Chapter 6
By the end of the week, the castle was full of excited students, practically up the walls to be going home for Christmas. Almathea wished she was more excited for it, because December in general, but Christmas in particular, were her favourite times of year, but being away from her loved ones was slowly beginning to weight on her. She’d exhaust herself as much as possible during the days, spending hours in the library reading material while classes were in session, then moving back to her sitting room to finish up some of her writing and practice. By the time she was done, it was generally midnight or well past it, and she’d crawl to her bed, only to stare numbly at the ceiling.
She was fairly proud of her own progress, even though she still didn’t feel like sharing it with anyone. Irma was asking plenty of questions every day about it, recommending books, providing her with extra material too, in Charms, Transfiguration, Defence, all of which got her started on learning real, traditional magic. She’d usually practice those in the early hours of the morning, before going to the library, to check her magical levels for the day. She couldn’t practice everything though: no offensive Defence spells to not damage her room; no advanced Transfiguration because she couldn’t practice on live animals in good conscience without supervision. For the record, where would she even get live animals? She assumed McGonagall would have helped her, but she really wasn’t ready to brave the Great Hall and speak to any of the Heads, especially not Severus. She was just happy that she wasn’t asked to give updates per se. She was sure that Dumbledore intended it, but as long as he hadn’t specified, she played dumb.
Her exhaustion was beginning to show by Thursday, as she went to the library as usual and Irma asked if she was alright. She shrugged and told her she was practicing more than she was used to and that she was fine, though a bit exhausted. So, Irma didn’t pester her further, simply told her to take it easier with the holidays coming and get plenty of rest then. She received an owl while she was in the library, from Sprout. She was inviting Almathea for a cup of tea and a chat on Friday at seven. Alma’s first thought was to refuse, her mood not at all conducive to conversation. But in the end, she figured human socialisation might be good for her, so she’d written a note accepting before she could talk herself out of it.
It proved to be one of her better ideas, because Sprout asked her to call her Pomona and they took tea in greenhouse six, which was smaller than the other ones for the school. Here, Pomona grew exotic flowers that served a more aesthetic than academic purpose. The smells were rich, the greenery sustained through the winter by the balmy temperature maintained by a charm, that the herbology professor was all too eager to explain when Almathea showed interest. She left after an hour feeling better than she had all week, with an armful of beautiful blooms that she planned to ask Eggy for a vase for.
“Pilfering flowers from the greenhouse, Miss Spencer?” a voice drawled behind her as she passed an alcove.
Almathea stopped in her tracks and turned toward the alcove, where a door was ajar and Severus Snape had his hand over the handle, either in process of entering or exiting the room. She smiled and lifted the flowers for him to see them better.
“Actually, these I didn’t have to pilfer. Pomona gave them to me after tea.” She felt warm inside again at having made a new friend.
“Quaint.” Severus scoffed. “Albus will be pleased you’re at least attempting to get in the good graces of the other teachers.”
“Irma likes me too.” Almathea said coming closer to him. “She’s been giving me extra books to work on my study with. She’s very helpful, and a great conversationalist.” Ok, so maybe she had two friends?
“I’m sure it is a great comfort to you.” Severus sneered and Alma knew he was being sarcastic.
“It is.” She decided to answer truthfully. She couldn’t look him in the eye as she continued, so she just looked at the flowers in her hands. “It’s almost Christmas and I have no one to celebrate with. I am alone in a castle full of strangers, surrounded by magic that I don’t always understand, with no way of going back to my own time. I have no idea what happened to the life I left, how my family is dealing with my disappearance in the future. So, if it wouldn’t be too much of a bother for you, I would actually appreciate a bit of consideration, if kindness is above you.”
There was silence for a good long while. She decided that maybe this was Severus’ way of showing the consideration she’d asked for, so she turned without another word and made for her own rooms in the dungeons. She’d just finished arranging the flowers in the vase Eggy brought when a soft knock sounded at her door. She took a deep breath and went to open it. Severus shoved a rather old looking bottle of wine through the door.
“Do you have glasses?” he asked. Almathea shrugged and stepped aside so he could enter.
Severus hesitated for only a second before he strode inside. He didn’t have his teaching robes on and he looked quite casual with just his regular robes. They didn’t billow, of course, maybe that was why.
“Only if you’re drinking with me.” She said and motioned to the armchairs, levitating two glasses toward the table between them. “Though I should probably warn you, I am not much of a drinker.”
“Perhaps you have a type of alcohol you prefer above others?”
“Banana liqueur. You wouldn’t care for it, it’s very sweet, almost like an alcoholic ice cream.” She said as he poured the wine in the glasses. “Oh, and lemony cocktails. They’re lovely, but also sweet and tangy.” Severus grimaced and Almathea laughed. “I can’t help it; I love sweet things.”
“I hate to point out an obvious fact, but I have gathered this much from our interactions. However, I do believe there are several individuals who would draw a line at banana liqueur. It sounds vile.”
“Well, maybe I’ll let you have some someday and you can tell me your opinion on it.” Almathea smiled and raised her glass to touch it to his. “Cheers.” She said dispassionately.
Severus inclined his head as he touched his glass to hers and they both drank, him a healthy glug, her a tentative sip. She hated it. It looked expensive, but it was dry like a desert, it made her mouth cringe. Her nose crinkled, but she said nothing for fear of Severus being offended after sharing his alcohol with her and never coming back to socialise again.
“How is the Mastery going?” Severus asked as Almathea was still contemplating her glass, swirling the wine inside gently.
“I’m making steady progress in learning magic. I’ve been practicing all sorts of spells and my stamina is much improved from what it was a week ago.” She took out her wand from her sleeve and levitated a few things in the room for him. Then, as they were floating gently, she turned the wand to her hand and conjured the water balloon he’d seen from her experiment. “I’ve also managed stage one.” She proceeded to float the balloon between them, moving her wand in the figure eight motion that fascinated Severus the last time. The water in the balloon began spinning violently, then it was pushing at odd angles against the surface, and finally the balloon gave and popped. Their robes were gently splashed and the water fell to the floor. Severus’ eyes widened and Alma thought she saw a spark of enthusiasm in his eyes. She vanished the puddle, returned the levitating items to their rightful place, and sipped some more of her wine.
“Fascinating.” Severus said dully, as his features smoothed themselves again. “I take it this means you are beginning stage two?”
“Yes.” Almathea deflated and sipped more of her wine. “It’s not going so well.” She conjured the hard plastic ball between them and began the same figure eight motions as before, but although the ball moved, nothing else happened. “Wasn’t expecting it to do much of anything in the beginning, really, but I still wanted to at least get a soft pop. That’s what should happen, I think.”
“How do you gather that?”
“Well, I have the control. I mastered that in the first place, I can do that instinctually now. That is the whole point actually, for this to become instinctual in the end. This second stage is about power, so it makes sense that it doesn’t burst from the start, but I am very disappointed that there’s not even a pop.” Almathea vanished the ball and finished her wine. “Maybe I need to start with a different kind of ball.” She motioned her glass to Severus and he refiled it.
“Considering that almost two weeks ago you had never seen or experienced magic, I think it is safe to say your progress is satisfactory.”
“Did you break something admitting that?” Almathea smirked and Severus scoffed, both sipping at their wine. “I know you’re right when you say that, I just feel like I’ll never…” Almathea paused and sighed and rubbed her eyes and forehead with her palm. “I’ll never get there, you know. I need to be prepared, for what comes next. I need to be stronger and skilled and capable, because otherwise what am I doing here? What is my purpose if I can’t help?”
“The world will not crumble because you cannot perform each and every spell in a book, Miss Spencer.” God, Alma hated it when he called her Miss Spencer, like he was putting some invisible distance between them. Made her feel like he thought she was Hermione. And he didn’t even know Hermione yet.
“Alright, then, maybe it won’t. But I sure as hell will crumble, because this whole situation is way over my head.” Almathea sighed and her eyes filled with tears as she stared at the fireplace. “I didn’t ask for this, you know. I didn’t ask to come live at bloody Hogwarts with Severus Snape and gang. I didn’t ask for a front row seat here, not even a seat in the gallery. I just…” she paused and closed her eyes and sighed. “I just want to wake up tomorrow and have my Mum make me coffee and drink it with our bird on my leg until I go numb because you can’t move when Chips is sitting on you. And then we’ll go shopping and buy Kinder eggs, and I’ll make Christmas pudding and my Mum will make roast and my sister will make a salad, and then it’ll be Christmas.” She opened her eyes and stared at the flames again. “Una said I’ll never get to go back home.”
“There is no reason to believe that for sure.” He tried, and she felt his eyes on her, but she didn’t turn towards him.
“Una’s a unicorn, so there’s no reason to discount it either.” Almathea scoffed. “Never is a very long time, Severus. Never are birthdays, Christmas, Easter, holidays, it’s weddings and funerals and firsts and lasts and everything in between. My sister is 17. She hasn’t had her first boyfriend yet. My grandmothers are 70 and 80. I’ll never get to say goodbye to them. I never got to say goodbye to anyone.” She closed her eyes again and let her head fall against the armchair. “I’m never going to see them again and I never got to say goodbye.” She said again.
They sat in silence for a while. Eventually, Almathea lifted her head from the back of the armchair and sipped the last of her wine, resting her glass on the side table between them. She sighed. “Are you just awful at pep talks, or just don’t know what to say?” She kicked off her slippers and curled her legs beneath her, getting comfortable.
“A solution for your predicament at present eludes me. However, I believe my part of the “pep talk” as you’ve phrased it has been satisfied with the alcohol I’ve provided.” Almathea looked at him and even though his expression had not changed, she was fairly sure there was a smirk in his words.
“Feel free to bring something stronger next time. What do the grown-up wizards drink to get themselves plastered around here?” she smirked back.
“That would be fire whiskey, but I doubt your palate is ready for the advancement.” Now he really was making fun of her. She smiled at him, then a second later her expression fell again.
“Do you suppose, given enough time, Dumbledore might consider allowing me to go see my family?” she hesitated. “I wouldn’t speak to them or anything. I just… I miss them. I know they’re their younger versions, but it’s still better than nothing at all. And maybe then I could… I could settle the past and move forward with my mission.”
Severus seemed to consider this for a while, staring inside his probably by now empty cup. He swirled it a few times before resting it on the table between their chairs, next to hers.
“Dress in Muggle clothes. Something warm, and a cloak as well. I shall return in a moment.” He got up and closed the door behind him by the time Almathea processed what he’d said. She rushed into action the minute his words registered finally. She grabbed Una’s cloak and fashioned herself wide rimmed jeans, which were the style for the 90s, a white button down, a yellow sweater to wear on top and a warm plaid winter coat, knee length. She put on her regular boots, they were Muggle enough, a scarf, a beret style hat and fingerless knitted gloves. Satisfied with the ensemble, she exited her bedroom just as Severus knocked on her door. He took one look at her, nodded, and motioned for her to follow him.
It took a second for Almathea to unglue herself and follow. He was wearing an outfit that looked much like his usual attire, sans the robes. Dark trousers and a dark sweater, a hint of a cream shirt under the sweater. But the actual surprise was the leather jacket. It looked age worn, definitely an item he’d had in his wardrobe for a while, but for the life of her Almathea couldn’t reconcile her vision of Severus Snape with that of a leather jacket wearing adult. Wasn’t that Sirius Black territory? Wasn’t he the rebel?
Alma followed Severus outside and finally managed to match her pace to his long and determined strides. “Where are we going?” she asked breathlessly.
“Hogsmeade, first. Then we shall Apparate to wherever you will indicate me.” Almathea’s heart skipped a beat as she realised Severus was breaking her out of Hogwarts to go see her family. On Christmas. Well, as close to Christmas as they were getting anyway. She stopped, shocked for a second, before running to catch up to Severus again. She decided on silence until they reached their destination, for fear that he might sober up and change his mind.
They walked for a good while before she saw the lights of Hogsmeade in front of them. It was like a small town on a postcard, the soft glow of lamplight on the snow, the colourful houses, the occasional plaque indicating an establishment. Almathea couldn’t help the awe that escaped in her next breath and she turned to Severus, only to find him smiling slightly at the look of wonder on her face. She scowled and turned away and walked in front of him, but he grabbed her hand and turned her back.
“This is far enough. We only need to be outside the school wards to Apparate.” Almathea looked beyond him, thinking she would see Hogwarts, but it was nowhere in sight.
“Are we so far from the castle?” she asked confused.
“What do you mean?” Severus seemed confused as well.
“Well, I thought I could see…” but then the penny dropped and Alma’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Now this proves it. You probably doubted I was a Muggle, but I definitely don’t see the castle anymore from here.”
Severus looked behind them as well, his eyes conflicted if he should believe her or not, but he turned his attention back to her. “That can wait. Now, where are we going?”
“Crosby. It’s near Liverpool.” Almathea said hopefully as Severus hands tightened around her wrist.
“You must direct me.” He said suddenly. “Visualize a place you have been to before, that is usually deserted and will offer us some measure of concealment. Make it as close as possible to our destination.” She thought for a second and chose a spot near the local park, where there was an abandoned hut, she liked to play in. She nodded to confirm she had the place in mind. “Keep the image in the forefront of your consciousness so that I may use it to guide us. And prepare yourself, because this will be just as inconvenient as Floo travel.”
“I am aware.” Was all Almathea managed to say before she felt a tug in her middle and she was squeezed like through a tunnel. She didn’t hyperventilate once they reached their destination, but she stumbled into Severus. His hands grabbed her forearms firmly as she rested her forehead against his chest, breathing deeply to avoid succumbing to the nausea overwhelming her.
“I have an anti-emetic potion in my coat, if you are well enough for me to retrieve it.” Severus offered. Almathea released the vice grip she had on one of his forearms and he used the freed hand to produce a vial from his pocket, which Almathea gratefully drank.
“This is good stuff.” She muttered. “Could have used this on all those school trips when I was sick.”
“A little hardship breeds character, Miss Spencer.” Severus smirked as she moved a little away from him.
“Yes, very funny, professor, I am sure.” Almathea looked around and realised they were in the small hut. “This is so nostalgic. I’m fairly sure I haven’t been here since I was a child and about ten years ago, they demolished it. So, what, like fourteen years from now?” she frowned. “This is so confusing.”
“It was expected.” Severus pulled his jacket closer around his frame. “Our time is limited, so I suggest we move.”
Almathea nodded and went to the door of the hut. It was unlocked, like she expected. Somebody should really lock this thing, kids always played inside. She made her way like in a daze to the exit to the park, then down the street to the toastie shop, then a left on her street. God, that toastie shop had closed too, when she’d entered secondary school. No good places to get a toastie after that.
As she advanced, she felt tears welling up inside her. “We’re almost there.” She turned to Severus and said, her voice hoarse. She felt a wisp of magic around her and looked at him again, stopping in the middle of the road.
“A notice-me-not charm. We are incognito, after all.” Severus explained. Almathea nodded and continued.
“It’s the house with the red fence.” She pointed toward it as it came into view. The brown brick house was nestled in a small neat garden, lined with snow. A large oak in the front had a swing on a rope hanging from it, almost touching the snow. There was a light on in the sitting room, and a multi-coloured pattern was shining as well. Christmas lights. Her parents had Christmas lights on.
The gate opened as she approached it. She registered in the back of her mind that perhaps Severus had opened it for them to slip unnoticed in the garden. Either way, she was here. This was her home and beyond that front door were her parents. She took a deep breath and approached the window to peer inside. “You’re sure they won’t be able to see us, right?” she threw behind her at Severus, but she didn’t hear what and if he answered.
There was a tree inside, nestled in that corner next to the staircase where her parents always put it. Glass ornaments shone in the glow of the tree lights and a few gift bags were placed beneath it. Her father was in the process of changing channels on the TV in the corner, obviously trying to find something to watch, his favourite armchair angled toward it, just waiting for him to sit. Just as he seemed to settle on a channel, her mother came in with a toddler in her arms, a little girl by the look of it. She was rocking her gently as the little girl squealed in delight. Her mother settled a mug on the table next to the coach, probably her favourite evening tea with milk and honey, then settled the toddler on the floor. The little girl immediately made her way to her father and scrambled on his back. In a swift motion, he picked her up and settled the both of them into his armchair. Her mother began to make a soothing motion over her abdomen and it was then Alma noticed the soft swell of it. Her eyes widened as she realised that her mother was pregnant, and that made absolutely no sense. Tears swelled inside her and spilled over and she closed her eyes as the sobs broke free. She crouched in front of the window, crossing her arms to hug her shoulders.
Severus was silent next to her and she appreciated that. There was no need for anyone to interject in her meltdown as her life, the only life she’d ever known, came crumbling down in front of her eyes. She had no idea how long she sobbed, but eventually she managed to calm herself. A handkerchief was waved in front of her eyes and she used it to wipe her face and blow her nose. Impolite and unsanitary, but hey, sobbing really could clog the sinuses. She handed the handkerchief back and saw Severus vanish it.
She took one last look through the window at the perfect picture of her family, the family she missed more than anything in this new reality she was inhabiting. Her young parents, so different from what she remembered. Had they ever been this loving towards each other when she was young? Had they always smiled like that when they were carefree like now? She couldn’t remember the last time they had been like this and it felt like an intrusion to see this. Maybe these people, the ones they were now, hadn’t written their story yet like her own parents. Maybe their future would unfold differently. She touched the window, took a deep breath and whispered. “Bye, Mum. Bye, Dad. Live well.” Then she made her way through the snow back to the gate, that opened and closed again without her prompting.
She was silent for most of the way back to the park, but decided to speak just as they were approaching the hut. “Thank you, Severus.” She sniffed. “I appreciate you helping me see them.”
“I am sorry it was not what you expected.” He spoke.
“No, it… I mean, it wasn’t what I expected and yet, it was.” She began and decided to rest a while on a bench they passed. Severus sat next to her on the other end. “I wasn’t my parents first child, even back in my universe. They had another daughter before me, born a year and a half before me. But she was stillborn. When I was old enough to learn about her and to understand what she meant, what she implied, I realised that my life was a very big if. If she hadn’t died. If they hadn’t decided to get pregnant again right away. If the timing wasn’t just right. But knowing it in a theoretical sense and seeing it unfold are two quite different things.” She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “So, my dead older sister is alive in this universe. In the universe that has magic in it, she is alive and my mother is pregnant, and between those two events there is no more me. And this notion, that all it takes is one small change in one’s life for everything to crumble… It hit a lot harder than I thought it would.”
It was quiet between them for a while, as Severus allowed her to come to terms in her own time to this new reality she was inhabiting. With a last heart wrenching sigh, Almathea got to her feet again and made her way inside the hut. “I always praised myself a logical individual, capable of seeing facets of a situation, capable of adapting to anything given time. But seeing my family, happy, the way I haven’t seen them in fifteen odd years maybe… And then realising that I’m not even there to share that… I guess even when one thinks they know what to expect, the emotional outweighs the logical.”
She turned to look at Severus and he seemed to be appraising her. He extended his hand toward her wrist again and before she could say anything more, she felt the tug of Apparition to her navel and they landed back outside Hogsmeade. Almathea breathed deeply as she willed the nausea again to subside. And just then, she felt warm arms come around her, holding her gently. Her face was buried in a warm sweater that smelled faintly of rosemary and hyacinth; the scent she now knew pertained to whatever the house-elves used to wash clothes. But beneath that, permeating through the fabric, was the scent of fire and something tangy, like oranges and limes and rum. Her arms were sandwiched between their bodies, so she couldn’t actually hug him back, but she felt comforted all the same. And for a man that held himself so far from people and emotions, to comfort her was a big step. So, she allowed herself to be held and breathed deeply.
“I am sorry that the unicorn’s decision to displace you here has altered your life.” He said softly, his hand rubbing once up her back. “But you have a chance here to experience something your former life could not offer you. And from what I have seen, you will be very apt to the task at hand.”
He disentangled her from his embrace and allowed her to centre herself before stepping away and motioning for her to move ahead of him toward the castle.
“You know, I still can’t see the castle. You sure I’m going to be able to cross the wards, or are they going to repel me like all the other bothersome Muggles around?”
“Well, you haven’t been repelled yet, have you, Miss Spencer?” he scoffed behind her. “Do not fear, I am here to force you onward if the wards trouble you.”
“I do understand the need for a professional distance between us, so I can accept Miss Spencer while we are in public with others. But in private, like now, would you please call me Almathea, Severus?”
Severus was quiet for so long after that, Almathea was wondering if he’d ever answer or if he’d just pretend like he hadn’t heard her. “The privilege of a first name basis is a privilege for a reason, Miss Spencer. Simply because you have chosen to bestow upon yourself the privilege of using my first name, does not mean I shall take the same liberties with yours.”
“Well, they are not liberties if I am granting permission, are they?” Almathea hummed gently. “Come on, Severus, we’re the youngest adults here. Live a little.”
Severus’ expression didn’t seem to change, but she could have sworn she saw a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He chose not to answer again and they made their way silently to the castle. The wards did not repel Almathea and she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the familiar towers in the distance.
“Say, next time, will you take me into Hogsmeade for a butterbeer? I’d really like to have one.” She said softly as they ascended the stairs to the entrance hall.
Severus chose not to answer again and Almathea thought he’d probably reached his quota for politeness and care for one evening. So, she allowed him to walk her to the dungeons in silence and thanked him again as they separated in front of his quarters and she moved further on to her own.
That night, as she slept, she dreamed of her former life, of Christmas morning with her family, of celebrating her birthday next to her loved ones, and instead of waking up dreading the day, she realised in the morning that she felt bittersweet. That life, that former universe, was lost to her, but Severus was right. There were new challenges for her to face here, new things to learn, things that would have been impossible for her before. And as she summoned her wand and conjured the ball she practiced with; she felt the power of resolve inside her. The power that her mission required. And just like magic, the air inside the ball swirled and the power built and a corner of the ball popped. Quite suddenly, she felt closer to the future that Una promised her.
*******
Christmas Eve was the first meal she dared take in the Great Hall, simply because Dumbledore had sent her a note stating that presence at the feast that night was mandatory. Apparently, all guests in the castle had to join the party. So, that evening, she donned a festive attire, appropriate for a witch of course, and made her way to the Great Hall. She sat between Pomona and professor Flitwick and enjoyed a lovely conversation on the merits of using charms to manipulate weather in greenhouses. She retired as soon as she could and made her way to her chambers silently, the weight of a lonely Christmas still on her shoulders.
But the morning brought with it more than just a new day. A small Christmas tree was on a chair in her sitting room, in the space between the doors to her bedroom and the bathroom. On the chair beneath it were parcels from all the heads and Dumbledore, with books of magical customs, household charms, a pair of warm mittens and a scarf, a selection of magical sweets and a manual Almathea could only assume was from Severus on introducing your child to potions-making. She smiled gently as she looked at her small treasure trove and felt a pang of guilt for not buying anyone anything. But she figured, since she’d only known them a short while, it was alright to miss this one occasion. She glanced again at the small tree and noticed an unusual ornament hanging amongst all the glass baubles. The smile that broke on her face was soon absorbed into a sob as she took it down gingerly.
It was a Kinder egg.