Not just a crush
“I've noticed you keep watching over Talbott. Is everything alright between the two of you?” Penny is very persuasive, she always knows when something happens, even if I have no intention of talking about it.
“He said we were friends, but doesn´t let me talk to him like… ever”
“Talbott keeps a lot to himself, I thought you knew that”
“I know, but I don't want him to think that I don't care about our friendship just because I'm always on the run. If I´m not trying to find R, I´m on the quidditch field or studying for classes and sometimes things get lost in between those times, I swear I haven't gone crazy just because of such good friends I have” Penny puts her hand over mine and squeezes it softly.
“We all know you are going through a lot, don´t put more pressure on yourself. I´m sure if Talbott wanted to talk, he would be reaching out” I smile focusing on my meal. She is right, I hate to recognize it. Not everyone needs people, and just because I kept a secret for him doesn't mean he has to be around all the time. Just because I need people to stop thinking about Jacob… I need to stop thinking about my brother as if he was never to be found.
“Yeah… Thanks” once I finish eating I stand up. “I have to go check on Rowan, that girl needs to be reminded to eat three times a day”
“You two are exactly the same, you know? No wonder why you are best friends” I laugh and leave waving my hand to say goodbye.
***
“Do you think I´m obvious about my crush on Talbott Winger?” I said once I spotted Rowan alone in our bedroom. “Penny says I'm always watching him”. As soon as my friend looked at me I put a bag with food in front of her. She started eating the fries in silence for a moment.
“I think Penny would have said something if she thought you liked him, but also… she is so nice maybe she didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable”.
“Sometimes people are too careful around me, but you are not. You are always honest with me, Rowan. I can't imagine Hogwarts without you”.
“Someone is sentimental today, you are not always like this”. Rowan closes her book. I haven't seen her without one since our first day at school.
“I guess I'm stressed about the whole R situation” since someone told me one of my friends is supposed to die during the scholar year, I haven't been able to sleep at night. I need to find out R´s identity before they make a choice. My friend stands from her bed and sits next to me.
“We will find them. Every year you have to keep up with quidditch and classes, looking for your brother and now R. Maybe you need a distraction that doesn’t involve any of those” She was, as usually, right.
“What do you have in mind?”
“Maybe go play with your cat outside or help André with a design, you can even go on a date” I snorted trying to hold my laugh.
“I can’t go on a date. Did you forget what happened last time?” All of our friends were weird when I accidentally wanted to send a note for valentine’s. And I became the gossip of the day! I hated walking through the hallways listening to the whispers.
“You had an awesome date with Talbott and he gave you the blue heart crystal. You loved that thing so much! It’s still on top of your bookshelf” she was right. I still remember that night as one of the best ones since I came to Hogwarts.
“I can’t just go and invite him on a date. What is my excuse this time?”
“Do you even need one?”
“He doesn’t talk much to me after that. I think this whole crush situation is one-sided” I was surprised by the touch of sadness in my own voice. Maybe Talbott was not just a silly crush after all.
“It is not” I wanted to ask what she meant but she kept on saying “You know where he is, most of the time at least. Can you just pass by and say hi? See how things go?”
“I’ll try”
“That’s my girl” she eat another fry and lift it “Thank you for feeding me, I was almost left out of dinner”
I managed to change clothes and rest in bed. Our two other roommates came after dark and Rowan was already sleeping. When the last of them turn the fire of the candles off I decided to go for a flight. Maybe all I needed was to clear my head and some fresh air.
Hogwarts was huge and mostly cold at night. I enjoyed flying, even tough I never thought of becoming an animagus, it was something useful for the search of the Vaults and to get out of most troubles. Since my brother went missing people started talking about his death, his trouble-maker ability and how he was expelled from Hogwarts. And I have dedicated years either obsessing over looking for him or trying no to get myself expelled. Now it’s hard to think of a time where I wasn’t looking for Jacob, but being an eagle let me forget about all those things; it made me feel free.
I made it to the limits of the quidditch field and transformed back into my human form. Maybe it was not such a wise choice to go out in my pajamas.
“Did you need an out as well?” I could recognize that voice anywhere. It was a good thing he presented himself before I took out my wand.
“Is there a reason why you decided to finally talk to me after giving me nothing by silence?”
“I saw you trough my window” he walked closer but slowly, as if he was careful not to make an aggressive move, “Are you mad about it?”
“Not mad, just… disappointed. I thought we had a good time on all those dates. If you don’t like me like that you should have said something”
“It’s not that…”
“You don’t have to pretend, Talbott. I wish we can go back to being friends sometime… if you want it too” he didn’t say anything, so I kept standing there waiting for him to talk. He didn’t.
“I need to go back to bed. Good night Talbott”
“Night”