Chapter 1
Juny 1996
I really don't even know how to start. I don't want to introduce myself to anyone because everyone knows who I am, so it's not even worth it.
I was given this journal after my godfather, Sirius Black, died. Hermione thinks it's a good idea for me to get over my depression and that it's good to write down my thoughts sometimes so I don't go crazy.
I don't know if it works and if it's a good idea, but since this is my first write-up, I can't judge if it actually works. It took a lot of coaxing to keep a journal and not feel like a girl.
Maybe this will improve my spelling too and I won't scratch like a chicken before death, as Professor McGonagall likes to label my handwriting. I have to admit it's true. I'm really scratching.
So if I'm going to write down my thoughts, I should start.
I doubt it.
I question everything that the adults in my life label as safety. I don't feel this way by chance and I find that I slowly stop trusting adults or any authorities, because they were the ones who disappointed me the most in my life and proved that they don't care what an eleven year old child tells them, or a seventeen year old adult student. I've seen rejection so many times that I don't confide in anyone about my problems.
And that makes me feel so alone.
The only person I could ever trust was Sirius, but he's dead now and I have no one to confide in. Remus blames me for his death, Hermione tells me it will get better in time and I believe it, Ron and Ginny don't like me for some reason and I don't understand why. They don't even respond to my letters, which is weird and actually makes me a little sad that they aren't having fun.
I should be a lot more sorry, but I'm not.
I found a flyer on the kitchen table yesterday.
Recruiting for Starfleet.
I've never heard of it, but I have to admit I'm really thinking about it. I have the ability to get as far away from the wizarding world as possible and no one would have to find me if I went into space. Not that I'm not interested in such things, but there's no one here to keep me in place.
Few people know that space is something that interests me and if I get the opportunity to operate in space and explore all possible and impossible planets, it would be like a dream come true. I'd even be willing to leave the wizarding community behind for it.
They didn't do me any good anyway. Just pain, loss of parents, death of godfather, distrust of adults and many others.
This Academy could help me start trusting the people I'm supposed to trust again. I have so few friends here that I wouldn't regret leaving at all.
I think I'm really going to leave. I don't have anyone here anymore who has the strength to keep me here. The Dursleys, on the other hand, are happy to get rid of me, so it shouldn't be a problem for them to let me out of the house and never see me again. I would be relieved too.
The fact that he hates me is perhaps a worse feeling than having to beat me every day. That consciousness of hatred is felt in every corner of this house and I can't take the pressure anymore. It's been fifteen years since I've lived here, and I'm actually surprised that I've lasted this long without trying to run away from home.
I'm even more surprised that they haven't tried to kill me or put me in an orphanage in those fifteen years. Honestly, I'd be better off anywhere else but here.
I still have a few days to submit my application. With how fast they're getting from place to place, I think there are some wizards in this Starfleet, so I'm actually hoping they'll be discreet enough and not try to hand me back to the British authorities. I really don't want to go back once I decide to do it.
It doesn't sound like a bad idea after all.
Harry James Potter.
For the first time in years, he began to doubt the rightness of the world around him, and for the first time, he began to doubt that adults really only wanted the best for him. After all, if they did, they wouldn't be sending him to a loveless home every summer, which was the one thing Harry wanted the most. He could have everything he could think of, but he never experienced love.
He had her, but he didn't remember her.
A few days ago, a flyer actually arrived that allowed entry to the Starfleet Academy to anyone who was fourteen years old and had the consent of their parents or guardians, as long as they were not considered adults in their country.
And Harry wasn't even in Britain, not even in the wizarding world yet. So he had to have the approval of his uncle and aunt if he wanted to leave Britain and go into space.
Harry forgot to mention one more thing.
Not only that no one knew about his love for the stars and the discovery of various other planets or galaxies, which of course were there. How else would Starfleet have been formed.
There was one more piece of information in the world that only Harry himself knew about.
His high IQ and genius brain. By the time he entered Hogwarts remotely and individually completed his primary education, he had completed high school remotely which was needed to get some doctorates such as engineering, physics, biochemist, doctor of science and many others, with Harry in his fourth year he successfully completed his doctorates in engineering, physics, biochemistry and chemistry. He was currently trying out for medicine, and during his fifth year he managed to pass two years at once.
Nobody knew about that, except his professors.
He was labeled a child genius, but Harry never allowed them to publish anything under his real name, which his professors completely understood, precisely because of his name, as few knew that Oxford was a mixed university. She was for both muggles and wizards. Fortunately, none of them had a problem with his accomplishments being published under the name Henry S. Evans, which Harry had not forgotten to write on his Starfleet Academy application.
If nothing else, he wasn't going to be ashamed of what he had accomplished and what his mind was capable of, just as he had written on his application that he would like to finish his medical studies as he only had two years of study left plus some practice. He could do it in a year if the Academy allowed him to push through and complete his studies.
There were only two things left, the second dependent on the first.
“Uncle, aunt? I'd like to talk to you about something." sure, they hated him and he hated them, but he never wanted to antagonize them, so he was polite to them, knowing very well that the behavior of his relatives could easily turn sour and the topic of beatings would come up easily, which Harry wanted to avoid in one huge arc.
"About what?" and even they kept a dose of politeness, which was indeed laced with sarcasm and clear hatred.
“I found a flyer for enlisting at Starfleet Academy. I would like to go there. I've already filled out all the paperwork but I need a written approval from you that I'm allowed to go study and that your custody will fall to them until I'm of age.” and Harry really wanted to go there.
He would do anything in his power for it. And within feasibility.
“What's in it for us?” Uncle Vernon asked him.
Harry had honestly expected such a question, and was prepared for it. It was more than clear that his uncle wanted to hear all the pros and cons if he wanted anything from them.
"You'll get rid of me. You will never see me again. I will disappear from your life before the end of the summer. One of the branches is in London, so I should be gone within a week.”
“And what about your world?” his aunt still refused to use the word magic.
Harry still didn't know why, though he guessed it had something to do with his mother. He just didn't know what caused it.
"I do not know. There's a good chance they'll be looking for me here, but I'll be long gone, so you're not in any danger from them. You can finally move somewhere other than living here. I know that I am the only obstacle that prevented you from moving to America for work. You can tell them where I am if you want, but it will be too late to take me away because I won't even be on the planet anymore."
It was information that Harry verified first. If he applies in writing and is approved, he will be transferred to the Academy immediately regardless of the fact that it is still summer. And the Academy wasn't on Earth. He did not have to travel with other study applicants who were invited individually and individually. Which was another reason why he submitted the written request.
The day they came for him, he would be immediately taken from Earth and the wizarding world would have no chance of tracking him down, that is, unless someone else from the wizarding world joined the recruitment and tried to take him away, or report him to the proper authorities .
But he hoped he had given enough reasons why they should add him to other authorities.
"And you won't look for us when you leave?"
“If you don't want to meet me, then don't. I won't look for you or contact you unless you want to.” Harry still hoped that they would at least like him a little. They were the only family he had and he didn't want to lose them, but he wouldn't break his promise if they wished they would never see him again.
"No. We don't wish it. But I guess it wouldn't matter if you called once in a while. A letter, or any other message would do.” Harry's eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hair as he listened.
Somehow it didn't match what he had experienced and how they treated him. It was the complete opposite of what he knew. He didn't think they would even want him to check in with them from time to time, But...
“I don't think it will be a problem.” after all, families of children who were not of legal age were given communication devices to at least keep in touch.
"Good. If that's what you want, then we'll sign it.” Harry just nodded in response, excited that at least one of his relatives had gotten some kind of positive reaction to what he'd done, or what he'd been trying to do.
But the moment his aunt signed the necessary papers, his entire application disappeared. Harry didn't understand. Starfleet had wizards in their ranks, he was sure, but he had no idea that if a wizard filled out the form, it would be taken as a magical contract or something. This was certainly not expected by any of the people gathered at the dining table.
However, Harry's second task disappeared. He did not have to send an envelope with his application.
He smiled gratefully at his relatives and went to pack his things. If he was accepted, he wanted to be ready, and if he wasn't, he could be ready for school and not have to unpack, just go to the cross aisle and buy things for school. He's got his letter, but he's not going down the aisle until he gets some sort of answer.
Harry went to bed that night with mixed feelings.
He had no idea what to make of his aunt's request, no idea how the wizarding world would react, in any case he only had one letter ready and that was for Hermione who stood by him at all times no matter what the situation was . No one else deserved his explanation. They turned their backs on him when he needed them most. Even his aunt showed at least a little bit of remorse when he learned of his godfather's death, regardless of the fact that he was still a mass murderer in her mind.
No.
No one else needed to know where he was or why he left. Nothing was really holding him back, and he longed to make his dream come true. Regardless, he would probably never see the wizarding world again, or be able to do magic, but that was a small price to pay for fulfilling his dream.
He could make friends at any time. It didn't matter that the ones he needed the most didn't even wish him a nice summer, except maybe Hermione, and even she seemed reluctant to talk to him. If these were supposed to be his friends, they were worthless.
He went to sleep with hope in his heart and hoped that at least once in his life he would get what he wished for.