not. You look great."

Viv sighed, squeezing Beth’s fingers lightly but still seeming a little unsure.

Inside, Steph and Dean were already waiting at the table.

"Finally," Steph greeted as they approached. "Thought you two bailed on us."

"Traffic," Beth lied smoothly as they slid into their seats.

Dean smiled at Viv. "Hey, pleasure."

Viv offered a small nod. "Hey."

Beth could feel the tension in Viv’s shoulders as they sat down, the slight hesitation in her movements, the way her fingers tapped lightly against her water glass even after setting it down.

She wasn’t doing anything obvious, nothing that screamed anxiety, but Beth knew her well enough now.

She knew the difference between Viv being reserved and Viv actively trying to push something down.

Still, Viv kept herself composed, and Beth didn’t want to push—not here, not in front of Steph and Dean.

The waiter came over, passing out menus and taking drink orders.

Beth ordered a glass of wine, as did Steph and Dean.

When it was Viv’s turn, she handed her menu back and said, "Just water for me."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "You don’t drink?"

Viv shook her head, adjusting her napkin. "I do. Just don’t feel like it today."

Beth, watching quietly, caught the small shift in Viv’s posture, the way her shoulders squared slightly like she was preparing to be questioned further.

But Dean just nodded, offering a simple, "Fair enough," before the conversation moved on.

Beth noticed the way Viv’s fingers relaxed slightly against the table after that, as if she had been holding onto something that she could now let go of.

As the menus were passed around, Beth already knew what she was going to order, so she simply skimmed over it before setting it down, leaning back in her chair slightly.

Viv, on the other hand, hadn’t moved much.

She was staring at the menu, eyes moving over the words, but Beth could tell she wasn’t really reading them.

Her fingers tapped lightly against the side of the menu, and she shifted slightly in her seat, as if the decision was suddenly too big, too much.

Beth didn’t want to make it obvious that she had noticed.

So instead, she glanced sideways at Viv, her voice light and casual, like she was just making conversation.

"Thinking of getting the salmon?" she asked, tapping her own menu lightly with her fingers, pretending to skim through the options.

Viv blinked, like she had just been pulled out of her own head, and turned toward Beth.

There was a moment of hesitation before she nodded slightly, exhaling in a way that wasn’t quite noticeable unless someone was paying attention.

"Yeah," she said after a second, her voice even. "That sounds good."

Beth just nodded, not making a big deal out of it, keeping the rhythm of the moment normal. "Yeah, I heard it’s really good here."

The moment passed quickly, unspoken, and Beth could feel the way Viv relaxed slightly beside her.

By the time the waiter returned, Viv had adjusted, her voice even as she repeated the order, this time with a little more ease.

Beth just let the moment settle, pressing a brief squeeze against Viv’s knee under the table before pulling back, keeping everything small, simple, unspoken.

Steph and Dean had just come back from a small trip, and Beth rolled her eyes as Steph dramatically recounted a mishap with their rental car.

"I swear, we barely made it back to the hotel," Steph said. "And Dean was trying to ‘assess the situation’ like he knew what the hell was wrong with the car."

Dean chuckled, shaking his head. "I did know. It was just out of my hands."

Beth smirked. "And yet, Steph still won’t admit she should have just called roadside assistance immediately."

Steph huffed. "I had it under control."

Dean gave her a pointed look. "The car wouldn’t start."

Viv let out a small chuckle, and Beth glanced at her, pleased to see her relax.

Beth had draped her arm around the back of Viv’s chair at some point, casually rubbing small circles against her shoulder with her thumb.

She wasn’t sure why, but she caught Steph smiling at the gesture, like she was happy to see Beth so comfortable.

With the food ordered and drinks poured, the conversation drifted from football to everyday topics. It was easy, natural—exactly what Beth had hoped for when she agreed to the dinner.

At some point, the discussion shifted to cars when Steph sighed, swirling her wine before saying, "I think I need a bigger car. Like an SUV or something with more space."

Dean raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "Since when do you need more space?"

Steph shrugged. "I don’t, really. But I like the idea of having the option. My car feels small sometimes."

Beth smirked. "Be honest. You just want to sit higher than everyone else on the road."

Steph grinned, not even pretending to deny it. "Obviously. I want to feel powerful."

Dean chuckled, shaking his head. "You just like the idea of intimidating people at stoplights."

Steph lifted her glass. "It’s a nice bonus."

Beth laughed before turning to Viv, who had been quietly listening, her fingers idly running along the edge of her water glass.

"What about you?" Dean asked. "Are you a car person?"

Viv barely hesitated before shaking her head. "Never bought one."

Beth frowned slightly. "Wait, what do you mean?"

Viv blinked, like she hadn’t expected to be questioned further, before answering simply, "I never bought a car."

Beth, still confused, leaned in slightly. "Okay, but in Bayern, you didn’t have anyone’s car to use. So what, you just… walked everywhere?"

Viv nodded, adjusting the napkin in her lap. "Mostly, yeah. Munich’s a really walkable city, and if I needed to, I’d get a ride. But I was seventeen when I moved there, so I couldn’t even drive for my first year."

Beth processed that, trying to picture Viv navigating a new country, a new club, and still having to find her way around on foot.

"So you never even thought about getting one?" Beth asked, tilting her head.

Viv shrugged. "I mean, sure, I thought about it. But I didn’t really need one, and by the time I could drive, I was used to getting around without it."

Steph hummed, intrigued. "So you’ve been playing professionally for years, and you’ve never had to buy a car?"

Viv nodded. "Not really. When I moved to Arsenal, Lisa had a car, so we mostly used hers. And after that, I just used the one Arsenal gave me."

Beth blinked. "So, if Arsenal suddenly stopped providing cars, what would you do?"

Viv smirked slightly. "I’d just make you drive me."

Beth scoffed, nudging Viv’s knee under the table. "Wow. The audacity."

Viv shrugged playfully. "I think it’s fair."

Beth shook her head, laughing softly, before leaning back in her chair. "You’re telling me that in all these years, you’ve never even wanted to pick out your own car? Like, something nice, something you actually love?"

Viv smiled slightly, shaking her head. "As long as it gets me from point A to point B, I don’t care."

Steph looked horrified. "See, I could never live like that. I need to love my car."

Dean sighed dramatically. "She’s about to spend months researching this, isn’t she?"

Steph grinned. "Obviously."

Beth smirked, nudging Viv again. "Maybe it’s time for you to buy your first one."

Viv tilted her head, as if actually considering it, before saying, "Maybe. If Arsenal ever stops giving me one."

Beth laughed, shaking her head. "You really do just make things work for you, huh?"

Viv smirked, tapping her fingers lightly against her glass. "Always."

The conversation carried on, shifting again to weekend plans, but Beth still found herself glancing at Viv every now and then, taking note of the little things—how she was more engaged than before, but there was still a certain quietness about her.

She didn’t bring attention to it.

Instead, she just squeezed Viv’s knee under the table, letting the moment be easy.

And without looking, Viv squeezed back.

After a while, the dinner naturally wrapped up, the table slowly emptying of plates and glasses as they finished up. The conversation had stayed light, drifting between different topics, and Beth had been happy to see Viv relax more as the night went on.

When the check was sorted and jackets were pulled on, they all stepped outside into the crisp night air.

"Well, that was fun," Dean said, stretching slightly. "We’ll have to do it again sometime."

Steph nodded, slipping her hands into her pockets. "Yeah. It’s been a while since we all got together properly."

Beth smirked, bumping her shoulder. "And since when do you get sentimental?"

Steph rolled her eyes. "I’m not. Just saying it was a nice dinner."

Viv, standing beside Beth, offered Steph a small smile. "Yeah, it was good."

Steph glanced at her with a knowing look before turning back to Beth.

As she pulled Beth into a quick hug, she murmured low enough for only her to hear, "You’re so soft for her, it’s kind of adorable."

Beth sighed softly, squeezing Steph’s arm in silent acknowledgment. "Don’t start."

Steph pulled back with a smirk, clapping her on the back before stepping away.

When Beth turned back to Viv, she could already tell her thoughts were elsewhere.

The walk to the car was quiet but comfortable, their steps in sync. Once they got in, Beth started the engine, the low hum filling the silence as she pulled onto the road.

For the first few minutes, neither of them spoke.

Beth didn’t mind the quiet—it wasn’t uncomfortable—but she could feel Viv was thinking about something.

Then, after a moment, Viv’s voice broke the stillness.

"Do you think I should actually buy a car?"

Beth glanced at her quickly before turning her focus back to the road, surprised by the question. "I mean… if you want to? I was mostly just giving you shit for never having one."

Viv let out a small breath, fiddling with the hem of her sleeve. "I don’t know. Maybe I should."

Beth kept her tone light, not wanting to pressure her. "You’ve gotten by just fine without one. But if you want something that’s actually yours, then yeah, why not?"

Viv hesitated before shifting in her seat slightly. "It just feels a little… I don’t know. Embarrassing, maybe? Everyone has their own car, and I just drive whatever I’m given."

Beth frowned slightly, glancing at her again. "Viv, no one cares about that. And you could’ve had your own anytime—you just didn’t feel the need to."

Viv huffed, rubbing the back of her neck. "Yeah, but still. Your car is way nicer than mine."

Beth chuckled. "Yeah, well, I did pick mine out myself."

Viv gave her a small side-eye. "Exactly."

Beth smirked, nudging her knee against Viv’s. "So what? You suddenly care about having a ‘nice’ car?"

Viv sighed, shifting again. "Not really. But maybe I should."

Beth softened slightly, recognizing the way Viv was spiraling into overthinking.

"Look," she said, voice a little gentler, "if it’s something you actually want, then do it. But if you’re only thinking about it because of some dumb pressure, then who cares? You’ve never needed a car to prove anything, Viv. And no one’s judging you for it."

Viv exhaled, seeming to let that sink in for a second before nodding slightly. "Yeah. You’re right."

Beth smiled, flicking on the turn signal. "I usually am."

Viv rolled her eyes but somehow looked a little less tense.

The conversation drifted off after that, the sound of the engine filling the space between them as Beth drove them home.

As they stepped into Beth’s apartment, Viv kicked off her shoes while Beth tossed her keys onto the counter. The familiar comfort of home settled around them, but something about the silence between them felt heavier than usual.

Beth stretched her arms over her head before glancing at Viv. "Hey, do you want to go shopping with me after training tomorrow?" she asked, her tone casual.

Viv stilled slightly, her fingers hesitating on the zipper of her jacket. "I can't," she said after a moment. "I’m busy."

Beth raised an eyebrow, smirking. "You can just say no, you know. I won’t be offended."

Viv sighed, shaking her head. "It’s not that. I’m just… busy."

Beth studied her for a second before tilting her head. "Busy with what?"

Viv hesitated. Then, after a small pause, she finally said, "I’m meeting someone."

Beth scoffed, laughing lightly. "Oh? Meeting another girl?"

Viv immediately shook her head, her response quick and clipped. "God, no."

Beth chuckled, waiting for Viv to say something else, but Viv just stood there, pressing her lips together like she was trying to find the right words.

Then, finally, she exhaled and said, "I have therapy. That’s it."

Beth blinked, caught completely off guard. "Oh."

It came out flat, too sharp, and Beth could feel how wrong it sounded the second she said it.

Viv shifted uncomfortably, looking away as if she wished she hadn’t brought it up. "Yeah."

Beth wasn’t sure what to say. She hadn’t expected that, and her brain was still catching up. Instead of handling it well, she let out an awkward laugh and scratched the back of her head.

"I mean, I didn’t know you… did that."

The second the words left her mouth, she regretted them.

Viv’s posture changed immediately—shoulders pulling in, hands fidgeting slightly against the fabric of her sleeve. Beth had seen it before, the way Viv retreated inward when she got anxious, when she felt exposed.

Viv let out a small, tense breath. "Yeah, well. Now you do."

Beth could hear it in her voice—the discomfort, the stress. She had completely botched her reaction.

Beth felt awful, but the more she scrambled to figure out what to say, the worse it got. "I just—" she started, then stopped, shaking her head.

Viv gave a small shrug, her face unreadable. "Forget it."

She could see it in Viv instantly—the way her shoulders tensed, the way her fingers curled slightly against the counter, the shift in her breathing. She was retreating, pulling into herself in a way Beth had seen before but never quite like this.

The silence stretched, and Beth felt it sinking between them like a weight.

Viv wasn’t saying anything, just nodding stiffly, like she was already regretting bringing it up.

Beth panicked. "I didn’t mean to make it weird," she rushed out, her voice softer, desperate to fix it before Viv completely shut down. "I just— I wasn’t expecting that."

Viv’s jaw tightened, and she let out a short, clipped breath. "Yeah. I figured."

Beth hated that she sounded so closed off now, like she was bracing herself for whatever Beth might say next.

Beth scrambled for something—anything—to smooth it over. She hesitated, then asked, "Is that why you take those pills?"

The second the words were out, she knew she had made it worse.

Viv’s eyes snapped to hers immediately, her entire body going rigid.

Beth felt like she had just stepped on a landmine.

Viv stared at her, blinking once before her expression completely shut down. "What?"

Beth hesitated, watching Viv closely, knowing she was about to step onto shaky ground but feeling like she had no choice but to address it.

She took a slow breath before saying, "When you told me they were vitamins, I knew something wasn’t right."

Viv’s fingers twitched against the counter, and Beth saw the first sign of her body tensing up even more, her posture shifting slightly, shoulders locking in place.

Beth swallowed, keeping her voice careful but steady. "So I checked them. In your jacket."

The second the words were out, Viv’s entire body went rigid.

For a moment, she didn’t say anything. Just stared at Beth, her breath going shallow, like her brain was trying to catch up to what she had just heard.

Then, very quietly—too quietly—she said, "You went through my stuff?"

Beth felt her chest tighten. "Viv, I wasn’t trying to invade your privacy, I just—"

"You went through my stuff?" Viv repeated, but this time, her voice was sharper, more clipped, her breathing quickening slightly.

Beth hated this. Hated how quickly things were spiraling, how Viv was withdrawing right in front of her.

She stepped closer, trying to keep her voice level. "I didn’t mean to snoop, I just saw you take it, and I— I was worried. It wasn’t adding up, and I—"

"So you just decided it was your business?" Viv cut in, her voice still quiet but now carrying something much heavier—hurt, frustration, something else Beth couldn’t quite name.

Beth felt awful, but she also knew she had to keep her calm.

"I didn’t mean to go behind your back," she said softly. "I just—"

"But you did."

Beth shut her mouth, her heart hammering as she watched Viv’s hands curl slightly, like she was trying to hold something in, like she was fighting to keep herself together.

Viv shook her head, her voice dropping even lower. "You had no right, Beth."

Beth exhaled, hating the way that sentence made her stomach sink. "I know."

Viv finally looked up at her then, and Beth wished she hadn’t—because her eyes weren’t just angry. They were filled with something heavier, something fragile, something that looked dangerously close to breaking.

Viv’s breathing had changed now, shorter, shallower. Beth knew that rhythm—she had seen it before, but never this close, never from Viv.

Viv took a slow step back, shaking her head, her fingers flexing slightly at her sides like she needed something to hold onto.

"I think I need to go."

Beth’s heart dropped completely.

"No." The word came out faster than she meant, and she instinctively stepped forward, reaching out before stopping herself. "Viv, please. Just—just wait."

Viv shook her head again, her jaw tight, her breaths coming too fast now.

Beth felt panic claw at her chest.

She could see it, see how Viv wasn’t just upset—she was unraveling. She was about to shut down completely, about to run.

Beth’s voice softened, but she made sure it didn’t waver. "Viv, just breathe, okay? You’re okay."

Viv let out a sharp breath, closing her eyes briefly, but Beth could see her hands shaking now.

"I need to leave," Viv repeated, but her voice wasn’t steady anymore—it was tight, like she was barely holding herself together.

Beth didn’t let her go.

Instead, she gently, carefully, reached for her wrist, not holding tightly, just enough to keep her there.

"Viv, I swear, I wasn’t trying to hurt you," Beth said, keeping her voice as steady as she could. "I messed up. I should’ve asked. But please, just stay. Just for a minute."

Viv’s breathing was still fast, her eyes darting slightly, unfocused, her entire body tense like she was ready to bolt.

Beth squeezed her wrist—light, grounding.

"You’re safe," Beth murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "You don’t have to go. Just breathe with me, okay?"

Viv swallowed hard, her lips pressing together like she was trying to fight something back.

Beth had seen Viv upset before. She had seen her frustrated, had seen her angry, had even seen her close to tears once or twice.

But never like this.

Never like the way she was standing now—rigid, shaking, barely breathing properly.

Beth could see the moment the panic took full control, the way Viv's chest rose and fell in short, shallow breaths, her hands gripping the counter so tight her knuckles had gone white.

"Viv, just breathe," Beth said quickly, stepping forward but not touching her yet, afraid of making it worse. "You’re okay."

Viv shook her head sharply, eyes wide, her breath coming in quick, uneven bursts.

"No, I’m not," she choked out, her voice raw and small. "I—I can’t—"

Beth’s heart twisted painfully.

Viv let out a shaky, hitched breath, her body starting to tremble more violently now, like she was completely unraveling.

Beth had no idea what to do, but she knew she had to do something.

"What do you need?" she asked softly, trying to keep her voice steady, trying to anchor Viv to the moment.

Viv’s hands curled into fists, nails pressing into her palms, her entire body straining with the effort to hold herself together.

"I don’t—" Viv’s voice cracked, another ragged breath tearing through her. "I don’t know—"

Beth took a step closer, her hands open, non-threatening.

Her hands were gripping the counter with a strength that didn’t seem possible, her knuckles white, her fingers curled so tightly Beth thought they might cramp.

Beth didn’t know what to do—and that terrified her.

Viv’s chest was rising too fast, too unevenly, and then suddenly, a sharp, wrecked sob tore from her throat, her entire body jerking forward with the force of it.

Beth’s stomach dropped.

She had never seen Viv cry before. Not really. Not like this.

Viv’s hands shook violently, gripping onto nothing, curling and uncurling as she struggled to breathe, struggled to hold herself together, but failing.

Beth had to act.

"Hey, hey," she whispered, stepping forward, her hands open, careful, soft. "I’m here, sweetheart. I’ve got you."

Viv shook her head quickly, her breathing coming in short, gasping bursts.

"I can’t—" she choked, her voice barely even there, swallowed by another raw, gut-wrenching sob.

Beth’s chest twisted painfully.

Viv was breaking, right in front of her, and Beth had no idea how to fix it.

So she did the only thing she could.

She stepped forward and wrapped Viv into her arms, holding her as tightly as she could.

Viv collapsed into her instantly, her body sagging against Beth’s, her weight pressing into her like she couldn’t hold herself up anymore.

Her hands gripped at Beth’s hoodie, twisting into the fabric, holding on for dear life.

And then—Viv completely lost it.

A sharp, gasping sob tore from her throat, and then another, her whole body shaking so hard Beth had to hold her even tighter.

Beth felt her own breath stutter, her own chest tighten painfully, because this wasn’t just crying.

This was everything Viv had been holding back for too long finally crashing down on her.

Beth ran her hands slowly up and down her back, whispering softly, trying to ground her, trying to steady her.

"I’ve got you, baby. Just breathe. I swear, you’re okay. Just hold onto me."

Viv buried her face deeper into Beth’s shoulder, her entire body wrecked with the force of her sobs.

Beth had never felt someone shake like this, never held someone while they completely broke apart in her arms.

It made her feel helpless, scared, desperate to pull Viv out of this.

"I’m right here," she whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of Viv’s head. "I’m not letting go, sweetheart. Just breathe with me, okay?"

Viv let out a sharp, hitched breath, her grip tightening, her fingers still fisting Beth’s hoodie like she was afraid Beth might disappear.

Beth just held her tighter, rocking them slightly, whispering to her softly, kissing her hair, trying to let her know she was safe.

And finally—after what felt like an eternity—Viv’s sobs started to slow.

Her breathing was still uneven, still sharp, but the violent shaking started to ease, her body stilling just slightly.

Beth felt the shift, felt her start to come back, and she knew she had to move her somewhere softer, somewhere safer.

"Come on, baby," she whispered, her voice still soft but firm. "Let’s sit down, yeah?"

Viv hesitated, her grip still tight on Beth, like she wasn’t sure she could let go.

Beth didn’t rush her, didn’t pull away, just kissed her hair again, whispering against her temple.

"I’ve got you. You’re okay."

Finally, Viv nodded weakly.

Beth guided her carefully to the couch, sitting her down gently, keeping an arm around her, making sure she still felt held, still felt safe.

Viv still wasn’t talking. She just sat there, her chest rising and falling too quickly, her fingers twitching against her own lap.

Beth exhaled softly, her fingers running through Viv’s hair, soothing, grounding.

After a moment, she murmured, "Do you want to take one of your pills?"

Viv tensed immediately.

Beth felt her stomach drop.

Viv’s fingers curled against her lap, her jaw tightening, her breath hitching again, like just the suggestion of it was too much.

Beth immediately squeezed her arm gently, reassuring her.

"Hey, it’s okay, sweetheart. There’s nothing wrong with needing it. It’s there to help, yeah?"

Viv exhaled shakily, but she still looked hesitant.

Beth brushed a hand down her arm, pressing a small kiss to her forehead.

"Let me get it for you. You don’t have to do anything, baby. Just sit here, I’ll be right back."

Viv didn’t say anything, but she didn’t stop her either.

Beth got up quickly, moving to grab the small pillbox and a glass of water, then returning to kneel in front of Viv.

She carefully placed the pill in Viv’s palm and held out the glass.

"Take it, sweetheart. It’s okay."

Viv stared at it for a long moment, her fingers shaking slightly, before finally bringing it to her lips and swallowing it down.

Beth exhaled softly, brushing another kiss to Viv’s temple before settling beside her again, pulling her close, letting her tuck herself against her like she needed to.

But then—Beth felt it.

The tension rising again.

Viv’s breath hitched sharply, her fingers curling back into Beth’s sleeve.

Another wave of panic was coming.

Beth’s heart dropped.

"Hey, hey, baby," she whispered quickly, cupping Viv’s cheek, tilting her head so their foreheads were almost touching. "You're safe. Stay with me, okay?"

"Alright, sweetheart, let’s do this," Beth whispered, shifting slightly so she could cradle Viv closer, letting her feel the warmth of her body, the steadiness of her touch. "I need you to focus on my voice, okay?"

Viv let out a shaky, broken exhale, her fingers trembling where they clung to Beth’s hoodie.

Beth pressed a soft kiss to her temple, her voice calm but firm.

"Tell me three things you see right now, baby. Just look around."

Viv didn’t respond at first, her breath still uneven, her body still locked with tension.

Beth gently rubbed her back, slow and steady, grounding her. "Anything, sweetheart. Just say what you see."

Viv swallowed, her eyes flickering around the room, still glassy but trying to focus.

"The couch," she finally whispered, her voice hoarse and barely there.

Beth nodded against her. "That’s good, baby. Two more."

Viv’s lips trembled, but she took a slow inhale. "Your hoodie on the chair."

Beth smiled slightly, even if Viv couldn’t see it. "One more, sweetheart."

Viv’s eyes darted, still struggling, but then—

"The plant in the corner."

Beth pressed another small kiss to Viv’s hair, holding her tighter.

"Perfect. You’re doing so good, baby. Now, tell me three places where you feel safe."

Viv hesitated, her fingers twitching slightly.

Beth kept stroking her back, whispering, "Anywhere at all, love. Just say the first things that come to your mind."

Viv sucked in a breath, shaky but trying.

"Home," she whispered, her voice raw, but steadier than before.

Beth smiled softly. "Yeah? Your family’s home?"

Viv nodded slightly against Beth’s shoulder. "Yeah."

Beth kissed her forehead. "That’s good, baby. Two more."

Viv swallowed again, her breathing still uneven, but her grip on Beth was no longer as frantic, no longer as desperate.

"The training ground," she admitted quietly, her fingers flexing slightly against Beth’s arm. "When I’m on the pitch, it’s like… it’s the only place I don’t overthink anything."

Beth’s heart clenched. She knew exactly what Viv meant.

She squeezed her gently. "That makes sense, baby. One more."

Viv exhaled, this time a little slower, a little deeper.

She didn’t speak right away, and Beth was about to tell her she didn’t have to force it if she wasn’t ready—

But then Viv whispered, almost too quietly to hear:

"Here."

Beth froze.

Viv’s breath was still shaky, her body still exhausted, but she was pressed so close to Beth now, her fingers still curled into her sleeve, like she never wanted to move.

Beth tightened her grip, her voice softer than ever.

"You’re always safe with me, baby. Always."

Viv let out a long, unsteady exhale, but Beth could feel it—the tension in her shoulders easing, the weight in her chest getting just a little bit lighter.

Beth smiled against her hair, running her fingers gently through it.

"Now, tell me three things you want to happen in the future."

Viv let out another shaky breath, but there was no panic behind it now, just exhaustion.

"To win something with Arsenal," she whispered, no hesitation in her voice.

Beth chuckled softly, kissing the side of her head. "That’s a damn good one, baby."

Viv managed the smallest huff of breath, almost like a laugh, but she didn’t move.

"To be happy," she murmured next.

Beth’s grip tightened around her.

"You deserve that, sweetheart. More than anyone."

Viv took another slow breath.

Beth nudged her gently. "One more, baby."

Viv didn’t answer right away.

Beth gave her time, just kept rubbing her back, kept holding her, knowing she needed this moment, this space to breathe.

And then—softly, barely above a whisper—Viv said:

"To stay with you for a long time."

Beth’s chest ached in a way she wasn’t expecting.

She tilted Viv’s chin up slightly, just enough so she could look at her properly.

Viv’s eyes were still red, still tired, but there was something softer in them now. Something more certain.

Beth didn’t say anything for a second, just brushed her knuckles along Viv’s cheek, keeping her touch featherlight.

Then, finally, she whispered:

"You will."

Viv let out a final, deep, steadying breath.

Beth pressed a kiss to her forehead, then another to her temple, her fingers still running through Viv’s hair, still holding her close.

Viv sighed against her, this time not shaky, just worn out.

Beth barely even noticed when Viv’s body started to relax completely, her breaths slowing, her grip on Beth loosening just slightly.

It wasn’t until she felt the weight of Viv settle fully against her, her head resting on Beth’s chest, her body finally, completely still, that she realized—

Viv had fallen asleep.

Beth let out a quiet exhale, her fingers still tracing slow circles against Viv’s back, not moving, not even thinking about letting go.