Concerns of Mind
Thursday the 12th of May 1977
The dormitory was dark, cold and unwelcoming, turning into something that had once been filled with laughter into something else.
He knew it was his fault, it always was, and even as he stared at the pictures that littered the room, signs of the good times they had had before he made this place his depressing refuge and all but pushed everyone anyway. He just wanted space.
Needed space.
Some might tell him it wasn’t that bad, but almost getting someone pregnant and potentially passing on his disease was nothing easy to get over. Madam Pomfrey had laid into him about, Dumbledore had had some words to say and no doubt once his parents found out there would be more for him to hear about, things he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.
He loved his parents, his mother had tried throughout the years to understand every part of his life, had encouraged him to have friends, but her head still dropped and tears still filled her eyes when they locked him away during the full moon.
His father was different, no doubt he had a love for Remus, but he had made his opinions on werewolves clear and was maybe the whole reason they were in this mess – except Remus was the reason he couldn’t keep a job, why they had no money and why they lived in some shitty shack in the woods while his friends had their nice houses and money in the bank.
The resentment had crept up on him suddenly, along with realisation. If it had been Sirius to knock up Hermione then there would be disappointment, perhaps a few punches from James, but they would keep their daughter close and comfortable – like they had for Andromeda. If it was James and Marlene, or Lily, then the same would be said.
Their parents wouldn’t lecture about what they could pass on, why they should stay away from relationships, why they needed to hide who they were – why their life would never be normal.
It hurt him more than he could admit. His future was up in the air and it terrified him to even think about it, there would be no joining the Aurors for him, no possible potions internship – no whatever Hermione wanted to do. No million options at his fingertips and no bank filled with millions upon millions.
There would be no children, or a wife, no nice house to come home to – and they would never understand that, because how could they when it wasn’t a worry for them.
And one day he would be nothing more than the poor kid they tried to help, who couldn’t be helped, and who they realised would fall behind in life while they moved forward. And it would be better if he could help them come to that conclusion sooner rather than later, even if it meant creating distance between them.
And anyone else who might be tempted to try and come his way.
Hence all but locking himself away and barely speaking, he hadn’t even come to see the Quidditch match but he heard the happy cries when Gryffindor finally came back to the tower, a win and the Quidditch cup clutched tightly in their hands.
He had popped his head down, made a quick appearance and disappeared just so no one else would come up and follow him, and they hadn’t. Whether because they knew he wanted to be alone or because they didn’t care, he didn’t know but he wasn’t going to bring it up.
Wasn’t going to bring anything up.
As if sensing his thoughts, the door to the dormitory opened, he didn’t look up from his book not even as they bounced onto his bed, laid out on either side of him, matching grins on their faces that quickly fell as he said nothing.
“Moony, mate, think we could talk?” James asked, hazel eyes sharp behind his glasses as Remus raised his eyebrows.
“I’m reading.” He spoke softly as he lifted up the book to show them both, frowning as James tore it from his hand and threw it across the room. “The fuck, James?” He asked, letting his annoyance show as the book clattered somewhere but his friend didn’t seem bothered.
“You been in here ‘reading’ for weeks, don’t you think you should go outside?” He asked, even though he tried to smile there was an edge of annoyance in his voice. “Maybe let that pasty skin see the sun for once.” He added as Sirius sighed and sat himself up straight, sending James a quick look before looking at Remus.
“We know it’s been a bit shit, but it isn’t helping anyone by hiding yourself away.” He spoke softer than Remus had ever heard him, like he understood what Remus was thinking or going through, but he didn’t because none of them ever did.
“I’m not hiding.”
“Sure, because everyone just sits in their dorms for weeks on end.” James scoffed, standing up from the bed and moving to his own, grabbing something off the top of his trunk, his head shaking as Remus glared at his back.
“I’ve had a lot on mind.” Remus bit back but there was guilt twisting it’s way through his veins as James looked back at him, those hazel eyes shining with so much emotion, but mainly disappointment, something Remus couldn’t stand.
“Which I can respect, but we’ve all got things going on – and we want to be here for you but -”
“You don’t have shit going on!” Remus finally snapped as he stood up from his bed and pointed a finger at the boy he had considered one of his closest friends.
James stood straight and faced him off, ignoring the finger now digging into his chest and Remus wished he would scream back, fight with him, but James simply raised an eyebrow, looking slightly bored and too much like Hermione might.
“Excuse me?” He asked instead as Remus seethed inside.
“What problems have you got James other than who to prank next – what your summer might be like and how amazing your life will be once we leave school?” He was pushing, being slightly cruel, even more so as he turned to point at Sirius. “And you – what problems could the little rich boy with family issues actually have?”
“Hey!” James shouted, pulling him back around by his shoulder and Remus knew he had crossed a line before the guilt flooded him and his mouth open, but James was quicker, he always had been. “Don’t even fucking go there, not with him and not about that.”
“Prongs…” Sirius spoke, looking tired and Remus wanted him to fight too, to tell Remus off for even daring to bring that up, but instead he remained sitting there almost like he thought he deserved.
“You don’t get to compare our situations or pretend you know everything.” James was speaking again, ignoring Sirius. “We get that you are going through something more than what happened with Mandy, but we can’t help you unless you tell us what is happening.” His tone dropped, anger still there but trying to held down.
“I don’t want help.” Remus whispered back, but something inside him was begging them to see through his lie, to call him out and to keep pushing.
“And you’ve made that much clear so why are we even bothering?” James hissed back instead, still disappointed and seemingly fed up with it now. “You have no idea what Lily and Hermione have been doing for you, do you?”
“What are you talking about?” Remus asked.
“No idea what it took for Sirius and I to do what we did, for you -”
“I never asked for that.” But his mind was still reeling, what were Hermione and Lily doing for him? What was James even talking about? It was clear from Sirius’ expression that he had no idea either, so why even bring it up?
“You didn’t have to, because that what friends – what family do for each other, but if you want to throw that all away then so fucking be it.” James snapped out, Remus opened his mouth to respond but James was already storming out of the room, door slamming behind him.
It made him wince, made the guilt even stronger. James had never been the type to get angry, not really, disappointed sure and able to tell you off if you did something wrong, but his anger was often reserved for those who really deserved it.
And in some ways Remus was, he had gone against the loyalty that James had offered, thrown things in his face and then pouted. He turned to Sirius, preparing to say something but the words seemed to get stuck in his throat as his friend stood up, patting his shoulder and offering him a tense smile.
“A lot’s going on at the moment, but whenever you are ready we are all here for you.” Was all he said, and it made the situation worse – Sirius was the reckless one, he didn’t take insults well and he would dish them right back but here he was, calm and slightly upset, offering Remus comfort.
There was nothing more he could say and Sirius seemed to know it as he patted his shoulder one last time and followed behind James, silently and softly.
…
Wednesday the 25th of May 1977– One week before the moon.
Remus could remember the times he was alone during his childhood, unable to play with children and ushered away like some sort of secret. He could remember the first true time he found friends, Sirius and James, and he supposed Peter – but he didn’t like to think about him.
He had been worried that they would figure out what he was and leave, or tell everyone, but they had figured it out, again Peter was kept in the dark, and so had Hermione, Lily and Marlene, and none of them had seemed to care in the slightest, just a quick comment and an argument about how they never saw him as a monster and that was it.
For years he had waited for the penny to drop, for that moment of realisation but instead they kept surprising him, by staying by his side, by turning into animals to help him through everything, and he had repaid them in kind by avoiding them.
And yet despite knowing that, he still couldn’t seem to move from his place by the lake.
A flash of gold caught his eye, and he didn’t turn to look as Marlene sat herself beside him, like it was something they had always done together.
“Hi.” She spoke softly, a contrast to her usual sharp tone. He didn’t turn to look once again, instead staring forward. “Oh, are you ignoring me too?”
“I’m not ignoring anyone.” He bit back as she scoffed.
“You do know when someone says hi then you are supposed to say it back, right?” She spoke sarcastically as he turned to glare at her, but remained unblinking, not seeming to care that she had a dangerous creature annoyed at her.
“What do you want, Marlene?” He asked instead, letting his glare drop so he could go back to staring at the lake.
“Wow straight to the point – I mean I know you seem to have lost your manners, but there are etiquettes to follow.” Marlene added, raising a single golden eyebrow, lips curving into a teasing smile that he had seen so many times throughout the years.
Remus snorted before he caught himself. “Never thought I would hear that from you.”
If she was offended then she didn’t show it, but instead leaned back against her hands and let the setting sun shine across her face. If he hadn’t known her for so long he might have been slightly struck by her beauty, the way the sun seemed to bring out the lighter tones in her hair and make her skin seem deeper and warmer than before.
Maybe he was slightly struck by her, she was something, beautiful and aggravating all at once, or she once had been, but these days she seemed softer – like a lot of his friends, calming with age and people to mellow them out.
Calmed by the problems they had had to go through. While he still struggled years later.
“It can’t be easy for you, I understand that, but you do know you have friends who will help, don’t you?” Marlene asked softly, almost as a whisper against the wind as he scoffed and nodded his head. “Then why are you pushing us away?”
“I’m not.” A blatant lie, and they knew that. “Or I just -” He didn’t want to open up and explain everything, not to anyone but especially not to her. There moments of friendship had never been that deep, but somehow he thought there might be no judgement.
And how could there be when she was the girl who was in a secret relationship with Sirius’ Deatheater brother, despite where his actual loyalty might lie, they all knew how this was going to end.
“You know, when everything started happening with my family, I thought I would do the same, cut people off and ignore them, just do what was expected of me no matter how unhappy I was.” Marlene spoke, letting out a deep sigh before she continued. “But the truth is, the only real family I have ever had is you guys – and even when I thought you all wouldn’t understand, you were there for me, and it’s something I’ll appreciate forever.”
“It’s not the same.” Remus whispered back, though half of his brain was just telling him to let go, to move on from this and let things go back to how they were.
“No, it’s not, no ones problems can ever truly be the same – I can’t understand half of what Sirius went through with his own, because despite what happened with my family, his was worse in a way we can’t imagine.” She added as Remus flinched, he should have known that would come to bite him in the arse. “And I know you love your parents, but I know they play a part in all of this.”
“I never want to disappoint them.”
“Remus, I mean this politely, but I don’t see how you could ever disappoint anyone.”
“I’m sure being a werewolf would change that opinion.” He spoke with a scoff, hand reaching for a few strands of grass and pulling them from the ground as Marlene stared at him.
“That wasn’t your fault, it’s not like you went outside begging to be bitten at four years old – your father and the werewolf are more responsible and if they can’t see that then that isn’t your fault either.” She said it with such conviction that he was almost surprised.
Marlene had always had opinions, ones that got her into trouble, ones that she shared with the whole world, and ones that had all but made her parents kick her out. She chose her own path despite consequences, and she had learnt how to grow with that. He could admire that about her.
“They’re poor because of me, their reputation ruined because of me, and they were almost grandparents because of me – everything they warned me about nearly came true.” He spat out but she simply blinked and raised a single eyebrow, unbothered in his small outburst.
“Key word there is almost – accidents happen Remus, and we can’t spend our lives beating ourselves up other them.” She sighed out. “Was it a smart move? No. Could the consequences have been worse? Yes. But it’s over and let it be nothing more than a warning and a reminder for next time.”
“There’s no need for a reminder because I’m not doing that again.” He hissed out, as his cheeks burned and no doubt his body whined in protest. It wasn’t like he had done it that much before, but cutting himself off was a move he needed to make.
“Oh great – you can be like one of those Monks – go live in one of those big houses with the glass windows -”
“Monasteries.”
“See! You already know so much about them!” Marlene cried but there was a wide grin on her face as Remus glared at her. “Listen, I will support you whatever you choose but I think cutting yourself up from experiencing things is only going to come back and bite you in the arse later – just like ignoring your friends.” She added with another raised eyebrow as Remus rolled him eyes and looked back at the lake.
He had spent years being warned of what would happen for people in his situation and somehow had managed to go against the odds, and to pretend he was living a somewhat normal life, but the truth was that his life was far from normal and his experiences were always going to be different.
As much as he wanted to agree with her, to talk to his friends and drift back into normality, he couldn’t.
“What would you have done if it was positive?” The words seemed to be out of her mouth before she could stop herself but she didn’t look regretful as she turned to him. “Humour me for a second.”
“I wouldn’t – I couldn’t...I don’t…” He stuttered over his words, no answer seeming to come to mind, but a million appearing as thoughts before he could stop them. “I would have had to tell her what I was, and I would have run away so she would never have to see my face again.” He finally answered as Marlene nodded.
“Seems slightly dramatic and problematic, and none of us would have let you go far, because you may be many things Remus but I don’t think you would be capable of abandoning your own child.” Marlene whispered softly, shaking her head as Remus frowned. “Despite what they may or might be...not that I want to go down that road, I’m sure Hermione could list a million things to prove it can’t be passed on.”
“Nothing that is 100% - and the last time she tried, she passed out so I’m taking that as a sign.” Remus spoke with a frown as Marlene gave him an unimpressed look. “Sorry.”
“I’m not going there, but you’re a smart person Remus, you know the only time true lycanthropy can be passed on is during the moon as your furry self, and last time I checked you weren’t attacking people outside of that moon, nor has any girl that you’ve fucked or snogged joined you in the shrieking shack, but if I need to stick my tongue down your throat to prove that to you then I will.” Marlene ranted, pointing a finger into his chest as he frowned.
“I’m not sure your boyfriend would like that.”
“Actually I don’t think he would mind so long as he could join in.” Marlene spoke with a shrug of her shoulder before her face broke into a grin as he stared at her. “You should see your face!” She laughed, smacking her thigh before taking in a deep breath and speaking before he could even add anything. “Now listen, I didn’t just come down here to lecture and offer advice, I actually came because you need to do someone a favour.”
“Who?” There weren’t many people in his life that could ask for favours, and only one that seemed eager to collect them.
“Did you Belby has been working on a potion for months?” He shrugged his shoulders as he tried to see where this was going. “Hermione got Lily involved, and it turns out this potion is somewhat special.” Marlene spoke with an amused smile.
“What is it?” Not that he really cared but it seemed important.
“If it works then it should, theoretically make a werewolf retain his human consciousness through his transformation, meaning you would just be Remus in a fur coat and with four legs.” Marlene answered and Remus felt like his heart had stopped as she reached into the bag she had brought and pulled out a large vial.
“They – what – when -”
“Obviously, there is no grantee so you are the first test, but they strongly believe that if you take this everyday in the lead up to the full moon, no mixing with anything else, it should work.” She held up the potion as she spoke and Remus could see the thick liquid inside, could almost smell it’s fumes through the glass.
“And Belby -”
“Doesn’t know the tester is you, part of the deal that was made, I didn’t ask too many questions – but since you’ve pissed everyone else off, I am the one to deliver and check it is downed.” She answered again as she held it out to him.
“I don’t -”
“Oh just drink it, Lily wouldn’t allow you to drink anything she had doubts about and Hermione would have more fun poisoning you if she could watch you suffer before curing you.” Marlene joked as Remus continued staring down at the potion, an odd sort of hope forming in his chest and his hands itching to reach for it.
“That’s dark.” He commented lowly as Marlene scoffed.
“Sometimes she is.” She mumbled back before placing the vial tenderly into his hold and smiling softly at him as she nudged his shoulder. “Come on.”
He did as was asked, despite the nerves that filled him, for once his hope won out. The whole thing was vile, sliding down his throat, a cough following straight after as he winced out his words. “Tastes like arse.”
“I won’t ask how you know what that tastes like but fair enough.” Marlene joked as she patted his back gently. “Now same time tomorrow I will find you, and if we have any problems I have no qualms about tying you down and making you drink it.” He didn’t doubt it but the smile still made it’s way to his face as he handed her back the vile.
“Bit kinky, Mar.” She smiled back and shrugged her shoulders. “Thanks.”
“Not me you should be thanking, but if you are feeling up to it then you can thank everyone over the poker match we have going on tonight – no obligation or anything.” Marlene stood up then, giving him a quick look as she shoved the vile back into her bag and offered him a compassionate smile.
He knew then that if he didn’t turn up there would be no hard feelings from her, that she would understand he might still need time but somehow he couldn’t quite bring himself to outright deny her, so instead he settled on an awkward smile and nodded his head.
“Maybe.”
…
“Hey.” He waited for her to clock him, waited for the surprise and angry to hit her face as he shifted at the edge of her table, but there was nothing there except for careful hesitation. “Mind if I sit?”
A single dirty blond eyebrow raised, eyes quickly scanning around the quiet library before she nodded her head and a small smile made it’s way to her face. “Be my guest.” Delicate hands moved a pile of her books out of the way as he did so before settling on the parchment she had before her. “Everything ok?”
“I should be asking you that.” He muttered, cheeks feeling bright red as she stared back at him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry for behaving like such a dick...it’s no excuse but I…”
“Remus, it’s alright – you were scared, granted you didn’t handle it the best way but I know it wasn’t an easy situation.” Mandy spoke softly, reaching across the table to pat his hand and offer him a gentle smile, before pulling back.
He didn’t like it, didn’t like the quick way she seemed to brush it off, didn’t like that guilt still twisted in his stomach but he deserved that. He didn’t deserve to be let off the hook.
“For you either.” He whispered back as Mandy sighed.
“No, but I’ve been dealing with it – have you?” She asked as Remus cringed and looked away. “Most people would be relieved that they aren’t fathers at the age of seventeen, I know I am and as far as I’m concerned there doesn’t need to be anything more to it than that.” She sighed out as grabbed her parchment and put it into her bag.
“Mandy -”
“You don’t have to apologise, Remus, but honestly a part of me wished I hadn’t said anything because then all of this could be avoided.” Mandy spoke softly, with a tense smile as she stood up from the table. “I don’t hate you, but this really doesn’t need to be anything more than the night we had together and a polite smile when we see each other.” She said it so sure, and Remus felt his whole body seem to sag under the weight.
He didn’t want her to think that was what he was after, that this had to be the end. But honestly he wasn’t sure what road this could actually go down, he wasn’t interested in any relationship, and even if he was then he wasn’t sure Mandy would be the one he would go after – not because she wasn’t pretty, but because she wasn’t…
That was a thought for another day, and before he could stop himself he stood before her, a sad smile on his face. “If you need anything though -”
“Your friends made the same offer, maybe one day I will take you all up on it.” She grinned as she spoke, placing her bag on her shoulder and he knew that they were going to be ok – that the weirdness and panic between them would settle and maybe one day they would be able to speak without thinking of those scary few hours.
He watched her go with a small wave before he headed towards the exit of the library himself, wondering if his friends were still playing their poker and how they would feel if was to ask if he could join them.
Considering what Marlene said, he didn’t think they would actually mind, but it had been a tense few weeks and he had said some shit that he hadn’t meant but was sure had had some sort of effect. He would have to grovel, to actually get down on his knees and apologise for being a first class…
“Twat.” Not what he was going for, but he wasn’t the one who said it. So to each their own.
He grimaced as books clattered to the floor, reaching down before she could say anything else and trying to pick them up, stuttering slightly at the title ‘Werewolves and their History’, a book he had read once upon a time and wished he never had. Lies and half truths that people would no doubt believe.
“Sorry.” He mumbled as he stood back up, the stack on books firmly in his hands, the grimace still on his face as he looked into the stormy annoyed eyes of Edith Gilbert.
For a second he was surprised, and far too aware of how close he actually he was to her. She was short, he had always known that but the actual height surprised him, and the fierceness on her face made up for it, as did the small wicked smile she pulled as she held out her hands.
“Can I have those back?” She asked, voice slightly soft even with her Northern twang, and her dimples showing and her darker eyebrows raising. “Hello?”
He blinked, and smiled nervously. “Sorry...here.” He spoke, stepping backwards and holding out her books as his eyes swooped over her face, a small scar on the curve of her jaw, paler than her skin, and some smattering of freckles. He hadn’t even realised she had them in all the years he had known her. “Interesting books.” He added as she raised another eyebrow, looking amused.
They didn’t talk, not more than five minutes if she was teasing James or when she had slept with Sirius, or if she was at a party, but for some reason the words had left his mouth before he could offer another apology and walk away.
Edith snorted slightly, pink cheeks turning slightly pinker but she didn’t seem that embarrassed as she rolled her eyes and pushed her fluffy curls away out of her face. “Yeah, I’m trying to educate an idiotic housemate who thinks he knows it all.”
“About werewolves?” Remus asked before he could stop himself.
“Some people are of the mind that what they read in newspapers and hear from bigoted cunts could only be the truth, I aim to change that for them.” Edith spoke, voice spitting out of her like a passionate fire and Remus could only try to hide his slight smile.
“I mean they aren’t completely wrong, but if that is the aim you are going for then I think you’ll find that book completely useless.” Her mouth open as she looked down to her books then back up to him with a deeper frown, one that put faint lines on her face and made her appearance seem anything but soft.
He could understand why Sirius would have gone for her, there were similarities between the girl before him and Hermione, intelligent and seemingly opinionated to the point where they wouldn’t hear anything else, fierce and powerful, slightly soft features and curls, though Edith’s were more fluff and frizz than Hermione’s.
“You’ve read it?” Edith asked, she didn’t seem surprised, not really, just questioning before her eyes narrowed and her voice was slightly colder. “What do you mean they aren’t completely wrong?” She asked and Remus grimaced.
He wasn’t looking to get into a debate in the middle of a corridor outside a library with a girl he barely knew, but he had a feeling she wasn’t the sort to let things go – nor did she seem the type to care what mood people might be in if she wanted answers, but as he looked at her there was a strange mix of impatience and patience, like she would wait for him to speak before she said anything else.
She asked a question and waited, and wanted, it’s answer. “They are dangerous…”
“Is that your only argument?” Edith asked with narrowed eyes and a slight hint of disappointment in her eyes. “A fucking badger can be dangerous is you provoke it.” She added and he huffed a laugh as a couple of Hufflepuff’s walked past them.
“Yes, but they don’t have the power to pass on a disease that could change someone’s life or possibly kill them if there is no one there to act quick enough.” So he was going to debate, and for whatever reason he was going to try and convince the girl before him that he was right – that he had always been right when his friends tried to ignore it.
“It’s not their fault that they even have the disease in the first place – nor is it fair to condemn to a life of poverty because of it.” Edith whispered as she moved to place her books in her bag, turning on her heel and not seeming put off when Remus automatically walked by her side as though they did this everyday.
“If they bite people -”
“It’s either because someone was in the wrong place at the wrong time, or because they placed themselves in a situation to do harm.” Edith explained as though it was obvious, looking up to Remus like she couldn’t quite understand why he would think otherwise.
“Which doesn’t exactly make them saints.” He spoke, pointing a finger at her which she ignored as they turned a corner together.
“No, but there are bad wizards out there, bad Muggles, but we don’t blame their entire population because of a few fucked up things.” Edith pointed out as Remus sighed. “It seems unfair to me that just because there is fear that means we have to punish all instead of the ones actually doing the shit things.” She added as Remus stared down at her.
They had stopped walking now, and he couldn’t help the strange feeling of sadness that came over him as he looked down at her. For someone who didn’t know him or what he was, she was quite honest about how she felt and he was sure there was more to it, and even more surprised that he actually wanted to here it.
Normally at the first sign of werewolves and opinions, he was walking away or stopping the conversation before he could end being offended or hurt, but here he almost craved more.
And Edith seemed happy to give. “And you know what’s sad, most of them will probably cut themselves off from family and friends, cut themselves off from love because of what a few bad people did to sully their reputation – and spend the rest of their lives with packs they probably don’t full agree with, which isn’t fair.” She spoke as if she almost knew and it made Remus wonder.
She wasn’t a werewolf, he knew that much, but she seemed to understand what it was to feel alone.
He got that. She didn’t seem to have many friends, not like his own, people she spoke to and hung out with but that was it – not popular or hated, just alone it seemed.
And he loved his friends. He truly did and he need to apologise for being a world class dick, and they loved him and tried to understand but he couldn’t help but wonder if they would be so understanding if they didn’t know him and what he was. If him being him had helped influence their choices and what they felt.
If they would even care about werewolves outside of him.
Yet here stood this girl, one he had known since the start of school, had barely spoken to, who was telling him exactly how she felt about something without her actually seeming to have any outside influence, that he was aware of.
And even if she did, it didn’t matter, because without her even knowing, she had made him feel slightly more understood and added a whole new light to who she was.
His throat felt slightly tight as he gave her a soft smile and spoke with a slight rasp. “Sounds like you know what you are talking about.”
The sad look from her eyes seemed to vanish, instead replace by something much colder and harder as she let out a short laugh and began walking again as she spoke. “Probably not in the way you are thinking, but life has the ability to be a cold stoned bitch sometimes.”
Remus nodded, but he also knew people could be that way too and he wasn’t about to admit she had nothing to do with werewolves, but he couldn’t help but agree. “That she does.” He was curious though what she had going on behind everything else, his mouth open to ask a question when she stopped and looked at him amused.
It took him a second too long to understand why between greyish eyes, freckles and soft curls, before he noticed the eagle knocker and a few lingering Ravenclaws giving him a look. Remus had never been to their common room, Sirius probably had, but he was sure he was a new face out there.
“Are you wanting to come in?” She asked with a slight teasing grin that had him blinking.
“What?”
“I mean you followed me all the way here – were you expecting something?” Despite the grin he couldn’t help the way his heart seemed to drop to his stomach and his whole face felt like it was on fire. He didn’t want to offend her or anything but he couldn’t help the way the words rolled off his tongue.
“No...Merlin, no – I just – we were talking and...I’m not like that...and I don’t really know you, and…” He expected some kind of upset look to cross her face but instead a small laugh left her mouth, not even covered by her hand to be polite or even try to hide it.
Just outright laughing at his rambling as she cut him off. “I was just joking, the past fifteen minutes have been alright, but I’m not the type of girl to just invite someone up to my room after our first conversation.” She spoke, still chuckling and not even moving closer towards the door as he sucked in a deep breath.
“I’m pretty sure we’ve spoke before.” They had, he knew they had and she had to too but yet she was rolling her eyes and giving him a quick grin.
“I mean without someone there – like James, or his sister – or Sirius.” She spoke, as Remus frowned, they hadn’t spoken alone because they never had any reason to, not really. He had his friends and she seemed more than happy not being surrounded by their group, even when she and Sirius did their thing. “We should do it more often.”
He choked slightly on his spit as a couple of younger Ravenclaws sent them a wide eyed look and Edith grinned, a knowing tint to her eyes that made him give her a quick look. “Why?”
Again, she didn’t seem offended, and he had to wonder what would. Lack of manners seemed to offend most of his friends, blatant questions made them all frown and hanging out with someone who wasn’t them was almost a cause for concern.
“You’re an interesting lad, Remus, smart and kind, and it was nice to talk to someone who doesn’t resort to insults when they don’t agree.” He wanted to tell her that he did agree, or sometimes wished more people did but the words remained buried and out of view. “Nor do you annoy me half as much as these people do.” She waved a hand behind her, a smirk on her face as Stebbins walked past with a scoff.
His nose really had never healed right, slightly croaked, which it shouldn’t have been since he had watched Edith take him to the hospital wing, but he wasn’t an expert on setting bones.
“Seems I should consider myself honoured.” He spoke back, surprising himself with his slight teasing tone but Edith just shrugged her shoulders.
“I would say so.” The grin dropped into a softer smile as she looked over her shoulder at the door and the group about to enter. “I am being serious though, it was nice to have someone listen – so if you want to chat sometime -”
“Yeah, I’m sure I could fit into my busy schedule.” He teased back as she rolled her eyes.
“Now who should feel honoured?” She asked before sighing and taking a couple of steps back. “I guess I’ll see you around then.” She didn’t wait for an answer as he nodded his head, but she did wave over her shoulder as she stepped through the door and out of sight.
A small smile made it’s way to his face as he watched the door close, before he turned, ignoring the curious Ravenclaws and their observant eyes as he left the way he had came.
What a strange turn of events. From Marlene to Mandy and then to Edith, none of them planned but each seeming to act as some sort of weird balm to his slightly wounded soul.
…
Thursday the 2nd of June 1977
The day after the moon was always something of an achy day for him, one that almost made it impossible to be human through the pain and worry that something had happened the night before that James or Sirius couldn’t have stopped.
Something that had become even worse since the incident with Snape.
But today he almost felt like he was on cloud nine, the pain was still there, but less than the day before and there were no new scars on his body – no bloodied wounds that reminded him of what he was. He could remember every little detail, and at the end he had managed to hurl in a ball and try to sleep his way through the pain and changes, the wolf nothing more than a quiet and barely existent voice in the back of his head.
And even as his legs ached in slight pain, he couldn’t stop himself from running through the halls, looking for a pair of women that had somehow managed to change his life with their magic little potion.
“...a couple of weeks left until summer.”
“Yeah, but we still have exams.”
“At least we won Quidditch this year, I couldn’t deal another pouty James, so whatever happens in exams has been made up for.” He would have to check on Edith with that, see how she was doing after the lose but really he didn’t think she would be too upset.
“Right because – what the fuck!” Lily screeched as Remus grabbed her from behind, despite his aching muscles, swinging her around in a circle, and putting her down as she turned to face him, placing a kiss on her cheek. “Remus?”
He didn’t answer as he moved to Hermione next, pulling her into his chest and placing a kiss on the top of her messy curls – once he might have thought about this in a different light but he wasn’t about to go down that road right now. Instead he grinned at Marlene as she smirked, her arms opening as he bounded forward and picked her up.
She giggled into her ear, and he grinned back – while she might not have helped make the potion, she was the one that had forced it down his throat for the past week – and for that he was grateful.
“You know, I can think of someone who isn’t going to be very happy to see this.” A voice pointed out as Remus turned his head to see Sirius and James strolling towards them, eyebrows raised as they looked Remus and Marlene up and down.
It was slightly intimate but not in the way they were thinking, him and Marlene had never looked at each other like that and he doubted they ever would, still he placed her back on the floor and grinned at his friends.
“Do you think he’s been possessed?” James whispered with wide hazel eyes to Hermione who let out a little laugh.
“It worked!” Remus all but cried, before he lowered his voice and took a step towards the girls. “Tell Belby it worked, and tell him I said thank you – well thank you to you all really -”
“It worked?” Hermione asked with wide glazed eyes, a slow smile stretching over her face as Lily looked slightly shocked, before she broke out into a dazzling grin that almost had James falling to the floor.
“Oh yeah, he was like a regular tame puppy.” Sirius commented, slinging an arm over Hermione’s shoulder in a gesture that could only be slightly possessive. “I could have told you that this morning.” He spoke with wide eyes as she turned to look at him with a frown.
“Why didn’t you?” She asked, smacking a hand into his stomach.
“I was a bit too preoccupied.” Remus scrunched up his face in disgust as Hermione blushed slightly and James seemed to finally get a grip on his mooning over Lily to look at them in disdain before Sirius seemed to realise what he was hinting at. “Nothing like that – we just spoke and cuddled.”
“A naked cuddle?” Marlene teased as Remus let himself smile. He had missed this, well not the sexual jokes and slightly incestuous relationships they all seemed to have, but the general teasing of his friends and the lack of tension around them.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“Very much so.”
“You have so many problems, and my brother – go have your own naked cuddles with him.” Sirius spat out, shaking his head and pulling Hermione into his chest, wrapping both arms around her shoulders. It was quite cute, but Remus couldn’t help the pang that seemed to settle in his chest.
“I do.” Marlene teased back, laughing loudly at Sirius’ face before she turned to Remus. “You do look better this morning.” She commented, clearly done with the other subject.
“Yeah, I feel it.” He spoke with another smile before he settled on the four people before him and let out a breath. “I owe you big time, and I’m sorry about everything, I just -”
“Don’t worry about it, it’s all water under the bridge.” James commented as Sirius nodded and the girls smiled. It didn’t feel like it should be done, it felt like he should be saying more but the waving hands and lack of annoyance was indication that they really meant it.
“Moons, things happen, we get it and honestly, don’t worry about it.” Sirius spoke and Remus breathed out a shaky sigh. He had hurt Sirius more, said some shit and later he would apologise when it was just them, but he wasn’t going to bring it up now and remind everyone what had been said.
Not when he knew how fast Hermione could from fine to pissed off and whipping out her wand.
Instead he smiled, letting the conversation drift to other things as he walked by their sides, Sirius still behind Hermione and almost making it impossible to walk with their cuddle, James beside Lily, perhaps closer than they would normally be but he wasn’t sure what was happening there and he wasn’t going to bring it up.
They drifted outside, speaking between themselves and Remus found himself smiling as his eyes scanned the students they passed until they settled on a mess of blond curls leaning against some stone with a book in her hands.
“I’ll be right back.” He spoke to the group as he strode forward, reaching into his own bag at the same time to pull out a book before he stopped before the girl.
It took her a second to notice him but when she did it was with a single eyebrow raise and an amused smile on her face. “Can I help you?” She asked as her eyes drifted to his friends and then back to her.
He had no idea how this might look and he wasn’t interested in finding out. Edith was cool, and their conversation had been nice – and it wasn’t a crime to reach out for other friends, and if he was being honest he wouldn’t mind speaking to her again. She had a way of seeing and saying things that other people didn’t, it was...interesting.
“This will help you more with that annoying Ravenclaw...and I don’t think the person who wrote it was as bigoted as the rest of them...so….I mean that is if you still wanted to prove your point.” He spluttered over his words as she looked up at him.
There was something soft in her gaze, almost seeming touched as she reached for the book, hand stroking over the cover and tangled curls hanging in her face. They were dark, shiny and soft looking like Hermione’s – more messy and less defined, but the suited her just fine.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.” He spoke with a strained grin as she looked back up at him, the sun shining on her face and making her eyes seemed lighter than before. “Well I…”
Her eyes trained back to his friends and the smile melted away as she looked back at him, tucking the book into her bag. “I’ll have to let you know what I think.” She spoke as she shifted her strap on her shoulder and tucked a curl away. He kind of wanted to tell her to leave it, that it added to her weirdly soft and fierce look, but he smiled instead.
“I look forward to it.” He spoke, reaching forward to nudge her arm before he stepped away as she waved, and he turned back to his curious friends.
James, Lily and Marlene all looked amused, small smirks on their faces as they stared at him slightly knowingly in a way he didn’t want to think. Sirius just looked confused, and it was him that spoke but there was a slight smile ticking at his lips. “What was that?”
Remus breathed out with relief, whatever Sirius thought it was, which it wasn’t, he wasn’t annoyed or angry, just curious.
“Just something we spoke about.” Remus answered, for some reason wanting to keep all the talk and opinions about werewolves out of it, what that conversation had done for him and what he suspected about Edith away from them.
He was glad too because Hermione was eyeing him with a slight glare, and he knew whatever problems she had with the girl stemmed from Sirius, but he didn’t understand why she was putting it on him – like he was personally betraying her.
Honestly, he would never understand girl, and he had three as his best friends and possibly another one as a friend. The jealously and pettiness, especially from someone like Hermione, was something he wasn’t interested in reading into – once upon a time, he might have hoped for, might have hoped that she would look at him like that.
But now he knew it would never mean what he wanted it to mean, and she just had issues sharing it seemed.
Looking away he began walking the way they had been heading, ducking his head slightly and smiling as Marlene nudged herself into his side with a wide grin.
“I thought you were swearing off girls and going to live in a monastery?” He chuckled before he could stop himself as her icy eyes flickered with humour and her white teeth all but glittered under the lowering sun.
“It’s not like that.”
“I said that once too and now look where I am.”