Chapter 6
August 1998
After the events on the Enterprise and the Vulcan, I still can't get back to my normal self. Not that I don't want to, but it just doesn't work that way. Everyone who was on the ship that day became the permanent crew of the ship, this time under the command of Captain Kirk. They gave us two weeks to recover and then back into space.
I didn't think it would be like this. I'm not saying that's wrong, in the end it's exactly what I wanted to do, but for our rescue mission to end up in a trap, none of us expected it, and it was really lucky that Kirk got there as a black passenger and warned us. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't be writing this diary today.
But a lot changed during one mission.
Pavel and I, even though we were and still are the youngest members of the crew, gained a completely new perspective on what the Federation does. Pavel is still his optimistic self, but I...
I don't know how I really feel. There is so much that my feelings are mixed together and I don't understand them. Sure, Pavel helps, but I don't think he's completely cool. At night he is tossing and turning in bed and has nightmares, I myself have woken up more than once with Pavel's scared face by my bed and I have also woken him up to reassure him that he is safe and in his bed.
We don't talk about it.
We don't talk about anything that happened that day.
We don't talk about it with each other.
I would like to talk about one thing.
About one thing only.
Still, I understand that we both need to get over this before we talk about what could have happened that day, what might not have happened, and what should have happened. But first, both of us, and not just the two of us, have to deal with what we experienced. No one would really expect it, but we are still young and what we experienced should never be experienced at our age. I'm sure we'll stop noticing it over time, but this was a very hard lesson.
Sometimes I thought that I've had enough, and if I shouldn't let it go, that I'm not good enough for this and that I'll go back to Earth to my aunt and uncle, but then I tell myself that one failed mission doesn't mean it's going to be like this forever. I wanted to do it. I chose this profession myself and I should stick to it. I'm not a coward who gives up after the first mission.
The same determination can be seen in Pavel's eyes.
Yet we don't talk about it.
We both have our own methods of dealing with frightening experiences, and we both behave and act accordingly. But we are not alone in this. Kirk is just like us. Spock, while showing no emotion, is still half-human, and shows a certain amount of wariness, Uhura...she's no better. While Kirk gets drunk in bars and clubs, Uhura is buried in books and learning languages or whatever else she's in the mood for.
Scotty became a fixture on the Enterprise. Nothing surprising, in the end he turned out to be a capable and brilliant person, and Pavel often went to him for some information regarding trans mat.
We all deal with trauma on our own. And above all, in his own way.
But right now I'm suffering from insomnia and I'm trying to calm my head down to go to sleep at all. I don't want to close my eyes because when I do I see me and Sulu falling over the edge of the platform but this time there is no one to save us. I see the Enterprise being destroyed because no James Kirk came to the bridge to warn us. I see how I can't fight two Romulan attackers and fall over the edge of the platform myself. I can see everything that could have gone wrong that day and more. My mind is full of it and I'm starting to feel like I'm going crazy soon. I can't shake the thoughts of what could happen.
And I don't want to think about it.
I'm still full of it.
I'm trying to think of something nice, but I can't. The only good thing that came out of it, that is, good for me, was the part when I got into the tight embrace of Pavel, who was so afraid that he had fear written in his eyes.
He didn't talk about it either.
I don't know what I want more. If I want Pavel's description of how he felt at that moment, or if I want to pull him out of his bed and show him how much that one hug meant to me. He never hugged me like that. But it wasn't a situation I should be happy about.
It just gave me some hope that Pavel feels the same way I do about him. I have no choice but to take the risk. I'll either get someone I love, or I'll lose the only friend I've made here who understands me in almost everything.
But there was more to come. Something none of us could have expected or predicted.
He wanted to write much more. However, he was distracted from his writing by a noise in Pavel's bed next to him. Harry didn't need to be a genius to know what was going on with his roommate.
Pavel was trapped in his nightmare and needed help.
Without batting an eye, Harry climbed out of his bed and went to help him. It wasn't the first time he'd done it that week, he already knew how to gently wake him up and thus avoid a possible right hook, which Pavel knew all too well, even in his sleep.
"Pavel." was the first thing he had to do. Somehow to get his attention, but he knew he couldn't wake him up right away, because that would risk a painful landing on his ass. Only when Pavel stopped throwing himself, did he know he could continue.
Gently, very gently indeed, he took hold of his shoulder, gave him a little squeeze, not painfully but rather in a soothing way, and then he could speak again. "Pavel, get up. Everything is fine, you are on campus in your bed. I'm here too. And no one else.” This time this awakening was different.
Usually, Pavel only woke up when those two steps were accomplished, or when Harry was talking about whatever came to mind to reassure his roommate that they were indeed where they were supposed to be and nowhere else. This time, however, Pavel grabbed his hand. That never happened, and Harry didn't miss it. It didn't need to be dealt with when his friend was having a nightmare, but the great darkness hid the fact that a pair of blue eyes were staring at him, filled with horror and terror at what he was dreaming.
“I thought you were killed on Vulcan.” Harry froze and fell silent when Pavel spoke.
He didn't expect it to happen at all, usually Pavel just turns to his other side and continues his sleep. He thought today would be the same. That's why he didn't know what to answer him. But Pavel solved it for him.
“I couldn't stop staring at the screen when you went to Vulcan with Kirk and Sulu. When you then called to be transferred to the ship because you were falling... it was the worst situation that could have happened to me. Not the Pike kidnapping, or that the Enterprise had a hole in the hull and sucked out several of the crew, but your voice calling for help, because if no one did, you would die.
I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to get you on the Enterprise."
Harry was surprised. They didn't talk about it. They didn't try to convince each other to tell each other what happened from their point of view, or how terrified they both were. They didn't push themselves when it came to things that were scary or traumatic. They didn't want to remind each other of what happened.
"Pavel, I-"
"I'm sick of it Harry. I have had enough. You've been pretending to be my friend for two whole years, something we tell everyone. In all those two years, I only believed the friendship part for the first few months. Then I watched how your feelings changed. Your behavior towards me has changed. Not in a bad way, but I could see you weren't treating me like a friend.
I know, it's hard to talk about your feelings and emotions. It's hard for me too.
But I see the way you look at me. I can see you looking at me all this time. I know you better than anyone else in the entire universe, maybe better than you know yourself, and I've seen how many times you've wanted to tell me, and I've seen how many times you've said something other than what you originally meant, and how many times you've been interrupted. I certainly can't say you didn't try.
I feel the same as you. I wanted to tell you so many times too, but I couldn't. But I can't anymore. For once I want to be selfish and take what I want.
And I want you."
Harry couldn't even move. He absorbed what he was told. His brain had not yet accepted the information about what he had actually been told, and he knew that Pavel really knew him well enough to give him time to absorb it.
It took him a little longer, but eventually his head accepted the information he was being told.
What happened next was something he had wanted to do ever since he realized he had fallen in love with Pavel, and every day his desire for it increased more and more, but this time the dam broke with the emotions he felt for the younger boy and rather than say anything, he proved that he cared more than much.
He pulled Pavel into a sitting position, one hand in his blond hair, the other pulled him closer to him and kissed him without a single warning. He had wanted it for so long, imagined it even longer, but the reality was much better and sweeter than he could have imagined.
Paul's lips, they were soft, gentle and smooth, nothing he expected. Their inexperience was reflected in their kiss, but it made it all the more perfect for Harry. It didn't matter that this was their first kiss with each other as in their lives and they had no experience with it, but it didn't matter.
Harry felt Pavel's arm wrap around his neck and the other try to pull him up, he automatically complied with the unspoken request, his hands moved to Pavel's face and gently held him before they pulled away and Harry rested his forehead against Pavel's, trying to calm your breath.
So many thoughts ran through his mind and he didn't know which one to express first. He finally decided on the one that had been bothering him for a very long time.
"I was scared. If I told you how I felt about you, I was afraid that I would just scare you away and you wouldn't speak a word to me. I was so afraid of it that when I chased away the bug in my aunt's attic last month, he looked like you and said all the things you might say if you rejected me.
I wouldn't have been able to get past the rejection, and I know I should have looked around more.
You were the reason I volunteered for the airdrop. It was clear to me that if no one else came forward, you would probably be in my place, and I had a better chance of Pike taking me with him. And as I neared the ground on Vulcan, I couldn't think of anything but you."
Suddenly Harry felt lighter as he got it off him. This wasn't his idea of how to express his feelings, but if he was going to do it, it was now. It could be worse.
"You Harry James Potter will be the death of me one day, but right now I'm so damn glad I got to know you." this time it was Pavel who started the kiss.
Harry unconsciously obeyed Paul's silent requests and before he knew it he was lying on top of him, looking for a suitable position so he wouldn't lay him down, so while he felt the life draining from Paul he had one hand on his face and the other under his pajama top and caressed the soft skin on his side and one knee between Paul's legs.
Paul was right about one thing. It was really worth it.
"I love you, you know? And I will always love you. I promise."
Thanks to this, he had the opportunity to get to know a new side of the person he loved.
Pavel was definitely a passionate person as their kiss gradually deepened and they both slowly let out moans, the arousal was starting to show and they both needed more than just a passionate and deep kiss. They needed to connect on a more intimate level.
Harry's magic weaved around them without one or the other noticing, nothing really changed for Harry, he just didn't realize that his magic had enveloped Pavel as well, who was new to this feeling but didn't pay any attention to it.
After a very short time they both found themselves naked, on top of each other, hands exploring the other's body, lost in the other's intoxicating taste, Harry had to admit that Pavel's taste for strawberries and mint was exactly what he was, and he was happy to find that Pavlov's neck is a sensitive place.
But he had to give him a choice. He wouldn't do anything that Pavel didn't want, unless he felt like it.
"We can still-" but he didn't get the chance.
"But I do not want to."
With that sentence, Harry threw off all concentration and dived headlong into exploring the other's body again. He noticed how Pavel reacted to touches. A gentle caress along the length of his side was something that made Pavel turn like a bow, a weak bite to his nipple didn't cause any reaction in him but when he licked her, he got the most erotic sound he could get out of Pavel yet, the kisses on his stomach had a weak I responded, but when he tried to poke his tongue into his navel, the grip in his hair increased and his voice let out another moan, just as he accidentally brushed his teeth over his groin and gently caressed his inner thigh.
He had to prepare Pavel if they were going to connect on a much more intimate level, so he subtly used a lubrication charm as he took Pavel's cock into his mouth.
It was another new taste for Harry, much sweeter this time, and it proved Pavel's addiction to sweets, the lack of gagging effect was a plus for Harry as he could take Pavel much deeper than they had been able to, and at that moment he thrust the first oiled finger into Pavel's body. He had to prepare him more than usual, so when he pushed his fourth finger into Pavel, his soon-to-be lover was writhing in a flood of pleasure coursing through his body, as well as Harry's magic, unbeknownst to either of them.
"We can still-" Harry wouldn't do this unless Pavel was ready for it, just as he wouldn't hurt him, but he needed to be sure that this was exactly what Pavel wanted as well as Harry
"Don't you dare!" Pavel said, pulling Harry into another passionate kiss.
When the tip of Harry's cock pierced Pavel's prepared hole, he had to hold himself from taking it all at once, but he had enough brain power to realize that he didn't want to hurt him. After all, he wasn't the smallest in diameter or length.
But the feeling of pleasant heat that surrounded him, he had to persuade a lot not to come right away. It was such a great feeling that he had to overcome himself even at the moment when Pavel was getting used to his size inside him, but he obviously had no desire to get used to something like that, because he had been riding him since the moment he was inside him.
And the rubbing was absolutely wonderful. Like the feeling of having Pavel's legs wrapped around his waist, hands buried in his hair, lips pressed against his, swallowing his moans as Harry hit his prostate.
However, his stamina was surprising. He thought it would be quick the first time, but this...it wasn't like anything he read in books when he wanted to get some idea of the theory.
The words: god, faster and more, were repeated over and over as if Pavel had some kind of mantra, and the closer he got to orgasm, the more these words were repeated in Russian, Harry only understood them because he knew it.
"Harry, I-"
"Come for me, Paul."
Then Harry felt a tight grip around his cock, telling him that Pavel had come, and it brought him over the edge himself.
He never expected it to be like this the first time. His orgasm was strong, intense and long. He didn't feel his magic swirling around him and Pavel, because he was drifting on the intensity of that great feeling, from which he was only pulled by Pavel, who pulled him into another passionate kiss.
Yes, his lover was definitely passionate. And he proved it as often as possible.
"This was..."
"Yeah. It was. Sleep now, Pavel. We both need it."
"I love you too. I accept your promise.”
Pulling Paul into his victim, Harry cast a quick cleansing spell and in the next few seconds, he felt the body of the person he loved relax into sleep, and Harry was able to sleep with a clear conscience as well.
There would be plenty of time in the morning to talk about what this would mean for them, but Harry didn't regret it happening. He had the opportunity to get to know a new side of a person who reciprocated his feelings.
Although he would never have expected the nightmare ending to turn out like this, he really couldn't complain about how it turned out.
When he woke up the next day, he had a sense of deja vu. One of his legs hung out of the bed, he was woken up by a weight on his chest, someone's hair shimmering on his chin, his arms around someone's body, but this time he was awakened by a pleasant feeling of shimmering on his side and a bright light shining into his eyes and a bed that was not his .
He opened his eyes and was greeted by a tousled blonde head that was more tousled from sex than sleep. And even though he would normally have a tendency to panic at not waking up in his bed with someone's body on top of him, he could easily tell that it was Paul and so he pulled him closer to him, wrapping his legs around him and burying his nose into Pavel's warm neck and it made him hear a soft giggle, yet the hug was returned.
"Good morning," Pavel said, running his fingers through Harry's hair.
He just grunted instead of answering and stole a soft kiss, hearing another burst of giggles that Harry would easily call the most beautiful sound in the world right now. He had longed for such a moment for so long that he couldn't get enough of it. Fortunately for them, they could enjoy a lazy morning with peace of mind because they didn't have to go anywhere.
"And that he really is," Harry answered him, and he meant it.
However, he didn't have time to think about what to do next, because he was caught by a shine that had no business being there. Confused, he looked around the room for the source of the glow, only to notice that there was nothing in their room that gave off a glow, and as he turned his head back to Pavlo to explain what was going on, he was caught by an object on his finger.
A gold ring that really had no business being there. He raised his left hand to his face, wondering how the hell he got there. The faintly engraved words clued him in and gave him an idea of why this happened. Almost panicked, he took Pavlo's left hand in his and turned it palm up.
The words engraved on the ring just now told him what had happened.
"Is everything alright?" Pavel asked him, looking at Harry with a frown on his face.
“At this point, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Come on get up, I have to check something and you have to come with me."
Pavel did not protest. The two thoughtfully changed into their Starfleet uniforms, not that they had the chance to change into civilian clothes just yet, and walked towards the building that housed the Ministry of Magic's embassy to Britain. Luckily there weren't as many idiots as in Britain even though they had to obey the laws the Ministry of Magic made, but there were much nicer people. No one tried to report or control him.
“Lieutenant Potter, good morning. What can we do for you?" needless to say, half the embassy staff knew who he really was.
"I need to check something with the Department of Magical Marriages." he saw Pavel turn around too quickly, but Harry didn't have the strength to look back at him.
A few moments later, an elderly woman came with a stern expression on her face, holding a bundle in her hand and motioning for them to follow.
They dragged themselves through a strange maze of corridors, unable to remember the way until they reached a strange looking office. If nothing else, Harry was still of the opinion that wizards were just plain weird. Whether they were wizards on Earth or in Starfleet. They're just weird.
“This document appeared at two o'clock this morning. You didn't ask for a marriage license, the document would be invalid, but in this case it's a magically contracted marriage, so there's nothing I can do for you if you're here for that reason.”
Harry took the document with shaky hands and began to read it. He never expected to read something like this.
Information about the marriage certificate
Arranged marriage between Harry James Potter and Pavel Andreevich Chekov.
Marriage concluded on August 4, 1998 based on a vow.
The promise was tested by Lady Magic, evaluated as true, and then accepted.
The marriage was solemnized by Lady Magic and no witnesses were needed to confirm the authenticity of the vow.
This marriage cannot be divorced and is listed as consanguineous.
The couple will be known from this day on as Harry and Pavel Chekov-Potter-Pendragon.
Harry paled. He really had no idea if it was a good or a right situation, but he handed the information sheet into Pavel's hands and still couldn't look at it. Now it was just a question of how Pavel would accept it.
"So what happened this morning...and the rings..."
"Yeah. We're married now."
"And this...this...this shouldn't happen."
“Not common, Lieutenant Chekov. It's unusual, that's true, but it doesn't happen very often. However, this marriage is classified as indissoluble and conducted as a consanguineous marriage. No one and nothing can separate the two of you, except perhaps Lady Magic herself, but what once unites does not always divide. You will need to make senior management aware. In wizarding Britain, you may be the first to undergo or be a victim of this bond, but you are not the first. I think Captain Pike was also connected like this before his wife died. He will certainly understand your situation."
It was a quick visit after all. Despite the fact that no one and nothing could separate them, they had to sign several papers, with half of them being sent to Wizarding Britain and the other half remaining at the British Embassy, the rest to be given to their commanding officers.
“As I said, you are not the first case of this unconscious marriage, but you are the first to notice it so early. In any case, I wish you the best of luck, Lieutenants.”
Harry took a deep breath as they finally climbed out of the building. It was not exactly how he imagined the development of a new relationship. It wasn't at all what he thought it would be, instead he went straight from friendship to marriage. A move he would make later.
"Pavel, I-" instead of an apology he was silenced with a soft kiss on the cheek, another reaction Harry wouldn't have expected.
He expected shouting, reproaches, head-on beatings, even anger, but he definitely did not expect to receive an ordinary, but no less affectionate kiss on the cheek and a gentle smile that perfectly described Pavel.
“I know you didn't do it on purpose. To tell you the truth, I would expect something like this later, much later, but not now. Whatever it is, I'm not angry. I'm surprised, but I'm not mad.” All the tension he didn't know he felt suddenly fell from Harry.
He couldn't imagine what he would do if Pavel rejected this connection, even if he understood it. Neither of them had a choice when it happened, and if there was anything Harry hated, it was this.
Not having a choice in what happens.
But Pavel took it practically without batting an eye, so it was the first time Harry wasn't angry at his bad luck, and the first time he was grateful that something had happened, however unexpected and too soon.
He suddenly walked towards Admiral Pike with a lighter head and a happy smile on his face.
When they explained their situation to him a few minutes later, they never expected Pike to laugh at what happened. Although the embassy clerk had already warned them that Pike would be one of those who would understand, seeing it with her own eyes was...breathtaking. They were still afraid of how their former captain would take it. Now they knew everything would be fine.
“I haven't been around wizarding circles all that long, but something tells me you'd both prefer your name Pendragon not mentioned. Even the alien races know these legends and some of them know it's real history, not just a story." Harry didn't even think about that.
Ever since he got that name he realized that he was actually in real danger now that he heard it. Their real name would actually be much longer, they both realized that, but the name Pendragon really posed the greatest danger to them. None of the alien races that knew it's history had any idea who the rightful king was, and it meant just as much danger to Pavel even though he was only a Consort.
“If you can arrange that, we'd be grateful, sir.” Pike didn't bat an eyebrow as he typed out the paperwork listing them as husband and wife, and didn't blink as he typed out just the name: Chekov-Potter.
In the eyes of the Federation, the couple would be married of their own choosing, married by Pike himself, and with two witnesses whose names Harry didn't know but had a hunch would probably be Pike's friends, the Federation was yet to find out how it all happened.
"I'll take care of the witnesses. But usually the Federation doesn't care about arranged marriages unless they see a reason to rummage through the papers. This is still a valid marriage certificate though, and you'll be known as Chekov-Potter in the Federation, and you'll just be two boys of legal age who decided to get married. That doesn't mean your real name isn't valid."
In the end, it only took an hour. Harry had no idea that just announcing their new marital status would involve so much paperwork, and it was probably just the fact that they had to keep their names hidden that was really the reason.
They could then take a break from all the stress in their room, and Harry just wanted to close his eyes and sleep until the next day. But the weight on his body did not allow him to do so.
He was pulled into a soft and loving kiss, lost in the sensation of the painless tugging of his hair, and as he wrapped his arms around Pavel's waist, he couldn't think of anything else. Maybe it really was luck.
As twisted as it was and putting him in danger for him, this time it turned out much better than he expected. Not even in his dreams (well, yes, in his dreams) would he have thought that something like this would happen, but he really didn't believe that Pavel would take it so well.
Maybe one day he would thank his luck for having met such a fantastic person as Pavel, but not yet. Now, a lot of bad events still outweighed the good in his life.
"No more surprises please. No airdrops to scare me, no life-threatening events, no more unplanned marriages.” Harry just smiled at his…husband's playful mood.
Merlin, this is going to take a while to get used to.
"I can promise you another unplanned marriage, but not the rest. We are in Starfleet and our captain is Kirk. I don't think I can promise anything I can break.” even though he saw the playful mood, Harry meant it when he said it.
He really couldn't promise anything he could break later. Furthermore, he was sure that if their roles were reversed, Pavel would be the one to go instead of Harry. He knew him too well for that, and that's why he signed up for the airborne before Pavel could, even if it meant nightmares.
Unfortunately for them, they didn't have any more time to talk as their communicators began to ring announcing to board the Enterprise as soon as possible for another mission.
"I think we'll see Kirk's reaction a lot sooner than we thought," Harry said as he put on his blue shirt as he was called in as a doctor this time, and second in command.
Pavel in his yellow trick only smiled. "It will be interesting when they approach us. Mr. Chekov-Potter, it will be rather confusing.”
Harry couldn't do anything but agree.