Choices upon choices
She wore a thousand faces all to hide her own - Atticus.
Monday the 1st of September 1975
“You asked to see me, Headmaster?” Once again she stood in the circular office, looking at the twinkling eyed man behind his desk as he wrote on a parchment and offered her kind smile. Yet she couldn’t help but feeling as though she was walking into some kind of trap.
“That I did, take a seat, Miss Potter.” He gestured to the chair before his desk and placed his parchment to the side. “How was the welcoming feast?” Her brow furrowed as he began the small talk that would no doubt lead to whatever it was he had called her up here for.
“Pleasant enough.”
“I trust your brother and his friends will be up to their usual shenanigans.” She offered him a tense smile and shrugged her shoulders.
“I’m sure Lily will try and put a stop to it.” Her eyes watched him for a second as he shifted slightly in his seat. “She is rather eager to start on her responsibilities.” If judging by the way she had rounded up the first years and ran towards the stairs without even waiting for Remus was an indication.
“I suppose you are curious as to why I did not make you Prefect?”
“I was surprised at first, my marks are the same, if not higher than Lily’s, but I do not envy her.” Hermione answered softly, truthfully as she met his eyes. She’d wished for it once but now not so much.
“I did think about you, in the beginning, but it seems to me that you have far too much to worry about and I did not want to be adding to that.” Dumbledore spoke as though he was explaining something to a child, condescending and clearly he expected her to deal in a different manner.
A small smile made it’s way onto her face as she thought about the other life. Hermione Granger had managed, though she became frazzled at the end, to focus on her O.W.Ls, on Voldemort being back and helping train a bunch of underage Witches and Wizards in secret all while her best friend kind of lost his mind.
“I would have managed.”
“You would have shirked your duties if there was an opportunity to find your father or follow your mission.” She couldn’t deny that, as much as she wanted to, but it still annoyed to be called out on it nonetheless.
“In all fairness, Sir, I think saving the world and killing Voldemort is more important than patrolling the halls in search of first years trying to find the kitchen or sixth years doing something inappropriate.” Hermione spoke back dryly as Dumbledore sent her a slight amused look.
“Your father was a Prefect.” Somehow she didn’t think he was talking about Fleamont and her mouth opened to remind him that the other guy was not her father but she snapped it shut as he stood up from his desk. “It was a mistake on Professor Dippet’s part -”
“All Slytherin Prefects have been mistakes.” Hermione mumbled under her breath as Dumbledore moved to look at one of the many shelves of trinkets and books.
“- he, much like yourself, lacked patience and the ability to follow simple instructions – it was thought that giving him a sense of responsibility would help guide him.” He turned to look over his shoulder at Hermione, where she still sat down, his eyes burning into her and his words twisting in her chest.
“Giving people even a small fraction of the power they want only causes problems in the long run.” Hermione remarked dryly, turning her head back to look at her hands and frown at the painful memories. “After that he only wanted more – so much more that he joined Voldemort and killed my mother.” With that she turned to send him a glare as he moved back to his desk.
“While I doubt him being Prefect started that journey, it might have had some repercussions.” Dumbledore spoke wisely, staring over his half moon spectacles as he sat down again.
“Might have?” Hermione asked with a small laugh. “And Tom Riddle, did you forget what happened when he was given the same thing? His small semblance of power turned into him becoming a purposefully torn murderous wizard who can not be stopped.” She all but shoved into his face before sneering at him. “And how many others can we add on to that list?”
“Miss Potter -”
“Perhaps you need to choose your Slytherin Prefects more wisely, Professor.” Her voice was cold as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Maybe giving people who value power makes people like you the catalyst in their actions.” It was a slight low blow, she knew that, but she couldn’t quite find it in her to care.
“You can not blame one person for the choices of others.” And yet he looked at though he understood, as if he knew he played a part in pushing so many Wizards down the wrong path – like he knew he played them all like pawns in his own version of chess.
“I can if that person is the reason for everything going wrong.” Hermione snapped, glaring at him as she stood up from her chair, the chair tumbling loudly to the ground behind her. “Whether that is Voldemort, my father or even Peter -”
“This...this is why I did not allow you to become a Prefect, you lack the correct attitude and ability to think clearly in your anger.” Dumbledore spoke back, as calm as ever, infuriating Hermione more. “Peter is a nothing more than a confused child without a clue of what he would have done in the future.” Was he being serious?
Hermione couldn’t help but stare at the old man, someone another version of her had perhaps admired, but now all she could see was the most questionable man she knew. Every choice he made, every word that came out of his mouth was thought through – he gave answers when he deemed important, he pushed for paths he thought would be better.
And despite her warning him, despite the future being in her head for a decade – he had yet to act on it. And she could understand them buying time, waiting until the right moment but what she couldn’t understand was the confusion he had of Peter.
“He is following a father who has always held an interest in darker subjects and who has been fired for several misconducts, tell me Miss Potter, what has he actually done as of yet?" He was still speaking, staring at her with those eyes that she could almost feel reaching into her darkest memories and pulling them forth.
"Does it matter when he won't do it now, when he made a choice, and he chose wrong and evil."
"What fifteen year old boy can truly be evil?"
"Did you think that of Tom Riddle, sir?" Hermione asked, a jolt of pleasure going through her brain when Dumbledore flinched. "Do you need to be reminded of what he did at that age, of the student who died?" He stared at her wordlessly and Hermione couldn’t help the anger that had begun to bubble over.
"Miss Potter…"
"It doesn't matter if Peter will never commit the atrocities he might have done, but he would have if given the same choice - it shows that with me being here or not, he has always been attracted to the dark arts, that he would willingly kill his friends for it or abandon them for what he deems better." Hermione snapped, pointing a finger on the desk and glaring at the man. "You can not tell me they are the actions of a boy who is scared and unsure, he knows what he is doing and he doesn't care."
"One could say the same about you, Miss Potter."
"I am nothing like Peter."
"A father having chosen the wrong path, an attraction to power and darker magic, a fight against morals." Hermione wanted to shout, tell him that made no difference. "You may think you are doing right, but tell me that you wouldn't do anything possible to save your own even if it meant sacrificing everyone else?"
"Wanting to save ones family and ones self are completely different." Hermione ground out but Dumbledore just smiled, self-satisfied with whatever ammunition she had just given him.
"Or are they the same selfish gesture." No they’re not, her mind screamed at her. "Their lives are more important than yours, at the great expense of many others if needs be and Peters is more important for him." Whatever connection he could see between her and Peter was thin and watery at best but he looked like he had one.
“I’m not that selfish, Sir, that I would knowingly risk and hurt other people to save my family.” Hermione said through gritted teeth, even if she knew it was a lie.
"Not yet anyway, war does terrible things to us all - some of us would even betray our own to pursue what is more important, like revenge or a petty goal." He stared at her as though he was making some kind of point – one she knew was hinted towards Octans.
"The greater good." She whispered under her breath before turning furious eyes onto the Headmaster.."I suppose your own goal for revenge after Ariana’s death and Grindelwald was not consider petty then." His eyes flashed dangerously at her as he stood up from behind his desk.
“You are stepping over the line, Miss Potter.”
“So are you by keeping me from doing what I have to do to end this war.” Hermione snapped back, straightening up her body and staring at him coldly. “Make no mistake, Sir, I won’t be put off for much longer and if I have to go at it alone then I will.” His mouth tensed and his hands gripped his desk.
“You always were a rude, insolent little child.” Her mouth opened to fight when she realised it hadn’t come from Dumbledore but instead one of his paintings on the wall, one she knew better than most. “And to think you carry the Black blood inside, my Ursula would have been so disappointed.”
“I imagine she would have been considering she was married to you, Grandfather.” She hadn’t seen his painting since the last time she entered Grimmauld Place which was probably a decade ago, but she could remember every taunting remark like it was yesterday.
“What shame you bring to the Ancient and Noble house of Black, how you disgrace our name with your lack of respect – I curse the day my granddaughter decided to marry that Potter boy…” Hermione waved her wand at Phineas’ face, watching with a smirk as his mouth opened and no sound came out.
“I guess it’s a good thing, Grandfather, that I am not a Black and instead a Potter – perhaps you should tell Grandmother Ursula that the next time you go to Grimmauld Place.” Her head tilted sideways as she turned back to face Dumbledore. “He never does quite know when to shut his mouth, Sir, I feel I should warn you of that.”
“Thank you.” His words were tight and his expression annoyed.
“I will be heading to bed now, it has been a long day and I grow tired of these useless conversations.”
“Miss Potter…”
“Have a good evening, Sir.” Hermione spoke, bowing her head slightly before turning on her heels, her school robe swishing around her feet as she headed towards the exit, the sound of something cracking with every step.
...
“Hey!” Lily called as Hermione exited the bottom of the headmasters office, her emerald eyes wary but a grin on her face as she linked her arm with Hermiones.
“Hi, what are you doing here? I thought you had firsties to show around?” Hermione asked as they started walking away and back to their Common Room, a few students lingering around and making small talk before they were sent to bed for the evening.
“All done and settled and they seem to be getting louder and smaller with every year, apart from this one kid who I swear was taller than me and about twenty.” Lily gestured, shaking her head. Hermione let out a laugh, some of her anger seeming to be left behind in the office she had come to despise. “So what did Dumbledore want?”
“To talk about why I didn’t get Prefect, only it seemed to become more about my father and Peter – not to mention the brief I just had with good old Phineas Nigellus.” Hermione rolled her eyes and Lily nodded her head.
They had spoken about it the night Lily received her badge, and Hermione had been honest in her slight surprise and happiness for Lily. This was her best friends time to shine and Hermione wasn’t upset about that in the slightest.
“Who’s Phineas Nigellus?”
“My great-great-grandfather.” Lily blinked as Sirius appeared from nowhere, with Remus by his side as they turned the corner. “Founder of all alive Black’s today – why are you speaking about him?” He frowned and looked between the two girls.
“Hermione just had a chat with him.” Lily explained.
“Oh, bet he had some lovely things to say – I personally enjoy being a ‘dratted mongrel whore bastard who will run the house of Black into the ground’.” Sirius spoke with a grin as Remus rolled his eyes and Lily looked offended on behalf of him.
“That’s much better than ‘rude and insolent’, along with what a shame I am.” Hermione sighed dramatically. “At least now he won’t be able to talk for a while.” She grinned impishly at Sirius who wrapped his arm around her shoulder and placed a kiss on her forehead.
Though, since their last conversation, they seemed to have been doing better – Hermione couldn’t help but blush at every little moment that they had together and Sirius seemed to spend his time with his arm over her shoulder or sat as close as he could to her. A weird level between friends and more that neither wanted to think too much about.
Unfortunately for them, it seemed people like Lily were more than happy to read into the situation if the raised eyebrows and bemused smile was anything to go by.
“So Prefects, you on patrol tonight?” Sirius asked, sending a quick look over his shoulder and pulling his arm back once he saw Lily. “And does this mean I no longer have to worry about detention.”
“Of course you do, we aren’t that close.” There was something in Lily’s voice that made Sirius frown, like some kind of warning that had him stepping an inch away from Hermione and placing more space between them.
“I’m willing to negotiate.” And yet he never missed a beat, offering a dazzling grin to the redhead who didn’t seem all that phased.
What a lucky girl her friend was, to not be phased by Sirius Blacks’ face. Hermione wished she could do the same, that her eyes would stay glued on his own instead of drifting down to his lips and wishing she could kiss him all over again. But alas, it seemed that her mind was torturing her by playing the same scene again and again in her, making her body feel as though it was being burned.
“What do you have to offer me?” Lily spoke loudly and Hermione felt the blush work it’s way to her cheeks as she was sent a look by Lily. Stupid teenage hormones.
“Not you, but I have a good amount of money and I am willing to buy Moony all the chocolate he wants.” Sirius spoke with a grin, turning to his friend who suddenly looked interested in the conversation instead of glaring at the ground.
“You are so easily tempted, Remus.”
“Now Evans, if I manage to keep James away from you -”
“Then I’ll owe you forever but we both know that will be impossible.” Lily sighed out, running a hand through her hair and letting her lips turn into a little smile, before she looked between the boys and frowned. “And where is Potter?”
“And Marlene?” Hermione spoke suddenly, turning to Sirius who watched her with wide eyes. “Have you ever noticed how they seem to be both missing at the same time – almost makes you think something is going on.” Her head tilted to the side as he gulped and sent a quick look to Hermione, eyes full of panic.
They are stayed there for a second, frowning when a couple moans could be heard, followed by someone swearing – someone that sounded very familiar and had Hermione and Lily swinging their heads towards the door.
“Is that -?” Hermione didn’t get to finish her thoughts as the sides of her face were grabbed and Sirius’ lips were on hers, a choked gasp coming from Remus and a whispered ‘For fucks sake’ from Lily.
She wanted to ask what was happening but her mind couldn’t quite remember the reason he was kissing her in the place, and judging by Sirius’ hand snaking into the back of her hair and the moan he let out, he couldn’t even remember what had made him do it either.
It was only when they heard a cough that they both pulled apart, confusion on their faces as they tried to remember they were all but groping each other in front of their friends that looked like they wished they could be anywhere else but had stayed, for a reason Hermione couldn’t even think of unless they were secret voyeurs.
“Erm guys…” Remus stop hesitantly but Hermione was now back focusing on Sirius with narrowed eyes, his chest heaving slightly and his pupils making his eyes almost completely black.
“I – were you trying to distract me from something?” She wasn’t offended, not really – trust Sirius to use his very talented mouth to distract a girl only to get caught up in it and forget what he was actually trying to do.
“No?”
“Guys…” Remus tried again as Hermione looked up amused at Sirius, his own cheeky grin only his face as he opened his mouth to say something only for someone to speak before he could.
“What the fuck.” Their heads snapped around to see James coming out of a broom cupboard, his uniform dishevelled and his hair messier than normal as both of his hands rested on the doorway and his eyes glared behind the tilted glasses.
“James?” Hermione asked with a frown, taking a slight step away from Sirius who seemed to have the same thought. “What were you doing – who the fuck is in there with you?” Pieces began to click together and guilt spread over her brothers face before he frowned at her and turned his eyes onto Sirius.
“You kiss my sister – I’m going to kill you.” Hermione rolled her eyes and moved her way forward, pushing her brother back into the cupboard, his girlish yell almost making her laugh.
The girl stood in the corner, her head bent and her shirt not fully buttoned but Hermione would recognise her anywhere. “Marlene.”
…
Hermione paced the length of the room, glaring between Marlene and James who sat at the foot of his bed, Remus and Lily watching the whole thing with wide unsure eyes and Sirius sat on his own bed behind her, his head in his hands.
“So let me get this straight – you two have been...doing things together for a year -” She pointed between Marlene and James before turning to look between Remus and Sirius. “ - you two have known all about this while Lily and me were kept in the dark, sound about right?” She asked with a sweet smile that didn’t match her tone.
“Mi’, I would just like to say that -”
“Shut up, Sirius!” The Potter siblings shouted together as Sirius hung his head while Hermione and James glared at each other, James finally standing up.
“Well what do you have to say?” Hermione asked after a second, her hands on her hips and her curls practically hissing like medusa, her foot tapping against the floor as James stared at her open mouthed, a scoff leaving his throat.
“That it’s very hypocritical considering you were just kissing my best mate.” He gestured towards Sirius who was still refusing to look up. “I mean come on, Hermione, why would you even go there?” He whined, stomping his foot like a child as a hurt look crossed Sirius’ face and Hermione rolled her eyes.
“He’s a good kisser, you can’t blame me for wanting to give it a second try.” She knew she was playing with fire but it couldn’t be helped when James’ eyes all but bugged out of his head and his brain seemed to short-circuit.
“A second – you’ve kissed him before?!” He shouted in her face, making her feel glad that they hadn’t decided to do this in the Common Room. There was already enough rumours about them, they didn’t need to give a free show too. “You kissed my sister before?”
“No, your house-elf.” Sirius bit back dryly as James took a step towards his best friend, Hermione throwing her arms out to stop him coming any closer. “Of course your sister, you moron.” Her body tensed as he pressed half against her back glare at James.
“I am going to beat your face until it’s no longer pretty nor tempting to Hermione.” James hissed as Hermione pushed him away, her hand resting on his chest and her eyes narrowed at her brother.
“You’re words make me feel so warm inside.”
“Both of you sit the fuck down.” Hermione snapped, pushing James away and turning her head to glare at Sirius as he huffed out a breath and sat back on his bed. “You have no right to even be annoyed about a couple of kisses between Sirius and I, when you two have been lying about your relationship for a year.” Hermione gestured between James and Marlene who had the decency to look slightly ashamed.
“I don’t think it’s a ‘relationship’, just mutual friends doing the beast with two backs, if that helps.” Sirius threw in helpfully, raising his eyebrows. “No? Sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry and James looked a second away from whipping something in the boys face.
“Pads...just stop talking.” Remus whispered to his friend, though him and Lily looked far too entertained by the whole situation.
“Maybe we should just all calm down and give James and Marlene a chance to explain why they felt like lying about what they were doing was the best call.” Lily added, sending a glare to the couple.
“It has nothing to do with you – I don’t even understand why you are even here.” Marlene snapped, her face bright red and her hands clenched tightly as James stared at Lily with what could only be a look of longing and guilt.
“Don’t be a bitch, McKinnon – Evans is more than welcome to be here.” Sirius defended Lily to the surprise of everyone, even Lily who smiled to herself and bent her head.
“Oh are you planning on shoving your tongue down her throat too?”
“Jesus Christ – this whole situation is like dealing with two year olds.” Lily jumped up from the bed, sending Remus all but flying over the edge as she glared at Marlene. “The matter of the fact is that the pair of you lied for whatever reason – and Hermione and Sirius kissed twice, once for their own reasons and the other because he was trying to make sure we didn’t find out about you two – they’re not even in a relationship -”
“You’re not together?” James asked dangerously as Hermione let out a sigh and Sirius buried his face in his hands.
“I honestly thought that would help this situation.” Lily muttered to herself, sending Hermione a guilty glimpse, before she once again tried to make the mess better. “Neither are you and Marlene!” Something crossed her brothers face, one like guilt.
“We never claimed to be and the whole reason we wanted to keep it a secret was so no one would go around talking shit.” James defended, sending a glare to Lily who seemed shocked. “I care about her, she’s my friend and I’m not about to let her be dishonoured – not like Sirius has done to Hermione.” The room groaned as Hermione placed her hands on her hips again.
“We kissed – that’s all – it’s not like I let him fuck me against the stairs for everyone to see!” Her cheeks burned even further as Sirius raised an interested eyebrow and James frowned even more.
“Keep your mouth closed unless you want to loose your tongue – you have you have dishonoured my sister and therefore you will marry her.” Hermione could have laughed if her brother didn’t seem so serious about the whole situation.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sirius asked tiredly, Hermione looking over her shoulder but he was staring at her brother like he thought James was the stupidest man alive.
“I am not marrying Sirius because we kissed James this isn’t 1813, half of the people in this school have done worse – you included!” Her voice rose at the end, high pitched as James pursed his lips and his ear turned red.
“But not you – you don’t deserve to be messed around – no offence, mate, I love you – but she’s my sister and I won’t have you breaking her heart once you’ve gotten what you think you want.” Sirius’ shoulders slumped as Hermione clicked her tongue despite the understanding and love she felt for her sweet, caring and stupid younger brother.
“Mate I’m not gonna -”
“I appreciate that, Jamie, but you don’t even have to worry – what happened tonight was nothing more than Sirius’ vague attempt keeping me distracted and before that was – well I don’t know.” She whispered the last words and winced before facing her brother with a sigh. “But we both decided that nothing is going to come of it anyway.”
James actually looked shocked, a frown forming between his eyes. “Are you sure that’s something you both want?”
Hermione and Sirius turned to look at each other, and for a moment she swore they were both going to say no, her stomach twisting and her eyes focused on just him for a second. Every piece of anger and annoyance melting away, his eyes flickered with something, an understanding that nothing had changed between them and yet it felt like a lie as she turned back to James, the pair of them speaking at the same time.
“Yes.”
...
SECOND WEEK OF SEPTEMBER
It was rare day in September where the sun shone brightly in the sky and filled the air with a warmth that would no doubt disappear from the Scottish highlands the next day. Which meant the students were soaking up the sun with their homework and/or dipping their toes in the cold lake while they gossiped about whatever the new rumours were.
Hermione’s own books laid out beside her, half forgotten as Lily, laid on her stomach, chewed on the end of her sugar quill instead of writing the essay she was supposed to have finished – it would have been easy to think the redhead was actually doing her homework if it wasn’t for the way her head kept looking over her shoulder at the group of boys not too far away.
Hermione had been watching them too, it was hard not too when they seemed to call attention from everyone around at a certain movement – whether because they seemed to be waiting some kind of prank or because, like Hermione, there was a certain member of the group that seemed to catch their eye.
He sat there laughing at something Remus had uttered, eyes crinkling at the corners, white teeth catching in the sunlight and one hand used to lean back on while the other ran through his hair. It was so carefree and Sirius, that it made sense why there seemed to be a group of girls giggling nearby.
“What do you think they are doing?” Hermione looked away from the boys, grabbing one of the apples they had brought with them to take a bite as she followed Lily’s eyesight – except it didn’t seem to be Sirius she was staring at.
Hermione’s mouth quirked up as Remus snatched the parchment from James’ waving hand, leaning forward to hiss something. “It’s a map of Hogwarts, filled with secret passages and accurate movements of everyone in the castle.” She grinned at Lily as the girl look back with a frown.
“What?”
“Don’t tell them I told you, I’m not even supposed to know.” Hermione added as Lily’s closed her mouth.
“Then how do you know?” Lily asked with a frown and a slight disappointment. “Did Sirius tell you?” Her mouth turned into a wide grin as Hermione rolled her eyes.
“No, of course not.” She waved her hand in the air before she leaned forward so her face wasn’t too far away from Lily’s as she grinned. “It’s a Marauder secret, that they spent all summer talking loudly about.” An easy half-truth that could be bought by the boys if it was ever mentioned, which it probably would be one day.
“Please tell me that’s not what they are calling themselves.” Lily groaned as Hermione moved away with a chuckle.
“Their little group of fo- three.”
“It does feel weird to not see Peter hanging over them, even if the past year he wasn’t around that much.” Lily remarked as she picked up her real quill and began doodling on her parchment. “How have they been with it all?” Hermione sighed, dropping the apple onto the ground beside her, her appetite gone.
The truth was, they never spoke about Peter, despite the whispers. None of them mentioned him or what had happened, they didn’t even speak to Hermione about it so she couldn’t even be sure they spoke between themselves. Lily only knew because of Hermione but even she kept her mouth shut out of respect.
That never stopped the rumours though, that Peter had run away because of his father, that the boys had pushed him out of school because he was the weak link and her favourite – that he couldn’t take that three boys seemed to have something going on without him.
“I think they are doing alright, it hurts, there is no doubt about that but they seem to be doing better and not planning on hunting him down.” Hermione muttered but it was still a guess – for all she knew, they sat plotting every night about finding Peter.
“Well they deserve some answers.” Lily muttered darkly, her head turning to look at the boys again. “And where is Marlene, I thought she would be hanging all over Potter?” She turned back to her essay then, frowning at her drawing of the three boys.
“I don’t know, honestly I don’t even want to think about either of them and that.”
“You and me both.” Lily cringed, pushing her parchment away and dropping her quill in the grass. “Just because James...ew, I know he’s your brother but honestly – I mean I guess the eyes are nice and his skin is...but the messy hair and personality well they are just enough to drive someone crazy and...what?”
“Nothing.” Hermione chuckled as Lily turned pink. “Just gave him a lot of compliments considering you don’t like him that much.” She raised a taunting eyebrow as Lily spluttered.
“I did not!” But her cheeks were red. “If we are going to talk about not liking someone then how about we talk about you and Sirius – I have honestly never seen ‘friends’ who spend most of their time touching and smiling at each other like the pair of you.” As if to prove her point she reached out to stroke Hermione’s sock covered leg.
“We don’t touch that much.”
“Hermione, I’m surprised that your shoulders don’t have a permanent dent from his arm – and I’m seriously considering making him put lipstick on so you can see how many times he kisses your forehead.” Lily laughed as she reached out to poke Hermione’s forehead in question. “And don’t get me started on you...I mean...’oh Sirius, hahaha, you’re so funny and handsome.’” Hermione couldn’t help the amused brow that raised as Lily leaned into her side in an over exaggerated way.
“Are we doing impressions of Hermione and Sirius?” The girls looked up to see Remus above them with an amused smile on his face.
“What are you doing here?”
“I thought about studying, you guys seemed like the better option.” Remus sat down on the other side of Lily, gesturing to James and Sirius who seemed to tormenting a few first and second years with something and giggling like children. “But it seems we are teasing Hermione instead, much more fun.” They really didn’t seem close enough for that.
“Shove it.” Hermione pouted, grabbing a book and opening it to a random page.
“Would you prefer if I sounded more like Sirius?” Remus asked, kind despite the cheek in his tone. “’Come on Mi’, you know you can’t resist me.’” He dropped his voice a tad lower, taking on a more drawling slightly posher tone (Sirius had done as best as he could to get rid of as much of his accent as he could).
“That was terrible.” Hermione remarked dryly as she shifted in her seat, her eyes quickly flicking to Sirius who was now giving James a piggyback.
“’I think it was great, Sirius, you can do nothing wrong.’” Lily’s voice dropped slightly too, became much posher and for some reason breathier as she laid her head on Remus’ leg. “’Let’s pretend that nothing is going on between us and keep on acting like we aren’t a second away from doing indecent things in front of everyone.’” She flashed him a cheeky grin as Hermione shook her head.
“’I agree, even though it’s a blatant lie and I am stupid, I feel nothing more than usual for you, Hermione – and do not spend my time daydreaming about pulling her into a broom closest for a snog.’” He added a wink at the end as Lily burst out into laughter and moved back to her original spot.
Hermione’s cheeks turned pink as she glared at both of her friends. “You’re both idiots.”
…
Friday 19th of September 1975
“Watch your step!” Sirius hissed as he tried his best to help her up the stairs, thank Merlin he was behind her though otherwise he would see how bright red her face was at having his hands on her waist and his breath on her ear. She really need to regain control of the situation.
“I don’t know why I needed to be blindfolded for this – I swear, Sirius, if this is some party -”
“It’s not, ‘Mi, I promise.” He reached around her then, his hand gripping hers and leading her on a much flatter ground, until her hands reached out to grip a familiar cool railing.
“Then why – oh.” Her breath left her throat as he stood behind her, the blindfold which was just a tie sliding away from her eyes and letting her see the nights sky, the nearly full moon hung in the sky with a thousand bright stars that spelt out ‘Happy Birthday, Hermione’ for seemingly the whole world to see. “How -”
“It’s a charm, you can only see it from here and in an hour it will be gone...but I thought – well happy birthday, Hermione.” Gone was the confident Sirius and instead replaced with a shy and soft smiling boy before her.
Her hands clasped around his neck, his arms holding him to her as he lifted her off the ground, placing a kiss to the side of her forehead and placing her back down as Hermione blinked away watery eyes. It was something so simple and yet it warmed her heart like no other, and she couldn’t help but drag him over the edge, holding his hand tightly.
This had always been her place for her birthday. Somewhere she could think quietly and enjoy that another year had gone by, that she still had time before her mission – where she could miss those that were no longer able to spend it with her. And if she needed to, she could just cry. And Sirius had gone out of his way to add an extra touch.
“I know it’s not much, so I got you this too.” Sirius whispered, his hand moving from hers and to the base of her neck, navigating around her curls to tie something there before he pulled back so that Hermione could see.
A small rectangle black stone that seemed to shift to a familiar silver, lay on her sternum, a black rope threaded through to hold it there but it was the rune carved into the stone that made her eyes water again. Something much like a ‘Y’ with an extra line through the middle of the v part.
“Algiz?” Hermione questioned, her voice but a whisper.
“I had to have Remus talk me through it, my knowledge of Runes, especially ones with so many meanings is shit, but this one stood out.” He explained sheepishly, but she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. “Courage, defence, and protection – I was mainly going for that.” He whispered the last part, reaching out to touch the necklace.
“Protection?”
“The wars getting worse and I know better than to think you’ll sit on the sidelines forever, at least this way you might have something keeping you safe.” She heard what he wasn’t saying, that he wanted her to be safe with whatever she did.
“That’s surprisingly sweet.” Hermione whispered, sucking in a breath as he grinned down at her and raised a hand to quickly stroke her cheek, tucking a curl behind her ear and then dropping his hand.
“It has been known to happen.” She had known that, Hermione Granger could have told her that, but she hadn’t needed to because Hermione Potter, despite the annoyance, had seen it before. With James, with Remus, Marlene, even with Lily and even herself.
It made her heart beat faster and her eyes flicker to his lip that held the rare but beautiful smile as he leaned forward and pressed a quick and warm kiss to her burning cheek.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime, Kitten.” Although his voice was soft, he sent her a wink that made her grin. “I better go before James comes up here and thinks something is happening, but Happy Birthday Hermione.” He began to move away and Hermione couldn’t help but watch him as something shifted slightly inside her.
“Wait, Sirius.” Her hand reached out to grab his wrist and as she stared up at him, she wanted nothing more than to kiss him. To give into everything her brain was telling her to, her breath stuttered and Sirius smiled at her understanding, pulling his wrist from her grip gently and tucking his hands into his pocket.
She smiled back, and stood on her tiptoes, pressing a quick and gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth before moving back as he stared at her softly.
“Hello...what are you doing here?” They turned to see James stood in the entrance, with an amused smile on his face instead of the usual frown when he saw them together.
“I was just giving Hermione her present.”
“If it’s something in your pants then you can fuck off.” And he was back, though there was a teasing tone to his voice as Hermione clicked her tongue and Sirius actually smirked, opening his mouth to say something before snapping it closed with a grimace. “Or you could go anyway, I want time with my sister.”
“Prat.” Sirius chuckled out, placing another kiss on Hermione’s cheek and giving her a smile, strutting past James and punching the boy in the arm, leaving the Potter siblings alone.
The pair moved to stand side by side, staring up at the sky as it began to fade from sight but never from Hermione’s mind.
“Are you nervous about tomorrow?” Hermione asked after a few moments of silence, turning to look up at her brother who was staring at the moon in the sky, the light reflecting from his glasses, his skin slightly paler than usual.
“Hm...our first time running around with a werewolf...yeah it’s pretty terrifying but if it works or helps then I suppose it will be worth the risk.” It would, it would change Remus’ life forever, maybe even make him healthier than in a long time – give him some sense of a pack that he lacked.
“It will work and Remus will be forever grateful.”
“I’m not doing it for that.”
“I know.” Hermione whispered and not for the first time she wanted to tell him everything that she knew and offer him some sort of comfort. But she couldn’t, not now and maybe not ever.
“He means a lot to me and I want to be there for him when I can – it’s what friends do, it’s what you and Sirius are pretending that you are doing.” James mumbled back, turning to look at her over his glasses in a way that could only be described as; Dumbledore.
“We aren’t pretending.” And they weren’t, it’s just that the lines seemed to be getting more blurred with every passing day and she was finding it harder to not act on the confusing feelings, that no longer wanted to be deemed as confused.
Or that was how it was for her. It was hard to tell for Sirius when he didn’t seem that much more different, expect he seemed to enjoy sitting beside or as close to her as he could.
“Neither of you are being honest about what you really want, which is each other.”
“I don’t have time for this...I have enough in my cauldron without adding whatever confusing thing with Sirius is happening.” Denial, her thoughts sang to her, her head dropping as she tried to push away the voice away.
“You think you are adding it but it’s already in the cauldron, seemingly small but I’m pretty sure it’s been there since you were both kids.” James defended with a laugh, shaking his head before his hazel eyes caught hers and he gave her a one shouldered shrug. “And as for the other problems, well they’re going to be there whether you decide you want to give it a try or not.”
“That’s not a reason to try – and I hardly think it’s fair that you are up here lecturing me when you don’t even know what happened.” Hermione scoffed out, looking back up to the sky and the faint sign that still twinkled if you focused hard enough.
“You kiss and apparently didn’t want to see where that could go, what’s more to understand?”
“You’re best friend is something of a free person with his body – I am not. He doesn’t want relationships and I do.” Hermione explained softly. “There was nowhere for it to go other than a couple of tumbles in the bed.” Even if it was a tempting idea at this very moment, and many other moments in the day.
“I don’t want to think about that – and I don’t want to think that Sirius isn’t doubting what he said and seriously considering changing his mind.” James offered softly, gesturing to where the stars were nearly almost gone now, her heart aching slightly and her mind wondering if he would do this again for her if she asked.
“James…”
“He likes you, it pisses me off, but he does and you like him too, what more to it does there need to be.” It sounded so simple and really it should have been, for anyone else in this school, they would have jumped at the chance to be with their crush but not Sirius and Hermione.
There was a lot between them, shared family that neither really liked to think about. Disappointing biological parents, pressures, tempers and different reactions to the problems they had gone through.
And yet she wished it could be as simple as James said it was.