brighter
Regulus wasn’t crazy like James. He was interested in him, yes, but he wouldn’t say he was in love. Weeks had passed since the two of them danced and kissed and did all of the things Regulus never expected to do in a town square. Everytime they talked, James would say it. He would say, “I love you, Regulus.” And the worst part was he never wanted anything in return.
Imagine weeks of the most handsome person you’ve ever laid your eyes on telling you they love you with a straight face. Regulus didn’t know how much longer he could last without blurting it back. Now, that wouldn’t be as big a problem as it is if he knew whether he meant it. He hadn’t really known love at such a grand capacity.
That whole love list that he had told James about was him lying guiltlessly through his teeth. Who in his life had ever witnessed a love as strong as James swore his was? No one. But that wasn’t because what he and James had was special. It was because such a love didn’t exist.
Regulus’ parents were not in love when they had him. His mother had gotten pregnant and she had nothing else to do but raise him. It took Sirius finding himself on Regulus’ doorstep for him to find out that his father was a God.
Unlike Sirius, Regulus was an exception. Such a wonderful thing to be. As everyone in his town knew, having a godly parent meant having godly powers yourself. And as far as Regulus knew, he was the one child that didn’t have those powers. When he first met Sirius and told him he was powerless, his brother didn’t believe him. He told him, “You haven’t had experience with it, Regulus. Let me test you and then we can come to a conclusion before you keep pouting.”
Sirius’ tests were only salt in the wound. All of them pointed to the obvious; even when the opportunity to be great was tremendous, he found a way not to be. His brother was easy to love and easy to spend time with. He was a God of Marriage. Of course everyone couldn’t help but idolise him.
Regulus had gotten the offer to move and live with Sirius, and he easily took it. His mother wasn’t the easiest to get along with. At least he knew where he got it from.
The two moved to a town far away, near the coast. Sirius spent most of his time inside, and when he wasn’t inside, he was near the water in his ungodly form. He swam and he tanned and he did everything with a certain grace that Regulus’ couldn’t help but envy. Everyone stared when Sirius did something, yet they turned away when it was Regulus doing the same thing. It was a laughable matter that Regulus brought up a few times. But at some point–Regulus wasn’t quite sure when–it wasn’t funny anymore.
He didn’t want to be jealous. He truly didn’t. Oh but he was. There were days when he couldn’t stand to look Sirius in the eyes and face the possibility that it could’ve been him with godly powers and endless praise if only he had been born first. Regulus never told Sirius of his envy because that would make it real and make it his fault. He also wouldn’t tell because Sirius had this knack for talking through things instead of around them.
They spent a few months in that town—Regulus can’t quite remember the name. Sirius had been flirting with the same baker boy for a few days now, and was positively enamoured in him. Personally, Regulus wasn’t impressed, but who was he to get in the way of Sirius’ happiness? Well, that had been true until Sirius told that boy that he was a God.
There aren’t many ways for telling someone you’re a God to go badly, but Sirius, as always, had found the exception that proved the rule.
The baker boy was not only fully accepting, but maybe a bit too accepting. He told his father and his friends and all within a week, everybody knew. The brothers couldn’t stay indoors because citizens would come knocking, begging for help or favours. And they definitely couldn’t stay outside because the town knew their hiding spots better than they did. One morning, when the slamming on the door got too loud, Regulus awoke to Sirius packing bags. “We’re going,” he said. Regulus didn’t ask any questions.
They climbed out of the window facing away from the street and ran, leaving everything else in their little cottage behind. Regulus wasn’t the most athletic person, but for Sirius, he ran. They reached the outskirts of town quite quickly, spending almost half an hour waving at passing carriages, hoping they’d stop.
Most of them didn’t. But one did. From the back of the carriage, a tall, skinny boy peeked out at them. He seemed confused at first, but that confusion only grew when Sirius invited himself on board, hoisting his bags onto the back.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked them. Sirius stopped dead in his tracks. For the second that they made eye contact, both of them were confused. Regulus wasn’t sure if his brother froze because he thought the answer was obvious or because the boy was gorgeous. Either way, this was the first time someone caught Sirius off guard.
“Getting on the carriage?” he replied, his tone too unsure of himself to actually convince the boy.
“Why?”
Sirius looked back at Regulus for support but got none, eventually turning back to the boy. “Because you stopped.” Thankfully for Regulus and Sirius’ dignity, he sounded more sure of himself. The tall boy’s eyes flicked to Regulus, who just shrugged at him as if Sirius’ lack of self propriety was a problem for him too.
“We stopped because you were waving like a frantic mad man, not because we wanted to let you in,” he explained. Sirius was turning redder by the second, and Regulus couldn’t quite place whether that was because the boy was cute or because Sirius had always had things handed to him.
“Well then,” Sirius began, “can you let us in?”
The boy rolled his eyes. Oh this was very entertaining indeed. “Again, why would I let you in?”
“Because I’m stunningly good looking and because I can show you a good time.” Regulus cleared his throat. “Oh! Because we need to leave this town. Right now, preferably.” The stupidity in his God of a brother really made Regulus feel thankful that the roles hadn’t been switched.
The boy seemed to be just as amused as Regulus, but that didn’t make him any more cautious. After a beat, he said, “Promise not to kill us?” This question loosened Sirius’ shoulders and a slight smile appeared on his face.
“Only if you promise not to kill us first,” he returned. You’re immortal, you can’t be killed, but sure, leave me at the mercy of these strangers, Regulus thought to himself. The brothers took their small bags and loaded them onto the back of the carriage. Turns out the tall stranger wasn’t the only one in the vehicle. A ginger was sitting in the front, sharpening a knife. Not threatening at all.
“That’s Lily,” the boy told them, “and I’m Remus. Sorry for not introducing myself sooner.” Sirius pushed his hair away from his face and put a hand out to Lily, who only looked up at him. Regulus’ brother doesn’t often get scared, mind you, but Regulus was sure that she was the most menacing person he had ever seen. He already liked her.
When Sirius realised that Lily had no intention of shaking his hand, he turned to Remus. “Nice to meet you,” he said. “I’m Sirius and this sneering little prick next to me is my brother Regulus.” Ignoring Sirius’ unnecessary comment, Regulus nodded at Remus and proceeded to sit down next to Lily. Although, when she noticed him, she got up and climbed over to the seats in the front. “Can we get going, Remus? Mary’s waiting.”
The journey started off slow, for Regulus at least. Not for Sirius, who was shamelessly flirting with Remus the entire time. Every time he caught Sirius’ eye he caught a glimpse of his large smile. He’d flirted with a lot of people before Remus, but Regulus thought this time was different. He couldn’t quite be sure until Sirius confirmed it himself though.
As they got further away from the village, Regulus’ boredom only grew. He could interrupt Sirius and Remus, but he wouldn’t due to the unshakeable fear that Sirius would throw him off the carriage if he did so. And he could go up to Lily, which seemed like a safer option, since she was no longer sharpening her knife but instead leading the horses down the narrow path.
Alright.
Carefully, Regulus copied Lily’s earlier movements and climbed to the spot next to her. She glanced at him, barely, staying silent. So this would be a bit more difficult than he thought. “So who’s Mary?” Based off of the sharp glint in her eye he knew that was a bad opener.
“What’s it to you?” she replied.
“Nothing, just trying to start a conversation.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Why aren’t you with your brother?”
This made Regulus chuckle. Crossing his arms and leaning back against the wooden seat, he said, “I’m surprised you can’t hear his pointless attempts to woo your friend.” He swore he could hear her scoff in amusement.
“Don’t think it’s just Sirius flirting,” she said. “Remus is just as bad. But it’s good for him, you know? Hasn’t flirted with anyone in a while.”
“Not trying to prod, but why’s that?”
Lily shrugged. “We move around a lot. That’s delivery for you. Hermes isn’t the messenger for us common folk now, is he?” Now that caught him off guard. It wasn’t what she said, it was how she said it. Like she knew. But no, there was no possible way she knew. How could she know? Sirius wasn’t looking godly. He wasn’t acting pompous and powerful. Maybe she didn’t know. But surely she knew now with the way he was gulping and looking around nervously.
“What do you mean by that?” Oh fuck his tone was all wrong. Guilty.
“Sirius is such an uncommon name,” she stated, hints of something Regulus couldn’t place in her voice. He couldn’t bear to turn around and look at her. “Usually we stay a few days in a town before we leave for more deliveries, but we stayed longer this time? You know why?” Regulus shook his head quickly. “My sister, Petunia, lives there. We lived with her for two weeks. And do you know what she told me?” Once again, Regulus abruptly ended the question with a shake of his head. “Some friend of hers met a God. Of Marriage, actually. Conveniently named Sirius. You know anything about that?”
Regulus swallowed whatever fear he had and replied, “Yes, I do think I heard abo–”
“Oh please!” Lily loudly interrupted. “How daft do you think I am?” To this, he had no response because he did in fact think she was very smart.
The first thing he thought of was, “Does Remus know?” How absolutely pathetic that the only thing he could think of was his brother’s happiness? How absolutely sad is it that all of Regulus’ life revolved around observing over Sirius’ one? What should his first thought have been? There was no self-preservation among his choices. He could have easily just sold Sirius out and taken a ride alone into a nearby city. It would be better, probably.
Who could have guessed that having a God in your life was a nuisance?
“No, luckily,” she said, turning back to the road. “Maybe he has an inkling, but Remus has this thing where he denies whatever doesn’t work out for him.”
“Why wouldn’t it work for him?” Here he was, at it again.
Lily sighed. But it was easy to pick up that it wasn’t out of annoyance, more out of care. “You’ve heard the stories. They never end well. I don’t see the appeal to falling for someone when you can’t expect anything but a tragedy with them. I don’t involve myself with Gods.”
Regulus could understand that. Why try when history has proven that you’re doomed? It feels like you’re willingly putting yourself in harm’s way for a taste of love. Whatever love was, Regulus didn’t think he could do that if it were up to him. He’d always been like this, unlike his brother. Always the agonised one. Always the one mourning someone who hasn’t died.
“Sirius isn’t like that,” he said. “He’s kind and caring and even if this is a one-time conversation with Remus, he isn’t going to hurt him.”
Lily shrugged at that, again. “It isn’t for me to involve myself,” she explained. “I love him like a brother, that’s true. But our friendship isn’t like that. Remus is a grown man capable of making his own choices. I learned that when I involved myself last time.” Just as Regulus was going to ask about the alleged last time, she added, “His name was Grant. Great fellow, I’m not denying that. Not great for Remus though.
“He was sweet. I really liked him. But Remus was always the worst version of himself around him. I couldn’t bear it. So I told him. We didn’t speak for months after that. It took Grant leaving for me to find him at my door, telling me I was right. Of course, I wished I could have helped. But it wasn’t up to me. He needed to learn to protect himself. So we’re friends, but we’re our own separate people.” Regulus stayed silent. “Gods, sorry, I just went on an hour long rant.”
He couldn’t help but laugh. He really did like Lily. She was different from the people he’d surrounded himself with before. There had been Barty, who also talked about himself a lot, but was never apologetic about it. There was Dorcas, who was perfectly well-adjusted and envied. There was Evan, who was shy in a way Regulus could never see himself being. And there was Pandora, the person who would always be more of a sibling to Regulus than Sirius ever could be. Lily reminded him of her.
“I’ve done it plenty of times before, don’t worry,” he replied hastily.
She cleared her throat. “Tell me about yourself. Or your brother,” he told him. “It’s the least I can do. You listen to my shit, I listen to yours.” He didn’t quite want to talk about Sirius, but there wasn’t much about himself that he had to share anyway.
“Alright.” One adjusted in his seat and a quick glance backwards later, he continued, “We recently met, actually. I knew of him and he knew of me. At least, I think. We’re both supposed to be demigods, because we have the same Godly parent, but it didn’t work out for me.”
“Oh I’m so sorry!”
“Don’t be,” Regulus coldly said. “I’m not.”
He went on for a minute or two, adding extra details in whatever good story he had to make it a great one. The white noise of Sirius and Remus’ chatter was soothing. Lily listened to the best of her ability, and tried to hide her little expressions, although Regulus did catch them quite easily. They switched topics about a million times after that, all up until they reached Lily’s destination. He was sad to see her and Remus go, but sometimes it was like that.
While he was taking whatever things he had out of the carriage, Sirius approached him, eyes broad and sad. “Can we stay with them?” He asked as if Regulus was the older, Godly sibling. “Please?”
He rolled his eyes. “If they let you, go. But I’m staying right here.”
Sirius crossed his arms across his broad chest, huffing out. “Oh yeah. You’re gonna stay in a random town? Mister likes expensive teas and sweets from the North?” Regulus gave a curt nod. “Sure. You go ahead and lie to yourself. I’m going to go find Remus.”
His brother had a point, no matter how annoying he was when getting it across. They did end up staying with Lily and Remus for a long time. Sirius would follow Remus anywhere, like a lost puppy. That’s how Regulus met Severus.
He doesn’t like or dislike people from the get-go, but this time he did. The first time he met Snape was in a crowded town event. He was playing his lyre late at night as people were starting to head home. Regulus, who did not want to go home and be met with whatever acts Remus and Sirius were up to, stayed a bit longer. He nursed a bottle of alcohol like something precious. His lovely little evening was interrupted by Snape complaining to no one in particular.
“Of course they leave when I’m performing,” he muttered to himself. “But when that dim-wit Mulciber performs, everyone is head over heels.” While Regulus did agree that Mulciber was a dim-wit, he couldn’t bear whining. He heard it enough on a daily basis.
“You want some?” he offered as a dire attempt to shut Severus the fuck up.
He rolled his eyes. “No.”
That was pretty much the entire interaction. Throughout their stay, they’d met a few more times. Sirius hated the boy more than he had ever hated anyone else. It was amusing, until that was all he could hear about. From both sides. Sirius would complain at home and Severus would purposefully run into him to spit out insults that took him days to come up with.
No one thought it was an enjoyable experience.
Severus had been bothering Lily too. He’d become enamoured in her and when she told him she had a fiance, he started calling her names in desperation. No matter how lovely Remus and Sirius’ domestic life became, they all agreed that they had to leave.
Which is what brought him, essentially, to James’ doorstep. It had been two years since Remus and Sirius met, so they decided to settle in some small town. Regulus didn’t quite see the appeal, but he stayed as well. He’d been away so long that he didn’t know where his real friends were anymore.
Sirius had been wandering the forest one day when he came home (yes, Regulus lived with them and yes, he was regretting it more and more), practically out of breath from the story he was telling. All about some sun boy and his wedding march. This, soon, became a routine. It became all Regulus knew. James Potter.
One day, around the time Sirius usually went out to meet with James, he burst into Regulus’ room. “I’m so busy right now and I can’t see James and I am not going to hurt his feelings so can you please go and tell him that I can’t go? Please?” Sometimes, Regulus felt like Sirius was taking advantage of him.
His boyfriend was a messenger so now everyone had become one too.
“Fine.” Only because he didn’t have anything else to do. And also because Sirius would never shut up if he didn’t go.
…
So that’s how he met James Potter. Regulus knew from the first words he heard from James’ mouth that going to see him was either going to be the worst or the best decision of his life. Hopefully, he would never have to find out. His mantra about expected damage was fading too easily. His guard had to stay up.
When he returned late that night, Sirius and Remus were waiting in the living room, faintly illuminated by a myriad of candles. Why one house would have so many candles when it was made out of wood was something no one but Regulus questioned.
“We’re married!”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Remus and I got married.”