By the fireplace at six in the morning,
Broken soul,
And all your promises - emptiness.
— “Камин”
***
Theo is ready to do anything in an attempt to attract her attention. Pansy is like an unattainable star for him. She comes to him only if she is thrown out of the royal bed like a beaten dog. Pansy deserves the best, and it's not Malfoy's fault that she doesn't understand this. Theo wants to gouge out his eyes so as not to see how Pans, magnificent in herself and crazy, worships Malfoy. Draco doesn't need all this, everyone has long known who his broken heart belongs to. And Theo needs, damn it, how much needs Pansy, but she refuses to accept it. A real lady needs a gentleman, and Theo, to be honest, is the complete opposite of that.
Yes, but Pans still crawls to lick his wounds to him. She smokes muggle cigarettes with him on the Astronomy Tower, laughs at stupid jokes and kisses furiously, trying to suck the whole soul out of him. Theo believes in her stupid, abandoned in the night "love you", sealing them in his heart like priceless treasures. Pansy makes a face at the koldocamera, pushing his hair off his face, and for a second it seems to him that everything should be like this. She doesn't think about Malfoy, she holds on until the last moment, until everything ends in an instant. Theo sees tears welling up in her eyes. He will never replace the one to whom she sold her heart forever. Pansy smears the leaking mascara on her cheeks, forcing a smile out of herself, as if she wasn't crying on his shoulder a second ago. Theo can't be fooled by these cheap tricks.
"Let him go, Pans", Nott has not hoped for anything for a long time,throws the sick truth right in her face. "He doesn't need you."
"Fuck you with your advice, Theo", Parkinson turns on his heels, walking away, and her words beat him in the soul; they sting more than a viper. Moments of false happiness crumble into dust. He gets a couple of false confessions from her, a heart crushed to the dicks and fists knocked to death against the walls.
"Fuck", Theo thinks, "when will you realize already that you will not become more than just a girlfriend to him."
Draco is constantly looking towards the Gryffindor table, forgetting even to eat, and Theo is staring at the flighty Parkinson with exactly the same adoration. Pansy hangs on Malfoy's shoulder, whispers something probably too sugary and climbs in with unsolicited kisses. Theo wants to puke from this show. Her reputation as a Malfoy whore is already known throughout Hogwarts. Theo is ready to smash anyone who even thinks of her like that into a bloody mess. Only she doesn't need it, she won't even notice. Pansy shudders, holding back the rising hysteria when Draco rudely pulls her back, and immediately after Granger him almost runs away from the Great Hall. Theo wants to scream because it hurts like hell to see her like this. But he knows Malfoy doesn't want to hurt Pansy. He also knows that Draco will come crawling to her with apologies that very evening.
The Astronomy Tower greets Pansy with the usual gusts of wind. Theo is barely audible at her heels, but she doesn't need to turn around to realize that it's him. No one else is running after her so hard. Pansy feels sorry for Theo, because she can't give him what he really deserves. She believes that the only adequate solution is, like a bird, to drop down from the roof and crash on the ground, so it will be easier for everyone. Nott approaches her from behind and throws his own sweater over her shoulders.
"Fool", thinks Pansy, "you're going to freeze yourself."
Theo lights a cigarette, and Pans, without thinking about anything, abruptly turns around and imprints her lips with him. The ash settles and falls down, whirling in the wind. Theo is like a pill for her, he stifles all feelings.
And everything would be fine, but:
"I think, I love you, Parkinson."
Pansy gasps, she certainly didn't expect this. She doesn't need it. Theo peers into her soul, trying to cling to at least something, but finds nothing. Her heart still belongs to Malfoy, and it is unlikely that anything can be done about it at all - it is incurable.
"Just don’t be offended, you know, he’s special", Pansy dreamily closes her eyes, imagining a future that will never come true. "Theo, I really want him to just at least look in my direction…"
"Shit!" Nott snaps at her angrily in mid-sentence, taking a deep breath - doesn't help. "Bitch! What a bitch you are, Pansy." Theo slams his fist on the wall a millimeter away from her, and Pansy jumps in place. Theo's pain engulfs her from head to toe.
Blood drips from his broken knuckles. Theo growls strangled. Pansy wants to help him, really, but only she knows by her own example what it is not to be treated. There is emptiness in her heart when she looks at him, and he is ready to turn the world around for her. Is it possible to come up with a story more complicated than this? Nott also burns his fingers with a decayed cigarette butt, but the pain feels like nothing. Pansy tears his soul to tatters with her manicured fingers.
"I’m sorry, Theo, I’m sorry", Pans rolls down onto the stone floor, remembering how they waltzed on the same damn tower, laughing like crazy. Her already short skirt rides up even more - she don't care, now it's far from ideal. Theo had always been an outlet for her; carelessness in the vast ocean of adulthood.
How could three unfortunate words destroy the connection that slipped between them like a thin thread?!
"Fuck you, Pans." Theo leaves, tired of her eternal lies. Without him, even a sweater, - the smell of cigarettes and citrus, - does not warm.
And Pansy is crying, howling softly while no one is looking. Theo is important to her, but she doesn't feel anything for him. And now this is a fucking big problem.