“REGULUS” James screamed from the clifftop, throwing his body into the sound in an effort to make it louder. But the mocking wind tore at his voice and moaned past him, ancient and unaffected. James clutched his coat tight to his body as he tried to calm himself. Everything is going to be ok, he just needed to find Reg before he does something stupid. He told himself this over and over as he fiercely scanned the sea from his spot on the clifftop.
Half an hour ago, Regulus’s Patronus had flown into the potters living room, it had told James in Regulus’s cold shaking voice three words: “I’m sorry James.”
The aching sorrow of those three words sent had James Potter into such a panic he had smashed the teacup he was drinking from and leaped up in fright just to watch the raven dissolve into nothing.
James paced the cliff edge, he was being pushed this way and that as he shouted again into the grey sky, tears starting to prick at his eyes as the wind grasped at his hair and pulled at his clothes.
Think, think, think.
This had been the first place James had thought to look. These days Regulus was jumpy and paranoid, rambling about caves and this godforsaken place. Reg had taken him here once, turned up at his doorstep after months with no warning- a wild look in his eyes and apparated them both to this clifftop. James had shouted at him, scared of who Regulus had become, he could see dried blood around his arms, and his face was gaunt and wild, Reg had tried to explain but James had not understood, he had apparated back to his house, back to Lilly who hugged him as he cried for the boy he had loved.
It started to rain.
Sheets of it cut into his face as he stood, staring out to sea, the crashing black waves looked unforgiving and cruel.
Regulus had always loved the sea, but James hated it. He could picture Reg’s body being smashed against the cliffs, taste the salt water as it forced its way into his mouth, his ears, his nose. He forced himself to take three deep breaths as he scanned the water, it wouldn’t come to that.
The waves crashed against each other, obscuring the shoreline and creating violent booms that reverberated up the cliff.
“REG-"
Then James saw it- amidst the chaos, there was a small black rock that sat amongst the waves, the top just out of reach from the crashing tirade, it wasn’t too far out and would give him a good vantage point, to look for any caves along the shoreline.
James took a deep breath, stealing himself for the tricky landing. Not giving himself time to think, he moved.
The void enfolded him for a second before spitting him onto the slip of rock. He landed on both feet, but the rock was slippery, and he almost hurtled into the back ocean- grabbing a jagged piece of rock to steady himself.
His knee sliced open on a sharp stone and he grunted, falling onto his side. James took a deep breath and stood up slowly, placing his feet on rough patches of barnacles, and turning towards the towering grey cliffs that loomed out of the mist before him. A crack splintered up the face of the cliff, peeling away at the base to reveal an impossibly dark cavern.
The entrance was a few feet from the waves, and wide enough to apparate into easily.
He tried to move but his feet wouldn’t let him.
James stared into the mouth of the cave. In his gut he knew Reg was in there, but the dark inside the cave was wrong somehow- it seemed to loom out of the mist, oozing darkness and staring menacingly back at him.
It reeked of death.
It might have been animal instinct that made him hesitate before panic for Regulus overtook his brain again and he stepped once more into the void.
James landed in the entrance, once inside he could see the lines of erosion where the sea had chipped away at the cave over time, the lines spiralled through the cavern, and around a large rock, James couldn’t see further.
“Lumos” he whispered, his voice didn’t echo though, it was swallowed by the damp air and darkness.
By the light of his wand, he slowly walked around the bolder, his back to the wall.
You’re ok James, he thought, as a lump came up in his throat. Don’t cry, he told himself sternly. There was a light up ahead, a white light that looked like it had been cast by someone. James started to run towards the end of the tunnel.
“Regulus” he whispered urgently as he rounded the corner, relief flooding through him.
He came out onto a rocky beach that framed a large lake, there was a shining white light up ahead, hovering far above in the huge mouth of the cavern. The walls towered above his head, and the glittering light reflected off the walls and onto the lake, there was a boat, floating in the middle of the water, rocking slightly in the cold currents.
“Regulus” James called out again, straining to look for movement on the other side of the lake. He could see an island in the centre of it, and a few rocks protruding around it. James shouted this time, walking up and down trying t-
That wasn’t a rock.
“Regulus?” James breathed, his heart hammering.
Regulus Blacks body floated lifeless in the black water.
James’s heart stopped.
No no no no no no- he stumbled towards the shore, and waded into the lake, numb to the freezing water that lapped at his skin. Blind with terror, he launched himself at Regulus, tearing through the water towards him his hands reached through the darkness as he groped for Regulus’s body. James could feel things in the water around him, but his eyes were fixed to Regulus.
Choking back sobs, he reached Reg who was face down in the water and tried to roll him over, but he was too heavy and wouldn’t turn.
“No no no no,” James gripped onto one of his arms and frantically pulled him towards the shore, spluttering as the black water lapped into his mouth.
He felt something claw at his leg and tried to cry out, but he couldn’t get enough air so he kicked outwards violently and felt it detach from him and disappear. James gripped Regulus tightly as he at last felt stone beneath his feet, and stumbled onto the shore, dragging the body with him. He collapsed onto the ground beside Reg, falling to his knees and using the last of his strength to grasp Regulus’s shoulders and roll him onto his back.
The guttural sound that tore from James Potter as he beheld his lovers lifeless face, echoed around the chamber for an eternity. Regulus’s eyes stared forwards, unseeing. His head lolled back into James’s arms, and his lips were blue and cold.
“No –“James choked, coughing up water, “Reg what did you do” he whispered, tears running down his face, and onto Regulus’s cheek, he was shivering violently, and his sobs were spasming in his chest as he tried to feel for a pulse.
Where is a pulse? James thought frantically, his shaking hands fumbling around Regulus’s cold neck. he pressed his hands into reg’s skin, his vision wobbled, and he cried out- trying to wake him.
“Please wake up- wake up” James cried, starting to shout, “Regulus- REGULUS” he was shaking the boy’s shoulders now, screaming at him to wake up again and again.
As soon as James realised what he was doing, he sat back in shock, clamping a hand over his mouth. “Sorry” he breathed, fresh tears sliding down his face as he stared at the body beside him, “I’m so sorry, Reg”.
James looked around numbly, the cave looked back.
It wasn’t that James didn’t understand death- the war had already taken his parents, it’s just that he never thought it would take Regulus from him. The worst part was he didn’t even know why or how he had died, only that he died alone.
Sitting up slowly, James leaned over and wrapped his arms once more around Regulus, he wasn’t sure why he did this, he had seen other people do it before. He rested his head against Reg’s hollow chest and closed his eyes. The damp clothes stuck to his cheek and he tried not to cry - this wasn’t Regulus.
James could feel cold skin beneath his warm hands, so empty and pale. He couldn’t feel the comforting arms enfolding him, just the limp remains of a boy, staring sightlessly up at the cave ceiling, mouth agape and screaming. James peeled himself away and tried not to be sick.
Regulus was gone, and now James sat alone in a cave, cradling a corpse.
James felt a wave of fresh tears fill his eyes, so he steeled himself to carry Reg out, wrapping his arms around the boy a last time, he stiffly stood up. The body was horribly light and hung limp in his arms as he walked towards the cave opening. Regulus’s head and legs hung towards the floor, as James carried him out, the cold sea breeze whistled through the opening, leading him out.
James shed his last tears then, cradling the body of his beloved. Some were for Sirius Black, sitting at home with Remus, but most were for Regulus and what they could have been.
“I’ll see you soon my love” James told him tenderly, staring out at the waves,
“I’ll see you soon”.
And James did.