she was going to forgive him.
she had to.
after all, it’s not like he meant to call her a mudblood. it had just slipped out. and if she’d lower her standards enough to talk to james fucking potter , there was no reason she wouldn’t talk to him.
besides, lily was different from the other mudbloods and gryffindors and blood traitors. she was special. anyone could see that. he would apologize again, and they would go to the lake, and she wouldn’t have to hang out with those four awful boys anymore, and she would be so thankful that he’d fixed everything, and that would be all. he hadn’t really done anything wrong, not compared to potter, not compared to that arrogant loudmouth bastard who he knew lily hated. she did. he just had to remind her.
pushing his greasy hair away from his forehead, severus started after her. he followed her into the library and watched her sit at a table, staring off into space thinking about god knows what. she was always doing that, always thinking about those silly things that had no real meaning, like those crystals she loved to wear or those muggle books she was always carrying around with her, which made no sense really, when she could read the same stories but by wizards , by people like her, instead of harping on a world that wasn’t worthy of her, harping on a world she shouldn’t be a part of. she was too good for it.
she was too good for all of them, really, all the pond scum she was surrounding herself with. but not too good for him, he’d known her forever, he deserved to be her friend, he deserved to have her. he took a step towards her and then–
potter appeared out of fucking nowhere and sat in the chair that was supposed to be his chair, severus’s, and lily smiled at him, at james , and he ran his hands through his hair and took out that stupid snitch , tossing it in the air but never letting it get very far from him, and lily laughed. like she was happy. almost as if she liked being around him. severus stepped back into the shadows behind a bookshelf.
she couldn’t like him. there was no way.
oh, and there it was, he knew it, he knew she couldn’t be happy with him because after a minute or so of potter just smiling at her and her smiling back, they took out their potions textbooks and her facade dropped and all at once there were tears in her eyes, and oh he knew it he knew it he was right, and that was all that mattered, and he was better for her than james because james was busy getting quills out of his bag and didn’t even notice that she was upset, the self-obsessed prat.
“lil? you ready to study? (lil , like he was actually friends with her, he couldn’t be) i swear, you’re so much better at this than me and there’s this one potion i just don’t understand, what do they mean a quarter clockwise, that’s not even a thing,” ( idiot , severus thought) he said as he turned towards her, and, “lily? lil, what’s wrong? what happened? how can i fix it?”
(bloody dumbass, thinking he could fix anything for lily, his very presence was probably bothering her).
lily put her head in her hands and just groaned, and james looked mildly amused at her dramatics, because obviously he didn’t care about her, but then his face softened and he took her hands in his ( as if he deserved to touch her) and said, softly, “hey, it’s okay. it’ll be okay. talk to me.”
her eyes glimmered, and (severus was shocked she was entertaining the idea that he could help her at all) whispered “severus. it’s–ugh–it’s severus.”
yes! he knew it, she missed him, she did, and this was his chance, potter would start waxing poetic about what a terrible awful person he was, as if it wasn’t the opposite, and severus would walk over to defend himself and lily would be so relieved, but instead he just squeezed her hands tighter and said “okay,” and motioned for her to go on. strange.
“it’s just,” lily continued. “it’s just that i don’t want to care about him, i don’t , but i can’t stop thinking about him and i hate it, i hate it.” a tear slipped down her cheek. tears for him , he was glowing inside.
james put an arm around her (why wasn’t she shrugging him away) and said “it’s okay to miss him. you were friends for a long time, he was your first connection to the magical world, and him being an absolute bloody git doesn’t change that. you can’t just make that history go away.”
at this, she actually laughed. severus rolled his eyes. pretending not to hate someone to gain lily’s affection–he’d played that game before, and it hadn’t worked. he scoffed. she’d see right through him.
“what? no. god, no, it’s not that i miss him,” (what was it, then? she had to be lying). “it’s that i know, i just know , he’s walking around thinking that i hate you and you’ve just somehow brainwashed me into liking you.”
severus’s heart started beating faster. what was she talking about? of course he was thinking that, because it was true. it had to be.
potter deflated. he actually looked unsure of himself, for once. “well? is he right?” he asked her quietly.
(obviously he was right, she would laugh at him and get up any second now)
at this, lily’s eyes went huge (she could see just how ridiculous he was, now, having the audacity to think she actually liked him) but then she put her hands on potter’s face and looked at him, tenderly (severus was going to combust, what was going on ).
“what? no, james. no . not at all.”
“are you sure? you don’t just, i don’t know, feel bad for me, or have i convinced you that i’m a good person, because i’m a self-obsessed prat , you were right, all these years i’ve been arrogant, i’ve been loud and a bully, and i hate myself, i hate myself every day for it—”
well. at least the bastard was self aware.
(tears were streaming down potter’s cheeks, what the fuck, and lily put her arms around him and squeezed, what the fuck, and buried her face in his chest, what the fuck what the fUCK WHAT THE FUCK, severus was going to die ,)
lily looked up at him, now. “james. listen to me. being around you makes me a billion times happier than i ever was around severus, you make me light , being around you is like floating, it’s like clouds, you make me so happy,” she smiles and wipes tears from potter’s cheeks (severus was dying , he needed to leave right now but he had to hear what she was going to say, maybe there was a punchline) “you make me so happy,” she continued, “and i am so sorry, i am so sorry that i ever made you believe otherwise, that i ever believed otherwise, because you, you care about everything and everyone, and you always got me the best christmas gifts and knew exactly what i was feeling and you were always asking if i was okay even though i hated you, i refused to listen, but james. james. now i’m listening,” (it was an alternate reality, it had to be, or he’d given her amortentia) “i’m listening and i hear you, i see you, you didn’t convince me of anything because i didn’t need convincing, all i needed was to get myself out of his grip and. and now i did, and i’m with you, and james. james. you make me the happiest i’ve ever been, you complete me, you know me better than i know myself, better than anyone’s ever known me.”
now she was crying. severus needed to leave right now , he was going to find a mudblood to hex because he couldn’t hex lily even though she deserved it, filthy fucking mudblood .
so severus snape walked away. for good.
but james and lily are still in the library.
lily is still talking. “you know exactly what i need and when, you’ve cared about me since the first time you saw me, even though i was a bitch .” she laughs and wipes at her eyes.
“you weren’t a bitch. not really. not any more than i was a prat.” james is smiling now, he is going to explode, he doesn’t know what to do with this feeling, they’d been dating for months but he didn’t let himself believe it, he was sure it was inevitable that he would fuck it up, but—
“i love you.” she says, and she kisses him on the cheek, so soft, and—
she loves him, james is glowing, james has never felt so blessed in his entire life, he has no idea what he did to deserve this wonderful, beautiful, goddess of a girl, but she loves him.
miracle of miracles. praise god, hallelujah.
he smirks, now. “i mean. i’ve loved you since the moment i looked at you. you were obviously going to give in eventually.”
she laughs, and swats him on the head, and they walk out of the library hand in hand.
lily’s head rests on james’ shoulder, and she cannot remember ever being happier than this. this wonderful boy .
they walk to their common room, where they will sit on the sofa. lily will read james wuthering heights , and james will not be able to understand why so many people love a book where everyone is so goddamn awful , but he is still going to cry, and lily will make fun of him, and they will make each other so happy.
snape has no one. james and lily have each other, and their friends.
the planets are aligned, or some shit like that. everything is as it should be.