Measured Love

Draco

Draco was home alone again. Severus left every day at the same time. He didn’t ask where the older wizard was going. It was none of his business and he couldn’t make himself care. 

Draco didn’t seem to care about anything anymore. He woke up, brewed potions, showered, read, ate, and then slept. He closed his book and checked the time. It was only 8, but he was ready for bed. Draco reached over and flicked off the light. He missed his voice. Maybe Severus was right; he needed to get out of the house. He reached up and traced the scar on his face. No, he didn’t need to get out. Draco was fine in his house.

Severus

This was a bad idea, Severus thought to himself as he walked down the sidewalk toward the nursery. Silas wasn’t there. He was with his grandparents. The only reason he was going was to see Neville. 

Severus huffed it was okay to go see the man. He was the father of his child! That helped him get the courage to walk into the nursery.  

Music played loudly in the shop. Severus stopped in the doorway. Neville was watering the plants. The man was breathtaking. The blond’s hips swayed to the beat. Severus closed the door as quietly as he could. He had never heard Neville sing before. It was charming, and a little off-key.

The potion master wanted to go over there and wrap his arms around him. Neville turned around and screamed. The water canister was thrown in the air. 

“Shite! Severus! What the hell are you doing here?” Neville placed his hands on his chest. Severus wanted to feel bad, but he looked so perfect even though he glared at him. 

“I’m sorry I startled you,” Severus said with a straight face. 

Neville glared at him. “Uh-huh, I’m sure you are. What are you doing here, Severus? You know Silas is spending time with his grandparents today.” The younger wizard went back to watering the plants. 

“I know. I’ve come to see you. I wanted to take you out to dinner.” Severus moved closer to Neville. It was like he was pulled to with an invisible string.

“You want to take me out to dinner? I’m not sure if that is such a great idea, Severus. Like I said, this is about your relationship with Silas, not with me.” Neville didn’t meet his eyes when he spoke. Severus hated when he wouldn’t look at him. 

“It’s just dinner, Neville,” Severus stated as he crossed his arms.  

Neville turned around and slammed the water canister down. “Oh, of course, it’s just dinner. We both have to eat, right? Isn’t that what you said last time? Thinking that maybe afterward, if we feel like it, you can take me to bed and make me feel like a whore again? No thanks!” The blond stormed off into the back room.

Severus followed him into the back. “That isn’t what I mean! I wanted to take you to dinner. I wanted us to talk, and share a meal. There is no other reason than I want to have dinner with the father of my child. There is a lot we need to talk about. Considering what you just told me.” Neville had his back turned to him. His shoulders were up by his ears.

“Please, Neville. I know I don’t deserve dinner with you. If you could please come to dinner with me, we can talk about what happened that night and the next morning. After that, we can go back to being here for Silas if that is the only thing you want from me.” Severus held his breath. He would respect Neville’s choice. 

The blond turned around and his arms were wrapped around his middle. “Fine, I don’t think this is a conversation that we should have in public. We can go to my place.” 

Neville told him about the destination. The younger man went first and Severus stepped in the flames after him. 

When Severus walked out of the floo, he stepped into a living room. There were toys in the corner, a big blue couch that sat in the middle of the room, and a wooden coffee table.

“I don’t know what else you have to say to me, Severus. I thought we talked about everything before you met Silas. What else is there to say?” Neville walked through the living room into a door, which he figured was the kitchen. 

“I asked you to tell me the truth. I figured it's time to tell you the truth of why I did what I did.” Severus walked over to the small kitchen table and pulled out a chair. Neville looked at him and huffed. The blond shuffled over and sat down. 

Severus sat next to him and clasped his hands on top of the table. “I had a plan. I was to train Draco to take over for me, so I could leave Hogwarts and open my owl-order potions shop. A beautiful blond with doe eyes would not take me away from my plan. Or so I thought.” 

Severus watched as Neville's eyes narrowed at him. The potion master continued.

“I wanted to spend time with you, Neville. I always did. I rationalized myself saying that it is always better to go into the forbidden forest with someone. Or all the times I came to the greenhouses were for potion ingredients not to see you and talk to you about how your common roses were growing.” Severus was laying himself bare in front of Neville. This wasn’t what he came to do tonight, but he would not stop now. 

“That is why I was late for our Valentine's date because I was fighting with myself. I knew that if I went out on a date with you, there would be no going back. I saw you at the apparation point and you look so beautiful. I had to take you out, Neville. I know what I said to you. I was a prick, am a prick.”

Severus watched as Neville’s face softened.

“Having dinner, talking, and most of all, dancing with you was perfect. I thought if I allowed myself to act on the feelings I would be stuck at Hogwarts. That isn’t what I wanted at all. Though after our date, I didn’t want it to end. I was selfish. I wanted you. I wanted to taste, touch, and be with you, Neville. I don’t think you understand how intelligent, beautiful and brave you are. So the next morning when I woke up, you were in my bed and I couldn’t deal with the emotions I was feeling. So I told you to leave. Then when I came to my senses, later that day, you were gone. I didn’t know where you went. You didn’t leave a note. So I left Hogwarts and came here and started my business.” There Severus told him everything. It was too late, he was too far gone, Neville could break him so easily now.

Neville

Neville didn’t know what to say. Severus never has lied to him. Why would he start now? He was brutally honest with everyone. Though not everyone had a child with him. Maybe he was just doing this out of fear of losing Silas. 

“Severus,” Neville ran his hands through his hair and hung his head. “That was a lot to take in. I’m supposed to believe that you had feelings for me. That you wanted to be around me? You had a strange way of showing it.” Severus went to speak, and Neville shook his head. He wasn’t done. 

“I don’t understand Severus. I would have never taken over for Professor Sprout. I wanted to learn everything that I could from her, but I wanted to work for myself. I didn’t enjoy being the center of attention. Having a shop is perfect for me. I can just be around my plants all day. If you would have just communicated with me, I would have told you. Still doesn’t mean that your plans were much more important than a relationship with me. How am I supposed to trust you now, Severus? We are not part of your plan. Silas and I. What if you have another plan, huh? Are we going to fit into that plan?” Neville looked into the potion master’s onyx eyes.

“I had plans too. I would have loved it if those plans would have involved you too. I don’t know if it is too late for us, Severus. As I said, I would never keep Silas away from you. You don’t have to do this. I don’t have to be…”

Neville was shocked into silence when Severus stood up and kneeled in front of him. Potion-stained hands laid on his thighs. What was he doing? 

“What are you doing?” Neville’s voice was barely loud enough to hear. 

“Doing something I thought I’d ever do, Neville.” Severus' eyes were full of emotions. Neville couldn’t read them. “I will do my best to show you every day that I want you to be a part of my life and future plans. I’m not a liar, Neville, and I’ve never lied to you. Everything I say is the truth. We both know I am a horrible greasy bat. Relationships are something that I have had little experience with. I will be shite at it. That doesn’t mean I will back down from a challenge. I was the youngest potion master for a reason, Neville.” Severus smirked up at him. Neville didn’t want to smile, but he felt his lips turn up. “I worked tirelessly. I don’t expect us to move in with each other tomorrow and have our wedding next week. Just know if you give me a chance, I’ll make it worth it. Please.” 

Neville felt a tear roll down his face. This was probably a mistake, a huge stupid mistake like that Valentine’s dinner. Neville placed his hands over Severus’s on his lap. 

“O…Okay Severus. I will give this a chance. Please, don’t make me regret this. I... I can’t be hurt again by you.” Neville watched as a rare smile appeared on the older man’s lips. Their hands interlaced, and the touch was almost too intimate. 

“I think we should dance on it, Neville. I’ve wanted to dance with you again since that night.” Severus stood up and pulled Neville up with him. With a flick of his wand, music played.

Neville looked into the other man’s eyes. “Severus.”

“Dance with me, please.” The potion master pulled him into his arms. Severus held Neville’s hand to his chest and Severus’ other hand on the small of his back. “I wanted to dance with you back at the shop.” 

Neville hid his face in the potion master’s neck. Severus smelled just as he remembered: fire and sandalwood. He closed his eyes as Severus sang. 

A couple of songs played, and neither one of them stopped dancing. They didn’t hear the door open or the sound of little feet. 

“S’vus! Daddy!” Silas ran into them both and grabbed onto their legs. Neville looked down and saw their son looking up at them. “S’ves up!” Severus smiled and picked up their son.

Neville didn’t want to look who came in; hopefully, it wasn’t Barnaby. He turned around slowly and saw Harry standing there with a smile on his face.

“Oooo, you are so lucky it was me and not Pops! He wanted to come to see you, but I told him I would drop off Silas. Hi Severus.” Harry teased him. He was right, though better him than Barnaby.

“Hello Harry, congratulations on the new baby.” Severus bounced Silas in his arms. Neville was nervous he didn’t know how Harry would take finding him with Severus. 

“Congrats to you too.” Harry nodded toward Silas.

“S’ves has baby in belly!” Silas cupped the potion master's face. Harry laughed out loud, and so did Neville. 

“No, Silas, I don't have a baby in my belly.”

“Daddy has baby in belly?” Silas looked over at Neville. Harry laughed harder.

“NO! Daddy doesn’t have a baby in my belly!” Neville wouldn’t say no to having another baby in his belly, but he was a long way from that. 

“On that note. Severus, come to the family dinner on Sunday. I know Pops and Dad would love to see you. Neville, I'll see you in the morning. Love you Si Si see you tomorrow.” Harry waved and walked out of the house.

“Hungy Daddy! S’ves dinner peas!” Neville needed to tell Silas who Severus was. 

“Do you mind if I stay for dinner?” Severus asked when they were side by side. You could tell Silas was Severus’s son.

“Of course, how about we order noodles and chicken, Si Si?” Neville figured Chinese would be a good quick choice. He didn’t feel like cooking, and they needed to have a talk with Silas. Especially if Severus was going to come to the family dinner. 

“Yeah!” Silas wriggled in the potion master's arms, who placed him on the floor. The toddler ran towards the living room.

“Italian?” Severus asked as he followed Neville into the living room.

“Chinese. We need to tell him, Severus. If we are going to try a relationship, he needs to know who you are. Are you okay with that?” Neville hoped he was okay with that. He should be right since he wanted to have a relationship with both of them.

Severus pulled him into his arms. “Of course, pet. I’d love that.” Neville’s face heated. Did Severus just call him pet?

“O.. Okay. Let me call in the food and we will talk to him.”

After the call, he walked over to Severus and Silas. A train moved around the track magically. Steam poured from the stack. 

“Dinner should be here soon. Silas, Daddy has to talk to you. Can we play with trains in a minute?” Silas nodded and climbed into his lap. 

“ I wistenin’ Daddy!” Neville looked over at Severus, who looked nervous. Neville didn’t understand why. It wasn't like Silas would be upset. Silas already loved Severus. 

“Thank you. You are such a good listener. So you know how Unca Harry and Unca Charlie are Topher's Daddy and Dad?” Silas nodded with a big smile on his face. 

“Si Si has a Daddy!” Silas shouted and clapped his hands. Neville laughed and kissed his forehead. 

“Yes, Si Si has a Daddy, but he also has a…” Neville looked at Severus and he wanted his input for a name. He doesn’t look like a dad. Severus mouth tad.

“Tad. Si Si you have a Daddy and a Tad.” Silas cocked his head to the side. He was so cute when he did that. 

“Who?” Severus looked at Neville, who nodded.

“Me Silas, I’m your Tad.” Severus said nervously. Silas squealed and jumped onto Severus. 

"S’vus my Tad! I has Daddy and Tad!” Neville cried as he watched his son. Guilt crushed his chest. He should have done this a long time ago. 

“Yes, Si Si. You have a Daddy and Tad.” Neville took a deep breath. He was scared but happy. It was a new start.

After they ate way too much food. Silas was dozing off in Severus’s arms. Neville took a mental picture. He wanted to remember this. Silas looked so cute in the potion master’s arms.

“Severus, do you want to put him to bed? You can change his diaper, dress him for bed.” Neville watched the older man's eyes widen and a small smile played on his lips. 

“I’d love to. If you show me to his room, we can get this little one to bed.” Severus stood up elegantly and followed Neville down the hall. 

The softer light turned on as they walked into the room. The walls were decorated with fields of flowers in front of a wooden forest. All the furniture was a light maple wood color with vines, flowers, and runes carved in.

Neville watched as Severus changed Silas. He had it lucky because the toddler was normally a mover. After zipping up his pajamas, the little boy didn’t move. Silas normally was so tired after spending all day with his grandparents and Topher. 

Severus picked up their son, who whined a little, and the potion master sang quietly. 

“Lavender’s blue, dilly dilly, 

Lavender’s Green.

When you are King, dilly dilly 

I shall be Queen

Lavender’s green, dilly dilly

Lavender’s blue

You must love me, dilly dilly

‘Cause I love you”

Neville watched with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart. When Severus laid their son down in his cot. Neville wiped the tears from his eyes and walked out of the room.

Severus followed him out and quietly closed the door. Neville looked back and saw tears in the older man’s eyes. Neville took a shaky breath, holding back a sob. Guilt sat in, and insecurity sat in. 

“Thank you, Neville, for allowing me to put him to bed and for giving me a chance. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Neville.” Severus’s right hand cupped his left cheek and his lips brushed his right cheek. Neville’s eyes fluttered shut. .The kiss was brief and soft and Severus’s hand left sooner than he would have liked. Before he could open his eyes, the sound of the floo went off and Neville exhaled. 

“Night Severus.” He whispered to the empty hallway.