Chapter 9
“Careful, professor. You’re not in Kansas anymore.” Almathea smirked up at him.
Severus blinked, but regained his composure quickly. He extracted his arm from her grasp as he took in the woman in front of him. Spencer – yes, back to that – was dressed offensively Muggle, a black polka dot cotton summer dress and a cream cardigan open over it, and black Mary Jane shoes on her feet. Her grey eyes shone with so much mischief, Severus was sure she was having a blast seeing him in a Muggle environment.
“Miss Spencer. You are one tough Muggle to locate.” He scoffed, as he smoothed a hand over his coat. If he was forced to submit himself to Muggle garments, he was going to make sure he at least looked impeccable.
“The only tough thing about locating me is the fact that you had to brew a month-long potion for it. I’m sure I left plenty of hair behind. I shed like a bloody dog.” She smirked some more and Severus wished he could take out his wand and hex that stupid expression off her face.
“I hope you’ve enjoyed your little vacation, because it’s time for it to end. The Muggle world is not the safest place for you and both Albus and I feel that you should return to the safety of Hogwarts.” He said as Spencer moved away from him.
“Hogwarts isn’t very safe for me either, Severus. Albus lied to you if he said that.” She said without turning to him.
“He’s shared with me the mistake he made in attempting to read your memories regarding Harry Potter’s life. He’s also shared that it was a failure.” Severus continued just as he came up next to her. Spencer stopped and faced him, getting as close as she could to him, making Severus lean back.
“A mistake, is it? Did he tell you he magically bound me to the chair where I was sitting?” she leaned back, her eyes on fire, their colour rapidly changing to blue. Those fucking magical eyes that showed her emotions like an open book. “And he sent you to what, apologise to the little Muggle, get her to come back and everything would be hunky-dory? I bet he thinks that I’ve lost steam now and that I’ve forgotten how he made me watch my worst memories over and over again because he couldn’t get enough emotional purchase to get memories of Harry Potter out of me.” She turned from him and began to walk away again. “As if I was his best friend in the future. As if I was immersed in the magical world, not just a teenager with no magic, in a world with no magic, reading a bloody book!”
Spencer seemed to reach her destination and she entered an establishment of some sort. The Bumblebee, the sign announced before Severus entered. Spencer made her way to the bar and walked behind it. “Hey, Bee.” She said to the woman behind the bar counter.
“Hey, Thea.” Thea? What the hell was this? “You alright?” the woman, Bee, asked, but she wasn’t looking at Spencer. She was looking at Severus, sizing him up. He felt his hackles rising under her scrutiny.
“I’m fine, Bee. This is Severus, he’s a university assistant professor where I was studying. He was in charge of my thesis. Severus, this is Beatrice, owner of The Bumblebee.” Severus nodded in the woman’s direction, as her eyes narrowed on him. So, a Muggle, Severus concluded. A very tidy story, with the thesis. He couldn’t help but feel a little proud about how fast she could come up with a reason for why he was there.
“He the one who…” she asked turning to Spencer, who scowled.
“No, Bee, God. You think I would have let him follow me in here if he was the one? I’m not self-destructive.” Spencer said as she picked up a box and made her way to another counter, between the bar and what looked like the kitchen.
“Usually.” The woman said and Severus would have smirked had the conversation not been so awkward. It was obvious ‘Bee’ was privy to more of a fabricated story than Severus imagined. “You two want some privacy?” she asked again, this time moving from analysing Severus to searching Spencer’s face.
“Can I use the pantry? I promise I’ll get him out of here as fast as I can.” Severus felt a bit insulted at that. Spencer was making him out as an annoying intrusion. How very ungrateful of her, after he’d spent the full month on the potion to locate her.
“Sure, sweetie. Scream if you need anything.” Bee said and Spencer lifted a corner of the counter for Severus to follow her to the back.
They made their way to the very back of the kitchen, where Spencer opened a door to a small cupboard like space. As they entered, Severus saw her take out her wand and murmur Muffliato. “My spell? How did you manage to learn that one?” Severus asked as he crowded her inside, towering over her.
“It’s in the books, obviously, Your Half Blood Prince Highness. Terribly useful, isn’t it? Very good nickname, by the way. Not pompous or arrogant at all.” She smirked some more and Severus felt his temper flaring. Somehow, instead of berating her, he Occluded as much as he could, remembering that Albus was counting on his help to get her back in the fold.
He took a slight half step forward, making Spencer make contact with the shelves behind her. “I’m sure we’ve all had illusions of grandeur when we were teenagers, Miss Spencer. Is it not the prerogative of pubescent youth to consider oneself the centre of the known universe?”
“Probably. Don’t have much experience with that, per se.” she shrugged. If Severus had hoped to make her feel something at his proximity, then he was mistaken. Her expression didn’t change one bit, and it was too dark in the pantry to see her eyes and if they’d changed. That was generally a giveaway she could not control. He decided it was time to change tactics.
“The headmaster and I are concerned that lingering in the Muggle world will eventually draw attention. You would not wish to draw attention from unwanted individuals, would you?” he tried for a concerned expression. He was concerned, of course, but not particularly about her wellbeing, especially considering what Albus was having him do.
“No unwanted individuals should be aware of me and my reason for being here. Unless you or Albus blabbed to anyone.” she flexed her shoulders and Severus had to admit he felt something at her continued stubbornness. And it was not frustration.
“Perhaps our conversations have been intercepted. Perhaps someone is at least partially aware of your purpose.” He tried again. “You cannot possibly hope to continue on your chosen mission from the Muggle world.” He insisted at the look of boredom on her face.
“I have not chosen any mission. I’ve been thrust into one. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have to go through with it.” She shoved at his shoulder and change their positions slightly, moving to have her back to the door. “It was a stupid fantasy and nothing more. I don’t have what it takes to make an actual difference, and I certainly don’t have the resilience to withstand any more interrogations from professor Dumbledore like the last one.”
“You are being absurd. You magic levels are adequate enough for a person who has only experienced magic for a little over seven months, and your progress continues to be consolidated. As for Albus’ methods of questioning you, he has confessed that they were a mistake and will not, for your sake, repeat the experience.” Yes, that sounded sincere enough. Albus may not want to interrogate her further, Severus would make no such promises, regardless of whatever feelings the headmaster said he’d seen inside her memories. “You also have not considered the fact that in both the Muggle and Wizarding world you have no paperwork. How long do you believe you can continue living with nothing to your name?”
Her expression did change then and Severus was not expecting to see grief in it. A pang of guilt ran through him, but he immediately drowned it. She was obviously remembering the family she had lost when the unicorn had transported her here. Her head lowered and she seemed to take deep even breaths before facing him again, slight determination returned to her shoulders. “I know that I have no identity to speak of in this world, but I believe people help other people.”
“People also take advantage of other people, Spencer.” Severus sneered.
“Stop calling me that, you know I hate it! I don’t appreciate you acting all condescending when you’re trying to convince me that things will be different if I come back. I am either Miss Spencer or Almathea. At least if you choose not the use the latter, the former is still polite and doesn’t make me feel like an obnoxious student in detention.”
"Well then perhaps you will consider to stop acting like a stubborn student and see reason, Miss Spencer." Severus pushed forward. "You know as well as I that whatever existence you hope to achieve in the Muggle world will be limited. All it would take is one unfortunate altercation, and when the Muggle authorities get involved, you will face far worse questions than at the hands of the headmaster."
"Very encouraging, Severus." Spencer scoffed and let out an uneven breath. Severus felt a slight twinge of victory at least at causing her discomfort. It was a step in the direction he desired, the one that brought her back to Hogwarts and into his supervision again. She leaned her head back against the door, closing her eyes, exposing her pale neck to Severus' eyes. "Look, I think I am more aware than anyone of the risks in lingering in the Muggle world. I come from a time very far removed from this one, a time where Muggles can track and trace each other over something called the internet. And I don't just mean locally, I mean globally. So, I am aware that I am exposed here, but I am also aware that at this point in time I still have a chance to go unnoticed."
She opened her eyes and fixed her gaze to Severus. Green orbs this time, that same ravishing colour that always tormented him, that reminded him so much of Lily's fire and determination. "I am not a brave Gryffindor or a loyal Hufflepuff or even a genius Ravenclaw to fight in the coming conflict. I am doomed with Slytherin self-preservation and at this very moment I am more afraid of being forced to relive my best friend's death that I am of spending a few days in police holding cell." She sighed, a torn sound that seemed to come from the depths of her being, and Severus felt almost guilty for pushing. "You cannot ask me to play at war when all I wish for is peace."
Almost guilty. "Where is your Slytherin ambition, then?" Severus attempted again. "You claim to be one, and it is one of the defining traits. So where is the ambition to prove yourself in the face of hardship? Will you let bad memories stand in the way of your improvement?"
"Honestly, Severus. Pot, kettle." She threw back.
Severus felt like he could strangle her. He tempered himself again and leaned one hand on the door beside her head. Time to up the stakes. As he leaned closer, Spencer's eyes widened and he could have sworn he saw lights dancing in the corners of her green eyes. "What are you doing?"
"You are infuriating to no end. Would you have me confess to missing our conversations? Would that entice you to return of your own accord?" He felt her shiver at his proximity and damned Albus for planting the idea of seducing her into submission in his head. He quelled any misgivings he may have had with the knowledge that it was better she be near him than here. It was as a good a justification as any.
"What the bloody hell, Severus? He tells you he sees me confessing to you in my memories and you think it's enough to confuse me?" She pushes against him and it is not the reaction Severus expects, so he allows her some space, as her eyes fill with fire and she clenches her hands at her sides. "I can't believe this! Which one of you thought this would actually work?" Severus does not deign it necessary to answer, but that does not seem to stop her rage.
"I am not a child, Severus! I am perfectly capable of handling my emotions without having to throw myself at you and satisfy a childish fancy!" She lowers her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose. "And you! Bloody hell, Severus, Dumbledore tells you to jump off a bridge, do you actually do it?"
"Watch yourself, Spencer!"
"I would, but apparently I am only a feeble female that swoons whenever faced with her childhood crush!" She pushes him further into the shelves behind his back and Severus grabs her wrists, squeezing in frustration.
"You will desist with manhandling me this instant."
"Oh good, you can stand up for yourself! Pity you failed to do so when Dumbledore suggested I'd be pliant for a little extra attention. What did he suggest? Hold my hand in darkened alcoves? Kiss me over a cauldron while the fumes obscure us?" Severus wasn't sure which one of them was angrier at this point. "How far did you both plan to go? Marry me, bed me and bind me to the cause forever?"
"You are jumping to unnecessary conclusions!"
"You'll bloody well believe I am! I can't believe you hold no respect for yourself to not attempt something like this! I can't believe I have enough respect for you to not make advances, and yet at the first opportunity you use my emotions against me as bargaining chips. Well, guess what? It won't work! I have been in love with you for far longer than you imagine and if you think a confusing promise of something undefined is enough to move me, you are mistaken! I value my feelings, and you, and I would not tarnish them in accepting such a blatant attempt at manipulation by romance!"
Severus squeezed her wrists in frustration before he released her entirely. Sparks of invisible magic were dancing in the space between them and at this point it was impossible to tell if it was his rage or hers that was generating them. Never mind the fact that she had just confessed to feelings that until this point Severus had not believed were real, especially not only on Albus’ recollection. The very thought that her emotions were so easy for her to accept and profess was mind boggling. She claimed to not have Gryffindor bravery, but apparently it burned just as much as any other emotion inside her. However, it was not difficult for him to tell they were at a standoff, and he was not ready to concede.
"You cannot blame me or Albus for using all of our knowledge to persuade you. The information you hold is invaluable and..."
"The information I hold is useless as of this point." She interrupted him. "Both you and Albus fail to see the bigger picture in all of this. It's not the story of how Voldemort comes back to solidify his power. The story I know is that of a boy that is prophesied to be Voldemort's destruction. And right now, that boy is ten years old and nowhere near ready for anything that will come his way. So no, I cannot in good conscience give all of my information about a possible future. There is nothing set in stone at this point. The risk from giving you the information and altering the future outweighs the benefits in the long run. I have the bigger picture and I have my instructions and they say I should stand back and wait and prepare. That is all. You and Albus will just have to live with that."
She sighed and Severus knew in that moment he could say anything, do anything, and he would fail either way. He was reluctant to admit he now knew her better than six months ago. He knew how she thought and how she processed and how she organised, even if until this conversation he’d had no idea that she held feelings for him. He also could tell she'd had these fights with her own self, whether or not to deny them or reveal her information. And if this was her decision, no amount of coaxing was going to get her to change her mind.
"I wish you would reconsider at least coming back to Hogwarts." He said finally. He hated himself for missing her, their silent evenings together. She was undemanding, as no one had ever been in his life. Everyone he'd met in his life wanted something from him. He'd worn so many faces over the years, he was unsure who he was anymore, at least some of the time. But she never wanted him to be anything in particular. She accepted him as he was, and that was new. Not since Lily had he had a real friend.
Were they friends? Severus could not tell. Spencer seemed to hesitate. She sighed heavily, leaning her head back against the door and closing her eyes. "I'll consider it. I won't make promises, Severus. I cannot." Her voice had a familiar pain inside it, like that night they'd gone together to see her family and she'd understood the smallness of her existence. "You have no idea what Dumbledore's Legilimency did to me. I can't face that again. I just... I can't."
It felt like she wanted to say more, but the words were failing her. Or maybe it was her lack of true friendship with Severus that was failing her. Either way, he felt a reprieve was called for. “Then allow me this: I will make weekly visits to this establishment and we shall discuss ways you can protect yourself. Once you have more knowledge, perhaps you will feel safer to join us back at Hogwarts.”
It was as good an offer as he could make, and they both knew it. Spencer avoided his eyes as she considered, but he was willing to bet money that if her feelings for him were as real as she said, then the idea of spending time with him was appealing to her. He was not going to admit, to anyone, that it was appealing to him as well. Especially not in current company.
“I work here Wednesday through Saturday evenings. Do a bit of everything, really.” She sighed again and extended her wand to lift the Muffliato on the room. “I still won’t promise anything. I’m not ready for that, I need more time.”
“Then you shall have it.” Severus stated, a feeling blooming inside his chest. A feeling he wasted no time in strangling and drowning as deep as he could. “Until next week, then. Good evening, Miss Spencer.”
She nodded and moved away from the door so he could exit.
***
It was the middle of August and the air in the evenings was already growing crisper. Or maybe it was just the change in location. London was definitely warmer than Scotland this time of year, Almathea was sure of it. She was making her way slowly from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts, and she was still unsure about her decision. Even now, she was weighing the pros and cons on her list over and over in her head.
Spending time with Severus in a Muggle environment had proved useful in making her feel safer. She was sure he was moderating his character into something more pleasant, and she was equally sure it was all very calculated. But it was nice nonetheless when he showed up toward the end of her shifts and sat with her, drinking a bland Muggle whiskey as she cleaned the bar for the night. He’d even helped once or twice so she’d finish faster. It had gone a long way in calming her nerves over joining everyone at Hogwarts again.
The only thing that she hadn’t been able to calm entirely was the apprehension she felt over another encounter with Dumbledore. If being pissed off at him for using Legilimency wasn’t enough, she was vexed over his misuse of Severus as well. But that was entirely their issue, and when she had taken a step back and analysed the circumstances, she’d understood that it wasn’t a matter of misuse so much as a matter of neither of them being able to recognize the actual depth of her emotions.
Falling in love with someone was a process, and Almathea wasn’t in the beginning stages of it for the feelings to intimidate her. She’d had her crush faze at thirteen, had wished and planned his survival at sixteen, had fantasized about meeting him and confessing her emotions at seventeen, but that was all in the past. Seven years later and now, at twenty-four, Almathea didn’t feel the pressure of her emotions as she did when she was a child and he was just a beloved character in a book. This time around, he was real, he had a real character, real emotions, preferences, habits. She wanted to know him truly before giving in to confessing emotions that could confuse them both, she wanted to be sure that it was something real and not something based in childish infatuation.
Maybe this was the source of her vexation, she thought. While she was giving herself the time and opportunity to become his friend first, he was jumping at chances to bind her to him emotionally. Even if she had sensed it was distasteful even for him, he had still done it, while perhaps not feeling anything for her.
Well, maybe not nothing. Maybe he did feel something. Intrigued. Annoyed. Occasionally baffled. Comfortable. Those were all nice emotions that she did feel he could have towards her at this point in their association. And they were fine, wonderful even, because Almathea knew how close he guarded his affections. That was why winning them truly, for her own self, and not for her information, was so important for her.
But first, Dumbledore. Thankfully, it was still early enough that none of the teachers had returned to the castle permanently. The only reason she knew the headmaster was there was because Severus had mentioned Dumbledore always returned to the school after August 15th to prepare his materials for the Board of Governors meeting.
She made her way through the castle to the statue of the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore’s office. It only took a few tries before she found the right sweets for the password, caramel fudge, and she ascended the staircase and knocked on his door.
“Enter.” She heard from inside. She opened the door with a deep breath and prepared for battle. “Miss Spencer.” Dumbledore seemed surprised to see her.
“Headmaster.” She greeted him kindly. Honey, not vinegar. “Burning the evening candles, then?”
“As you see.” Almathea smiled, though it was hard to, when her whole body remembered the last time, she had been in this office. “Severus may have mentioned that the Board of Governors is meeting in a few days to discuss the upcoming year curriculum and such.”
“He did mention something along those lines.” She admitted. “It was how I knew you’d be here.”
“I am glad you’ve come to see me. I have considered over these last months if perhaps I should write you a letter, explaining my past actions in our last meeting, but I have always found that such things can be construed as insincere.”
“They do go a long way in paving the way to better understanding.” Almathea shot back, feeling the tingling frustration at him. She was sure that insincerity was not on his mind, more that he wanted the meeting to be on his terms, in his own space. Which was why he had sent Severus to her and not come himself, like he should have.
“Nevertheless, I feel it was only right to express my regret for searching your memories that evening in person. Not only was I unsuccessful, and should have known beforehand I would be, but I also managed to damage the trust between us.” His regret seemed genuine, Almathea thought. “My only hope is that it has not been damaged irreparably.”
Almathea took a chance and approached his desk further, but refused to sit in the chair that she had been bound in. It was enough to be here. It would have to be. “I guess that will have to depend on your actions in the future, sir.” She said as she removed a few sheets of paper from her robes. She placed them on Dumbledore’s desk and slid them toward him.
“What am I looking at, Miss Spencer?” he asked, looking at her from above his half-moon spectacles.
“Lesson plans, sir.” Almathea shrugged like it was nothing much. “I would like to teach a module for sixth years concerning magical control and enhancement, as part of the thesis I am preparing for my Mastery. It would be open to everyone with Exceeds Expectations in their OWLs in Charms, Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts.”
“An intriguing idea. I should have to analyse these in detail before I can present them to the Board for approval, and you would need to have a minimum of students in attendance for the class to qualify.”
“No less than six, no more than twelve students, since it is an elective, I know. I’ve read the Hogwarts bylaws.” Almathea hesitated. “I wanted to teach the module to seventh years initially, but I decided if it doesn’t work, at least they won’t have to take a NEWT in it. If it’s an elective course, they can choose not to take the NEWT and it will not affect their overall grade and average.”
Dumbledore nodded, then set the papers back down on his desk, his hand lingering over them as he pondered his next question. “You could have continued with an apprenticeship, continued Mastery study, or become an assistant professor. Even perhaps an assistant to the headmaster. Minerva would have certainly appreciated the help.”
“I could still be an assistant. One elective class once, maybe twice a week won’t put a dent in my schedule. I’ll continue with my studies and research, of course, but I see no reason why I should stop helping the professors with whatever it is they need to lighten their burden.” Almathea shrugged and picked up a knickknack from Dumbledore’s desk. It was a tiny statue of a griffin, probably a paper weight. She twirled it in her fingers. “There are conditions though.” She said as she put the griffin back down. “There will be no more conversations like two months ago. If you want to discuss anything, we can do it in a civilized manner, or not at all, if you can’t manage to control yourself. And Severus if off limits.”
Dumbledore’s eyebrows raised to his hairline. He looked almost comical like that. “I assure you I have no designs over Severus and his activities.”
“We both know that is a matter of interpretation.” Almathea scoffed and her eyes bore into Dumbledore’s as she tried to convey her disdain at the situation. “You wrestled a promise out of him when he’d lost everything he’d ever loved in life, to do anything and everything he could to protect Lily Potter’s son. I have read several theories on this over the years. That Severus keeps the promise, but defers to your plans and always your plans when choosing the path of his protection. That the promise was bound by his magic, but I have no idea if magic even does that. That in time, Severus has begun to see the wisdom of our decisions, and that is why he follows your instructions, almost blindly sometimes. But setting all this aside, what is true is that Severus has an adequate amount of trust in you, your wisdom, your magical prowess. So, it is logical to conclude that any and all suggestions you make he will take to heart.”
She took a breath and moved along the side of the desk, toward the bookcase that was there. “I have not been demonstrative in my attentions to him, so I can only assume that it was you that revealed to him the emotions I hold, the ones you saw while Legilimizing me.” She turned toward Dumbledore again and let him feel the full force of her disappointment. “Never mind that it was not your place to share my emotions, no matter how useful you viewed them to be. Never mind that they have coloured Severus’ understanding of my character and the progress of our relationship. I can see how you would have viewed it as acceptable to have him try seducing me, and I would have, in time, decided to share my feelings with Severus of my own accord. What I find most distasteful is that you would use people like this.”
For a second, Almathea wished there was a chess set in the room, so she could grab a fool and place it in front of Albus, as a symbol. “As if you can predict what any one of us will do in any given situation. As if you can just decide that he and I will come together and it will happen. I have pegged you for a lot of things over the years, but never for a meddlesome naïve old man. But it is maybe the fact that it’s been a while since you’ve loved someone. It’s been what? Fifty plus years since then?”
Almathea knew Dumbledore wanted to say something. She could sense it in the magic sparking in the atmosphere, the pressure at the back of her neck, the way the hairs on her forearms were standing on end. But just as soon as she felt that unease, it was gone. He had himself under control again. “Your point, Miss Spencer, is that distance from love has made me forget how it feels?”
“You’re the only one that can answer that question, sir. For my part, I have loved Severus for far too long to be satisfied with any half measures. It was different when he was not there, beside me. But now that he is real, I would not be happy having anything with him that would not last a lifetime.” She placed her fingers gently on Dumbledore’s desk. “The last thing a durable love needs is an old man meddling into it. If it is meant to happen, then Severus and I will come together on our own terms, in our own time. Your assistance is neither wanted, nor needed.”
There was a lengthy pause and for once Almathea had the feeling that maybe she had taken her speech too far. The feeling of pressure from Dumbledore’s magic did not come back, however. He tapped his finger twice on his desk and turned his eyes to her. His expression was kind, indulgent even, like he wanted to say he’d allow Almathea to retain her ideas about him as long as it kept her away from his true motivations. And wouldn’t you know it, Almathea was perfectly alright with that.
“I believe that your conditions are adequate, Miss Spencer. I will review the lesson plans you’ve submitted and owl you with details after the meeting with the board.”
Almathea inclined her head, because she knew it was a dismissal. She’d made her point, so she had no more business here. She bid the headmaster farewell and made her way to her room in the dungeons, summoning Eggy and asking for dinner and some tea. As she brought the cup to her mouth and smiled, she couldn’t help thinking that it was nice to be back home.