Darling, this is more than I felt before
Dorcas enters the Regulus’ dorms, her face flushed and her hair wild. Regulus looks up, merely raising an eyebrow at her. He lowers his book, staring her up and down as she jumps on Evans bed.
Evan grumbles under his breath, acting as if he’s going to push her off until barty appears through the door as well, sitting on Regulus bed and his attention has been averted.
“Have you finally gotten yourself a date or what? Saw you running here and just had to check it out,” Barty drawls out sarcastically, crossing his arms with an amused expression.
Dorcas grins, her face flushing even more that Regulus doesn’t think is humanly possible. Barty’s jaw drops in response, Evan smugly looks at Barty and Regulus leans forward in interest, though his face is as blank as ever.
“Tell us everything,” Barty insists, his eyes sparkling. Dorcas rolls her eyes at him and grabs a pillow from next to Evan. She hugs it tightly as Pandora walks through and sits between Regulus and Dorcas, her legs sprawled over Dorcas’ lap.
“You told me you had urgent news,” Pandora says lightly. Feigning unawareness, however Regulus can see through her.
Pandora nearly knows everything at all times, she’s one of the most observant people Regulus has ever met, even more so than him. He suspects she might be a seer as well, runs in her family.
“I was on the quidditch field, practicing, as one does. I’d been there at least for an hour until I caught Marlene McKinnon get on her broom and fly around. She didn’t talk to me until she challenged me to who could fly the best. We tied after four laps, she looked me dead in the eyes and told me the winner could ask anything of the loser.
“I thought it was fine, might’ve rolled my eyes a bit but agreed nontheless. She made it her mission to win, which she did. We flew down, and we walked to the Slytherin changing rooms per her request,” Dorcas explains, her hands making wild gestures as her excitement grows.
“Did you lose or did you let McKinnon win?” Evan asks, raising an eyebrow at her knowingly. Dorcas waves him off —letting them know she had in fact let Marlene win.
“Not relevant to the story, she backed me in the corner and told me to kiss her. I nearly fainted, didn’t believe her but followed through when she repeated herself. The kiss was so amazing and her hands around my waist…” Dorcas sighs happily, a dreamy look on her face. “I blurted out if she wants to go on a date with me, she agreed.”
Evan turns to Pandora begrudgingly, taking out twenty galleons out of his trunk. Pandora smiles sweetly at Evan. “I’m very happy for you, Dorcas!”
Dorcas stares at Pandora, jaw slacked but there was a hint of amusement twinkling in her eyes as she takes in Evan’s sulky expression.
“Never become a gambler, Ev,” Barty cackles, reaching over and ruffling Evan’s hair, resting his hand against the edge of the bed. Evan looks barty over once, taking ahold of Barty’s arm.
Barty freezes, swallowing and getting lost in Evan’s eyes. Not noticing Evan’s plan to push him onto the ground until it’s too late.
Barty yelps as he plummets to the ground, glaring at Evan from the floor. Mumbling under his breath as Barty and Evan start bickering.
Regulus rolls his eyes, raising his chin and glancing at Dorcas before a small smile graces his face. “About fucking time.”
“Says you,” Dorcas shoots back, fondly. She runs her finger over her lips, smiling giddily.
“It’s a mystery to me why Evan insists on betting with you when you always win,” Regulus comments.
He makes himself comfortable on his bed, half listening to his friends’ conversations until his eyes droop closed. His dreams consists of living in France, watching the sun set on the balcony with James by his side.
There’s faint laughter, presumably Sirius and Remus chasing each other around until the scene starts to shift and Regulus is getting pulled under, darkness surrounding him and hands reaching for him. Pandora’s dreamy voice calling out to him as he loses sight of the last ray of sunlight. ‘Reg, Reg, wake up! Regulus!’
“Regulus!”
Regulus shoots up gasping for air, checking his surroundings urgently on instinct. Pandora’s face hovers over him, worry evident on her face as she presses her hand on his forearm. “Are you okay?”
He focuses on the door, seeing Evan’s face appear around to check on them. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Is it dinner time already?”
Pandora hums, studying him and Regulus’ mask falls back in place. He pads through to the bathroom, catching sight of his rused hair —reminding him of James’—and dark circles under his eyes. he sighs. “You go, I’ll catch up with you.”
He combs his fingers through his hair in an attempt to flatten them. He applies makeup under his eyes to make it the dark circles less apparent and changes into a different sweater.
He hurries through the empty halls, pushing the doors open. Everyone’s chatter ceases as their heads turn his way in union. he hurries to the Slytherin table, sending a deathly glare at James who calls out: “Hey Reg!”
Once he’s seated, he piles food on his plate. Sandwiched between Dorcas and Barty, across from pandora —who once again sits at their table for Regulus instead of with her Ravenclaw friends, he feels a bit guilty— and Evan. He cuts his food into small pieces, slowly eating as he listens to his friends. Occasionally butting in the conversation to agree or to call Barty an idiot.
His nightmares always leave him a bit exhausted and Pandora nudges coffee his way. He drains it in one go, nodding gratefully at her.
His eyes wander to the Gryffindor table. James, Peter, Remus and Sirius are sitting together per usual. Peter and Sirius with their backs to him. James is animatedly talking about something, probably quidditch, as he hasn’t bothered to change out of his uniform.
Peter’s resting his head on his arm as he listens to James. The girls, Lily, Marlene and Mary sit near by, their heads bowed together.
As if James feels Regulus’ burning gaze, he cocks his head towards him. James winks at him, Regulus ducks his head, his hair hiding his blush slightly. He peers under his eyelashes, James’ gaze is still on him. What was James doing?
“Quit eye fucking Potter and just talk to him,” Pandora comments, smiling at the two of them. “And don’t tell me the bullshit about him liking Lily.”
“Okay, I won’t tell you that,” Regulus shrugs his shoulders, focusing on his food again. Dorcas is complaining about Potions homework while Pandora and Regulus listen amused. One of the reasons why he and Pandora bonded was because of their mutual love for potions. Soon enough, Regulus’ stomach is content and students start making their way to their common rooms.
He doesn’t spot James and his group until outside of the doors, James immediately latches onto him. Regulus is aware of the warmth he radiates. He peers at Sirius, who’s in a conversation with Peter. not paying them any attention.
“So how have you been doing Reggie,” James asks him and Regulus catches the way the students around them slow down to ogle at them as if they’re caged animals who can juggle.
“Fine,” Regulus answers, aware of the fact that the tight grip James has on his waist as he walks Regulus to the dorms.
“No asking me about my health?— I think we should talk, Reg, I mean it. You’ve been avoiding me,” James’ voice turns serious —as serious as he has ever heard him— and Regulus’ stomach twists uncomfortably. He doesn’t comment until after they’re standing in front of Slytherin’s entrance.
“I hope you’re doing well, Potter. I know you’re going to let me down gently because you’re like that but frankly i don’t want to listen to you talk about how you like Lily and that you’re sorry. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you,” Regulus says matter of factly, daring to glance at James for a second before mumbling the password and slipping though before James’ fingers can wrap around his wrist. Leaving James staring at where Regulus disappeared with a frown on his face.
Regulus checks his watch once more, then the note Peter had slipped into his robes. He ignores the questioning looks he’s receiving from the other students.
‘Meet me at the potions classroom on Tuesday at 3, it’s urgent.
-Pete’
Regulus wonders what’s wrong, is it Peter’s mother? Concern itches its way through his body, he’s five minutes earlier than asked. They never passed notes, normally Peter managed to catch him at the astronomy tower or the kitchen, or really wherever Regulus was at the moment.
He drums his fingers on his lap, catching peter hurrying towards him. he’s slightly out of breathe but sees fine for the rest. “Is everything okay?” Regulus murmurs. Peter raises his eyebrow gesturing for him and Regulus to take a stroll.
“So you do care about me,” Peter jokes, jamming Regulus in his ribs. Regulus scowls at him and he never got his answer —or perhaps he did— as Peter stops walking, replaced by James.
Regulus jerks around to see Peter mouth ‘talk to him!’ and sauntering away. There’s a small part of him feeling betrayed but he knows, realistically, that Peter is doing James a favour.
‘Bye, Jamie,” he briskly walking past him without looking back. James chases after him, calling his name out.
“Regulus, just give me a moment!” James huffs, annoyance seeping through his voice. At that, Regulus makes the mistake of turning his head slightly, James taking it as a sign to continue. “You’ve been ignoring me and usually I wouldn’t mind because that’s you but I really need to speak with you! Especially after last time.”
Regulus shakes his head, picking up his pace. He sees the Slytherin’s entrance coming to view. The crowd in the hallway perks up at the two walking by them. Regulus is beginning to wonder if they’re their only source of amusement around here.
‘Go away, Potter,” Regulus grinds out through his clenched teeth.
“I love you!” James confesses, grabbing Regulus by the wrist. Regulus stops in his tracks, not turning around. his heartbeat picks up, the whispers around them taunting him. The ground before him turns blurry and the humiliation burning through him.
Regulus hurries to the slytherins entrance, whispering the password. “Did you hear me? I just said I love—“
“Get the fuck in,” Regulus chokes out, James stares at him, bewildered, but doing as told without question. He ignores the even louder whispers, the question looks from Barty and Dorcas who were previously probably bickering about Merlin knows what.
They get to Regulus’ dorms, he slams the door shut, tugging at the ends of his hair. His breathing is erratic as he faces James, his lips quivering. “Never ever say that again.” Regulus corners James. “You don’t get to do that not unless you mean it. Because I love you so much it hurts me, every day.”
“Reggie— Regulus, I don’t understand. What are you talking about? Of course I mean it.”
“Of course you don’t,” Regulus says exasperated. “You know I really don’t think of you as a person who would use another person to get over another but you love Lily. Hell, the entire fucking school is aware of it.”
“Love Lily?— use you? I’ve been trying to talk to you because you don’t want to listen to me,” James seethes, hurt lacing through his hazel eyes.
“You really need me to spell it out to you? You couldn’t get Lily and you’ve loved her since first year and you want me to believe that you love me out of nowhere?” Regulus shouts.
His chest rising rapidly as the two stare into each other’s eyes. Regulus scoffs, ready to leave when James’ hand wraps around his wrist once more, a desperate look in his eyes. James’ touch is warm, grounding Regulus slightly.
His voice breaks, “Why would you love me?”
“Just listen to me for one second, okay?” James doesn’t let go until Regulus silently nods his head. The mask he wears slips back, his face blank but he gently caresses his wrist. Where James’ hand had been.
“It’s true that I had a crush on Lily, up until third year. But Regulus, it was just a little crush. I’ve loved you since we met on the train. I never thought about boys, until you. At first I brushed it off as just you being Sirius’ brother, that’s why I felt so protective over you, you consumed my mind, why I wanted to be around you all the time and make you happy.”
James takes a deep breath, gently lifting his other hand to Regulus’ face, looking for any sign that he’s uncomfortable. After a second, James rests his hand against Regulus’ cheek.
“Regulus, you make me so incredibly happy. Only when I talked to Remus about his feelings for Sirius did I realise I felt the same for you. I never told Sirius because it was you, his Reggie, who he never talked to anymore. And when you started talking again pretty recently, I didn’t want to mess anything up, I mean, I wasn’t even aware of your feelings for me until the Amortentia incident and you were avoiding me.
“It’s always been you, love, and that won’t change. I see you in my future and I intend to keep you forever and ever. I can’t breathe when you’re not around. And I hate that you thought that I was just after you because I couldn’t get Lily, but it’s not true in any way. Although it does hurt to hear that that’s what you were thinking. Regulus, you have to believe me.”
Regulus swallows, his eyes flickering over James’ face. He bites his cheek and rests his head on James’ chest. Listening to James’ heart racing, he wraps his arms around James. “I’m sorry. I jump to conclusions too fast and I was humiliated. I didn’t have a chance to come out on my own terms, then my love for you was forced out as well. I thought you would never love me because why would you? and I loathed the thought of having to watch you gently reject me.
”Sirius has always told me you had a big crush on Lily, not that it’s yours or his fault in any way, so I thought it made sense to me that you were after me because you couldn’t have her. I was stupid to think that, I mean, you’re James Potter. I’m sorry for how I reacted,” Regulus murmurs. “It was wrong for me to do, I hope you can forgive me.”
James runs his fingers through Regulus’ hair, they stand there for a long time, it could be years for all he knows. The only thing he’s aware of is James’ warmth surrounding him.
“You’re so perfect, Reggie. Of course I love you. I forgive you, but please, my love, communicate how you’re feeling instead of running away.”
“I promise,” Regulus detangles himself from James, tilting his head to stare at him from his eyelashes. “Can I kiss you?”
“Always,” James says breathlessly, dipping his head and meeting Regulus’ lips. Regulus cradles James’ curls, his daydreams of kissing James finally fulfilled. James loves him.
“You called me Jamie,” James smiles against Regulus lips.
“Jamie,” Regulus murmurs, making James pull away slightly to rest his forehead against Regulus’. “I love you so fucking much.”