Battlefield
November 1978
The Department of Mysteries was exactly what it said on the tin. A fucking Mystery.
No one ever knew the full extent of what went on down there, and no one ever would unless you managed somehow to get a position in ever sector over the years, which was impossible considering they only allowed so many changes and a shit ton of oaths.
Hermione didn’t have a sector yet, she barely had a desk in the offices where people could make appointments and ask for approval of things. It was training and she was grateful for it, more grateful than following around Zach and his permanent glare.
They had given her stuff to do, her desk flooded with ancient parchments left for her to translate with nothing too revealing, just a steady increase of things she could do before she would be allowed past the doors and into their world. Though she hoped it came before the war truly stepped up, before she was no doubt forced into hiding.
Her parents worried about her down here alone, she understood, but she had made her choices. Dumbledore probably saw it as useful for something or other, though she wasn’t sure what. She hadn’t chosen this career out of her mission, but interest and...well partly because of her mission.
A sigh left her mouth, head titling forward as someone coughed before her and she blinked tired eyes at them.
“Plans for world domination not going well?” Sirius teased, leaning against her desk, his casual demeanor juxtaposed against the seriousness of the office.
Hermione rolled her eyes, shifting her papers and raising an eyebrow. “Did Moody need something?” He shook his head, looking around the office. “Then what are you doing down here?” She asked after a few seconds.
“Can’t stop by and say hi?”
“It’s not really the department for that.” Hermione mumbled back as she pushed her papers back into her desk, eyes drifting over to him and the cloak he so secretly thought he had hidden well. “James know you have that?” She asked with a sigh as he winced.
“He won’t even notice it’s missing.” Sirius explained with a cheeky grin, one she had seen on his face for too many times.
“Sirius, the fact that you have that let’s me know you know you shouldn’t be down here.” Hermione mumbled back.
“Relax, if anyone sees me then I’ll just say I came to ask permission for one of the rooms.” Sirius explained as though it was easy, grin on his face and hand waving it off even as Hermione raised an eyebrow at him and smiled.
“Which room?”
“What?”
“Auror’s are only allowed in certain rooms with certain permission, the fact that you don’t know which ones is only going to get you into shit.” The smile was gone and her annoyance creeping back. “You should leave before any one spots you.” She added, looking down at some of the papers still on her desk.
“Ah, Mi’ – come on.” He moaned. How many times had she heard him say that in so many different ways? She didn’t need to be hearing it today.
“Don’t be reckless, Sirius.” Hermione snapped, glaring at him as he blinked back at her, frowning slightly.
“I’m not – listen, I wanted to talk to you and I know we can’t do that here, but I was hoping we could get to lunch.” He said a bit softer.
“I’m not hungry.”
“When was the last time you ate?” There was concern in his voice and all over his face, silver eyes flickering to look over her like he could see something, like he thought she was wasting away under her robes.
“This morning at breakfast, though you can ask Marlene if you need someone to back it up.” Hermione snapped, unable to stop herself as her cheeks flushed and she thought of the coffee and apple she had eaten. It wasn’t exactly the breakfast of champions but it was something.
“I’m not accus- you’re coming to meeting, right?” He drifted away from the topic as Hermione nodded her head at him. “We’ll talk after then.”
“Sirius -”
“See you later!” He said, throwing the cloak over his head and exiting the office, leaving her to stare after him.
She shook her head, pushing aside her feelings and focusing on her work. The weight of her responsibilities hung heavy on her shoulders, and she told herself that right now, there were more important things than whatever Sirius wanted to talk about.
The hours ticked by as Hermione immersed herself in her work. The clock on the wall chimed the hour, and she took a deep breath, trying to remind herself that she was too focused on her mission to let anything else distract her.
…
Later that evening
“What are you doing here?”
“Remus!” Lily hissed, elbowing his side but Remus barely paid attention.
He was more focused on the young woman who had strutted in, mess of curls plaited down to her head, stormy blue eyes looking over him as she gave a dimpled smirk. “Your greetings make me feel so warm and fuzzy inside, love.” She reached up on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. “I was invited.”
“But I -”
“I know what you said but I can make my own choices.” Edith sighed out as she shook her head, eyes scanning everything around the dingy underbelly of the pub they sat in.
“It’s not safe.” Remus whispered, just loud enough for Edith and his friends to hear.
“Remus, I have a dangerous job and you know better than anyone that if I don’t pick a side then she’s just going to come knocking…” Edith’s voice was soft, an indication that they had had this discussion more than once, she had heard his side but she wasn’t backing down.
“Who?” James and Sirius piped up, sitting up straight in their chairs.
Two smacks followed as Lily hit the back of their heads and glared at them both. “Stop being nosy!”
“Lily!” James cried as Remus went to open his mouth again, Marlene sliding an arm around his shoulder and Edith’s.
“As much as we all love a bit of drama, perhaps you love birds could wait to do this at home where you don’t have half the Order watching.” She muttered, pushing them towards their seats and sending a quick glare over her shoulder to whoever had been stood close enough to listen.
Hermione watched them sit. Remus looked annoyed as usual, mouth set in a tight line and shoulders rigid, he didn’t soften as Edith took his hand but he didn’t pull away either. He didn’t continue to fight, didn’t give her the cold shoulder or continue to argue further. In fact, he seemed to be holding her hand as tightly as she was holding his.
It was sweet. It was adult. And it was fucking normal. And Hermione envied it, she envied having partners that turned out to be dicks in the end or who couldn’t move past an argument. Who couldn’t see comfort and concern above everything else.
Yet, at the same time she was happy that Remus had someone that stuck by him – that he wasn’t backing down from this anytime soon. Edith was good for him, and maybe Remus was good for Edith.
Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose, an image of pink hair and a kind smile lingering behind her eyes. So awfully familiar at this point, and yet still so distant that she couldn’t pin point who this person might be and what her connection to all of this was.
“You ok?” James whispered in her ear as she hummed in response, looking back up as Dumbledore and Moody made their way inside.
“Good evening everyone, I want to thank you for coming this evening.” Dumbledore spoke, twinkling eyes looking around and mouth curved into what one would assume was a gentle smile but there was a tension behind it. “As you can see, we have some new members joining our ranks, Edith Gilbert, Emmeline Vance - “
Hermione and the rest of her friends head swivelled to look where Dumbledore gestures, the rest of the ‘new members’ introductions fading into the background as Emmeline stood, half hidden in the corner, looking much like she had done when they last saw her. Pretty and bored as she inspected her nails like this was nothing more than some meaningless role call.
“When did she get here?” Hermione whispered to James, and Lily who was listening too, the pair of them shrugging their shoulders.
“Never thought I would see her in here.” Lily muttered back, narrowing her eyes and leaning back in her chair as she watched Emmeline.
Hermione frowned, Emmeline’s eyes met hers, the raw honest conversation they had had months ago flooding her mind. It had been strange then and it was strange to think about now, but Hermione wasn’t overly surprised to see that the girl had stuck to her word.
“...talented in their own respects, so let’s make sure to give them all a warm welcome as we navigate through these difficult times.” Dumbledore’s voice flooded back in as Hermione fought to roll her eyes, instead slumping down in her seat slightly. “Now, onto the main course at hand – there has been rumours of a scheduled attack this evening on a Muggle Village.”
The room seemed to freeze, everyone sitting up straight, everyone watching Dumbledore with wide eyes to see what he would say or do. There had been many attacks throughout the last few months, ones that the Order hadn’t been able to stop and the Auror’s in the room had been called to a bit too late.
The fact that the attack hadn’t happened yet and only rumours remained, and Dumbledore was telling them could only mean one thing.
Moody stepped forward, furious glare on his face as he looked over everyone. “The majority of you will be sent out, split into teams and keeping watch should anything happen.” He growled out, teeth showing through chapped lips as Dumbledore sighed.
“Remember, this is not to be used as an opportunity to attack them -” His eyes lingered on Hermione a second too long as she glared back. “It is a matter of defence and to protect those unable to protect themselves.” He added with another sigh as he clasped his hands.
Hermione watched him, took him in. She hoped he was listening to her, listening to all of them that they refused to sit back and do nothing, but as always with him, she could only think there was something else going on. Another hand at play, another plan – that it was some kind of distraction or test.
…
Hermione stood half hidden in an alleyway, her eyes looking for anything, her wand half hidden up her sleeve. She had dressed in Muggle clothing, the type that wouldn’t attract any attention her way and her familiar curls were tied into a tight bun away from her face.
A few people had passed, coming home from work or stumbling home from the pub up the road, but none had stood out and none had even looked her way.
“Nothing?” Hermione turned her head slightly to see Benjy as he moved from the other end of the alleyway to behind her as she shook her head. “Yeah, same for me.” He added with a sigh as he leaned against the wall.
Hermione didn’t say anything as she kept her eyes forward on the area she had been assigned to watch while Benjy thought about whatever it was he was thinking about. It was nice to have someone with her, someone she trusted to watch her back.
“Is Zach still giving you shit?” Benjy suddenly said as she sent him a quick glance over her shoulder.
“Not really, he just ignores me now.”
“Wish it was the same for me and Black.” He sighed out, coming to stand by her side and rubbing a hand over his tired face. “He asks a lot of questions.” His eyes were wide as Hermione chuckled slightly and nodded her head. “With work I get, I’m somewhat his superior or whatever but when he starts asking about life and you, well...”
“Me? Why?” Hermione asked, frowning as she turned her head to look at him again while he raised en eyebrow at her like it should be obvious, her eyes rolled. “If you’re here to talk to me for him then -”
Benjy laughed lowly, cutting her off. “Not at all, I already let him know where my loyalties lie.” He said it so casually, like it was the truth and it made Hermione’s eyes sting as she looked back to the street. “Plus, Sirius Black doesn’t need help talking to people.” He muttered under his breath as Hermione hummed.
“He wanted to speak after the meeting today.” Hermione said back before she could stop herself, letting out a sigh.
“You don’t sound too excited.”
“I don’t think there’s anything left to speak about.” She admitted, though it hurt in a way to admit. They were doing somewhat better but it wasn’t the same and she had no interest in it being the same. “I mean, do you spend time speaking and trying to be friends with your ex’s who have hurt you?” She asked, as though searching for validation.
“No, but it’s different for you two…” Benjy said with a shrug of his shoulders as he looked back to the road.
It was different, complicated and chaotic and there was so much more going on than anyone knew. They were good and then they weren’t, and they were trying to figure things out but it felt like something was holding them back. Fear of getting hurt again, the inability to trust the other person when they should have been the person they trusted the most.
Hermione wasn’t sure she wanted to keep doing this back and forth. No one else she knew, except Marlene, were capable of being friends with their ex. No one else was expected to be friends with their ex, but then again no one elses ex was embedded in their life quite like Sirius was with Hermione. He existed in every corner and made it hard to fully root out.
And then the conflicting thoughts came; the ones that told her she didn’t want him completely rooted out of her life either.
Her mouth opened to speak when the whole world seemed to shake with screams, laughter and the rumbling of buildings.
Hermione and Benjy were moving, feet pounding against the floor as they sprinted towards the noise, trying their best to avoid the people that were running away.
A fire loomed ahead, large and burning, people screaming as others cackled, lights going off in every direction. Hermione stumbled over her feet, gripping the shoulders of the Muggle that had just run into her, tears streaming down their face as she directed them behind her.
“Why are they all out here?” Hermione shouted to Benjy as they continued moving forward. “Why not stay in their houses?” She added as he panted beside her, pulling out his wand.
“No idea.” He shouted back as they came to the edge of the town centre where most of it seemed to be taking place.
The smell of copper was strong, the sound of whimpering and screams echoing in her ears as she tried to stomach herself for what she was about to walk into. It was one thing to know, to want to fight, and another thing to be stood before it and expected to defend yourself and those around you. It was too much like Diagon Alley and yet different. None of these people could fight for themselves.
Benjy took to it like a duck to water, sending spells out and helping people he could, some other members seemed to too – Hermione couldn’t recall seeing anyone she knew as she engaged in a duel with some hooded figure, eventually gaining the upper hand and sending him sprawling back into a wall where he slumped.
“Well, if it isn’t little Hermione Potter.” A chilling voice spoke, hooded eyes and a wicked smile moving to stand before her in the chaos. Just like before, everything seemed to stop and watch the pair of them.
Hermione watched her with cautious eyes as the woman prowled forward, fending off spells sent her way with a simple flick of her wand. Powerful and intelligent, unpredictable and dangerous. This wasn’t a duel she could just walk into.
Bellatrix moved forward again, stopping as a Muggle whimpered on the floor, blood staining the ground below and crazy eyes turning to look down at it as the Muggle gripped her foot. “Please...please…”
Bellatrix sneered, kicking the hand off of her. “How dare you beg me! Filthy Muggle!” She screeched before cackling, her wand out before Hermione could even blink. “Crucio!” She shouted as the Muggle screamed and writhed on the floor.
Hermione waved her wand, anger and hatred clouding her thoughts, she knew the pain of suffering at Bellatrix’s wand – like her whole body had been set alight. She sent a spell at Bellatrix only for it to be blocked and sent away, but the crazy eyes were back on her now and the Muggle was whimpering in a ball.
Bellatrix let out cruel laugh, her wand twirling through her fingers as Hermione glared at her. “How sweet – you care for these...how disappointing.” She taunted but Hermione ignored her.
Someone was creeping closer to the Muggle, one of hers she was certain, trying to get the to them despite Bellatrix being there and Hermione couldn’t give them away. “You’d know all about disappointing people, wouldn’t you Bella?”
The woman before her smirked but her eyes flashed dangerously and her wand was gripped tighter in her hand as Hermione relaxed her stance slightly. There was still fighting going on in the background, still people crying and the fire was still burning but it was all background noise when faced with the woman before her.
“No heirs, a husband who barely tolerates you and a Dark Lord who is more interested in getting his hands on me than anything you have to offer.” Hermione’s voice was low as Bellatrix snarled slightly, but she could see the person creeping closer to the Muggle, a few steps away. “Is that why you haven’t attacked me? Scared Voldemort will kill you if you harm a hair on my head?”
“You dare speak his name?!” The fight started then, ducking and throwing spells at each other. A fair few of them a bright green that had Hermione gulping.
“How funny that you spend your time chasing after a man whose blood is less pure than yours – but then again I guess he never told you about his filthy Muggle father.” Hermione taunted, circling to the side and almost smiling when Bellatrix mirrored her, their duel still continuing.
“Lies!” She screamed, eyes full of chaos and hand clenching her wand tighter as Hermione dodged another spell.
“I promise you they’re not, but if you’re so unsure – why not go ask Tom yourself?” Hermione asked as Bellatrix snarled.
Her wand raised and she turned on the spot, sending a spell flying to the Muggle she had tortured before, the body falling limp to the floor as the person who had been helping stood staring with bright emerald green eyes and a flash of auburn hair.
“Stupid Mud-” A scream left her mouth as Hermione’s spell connected with her side before she could even think about sending a spell at Lily who was white as a sheet and shaking as she stared at Bellatrix with wide eyes.
Bellatrix hunched over, hand gripping her side where red bloomed under her black robes, half stumbling to turn back and look at Hermione.
“It’s over Bellatrix – one more spell and I’ll make sure to send you back to your Dark Lord in pieces.” Hermione hissed as the woman stared at her with wide eyes before she laughed.
“This isn’t the end, Bloodtraitor.” And then she was turning with a crack, others following in the night, leaving nothing but the Order and a handful of Muggles in their burning village.
“Fuck...I hope she splinched herself.” Hermione muttered taking a deep breath as she stumbled forward and her eyes settled on her friend. “Lily – are you ok?” She asked softly as she moved forward while Lily stared at the spot where Bellatrix had disapparated.
“I – I thought -”
“What were you even doing?” Hermione couldn’t stop herself, snapping slightly at her friend who should have known better than to try and get anywhere close to Bellatrix.
“I thought I could help them.” Lily sniffled back, eyes filled with unshed tears.
Hermione gulped as she looked down at the Muggle and then away, but there was no place around that she could look where she didn’t see bodies laid on the floor, some moaning and some still with glassy eyes. There was no rhyme or reason for the attack, nothing but to cause havoc.
Lily sobbed before her and Hermione didn’t have to think twice about wrapping her arms around the woman, holding her close as the Order and the few Aurors who had arrived began cleaning up the scene around them.
...
The flat felt wrong when Hermione stumbled inside, the few drinks she had downed at the pub afterwards effecting her more than she had thought they would. She had left Sirius and Marlene there, let them down their sorrows in their amber liquid and hoped they would find their answer in the bottom of a glass.
Regulus had been there tonight, according to them. Struck them both like a punch to the gut in different ways. It was one thing to know what someone was than to see them there before you, fighting against you and sending spells your way to protect their own skin. Marlene had defended it, but there was a sadness in her eyes and Sirius...well Sirius had been silent.
Worryingly so.
A groan left her mouth as she tried her best to take off her coat with shaking hands, glaring down at the fabric before pulling it over her head and launching it at the sofa with a growl.
It was too much. The alcohol in her system. Her friends pain. The whole fucking night had been a big disaster. Muggles dead, one too many. A couple of the Order dead and only some low level Deatheaters taken in – all of it seemingly for nothing over than a face to face with Bellatrix and Lily nearly getting killed.
Her bottom lip wobbled as she thought of Lily’s pale face, the way James had been adamant about taking her home before Dumbledore could even go over the events of the evening. The pair of them setting off into the night while Hermione watched them go, wishing she could have gone with them or offered more comfort.
They had thought they were prepared for this. Some of them had even wanted to do this. But tonight had been a harsh reminder of what they had signed up for, a reminder that war was cruel and they were all sadly unprepared to deal with it. Dumbledore hadn’t prepared them for it enough and people had paid the price.
She had seen her parents eyes as they watched her recount what happened with Bellatrix, the concern and the hands that seemed to twitch in her direction. They had wanted to take her home, coddle her and make it seemed like everything was ok – like she didn’t see the face of the Muggle that had begged for their life and had it blinked out in a second before they were safe.
Like they didn’t see the horrors that surrounded her when she closed her eyes and told them she was fine. Because she was, she had to be.
Her stomach turned as she stumbled to the kitchen, the walls spinning as tears burned her eyes and trailed down her cheeks. The sick feeling of panic clawed it’s way up her throat as she sunk down to the floor and clutched her knees to her chest, wishing she had gone with someone or stayed out. Anything but feeling utterly alone in her flat with panic and sadness as her only company.
The edges of her vision began to blur, and she pressed her palms against her eyes, trying to block out the memories that threatened to drown her.
“Hermione?”
“Is she ok?”
“Mi – come on – you’re alright.” Soft hands grasped her shoulders as she blinked up at the kind light green eyes and shaggy hair. There was a cute on his cheek and he looked like he was covered in ash but he was kneeling before her like she was the one worse off right now.
“I – Remus?” She slurred out slightly, blinking her eyes up at him. The panic loosened its hold a bit as he offered her a kind smile. “What are you doing here?”
“We wanted to check on you.” He muttered back as she frowned at him.
“We?” Hermione asked before she looked over his shoulder where Edith stood in her kitchen, the usual expression gone from her face and instead replaced with concern. “Oh...hi.” Hermione muttered weakly, reaching up a hand to wipe her face.
“You ok?”
No. She wasn’t. “Yeah...sorry...I just...I might have had a bit too much to drink.” She definetly had but that wasn’t what was making the panic settle in the edges of her brain or stopping her from closing her eyes too long.
Edith hummed, taking a step closer and ignoring the warning glance Remus sent her way – she too looked a bit worse for wear, a few scratches on her arms and a sadness in her eyes, but there was a determination settling on her face that made Hermione almost feel wary. “Shit night, it’s ok if you want to cry.”
“I’m not -”
“Pride can be a dangerous thing.” Edith said, her voice more accented as she sat onto the floor besides Hermione, leaning her back against the cabinets and ignoring Remus as he hissed her name. “I won’t tell anyone, but we’re both here for you if you decide you want to let it out.” She added, stormy blue eyes settling on Hermione’s.
It was like the opening she needed as more tears began to fall, a small hand patting her shoulder in what Hermione assumed was support or comfort. The panic almost cheered at being welcomed back in, but it was overrun by the sadness that seemed to consume every single part of her. Hermione wasn’t a crier by nature, life had handed her too much to be sad about that if she cried about it she would never stop.
But the alcohol in her veins and the things she had seen, there was no way to stop herself from crying, from allowing the sadness to consume her completely.
Remus’ arms wrapped around her, his head resting on top of hers as he held her close, Edith’s hand rubbing her back. Remus wasn’t a hugger, but he might have needed it as much as her as she felt his own tears drip against her hair.
“It’s ok.” He muttered to her, to himself and maybe to Edith too who seemed to be sniffling. “It’s going to be ok.” It felt like a lie but she appreciated the thought nonetheless.
“Lily nearly -”
“I know but she’s fine, you saved her.” Remus whispered as Hermione sobbed into his shoulder, shaking her head. “You did, she might be a bit shaken up but she’s home with James and she’ll be ok.” He soothed her as Hermione sobbed even harder.
It was overwhelming, the memories in her head and the knowledge that Lily and James might die young but she hadn’t be prepared for that to nearly happen tonight. She hadn’t even been sure what spell she had sent at Bellatrix, just the overwhelming fear of making sure that woman didn’t harm Lily in the slightest. It had worked but it had been too close.
Lily could have easily been that Muggle.
The thought sent her sobbing again, clutching at Remus like he was her lifeline. “I’m sorry...I’m sorry…”
Remus pushed her back, hands gripping her shoulders so he could look at her face. “You have nothing to be sorry for, this isn’t your fault, none of it.” He spoke so sternly, and she could see that he was talking about more than what happened tonight.
That he knew where her thoughts were drifting and he was ready to put a stop to it. It didn’t matter that Edith sat next to them, probably aware that there was more being said than she knew, but she didn’t say anything, her hand rubbing gently against Hermione’s shoulders.
“People died, Remus...and we couldn’t save them.”
“Not everyone is going to make it, and that’s something we all have to come to terms with. It’s awful, and it’s unfair, but it doesn’t mean you failed. Or that we failed.” Again his words carried so much more meaning than just about this evening and she hated it.
She hated that he was so forgiving. That if she made a mistake and the whole future went to shit then he would forgive her – that if someone died before they originally did that it wasn’t her fault. She hated that she had such a good friend to see through everything and be there for her. Yet she admired it for him too.
Remus Lupin was a good friend and she was lucky to have him.
“Sorry...for making you worry and for you both feeling like you had to come here to check on me.” Hermione sniffled out, sending a quick look to Edith who just smiled slightly.
“It’s what friends do, right?” She asked, before removing her hand and offering a more dimpled smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Now, how about some tea?” She asked before she was standing up and looking around the kitchen.
“There’s some biscuits and chocolate in the cupboard too.” Remus added as he reached up a hand to wipe away Hermione’s tears and offered another smile while Hermione sniffled and raised an eyebrow.
“Marlene will be annoyed if you eat her snacks again.” She managed to joke weakly as Edith chuckle and began preparing the teas.
“Well, Marly isn’t here and I think we could use some comfort food.” Remus answered, rolling his eyes and standing up from the floor with a groan, offering his hand out for her to take.
She took it, letting him pull her up from the floor, before he was letting go of her hand to rummage through the cupboards, half leaning over Edith who didn’t seem to mind but seemed amused, shaking her head at his behaviour.
Hermione was glad for it. Glad to see them behaving like a normal couple as they bickered about how to make tea and how to be guests in someone elses home. How they didn’t look at her with pity at her red eyes and stained cheeks, how they joked and laughed like the night hadn’t been horrible and they all wouldn’t end up with some form of nightmares.
She was glad to be around people who seemed capable of still finding light in the situation around them.