The marauders were worried about Sirius.
Sure, they knew about his home life, but he had always been back after the school holidays. Something had to be wrong, and they didn’t know what.
Until they did.
-
Remus always volunteered for the hardest missions. The ones that put him in the most danger, letting him keep the others safe.
And because every time he took a Deatheater down, it felt like his own personal revenge.
If he had told his 14 year old self that in 6 years he would hate Sirius Black’s guts, he probably would have gotten hexed. Yet, there he was, trying to force his memories of Sirius out of his mind.
It had been 3 years, and he still couldn’t forget the feeling of Sirius’ love. Or, what he thought had been love. 3 years, and he couldn’t get the image of Sirius’ blush out of his head. 3 years, and he was still in love with Sirius Black, the fucking Deatheater, no matter how betrayed and angry he felt.
At least James understood.
They had discussed it a lot, what they would do if they ever ran into Sirius.
Discussing it was definitely not preparation for the real thing.
Remus had been the first to sign on to the Rosier Manor raid, much to Lily and James’ disapproval. It was better if he went, he didn’t have anything to lose. Not that he’d ever say that much to his friends because the one time he had, Lily cried, which was not something he was interested in doing again.
He listened as Moody went through the game plan. Well, half listened, but still. He was just… slightly intimidated as he took in the sheer size of the manor.
It was nice to get back to duelling.
The idea of taking down the Deatheaters one by one was exhilarating as hell, and Remus revelled in the way his adrenaline pounded through him as he shot hexes and curses left and right, keeping a pretty decent shield over himself.
“Lupin, behind!” He heard a shout from one of the Prewett twins and turned to block a curse headed in his direction. It was lazily done, not specifically sent towards him, so it didn’t take much to block it. His hand froze on his way to send out a counter-curse, as he noticed the Deatheater had stopped, staring directly at him with wide eyes.
It had been 6 years, but he hadn’t forgotten those silver eyes, that slightly crooked nose, and that mess of black hair. The light in his eyes had dimmed considerably, but he was still beautiful. So, so fucking beautiful.
“Sirius?” The name tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself, ignoring the fact that they were losing Deatheaters every second. He could faintly hear some of his allies shouting to him, but it was like everything else stopped existing to him.
God, he was still gorgeous.
He was a lot thinner, almost alarmingly so, and he had dark bags under his eyes, but he was Sirius. The fact that he was fighting for the wrong side had gone completely forgotten as they stared at one another, Sirius just as taken aback as he was, eyes fixed on Remus.
“You let your guard down, Lupin.” A voice sounded behind him, a shiver running down Remus’ spine.
Shit.
A hand grabbed his wrists, wand having disappeared at some point, as his hands were bound behind his back and he was apparated away.
The last thing he saw before he was promptly knocked out was Sirius’ stunned expression darken.
-
“Oi! Lupin, Potter! I heard your best friend is one with the Dark Lord himself, now!” Barty Crouch Jr’s snide voice rang out from the Slytherin table, and Remus’ heart sunk.
No.
There was no fucking chance.
-
“-torture him for information, then kill him? Is he really that useful?” Remus’ head was throbbing, eyes still shut, unmoving, as he tried to get his bearings and listen immediately after waking up, which was not fucking easy.
“He’s on Dumbledore’s little inner circle, if he’s in a raid like that. He has to know something useful.” He finally forced his eyes open, lifting his head.
“Oh, he’s up. Morning, Lupin.” Barty fucking Crouch Jr. Of course. He was rolling up his sleeves, pulling his wand out with a twisted smile. “Alright, this is going to be fun-“
“I’m going first.” Sirius interrupted, and Remus turned to him with a glare.
“What the fuck? I’m the one who caught him!”
“And I’m the one who was forced to room with those fuckwits for six and a half years! Besides, don’t you think it’ll be better for him to look his ex in the eye?” His eyes met Barty’s with a malicious glint in them that Remus didn’t even recognise. He thought his heart had broken 3 years ago, but apparently not, because it was definitely shattering. He was almost surprised the Deatheaters couldn’t hear it.
“…fine. But don’t finish him off, I’m having a fucking turn.” He grumbled, sounding so childish that Remus almost wanted to laugh at his tantrum.
Almost.
Sirius turned and locked the door with a flick of his wand, before throwing a silencing charm around the room.
“Why did you do that?”
“Because last time I didn’t, Mulciber barged in and demanded a turn. I’m not having that happen again.” Sirius answered, eyes still fixed on Remus.
“Fair.”
Sirius lifted his wand, Remus never once moving his gaze from him.
“Avada kedavra.”
Remus watched as Barty slumped to the ground, eyes widening at the fact that Sirius’ hand was shaking. He had killed Barty. Remus was alive, untouched, okay. Sirius pulled Remus’ wand from his pocket, before crouching in front of him.
“Moony, are you alright? Are you hurt?” There was a hand on his cheek, Sirius’ hand, as Sirius surveyed him carefully.
“No, I’m- I’m fine. What-“
“Come on, there’s a way out the back.”
“Wait, what’s going on? I thought you were- that you had…” he trailed off helplessly as Sirius walked behind him and freed him.
“Okay, so Dumbledore told none of you, of course. He approached me 2 years ago, asked me to spy, keep his lot safe. Let’s go.” He offered Remus his hand, watching silently as Remus hesitated. He went over the possibilities in his head. Sirius was lying and was ready to take him straight to the Dark Lord, Sirius was telling the truth, but got them both killed anyway (which was a very Sirius thing to do), or that he was telling the truth and Remus was safe.
Despite the fact that it had been 3 years, the instinct that told him to trust Sirius still hadn’t gone. If anything, it was louder than ever before, kicking and screaming and begging Remus to listen to it.
So he took his hand.
Sirius smiled softly at him, and Remus could swear he saw a spark of the old glint in his eyes. It was enough to make Remus weak in the knees (still), but at least he could blame it on having been knocked out and tied to a chair.
Sirius led him carefully out a hidden door, the two of them stepping carefully and quietly, Sirius giving Remus his wand back as they walked.
“Hey, Black, what the fuck are you doing?!” A voice rang out.
Sirius froze.
“Shit. Run!” He started sprinting, dragging Remus with him as he sent out as many curses as he physically could, Remus throwing a protective spell over the two of them. “We’re almost out of the anti-apparation zone!” He explained as he shoved a door open, the daylight stinging Remus’ eyes as Sirius apparated, the two of them vanishing from sight.
-
Hope was at a loss as she watched her son fall apart in her arms.
“I hate him- I fucking hate him- I should hate him- Why the hell do I still love him?” The words came out in between stuttered breaths, sobbing into Hope as she moved her hand soothingly up and down Remus’ back. It wasn’t just heartbreak. It was like Sirius had silently, secretly, stolen Remus’ heart and set it on fire, burning slow and painful in his chest as he disappeared without a word.
-
Sirius knew it had to be a confusing sight, a known Deatheater from a high status family walking into the Order’s safe space with one of their most trusted members.
James saw him first, as Sirius’ heart gave a painful tug.
James.
He was frozen, stunned, as Marlene stood, wand raised.
“Let him go.” Her voice was low, dangerous, as Sirius immediately released Remus and dropped his wand. He raised both of his hands, not knowing how the fuck to explain what was going on to the room of people who hated him.
Thankfully, he didn’t have to.
“Listen, I’m not-“
“Black?” Alastor Moody. Sirius kept his gaze fixed on Marlene, not moving in case she took it as a threat, rightfully so, and shot a curse at him.
“Wotcher, Moody.”
“What are you doing here?”
“About that. I may have… accidentally blown my cover.” Sirius could feel Remus’ eyes on him, and he hoped his face didn’t turn red as easily as it used to, because he could feel it heating up.
“What the hell, Sirius?! We need someone on the inside!”
“Please, I know you have more than just me in there.” He shot back. “They were going to kill Remus, and I couldn’t talk them into letting him go. I got as far as only torturing him, but I wasn’t going to get him any safer than that without blowing my cover.” He said simply, and it was like Remus’ gaze only intensified. Fucking hell, he loved him so much.
“Black,” Moody started, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You have killed people for the cause, but one of your friends getting a little hurt makes you quit?”
“Yes.” He answered immediately. “Because my friends have spent 3 years hating me, and I’ve spent 3 years knowing that they hate me. I wasn’t going to let the only man I’ve ever loved die hating me, or any of my friends think I killed him! Especially if I could fucking stop it!” Moody was stunned into silence, as Sirius realised what he had said.
Remus had spent years hating him, he must have, and here he was confessing his love for him! Great. Just fucking perfect.
“Dumbledore can rip me apart if he really wants to.” He mumbled, as he noticed Remus take a step closer to him. It wasn’t exactly easy to hold on to his train of thought anymore. “But I wasn’t going to, uh, to let them, you know, so…”
“Padfoot.” Remus’ voice was half a whisper, half a sob, as Sirius finally, finally turned and met his eyes. Those beautiful, lovely, amazing amber eyes.
Before he had a chance to speak, Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius, holding him like he was worried that he would disappear if he didn’t. Sirius wondered if their hearts still spoke the same language that they had before, an effortless blend of the two of them. He hoped to Merlin that Remus could hear his heart keening, gravitating towards him, beating a constant ‘you’re here, hi, I missed you so much, I love you.’
He was probably speaking them, too, as he buried his face in Remus’ collarbone, feeling Remus press a kiss to the top of his head.
“I- I wanted to think you’d never, but-“
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, darling. I know.” Sirius interrupted. “Anyway, I’m here now, aren’t I?” Remus pulled away and nodded, amazed.
“Yeah. You’re here.” There was a small smile on his face as he slowly, carefully, connected their lips in a very short kiss. Almost immediately after he pulled away, Sirius felt another pair of arms around him.
James.
Oh, he had missed his friends.
There had been so many times that he had felt inhuman over the three years with the Deatheaters, where he worried that he could never be the same, once the war was over.
As he looked at his friends, at Remus watching him with that perfect smile, eyes shining, he knew that it was okay.
He was finally okay.