The Biggest Sacrifice

Saturday the 12^th of February 1977

Hogsmeade around Valentines was enough to make Lily cringe.

She had never been a fan of the grand gestures of love and the sappy hearts that hung everywhere. And she had spent far too many years listening to girls cry over the boy they fancied not asking them out – like it could only happen once a year or that said boys weren’t stupid enough to realise what girls seemed to want.

Lily had never wanted chocolates, flowers or love letters, but she had received enough throughout her six years at the school from the same boy that walked beside her now. And if she was being honest, the lack of said things these days almost made her a bit sad.

Though she supposed, in a way, James had gotten what he had wanted throughout the years – which was a trip down to Hogsmeade with her on Valentines day, something he had pointed out teasingly before also adding to the fact that Remus was joining them. And usually she would shake her head and search out her own friends but Marlene was taking advantage of a quiet castle, and Hermione and Sirius had conveniently disappeared before anyone woke up.

Which would have been weird, if Lily wasn’t sure that something was going on with them, if quick glances, soft smiles and walking shoulder to shoulder was anything to go by.

Like a couple of children with crushes.

“It’s freezing.” Remus muttered underneath his scarf, a frown on his face and his arms crossed against his chest. Lily had to agree, snow still stuck to everything, ice making the floors slippy and the biting wind doing nothing to help.

Yet James Potter all but skipped down the path, looking content and as excited as a child. “Liven up Moony, ‘tis the season of love.” He grinned back at them as Lily narrowed her eyes.

It was the season, and he hadn’t done what he usually would in regards to her. He hadn’t even tried to throw an arm around her shoulder or try to trick her into some kind of date, he was just treating her as he would any other woman.

“’Tis the season to head back to the castle and get warm.” Remus muttered out as he shook his head and Lily sent him an amused smile. “Or at the very least go to Honeydukes for the chocolate I’m owed.” He sent a glare to the back of James’ head as Lily fought against her smile. Pink cheeked and grumpy was not the image one usually associated with a werewolf.

“I told you Moony, it was used for necessary purposes.”

“Gossiping with Pads about the students of Hogwarts while eating my chocolate is not necessary.”

“They gossip about us.” James bit back with his cheeks red as they made their way into the village. “Not that I can blame them, their lives must seem tame and boring in comparison to our own.” He sighed out, before sending them a teasing grin over his shoulder.

“Or maybe they are just curious about who in this little incestuous group is going to go out next – there were a few bets on the both of you -” Lily tried not to blush at Remus’ words but it was hard when James sent her a quick smirk. “ - or you and Hermione.” And just like that it was gone as Lily scrunched up her nose and James looked slightly sick.

“That’s just disgusting – she’s my sister for Merlin’s sake!” James spat out even more disgusted.

“Erm what?” The group turned to see Hermione and Sirius behind them, eyes wide and shoulders all but touching, their hands thrust into their pockets. Lily couldn’t help but smirk as she sent a quick look to James and then back to her friend.

“We were just talking about certain gossip at our school about our relationships with each other.” Lily spoke softly, shrugging her shoulders but she could almost see the panicked expressions of the two before her.

Whatever they were hiding didn’t take a genius to figure out, they had obviously come up with something between them, but clearly she was the only one who could see it considering Remus looked uninterested, too focused on the cold around them and James still looked like he was a second away from throwing up.

Before she could say anything, Hermione’s eyes had drifted to something else, a small frown making it’s way to her face, and Lily could understand why once she saw him.

“Good morrow, ladies - and gentlemen.”

Despite the fact that Lily hadn’t seen him in nearly a year, her natural instinct was to cringe away from Amos’ hand before it landed on her shoulder, pushing herself between Hermione and Sirius without a thought.

It wasn’t that he was a horrible person, perhaps slightly loud and overbearing at times, and he lacked the awareness of personal space, but more so that Lily couldn’t stop herself cringing whenever he opened his mouth to brag about what she was sure was something entirely made up. Though she knew they were in for a real bragging once she caught sight of the woman behind him.

Tall and slender, much like Marlene, with beautiful thick dark hair and sultry features – it made little sense to see her stood beside the not as pretty Amos. But Lily was never one to judge, love was love, and she harboured no ill will towards the girl, who she was pretty sure had been a couple of years ahead and a Hufflepuff.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you all in ages – bet you are still pulling those pranks -” He grinned at the boys, nudging Remus in his side and letting out a laugh. “Of course, nothing compared to my own, that’s for sure.” Lily bit back a laugh as Amos turned to look back at his ‘friend’. “You remember Mary, fellow Hufflepuff...well now she’s going to be my fiancee, I’m a very lucky man indeed – marrying before the lot of you.”

“Well considering some of us have only just turned seventeen and are still in school, it’s not that much of a surprise.” James muttered out, rolling his eyes as Amos’ landed on his.

“You’ll get there soon, mate, you’re not that bad looking.” James frowned and turned his head to the side but Amos had already moved on and was looking at the two girls. “Though these two, I’m sure they’ll have people ready to snatch them up the moment they finish Hogwarts.” Lily felt herself cringe away as she heard Sirius mutter something under his breath.

Hermione let out a small laugh of amusement, arms crossing over her chest before she spoke. “I can assure, Amos, that should anyone try to ‘snatch me up’, they will be meeting the wrong side of my wand.” It was said sweetly, her head tilting to the side. “You remember what that felt like, don’t you Amos?”

Amos gulped slightly, smile faltering one his face as he took a step back and gripping Mary’s hand. “Yes, we will be getting married in two weeks, I would invite you all but er...it was planned rather quickly and well…”

“Yes I’m sure in a few months you will have your hands quite full.” Hermione remarked dryly, rolling her eyes before giving them a pointed look. “Now if that is all, we really do have to go – so congratulations on everything.”

Lily felt her eyes go wide as Mary placed a hand over her stomach and Amos gulped nervously but before she could even comment, Hermione had wrapped a hand around her arm and was pulling her away, the boys following behind them.

It seemed Amos would be busy in the next few months and perhaps for a long time afterwards. Lily had honestly never thought him the type to do that before he was even married, but it seemed he had and now there was a baby on the way to a dad who thought himself the best and a mum was stayed silent and waved her hand.

“I can’t believe you just outed them like that.” Remus grumbled as he walked by Hermione’s other side, looking annoyed and amused at once as Hermione finally came to a stop.

“He was annoying me and I wanted to get out of there quickly.” Hermione spoke back with a roll of her eyes, moving away from Lily to stand beside Sirius, their shoulders all but pushed together, making Lily narrow her eyes. “I hope his son brags less than him.”

“How do you know he’s having a son?” Lily couldn’t help but ask. Was there some kind of witch power to determine what a person was having while you stood glaring at them? Or was it just a guess?

Hermione shifted from foot to foot, her face turning slightly pale as she sent a quick look to James and gave Lily all the answers she needed to know. It was somehow connected to whatever the two of them were hiding.

“Just a guess.” Hermione rasped out, but there was something else there, even as she forced a smile and turned to look at Sirius. “We should go -”

“Hermione?”

“Oh for fucks sake.” Sirius muttered out, ignoring the glare Hermione sent his way as she turned to smile softly as Zachary Townsend jogged into their group, standing before Hermione with a soft grin on his face and looking just as handsome as he had during Christmas.

But Lily was more interested in the way Sirius seemed to be glaring at the boy, nothing unusual, he did it whenever he saw them, but also the way his hand moved to touch Hermione’s, as though he needed to be reminded about something, even as Hermione gave him a soft smile and turned back to Zach.

“What are you doing here?” Hermione asked sweetly, if not a bit nervously as Zach scoffed.

“Didn’t realise I needed to ask for permission.” He answered back as Hermione gave him a pointed look and he shoved his hands into his pockets, looking away from her and finally seeming to remember that there were other people around as he stepped back. “I’m meeting a friend for drinks.”

“And here I thought you were just strolling around the village making sure no hooded idiots try something.” Hermione muttered back, arms crossed over her chest and an amused smirk on her face as Zach laughed.

“I was but now I am on a break.” Zach joked back, leaning down slightly.

It was weird to see the dynamic between them, what they had once been and done together only for it to end but for them to still be left with a relationship that would make other people, or maybe just Sirius, envious.

“Moody won’t be happy with that.”

“No, but your father knows how to get his way.”

“Please tell me he isn’t here.” Hermione sighed as she looked around, looking more nervous than before, like she was scared Fleamont Potter was going to jump out for somewhere and catch her doing...well whatever was making her so on edge.

“No, he did his shift this morning and then he had some office work to do – so you’re safe from his prying eyes.” Zach teased, sending her a wink as though he knew exactly what her reason was or maybe it was just to piss off Sirius who looked a second away from exploding.

“Does someone want to tell me what the fuck you two are talking about?” Sirius snapped, gesturing between the two as Hermione gave him a disapproving frown.

“He works for the Order.” Hermione hissed lowly as Zach rolled his eyes and nudged her shoulder.

“Try to say that a little quieter.”

“Zachary!” A slightly accented voice shouted before Sirius could open his mouth again, the group turning to see a rosy cheeked young man walking their way, his arm reaching out to pat his taller friends shoulder. “I thought I would be meeting you inside.”

“Benjy?” James spoke before Zach could answer, a crooked grin on his face.

Lily blinked in surprise as she looked the man up and down, he was not much older than them, but there was an air of someone who had been out of Hogwarts for a good enough while that he might as well have been in his thirties, even if his face told a different story.

A story that Lily didn’t remember him having. Not that she had paid that much attention, but she was aware of the cute Benjy Fenwick that walked around school, so Hufflepuff that even the Slytherin’s couldn’t find a problem a problem with – that throughout his seven years, he hadn’t seemed to have one problem.

Right now she could see a problem.

One that came from suddenly looking like he did, tall and pretty, and no doubt with many girls chasing behind him – Lily wouldn’t be opposed to joining them and judging by the small smirk on Hermione’s lips, even as Sirius frowned at her, she would happily join in too. Merlin, puberty had been so kind to him.

He had a typical English look to him, one her mother would call an English rose if he was a woman, pale with rosy cheeks and that button nose, beautiful blue eyes framed by thick lashes and soft blond/brown curls that settled beautifully on his forehead, and seemed to match perfectly with the smattering of faint freckles across his nose.

“No way, James Potter and gang.” Lily would have resented been labelled as a part of James’ ‘gang’, if Benjy hadn’t given them all the most disarming smile and a quick flash of his dimples.

“I am most certainly not a part of his gang.” It was Hermione who spoke, a scoff leaving her mouth as James grinned widely and Sirius glared. Lily couldn’t help but smile in agreement and even Benjy smiled, looking around Zach at her.

“Of course, I mean no offence.” He grinned and Hermione seemed to melt slightly, her cheeks slightly pinker than they were before. Lily couldn’t blame her, it seemed she always would be a sucker for a pretty face, if the way she stood beside Sirius was any example or her ex.

“Well it was good to see you all anyway, come on Benj, let’s leave them to get back to whatever they were doing.” Zach spoke, nudging his friend slightly and smiling at them all politely but Benjy simply scoffed.

“Or you could join us for a drink, it’s been far too long since I’ve seen you guys.”

…

Lily had thought she had experienced many awkward things in her life, but perhaps none compared to been sat around a too small table, wedged between James and Remus to the point where their shoulders and thighs were pressed far too tightly together, sat across from the equally wedged Sirius, Hermione and Zach, took the cake.

Benjy didn’t seem to care from where he sat between Zach and James, an amused grin on his face as he pushed the butterbeers towards all of them.

“So how have you all been?”

It was James who spoke first, a crooked grin on his face as he leaned back, throwing an arm over her chair as though it was normal. “You know, same old same old – you?”

“Been up to my eyeballs in paperwork and missing the relaxing environment of Hogwarts.” Benjy teased slightly, raising his glass and taking a sip before he grinned at them, eyebrows raising slightly. “Did you finally get the girl, Potter?”

James moved fast, his arm slipping from around her and his cheeks turning pink as Lily cringed in her seat and leaned forward, trying to not think about her side brushed his. “He wishes – right now we are just friends.” She spoke softly, ignoring the way everyone looked at her amused.

“Right now?” Benjy asked amused as Lily spluttered over her drink and tried to find a way to fix what she had unintentionally started, but Benjy moved on fast, “And you Black – looks you and female Potter are comfortable.”

Lily could agree that they kind of did. Sat closer than the others, Sirius’ arm resting around the back of her chair and Hermione all but leaning into him as he played with one of her curls. It almost seemed private, too close than what would be considered normal for a couple of friends. Almost like all the other couples that littered the Three Broomsticks.

And unlike herself and James, they didn’t seem to move away when attention was brought to them, although Sirius did let go of the curl he was tugging on and avoided James’ narrowed eyes.

“Jealous?” Sirius asked as he raised his cup to his lips and Benjy gave him a grin, one that promised teasing.

“You’re both far too pretty for me, you know I prefer the more ruggedly handsome type, Black.” Benjy grinned as Lily tried not to let her mouth open in shock, even as Sirius let out a laugh, like they were sharing an inside joke.

But for some reason it didn’t feel like a joke, it felt as though she was missing something, even more so when Benjy sent a wink and then looked around the room. “So where’s the other one – McKinnon, I thought she would be here with you?”

Hermione leaned forward, a polite smile on her face as she regarded Benjy. “She had some things to do back at the castle.”

“She had something to do, alright.” Remus muttered under his breath as Lily let her lips curl up slightly. She didn’t want to think about what, or who, Marlene might actually be doing, but it was good that she had the time and privacy to do it.

“I thought she would have been here for Valentines, with some guy on her arm.” Zach spoke, voice slightly raspy as he shook his head and looked at the five friends. “Or at least to keep Remus company while you guys go on your dates – which in my opinion should be done away from your friends.”

“This is not a date.” Lily muttered out, rolling her eyes, but she could see the way the smile seemed forced on his mouth and the way Hermione had gone from politely smiling to all but annoyed. “We are all just friends.” She added but no one seemed to hear.

“Thank you for your opinion.” Hermione remarked dryly. “I’ll be sure to keep it under consideration for when I actually go on a date.”

“I’m just saying -”

“So Marlene decided to stay at the castle?” Benjy asked, cutting across Zach and throwing a glare for good measure, a smile that looked more like a grimace on his face. “Wish she had come down, always did know how to have a laugh, did that one.” Lily smiled and nodded her head, she was wishing Marlene was here too.

For whatever awkward tension was going on between Hermione, Zach and Sirius was almost too much to take. Zach didn’t look bothered but his eyes gave him away, Hermione was just edging towards pissed and Sirius looked like he wanted to be somewhere else, not that Lily could blame him in that regard.

“I’d say we know how to have a laugh too.” James commented with a small smirk that only enhanced the mischief in his eyes.

Surprisingly Benjy’s eyes narrowed and the smile fell off his face as he pointed a finger at James. “Yeah well, the last laugh you had with me was scaring.”

James let out a small laugh, as Sirius’ lips quirked and Remus looked away. Whatever the had done was enough for Benjy to still be annoyed at them. “It’s been three years, you can’t still be upset at us for that.”

“I can and I am.” Benjy bit back, taking a sip of his drink before he carried on speaking. “You see, you little shits, when someone asks for a favour – it usually involves a small thing, like helping you beat Hufflepuff at Quidditch, lending some money or even the pair of you out of some Muggle prison – and not, not I repeat, chatting up Filch.” His hand slammed down on the table and he gave James and Sirius a stern glare.

Lily cringed as Benjy’s cheeks turned red and he looked away in disgust. No doubt he had been roped into one of their pranks – but they can’t have been that convincing that he would flirt with Flich. Lily wouldn’t do it if James gave her a key to his vault, nor if Sirius threw in his own inheritance, there were just lines she wasn’t willing to cross.

Clearly Benjy didn’t have the same lines. Even if he regretted it years later.

Sirius grinned despite whatever awkwardness he was feeling, leaning to look around Hermione as he spoke. "One, we don't need help against anyone in Quidditch and two, I said distract not try and make a move." He exclaimed with a laugh as Benjy rolled his eyes. “Sounds like you had your own agenda going on, and I want to say I support it but you could do better.”

“Fuck off.”

“At least tell me you managed to get a kiss, I never actually asked.” Sirius teased further as Benjy blushed even further but managed to smirk at the same time.

“You know I don’t kiss and tell.” He muttered as Sirius barked out a laugh and Lily raised her eyebrows, Merlin she hoped he hadn’t actually done it. “Though I will say if I was going to go after older men then it would be ones with their own shackles – least I know it isn’t going to be boring.” He added, with a cheeky grin as Lily looked away.

She wasn’t innocent innocent, she had spent the past few years listening to girls gossip about boys and what they did or what it looked like. She was friends with Marlene who was quite open about her sexual encounters, even those about the boy beside her, and she was friends with Hermione who would all but let her know with a smirk and weak knees.

She was aware that her friends had all taken that next step, and maybe she would one day too but there were things they never spoke about. And while she was sure Benjy was joking, she did not need to know his kinks.

Though Lily could admit that she was a bit curious about his preferences, something told her she might be out of the running now, and that was quite sad.

“Guess I’m out of the running then.”

“Yes, Black, but I might be able to make an exception for your friend, if he wasn’t more interested all those fun lady parts.” Benjy grinned, nodding and winking towards Remus who sank down in his seat and tried not to grimace.

“And fun they are.” Sirius muttered, and Lily couldn’t help but grin as Hermione dug her elbow into his side and sent him a quick glare, one he met with a raised eyebrow and a softer smile than usual.

“Don’t need to remind us of your exploits, Black.” Zach mumbled before taking a sip of his drink, a small smirk on his face even as the table turned to frown at him. “I mean is there anyone in the school you haven’t shagged?” It was slightly cruel and clearly meant to start something for whatever reason.

Perhaps if this had been the Sirius of a few months ago, or even weeks ago, then it would have blown up and insults would be flying, but instead Sirius just regarded Hermione’s ex coldly, eyes like steel and hands clenched tightly.

Instead it was Hermione who spoke, voice calm and collected but words full of agitation. “Maybe you shouldn’t listen to rumours, you know better than anyone the type of shite that is spread around, Zachary.”

It seemed like a hint towards something, maybe something they had spoken about between themselves, or maybe Hermione had just hoped that he was decent enough to remember what Hogwarts and rumours could be like. Lily would have thought he was but something seemed off today.

His eyes were colder than normal and his jaw tenser as he kept his focus on the two black haired people beside him, regarding them almost as if they had hurt him in some way. Maybe seeing them so close was upsetting. Lily had always wondered how people could be around their ex’s without feeling some kind of sadness.

“So should I ignore the rumour about you and Black shagging?” Zach asked with raised eyebrows, taking another sip of his drink as everyone at the table seemed to freeze, except Hermione who smiled. “Or the rumour that Marlene plays for both sides? Or the rumour that Remus is a...”

Zach didn’t get to finish as Hermione cut him off, voice colder than before. “I suggest you think before you say anything else.” She hissed out as Zach blinked at her in surprise. “None of that is your business – who I sleep with, who Marlene fancies or whatever you wanted to say about Remus – if I don’t have any reason to be concerned then you shouldn’t either, so keep it to yourself.”

“Hermi-”

“When did you become such a dick?” Hermione asked suddenly, leaning around to pull her cloak onto her lap and levelling him with a glare as he stared back at her, slightly hurt. “When did you become someone who lashes out when he is hurt or angry or jealous or whatever it is that you are?” She added, shaking her head and pushing away her drink.

“I’m not – I just -” It was weird to watch him stumble over his words, to see him and Hermione so at odds with one another when they had always seemed so calm and sweet, even after the break up. “I just got a little carried away.”

“A little carried away is making a joke – you are being petty, like any of what you said has any effect on me and my friends -” It probably would do when they got back to Hogwarts and James finally snapped, or Marlene found out what was said about her – or Remus went down his dark werewolf hole in worry. “ - when it doesn’t, and I would think having your own best friend with rumours swirling about him would you more sympathetic to certain things.” It was like watching someone be scolded by a teacher or parents, disappointed in every single way.

Zach stared at her in slight shock like he couldn’t quite believe he was being told off by the same girl who had once looked at him so sweetly, like the cold and annoyed woman before him was nothing more than stranger.

Perhaps she was, perhaps Zach had refused to see her as anything other than the girl he knew, and not the one twisted by events and problems that none of them would ever be able to understand, not even her brother who she ran to.

Yet Zach clearly wasn’t the same either, the boy who would never say a bad word about anyone seemed to have been twisted into something bitter and angry. Like being in the real world had chipped at him, the Order, work and war pulling him in different directions and leaving him as nothing more than a shadow of who he was.

“I wasn’t trying to be a dick, or offend anyone – I just...I didn’t expect you to go through with what I said so fast.” Zach all but whined out sending a pointed look to Sirius who simple scoffed and reached for his drink without a comment. “Look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said all that shit but I just want to make sure you are making the right decision and…”

“You know I’ve always heard that anything that comes after the word but is complete bullshit.” Hermione remarked with narrowed eyes before shaking her head and letting out a sigh. “And frankly I haven’t got the time nor want to hear what else you have to say – so let me know when you have stopped being a dick and then we can talk.” And with that she stood, throwing her cloak over her shoulders as she moved through the tables and out of the pub.

Sirius was fast on her tail, downing his drink and sending one last glare over his shoulder before he too was gone, and a thick and tense awkwardness was left in his place.

Lily grimaced, turning her head to look at James who was frowning at Zach, and then to Remus who looked like he was a second from getting up himself and following behind their friends. Lily wanted to do that too, to leave this mess behind.

“I think we are going to…” She gestured, grabbing her cloak and nudging James’ arm as he nodded his head and Benjy let out a sigh.

“You really are a dick sometimes.” He snapped at his best friend who had the decency to look ashamed, his head bowed as Benjy stood up and gave them a weak smile. “It was nice to see you all though, try not to be strangers in the future...and let Hermione and Sirius know that I’m sorry about today.” He spoke, almost nervously as Lily smiled.

“We will do.” She spoke, waving her head and all but scrambling on her feet to get out of the pub.

…

The walk back to the castle was tense. The three of them walking side by side, arms brushing against each other as they followed behind giggling couples that made Lily want to roll her eyes and tell them to shut up or take it somewhere else.

Yet a small part of her wondered what it would be like to take someone’s hand, to feel so hung up on someone that you didn’t care who was around to see it. To know what it was like to have that all consuming love that she read about in her books.

Squeezed between two boys, it was easy to imagine what it would be like coming back from a date, although ideally it would be with one of them – she had barely dated one boy and she wasn’t ready to get into some weird triangle. That could be left to Marlene or Hermione. And not that she would date either of these boys, but it was a thought.

And although she loathed to admit it, there was only one person between the two boys who she would ever be able to date between them. And it wasn’t Remus. They were too similar, and It would be like dating herself.

And despite all of his problems, there were good things about James. Mainly his face, and the entrancing hazel eyes behind his glasses, or the crooked smile, or the full belly laugh – but mainly the way he protected his sister, or the way he had somehow managed to make up for all the shit he had pulled in the past few years.

He had shaped up to be a decent friend, and that was all he would ever be. Even if people thought her little slip up earlier meant something else, they were mistaken.

“Do you think -”

“Zach was right about what he said earlier, wasn’t he?” James asked suddenly, cutting across Remus and stopping in his tracks, facing them both with a tense jaw and sharp eyes.

Lily opened her mouth to speak but no words seemed to come out, she knew, of course, what he was talking about but she wasn’t quite prepared to deal with the reaction that would come from both Potter siblings if she spilled the beans, so instead she settled on something else. “I think that is something Marlene would have to tell us ourselves, on her own time, not that it would make much of a different, we’d all still love her regardless, right?”

James frowned, seeming confused for a second as Remus raised his eyebrows at her, but it was James who spoke. “Of course.” Her stomach twisted strangely at his words, a mixture of relief and something else, something she didn’t want to think about. “It makes no difference to me – but that’s not what I was talking about.” He added with a frown.

“I’m not too worried about what he had to say about me, Prongs, you know all my secrets regardless.” Remus joined in as Lily let out a quick breath. If he knew then he was trying to avoid the subject too or he was having fun teasing James.

James frowned, his tongue clicking slightly as he shoved his hands in his pockets and narrowed his eyes at them. “When did Hermione and Sirius sleep together?” He said it so calmly that Lily was sure she had misheard him. “Judging by your reactions I’m going to say it was before they started acting all gross around each other.” He added, letting out a sigh and tilting his head back. “And neither of you said anything.”

He was hurt. Whether because he had issues with Sirius around Hermione, or because everyone but himself seemed to know, Lily wasn’t certain, but she could feel the guilt that came with purposefully keeping this from him – from Hermione and Sirius being all close today and not letting any of them know what was happening.

“It wasn’t our place to say anything.” Lily mumbled back, cringing slightly as James looked at her with another frown. “And I think they were worried about how would react if you found out they did...that...before everything.”

“Oh...they were worried.” James muttered with a small scoff. “I wonder why that would be – it’s not like Sirius has fucked up every opportunity he’s ever gotten and left my sister upset and hurting, not like we’ve had to be the ones to try and pick up the mess – but no, they were worried about how I would react.” He threw out, teeth clenched as he paced back and forth shaking his head.

“Yes, we were.” The three turned, looking to see Sirius and Hermione stood side by side, one looking slightly ashamed and one angry. “Though maybe you could stop shouting about this in the middle of the courtyard.”

“Maybe you could have told me.” James snapped back at Hermione. It was rare to see them so annoyed with each other, but the day seemed to have already pushed everyone towards the edge where one wrong word would end in an argument.

“Maybe you should have stopped making things your business, I’m a grown woman, Jamie, I can make my own choices.” Hermione hissed out as she moved forward, neck tilting backwards to look up at her brother, who despite being taller flinched backwards before glaring back.

“Clearly not when you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.”

“If it’s a mistake then let it be my mistake, and keep your nose out of it.” Hermione snapped, both of them looking slightly apologetic at Sirius as he flinched and Lily couldn’t help but feel a surge of annoyance at the siblings, talking about him like he wasn’t even there. Like he was nothing more than

“Guys -”

“I thought you were smarter than letting someone use you for some one night stand but clearly not!” James snapped back, glaring down at his sister. Lily cringed as a few students passed, looking one with raised eyebrows. No doubt there would be something for people to say at the end of the day.

“Jamie -”

“Fucking hell.” Lily turned her head, raising her eyebrows as Sirius strode forward, looking annoyed as he stepped between the siblings, both of them looking at him in annoyance, like they couldn’t believe he was daring to interrupt their argument. “Both of you shut up.”

James’ mouth fell open, twisting in anger and Hermione raised her eyebrows, hand twitching by her side. “Excuse me?”

“Both of you need to stop talking because I’ve got some things to say.” Sirius muttered, cheeks slightly pink before he took a deep breath and turned to James. “I know this isn’t easy, I get that you think I made this choice but I didn’t…” James’ eyes flickered between his sister and best friend, before they settled on Hermione as he raised his hand.

“So you’re saying this is all on her? That she was the one to seduce and use you?” He asked, twisting his lip as Hermione rolled her eyes.

“I mean I wouldn’t say she had to seduce me, just that she was the one who put it out there.” Sirius explained before cringing as James took a menacing step forward, despite being the same height Sirius had enough thought to step backwards and cringe again as he stumbled into Hermione. “Not the point.”

“Oh no, please keep going.” James hissed out as Hermione stepped around Sirius.

“What the idiot is trying to say is that it was my choice, my decision, I was the one who asked and not him – and if it makes you feel better, it only happened once.” Hermione held out her hands as she spoke, pushing James back slightly as he raised his eyebrows and Lily hid her face in her hands, this was not going as well as it could have.

“Yeah, that makes everything better – my sister and best friend slept together, but it was only once and now they are...what? Friends? In some weird limbo?” James asked, taking a step back and glaring at the both of them.

“I think the kids call it dating.”

Lily would have cheered if the situation had called for it, would have shouted that she knew it, but then James would turn to glare at her and she wasn’t sure she wanted to be on the end of his anger. Though she would congratulate Hermione later on, when they were in their dormitory, away from all of the drama.

“Dating?”

“Yeah, you know, seeing each other, courting...kind of together.” Sirius answered with a nervous grin, like it would make James calm down and be happy even though it was clear he was just itching for the opportunity to jinx his friend. “Prongs?”

“Kind of?” James asked. “What do you mean kind of?” It was said calmly but his hazel eyes were burning, flickering with the hints of gold that could only be seen when looked close enough, and the same strange feature he seemed to share with Hermione, only hers seemed darker now, dangerous as they waited for whatever else her brother would do.

“Like we are taking things slow.” Hermione answered slowly as though talking to a child. “You should be happy – at least now you won’t have to worry about what you might wake up to in the middle of the night.” She sent a quick glare to Sirius who blushed again and looked away.

Lily raised her eyebrows and bit back a question. When she had said taking it slow, she had thought that it was something Hermione had chosen after everything that had happened, but it seemed that Sirius had been the choice behind that, and she was quite proud of him for it.

James didn’t seem to think the same as he clicked his tongue, but then again that could have been about Hermione’s little comment. “Do either of you have any idea of what you are doing?” He asked after a second.

“Jaime -”

“Doesn’t matter anyway, you always make your own choices regardless.” James shook his head as he spoke before he frowned. “Just...it’s both your choices and if you’re happy then I have nothing more to say.” He spoke softly as Hermione’s shoulders seemed to relax and Lily felt her stomach twist slightly.

How strange it was that the Potter siblings could fight, get in each others faces and say things that might make each other flinch but at the end of the day it never even mattered. Some kinder words and smiles could melt them both and then it was all over.

Lily had no doubt that by tomorrow they would be back to whispering about whatever their secret was, and making jokes, even though at the moment it seemed as awkward and tense as the rest of the day.

“Hey!” The group turned, seeing Marlene strolling towards them with a wide grin and rosy cheeks – Lily would be asking her about it later. “What’s going on?” She asked as she looked between Sirius, James and Hermione with raised eyebrows.

…

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you and Sirius are going out!” Marlene pouted as she laid on her bed, pillow pulled to the end of her bed as she laid her chest on it.

Thankfully Emmeline and Jenny were out of the dorm, probably somewhere causing havoc on the rest of Hogwarts with their snide comments and bitchy looks. Lily didn’t care to ask or even bring them up as she rested back on her own bed, the weight of the day sinking in.

Between ex’s, rumours and whatever else was said today just seemed too much, yet she couldn’t stop looking at Marlene in consideration. Despite whatever was happening with Regulus, there had been moments where it seemed Marlene’s interest laid in other areas. Not that it was her concern, but the curiosity and the slight urge to bring it up was there.

“It’s new...ish.” Hermione muttered back as she entered the bedroom from the bathroom, dressed in her pyjamas and rolling her eyes as she moved towards the mirror. “And it’s not like you’ve said anything about you and Regulus.”

“Because there’s nothing to tell.” Marlene protested as her cheeks turned slightly pink, her icy eyes no longer looking at either girl and her hands clasped tightly under her head.

“If there is nothing to tell then why you blushing earlier – or now?” Lily asked with a cheeky grin as Marlene turned her head to glare.

“I…I blush easily.”

“You do not.” Lily scoffed out.

“How about I answer when you admit there is something going on between you and James?” For some reason Lily couldn’t stop the way her eyes widened and her hands started to sweat, she knew both sets of eyes were on her and waiting for her to speak but it almost seemed impossible.

It had taken forever for her and James to get to a place where they could be friends, and after last year, it had taken a couple of apologies on her part and on his. It was a friendship that she had come to value and that meant something to her, more than she would ever admit to him or anyone else who had questions... because…

Because it was James. The boy who tormented her best friend, and sometimes herself, the boy who had confessed his love to her at the tender age of 11 and continued to do so up until a few months ago. And now he had backed off.

Lily would have rejoiced at one point, been happy that his affections were with someone else, but as she had found out with the whole Marlene thing, it hadn’t made her as happy as she wished it would and she wasn’t quite sure she like him trying to woo someone else. Not that she wanted him for herself – no it was just a habit.

But sometimes she liked to imagine…

“There’s nothing going on with me and James.” Lily spoke softly, even as it felt like a lie, she wasn’t going to think on it too much, but it seemed her friends would. “What? Why are you looking at me like that when you two are the ones with boy issues?” She cried out, pointing at both of them as they looked at each other amused.

“Had boy issues, I’d like to think mine are sorted for the minute.” Hermione muttered, but there was a small smile on her face, one that came from finally getting something that she wanted. How it would work with everything she was hiding, Lily would never know, but she was happy for her friend.

“And my issue is slowly coming around, granted he still refuses to stand too close but at least he’s no longer avoiding me.” Marlene joked but there was still a hint of pain in her eyes. Regulus had hurt her when he stopped showing up and just because he was now, didn’t mean it all magically went away.

“Did he at least give you a kiss for Valentines Day?” Lily asked with a frown as Marlene rolled her eye.

“On the hand like some old fashioned gentleman, it went well with the single flower he brought me.” Marlene remarked dryly, pointing to the flower in a butterbeer bottle on her nightstand.

Marlene had never seemed the sort to even care about Valentines day and what it meant, it had been a holiday where she could get a date when they were younger, and the opportunity to do some things without too much judgement – but she actually seemed a bit sad about what Regulus had given her.

Maybe like Sirius he was trying to do the right thing, take slow steps and work through their problems, but with a girl like Marlene, too slow was almost like killing her. She lived fast and recklessly, and she loved greatly and without too much thought, but she was trying. It seemed everyone was trying these days to make what they had work, while Lily remained single.

The thought suddenly made her groan and her head fall back onto the bed as Hermione turned to look at her. “What’s wrong?” Her black brows all but met in the middle as she moved away from the mirror to stand at the foot of Lily’s bed.

“Is there a chance that Sirius and Regulus have a third brother out there – maybe in Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff – that is willing to give me a chance?” She asked pathetically, suddenly feeling very much like the weepy girls who didn’t get asked out at this time of the year.

Hermione covered the bottom half of her face with her hand to try and hide, what Lily was sure, was an amused smile as she sat at the edge of the bed and Marlene let out a small chuckle. “James is going to be fuming when he finds out that you are searching for some mysterious third brother – please let me be there when you tell him.” Marlene begged, pouting out her bottom lip and catching the pillow Lily threw towards her. “What? I missed all the fun today when it came out that Hermione had been shagging her cousin.”

Hermione’s face paled and Lily couldn’t help but cringe. It was a bit weird when put like that but also so easy to forget sometimes when they had only ever seen her with Euphemia and Fleamont, fully a part of that family and so easy to forget she was adopted by her own great uncle. Too confusing to try and dive into.

“He’s not...if we are going to get technical then he is a second cousin – which is nothing considering that half of the school are too.” Hermione spluttered out as colour returned to her cheeks, bright red as Marlene laughed and shrugged her shoulders.

“Can’t argue with that, it’s why I haven’t looked too far back at my tree – don’t need to find out my ex is too closely related nor the boy I’m seeing is, tends to put a bit of a damper on things.” Marlene admitted, though Lily had a feeling that she knew just how closely they were all related and oddly it made her feel slightly left out.

And also annoyed that James had been brought up in a context she didn’t like to be reminded of.

“Guess I don’t have to worry about all of that sort of stuff.” She commented as Marlene furrowed her brows and Hermione tilted her head to the side in consideration. “What…?” She asked nervously.

“It all depends on Squibs.” Hermione spoke with a shrug of her shoulders. “I mean, the theory is that Muggleborns are descendents of squibs, which would mean they do have some kind of magical background and perhaps some ties into bigger families.” Lily felt her eyes widen as Hermione looked down at her nails.

“What? But Squibs have no magic.” Lily spoke as Hermione tilted her head again and Marlene shrugged her shoulders.

“They have some, just not enough – they can see like a troll or something but they couldn’t exactly use a wand to defend themselves.” Marlene spoke softly and Lily rolled her eyes, she knew that, but what she didn’t know was whatever the hell they seemed to be implying. “It’s the reason a lot of them tend to leave the Wizarding World and stay with Muggles.”

“Yes, well that, and I imagine being the family disgrace tends to put a damper on wanting to stay in this world.” Hermione added, a tense set to her jaw. Something she no doubt disagreed with and Lily couldn’t fault her for that. Squibs were treated worse than Muggleborns in their world.

“So what does this have to do with me?” Lily asked.

“Well, the theory is that the little magic a Squib has is passed down through generations, almost recharging itself, until eventually enough magic exists in a single descendant, creating a witch or wizard, but since most Squibs leave or are kicked out, trying to trace back that single ancestor and where they come from is hard, which is why ‘Muggleborns’ seemingly appear out of nowhere.” Hermione explained softly as Lily frowned, trying to think back through her limited family tree.

It wasn’t like the Potter’s, Black’s or even McKinnon’s, most people in the Muggle world didn’t have the knowledge of where their entire family originated or where they came from, or every single person that had ever existed in their family. Lily was lucky enough she could vaguely recall her Great Grandparents names but before that it was a struggle.

But the idea that someone in her family could have been magical, could have come from some great line of Witches and Wizards, but had to leave because they didn’t fit in or their family didn’t want them, it was both upsetting and slightly exciting.

“So if this is true then I could be related to either of you...or James or Sirius...or even Remus?” Lily asked, her body seeming to be pulled in many different directions. The idea of being related to her best friends was kind of exciting, but then again she didn’t really want to have any relation to James or Sirius’ family.

“If you’re related to Hermione then there is a 50/50 chance of being related to Black or Potter.” Marlene commented dryly as Hermione sent her a quick glare.

“You’re not related to the Potter’s -” Lily breathed a quick sigh of relief as Hermione sent her a knowing smirk. “ - because as far as I am aware, Potter’s haven’t produced Squibs and the last two lines can be traced to the last remaining Potters – both you know.” She did, and now she could rest easier at night. “As for the Black’s, well….the last Squib was Marius, a brother of Sirius’ Grandfather Pollux, and my own Grandmother Dorea…”

“Cousins…”

“Royalty have been marrying cousins for centuries, so stop making things weird.” Hermione snapped as her cheeks turned pink and Lily raised her eyebrows.

“Are you calling yourself Royalty?” Marlene asked and Lily couldn’t help but laugh, but she was also aware that if anyone in their world was going to be royalty then it would no doubt be the Black’s, which would mean Hermione, even if she was only a percentage.

“...anyway, he was the last Squib erased from the Black family tree, unless Great Great Aunt Isla Black who married a Muggle produced Squibs, or Great Uncle Phineas who supported Muggle rights had children, then I’m going to give a firm no that you aren’t connected to them, and be thankful for that.” Hermione answered as Lily nodded her head and turned to Marlene, who sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

“Honestly got no idea – and I imagine Remus doesn’t either.” She answered the silent question with a sigh as she turned around to flop on her back, staring up at her ceiling. “How did we get to talking about this anyway – I thought we were gossiping about boys?”

“We were until you brought up relation.” Hermione snapped, before rolling her eyes and ignoring Marlene’s quick smile.

“My bad...maybe we should go back to James and Lily, and what is going on there…”

Lily let out a groan as she fell back onto her mattress, her friends sniggering reaching her ears and their whispers about what they thought was happening. Her whole face felt like it was far too hot, and her stupid brain was all but imagining their whispered situations.

It was just the hormones. That was it. She was seventeen, and had barely even kissed a boy, while her friends skipped around sleeping with each other. Her hormones were just raging, and there was an attractive boy who paid her attention.

That was all.