Chapter 3
3 years later
“I think I may be gay.” Harry declared with his two best friends.
It took one second for things to sink in before Ron choked on his whiskey, while Hermione - forever the sensible one - immediately casted a silencing spell around their booth. The bar was noisy, but you never knew who could be listening.
Especially when you’re Harry Potter, sitting with Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.
“Wh– Whaaa– I’m sorry.” Ron tried to clear his throat from the recent cough. “I’m sorry. What did you just say?”
“I think I may be gay.” Harry repeated.
Nobody choked this time, but it still took a minute before one of them spoke again.
“Why do you think that?” Hermione asked.
“I kissed a boy and I liked it.”
Ron let out some noise of disbelief, or shock, but Hermione only looked sceptical. “Well, it does not necessarily mean you’re gay.”
“I think I’m in love with him now.”
“What?!!! You’re in love? After only one kiss?”
“It’s not just one kiss. We used to kiss every day.”
“And when exactly did this happen?”
“Some time ago. Three years, maybe more.”
Neither of them reacted to that immediately. They exchanged a look with each other and appeared to be doing some kind of couple telepathy. Finally, it was Ron who sighed. “It was Malfoy, wasn’t it?”
Now it was Harry’s turn to choke. He was not going to mention Draco’s name, or any name if he could help it. He did not expect his friend to be this straightforward, or that they actually knew about his business with Draco.
“You’re not saying anything so we’re just going to assume that we were right.”
“Ok, fine, it was Draco. But how did you find out? We were so careful. Did everyone know about it?”
“You call him Draco? Hmmm, interesting… How did I never notice it before?”
“Hermione! That’s not what I’m asking.”
“Alright, alright. You want to know? Fine, it was because of all the time you two used to spend together. It was hard to not suspect anything, especially with all the time you ‘accidentally’ bumped into each other in some empty corridors.”
“Plus, Melody, Greg’s cousin - do you remember her?” Ron chimed in, looking a little too eager to contribute to the conversation. “She confided with Greg that she thought there might be something going on with you and Malfoy. You two kept giving each other looks whenever you were in a room together. I don’t know what that look was like, but Melody had used the words ‘filthy hot’.”
“And I never saw it, but I heard noise of you making out before. When you and he lagged behind after a Quidditch practice. At the time, it was just too absurd for me to think it was true though. But when I have more time to think it through, ... Well, long story short, me and Ron had placed a bet that you would end up with a Slytherin in our year. The bet is still going on, by the way.”
Harry listened with disbelief. Apparently, he was not as discreet as he liked to think of himself. Actually, come to think about it, he did not know why he thought he could hide such a big thing from his best friends. He was everything but subtle.
“I can’t believe–” He started, then decided better to focus on the least shocking bits. “–that you’re still going with the bet. On my love life, no less.”
“Yes, we are, so you’d better make us win those six hundred galleons. We can really use that money for our wedding plan.”
“Six hundred galleons?”
“Yes, any problem?”
“No Madam. Just– you’re ok if I ask Draco out then?”
“Whatever makes you happy mate.” Ron replied drily with the typical response he had quoted a thousand times before. “But with six hundred galleons, we can go to Hawaii for our honeymoon, just so you know.”
“But your wedding is next year, you will never win that bet in time.”
“That’s why you must make haste. What about next week? Pansy told me that they would throw a big birthday party for Malfoy at some club. I can get you the address if you want?”
Harry tried not to think about Draco’s last birthday, which was the last time they kissed, and the last time Harry got to feel what happiness was truly like. His last three years were just purely miserable and full of regrets. He broke up with Melody after school, went on a couple of dates with different people, until he finally woke up one day and realised he was in love with Draco.
By that time, Draco was already no longer part of his life. He’d taken the healer training course, worked extra time for his potion master degree, had a boyfriend who was a famous Quidditch player, become an active member of charity funds, broken up with the Quidditch player and gone out with an event organiser, officially become a healer and opened his own clinic, broken up with the event organiser, run the most successful clinic with the most satisfied customer service in the area, single and about to turn twenty, and totally completely treated Harry like a stranger every time they happened to cross path, including the time Harry hurt himself in a mission and had to come to his clinic as a special case.
“Fine, I’ll try. But I’m not promising anything.” He finally said.
“We will send you a postcard from Hawaii.” was all Ron and Hermione responded.
By the time Harry arrived at the club, the birthday party was already in full swing, but the hero was nowhere to be seen. After fifteen minutes of searching the blonde head in the crowd to no avail, Harry decided to give up.
Maybe this was not the right time. Assuming that he did manage to find Draco, there was no guarantee that the man was not thoroughly pissed, given the amount of booze that was passing around.
And Harry preferred to convey such an important conversation with a sober man at least.
He headed to the loo then made his escape with the side door of the club, unexpectedly, found the one he had been looking for all along with his tongue down someone’s throat in the dark alley. Jealousy almost blinded Harry and the possessiveness that he did not know he had exploded within him. That explained why the next thing he did was to march straight to the snogging couple, forcefully yanking Malfoy out of the other jerk’s grip.
“I need to talk to you.”
“What’s the fuck?” Draco spitted, ready to throw his punch at the one who had dared interrupting his business. “Potter?” The fist was lowered as soon as this information was revealed. “What do you want?”
Harry flinched at the extreme hostile tone, but it did not seem like Draco was drunk. Determined to get through with this, Harry flashed an awkward smile. “I– I want to wish you a happy birthday.”
Draco narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Say it and be done then.”
“Can we talk in private?” Harry insisted.
“Ooooh…” The man, who was being pressed against the wall by Draco, half naked, bloody fit and wore a leather pant, hooted. “Seems like everyone wants a bit of you, Draco darling.”
“Shut up, this does not concern you!” Harry spat.
Draco merely glance at him before resting a hand at the other man’s chest flirtatiously, spoke calmly. “Honey, why don’t you come inside and get me a drink. I’ll handle this one and be with you in a minute.”
The man pouted in a cringey way, but he got inside nevertheless, not forgetting to spare Harry a murderous glare.
“Now spill it, Potter.” Draco snarled.
“Is he your new boyfriend?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Just answer it first.”
“No. He’s not. But can be upgraded based on his behaviour in bed tonight.”
But Harry had already stopped listening after the first word. “Good, then I still have a chance.”
“A chance for?”
“For being your boyfriend. I love you, Draco. And I would really appreciate it if you agree to go on a date with me.”
Of course it was silence that met his declaration. Grey eyes pierced the green ones as if Draco was trying to see if there was any ultimate joke behind that look. His mouth opened a few times, just to close again, as the ability to speak had left him. They stood frozen, two heartbeats were louder than the music banging in the club, until Harry decided that he had to do something.
He had gone this far, there was no turning back now, the only way was to move forwards. So he moved forwards. He reached Draco’s spot and gently put a hand on his cheek. He closed the last remaining proximity and for a second, he really thought his kiss would be welcomed.
But it wasn’t, and the next second found Harry landed on the dirty ground on his bum.
“Dra–”
“Wait. Wait right here. I’ll come back. I– I just need a minute first.”
With that, Draco scurried to get inside the club, leaving Harry alone in the dark alley, desperately hoping that he did not screw it all up.
Not again.
Draco did return, to his great relief.
It was fourteen minutes and three seconds later, but he did, and that was all Harry cared about.
The blonde seemed to gain back his normal self, smirking while approaching Harry. He held one of his hands out to Harry. “Fancy going somewhere else?”
“What’s about your party?”
“Already excused myself. But I doubt anyone would miss me by this point, half of them can’t even walk without throwing up every five second. And I think there are at least three couples shagging in the loo. From the noise of it, one may be a threesome.”
“Oh, would you be there now if I hadn’t interrupted you and that– erm–”
“Rubber - the underwear model?”
“Oh shit, is that him? Fuck, I don’t recognise him without his ridiculous cowboy hat on.”
“Yeah, I made him take it off before we snogged. Anyway, shall we get going?”
“Oh, ok, sure, but where?”
“You can walk me home. I live not far from here.”
“Ok.”
They set off in awkward silence at first. The summer air in London was just perfect for strolling, but Harry could not stop to admire the lovely night when his head was working frantically, searching for something to say. Anything.
Unfortunately, every thought led him back to the moment he blurted out the confession, and he was not sure if Draco wanted to talk about it yet. The man’s face was unreasonably calm and completely inscrutable.
“So,” Draco said at last, with a carefully measured bland tone. “You’ve mentioned you love me?” His eyes deliberately focused on anywhere but the man next to him, but Harry caught a glimpse of uncertainty in the gaze. It gave him confidence.
“Yes, I do.”
“How do I know this is not some joke you cook up to humiliate me?”
“Why do I want to do it now, after everything that happened?”
“I don’t know, maybe you feel bored? You’re bored easy, aren’t you? Just look at your dating history.”
“This is not like it, Draco. I love you. I have been loving you for a long time. I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m serious. But I do!”
Draco steps faltered then and eventually stopped. Slowly, he turned to lock eyes with Harry, his face was no less emotionless than a minute earlier. “Why are you only telling me now if it’s in fact that you love me for a long time?”
“By the time I realised I love you, you were already with someone else. I didn’t have any chance until now.”
Draco seemed to ponder that answer for a moment. “You’ve made an impression before that you don’t mind cheating in a relationship as long as it benefits you.”
“Are you saying that you would cheat with me if I asked?”
“I don’t cheat, Potter. But it’s likely that I might break up for the sake of an affair with you.”
Hope flared up in Harry’s chest. For the first time of the evening, he found his lips stretching into a grin. “Does that mean you will become my boyfriend now?”
“I haven’t said anything about it yet.” Draco resumed walking. He waited until Harry caught up with his long stride then spoke again. “Are you even gay?”
“Yes. I mean, I think so. You’re the only man I’ve ever been with, but I did some reading and I think I’m a top, and–”
“Hold on, let’s make this clear first. I’ve never been with you, we just fooled around behind your girlfriend’s back.”
“I know, I wish we didn’t. I mean, I don’t wish that we never fooled around, I wish there were something more than that. I wish that we were officially going out, that we didn’t have to convey all of what we did in secret.”
Draco snorted. “And whose fault was that?”
“Me, of course. If only I wasn’t too stupid, to have to go through all those girls to finally realise where my true feelings lay. So will you please give me a chance?”
“You sound almost sincere. If it hadn't been for the fact that I’ve also loved you for a long time, I may not have said yes at all.”
Harry’s heart did a flip at those words and sent him off-balance and almost stumbling down on the boulevard, but Draco had already had his hand on Harry’s elbow to steady him. He did not release when Harry regained his balance also, only looked at the dark-haired boy with a glimmer of amusement and something bordered tenderness and fondness in his eyes.
Drowned in those stormy eyes, Harry just barely worked out how to breathe again when Draco slid his hand down and entwined it with Harry’s, making Harry have to relearn the breathing process all over.
“Did you just say– did you mean– you love me?”
Draco chuckled and began to tuck at their adjoining hands, guiding Harry to keep in step with him. “I thought it must be obvious?”
“It was obvious?”
“To others, maybe not. But to you. I climbed to your bed and snuggled to you every night, Harry, and that was even before our first kiss. I couldn’t believe that you didn’t push me right away.”
“What–? I didn’t– I thought– You mean you did that on purpose? That you were awake the whole time?”
“What did you think? That I just happen to be sleepwalking to your bed while in a state of erection? And then I miraculously forgot about all of it when I woke up by your side?” He laughed deliciously when met the stunned look on Harry’s face. “Although… what happened at Christmas was actually an accident. I didn’t mean to molest you, I was really drunk after seeing you go to the ball with the Ravenclaw girl, then when I found out you were alone in your bed–” He didn’t finish the sentence, just gave Harry a wink instead.
“But… but why did you do it in the first place? I mean, when you forced your way to sleep with me?”
“I said because I love you, Harry. And I just had to gamble my chance with the only thing I could do. If you kicked me out, I still had the memory of lying next to you, of holding you, even for a few seconds. The fact that I was granted so much more was beyond my wildest dream.”
“Draco… that was… sad.”
“But it was the only way. Anyway, let’s not talk about our past anymore. The important thing is we are here together, I love you and you love me, and we’ve reached my apartment now and I was wondering if you want to go up for coffee and snog? Oh, by the way, I’m also a top but I think we can find a way to work it out.”
“I’d certainly love that.” Harry smiled and eagerly climbed up the narrow stairway with Draco, when something sprung to his mind. “Wait– you weren’t sleeping when you came to my bed, so you weren’t dreaming either.”
Draco raised his eyebrows. “Yes?”
“So what you said was on purpose.”
“Yes?” Draco asked, a touch of patience in his voice.
“And you said you loved someone! Rettop! Yes, I remembered that vividly!”
“Kindly spell your name backwards and see what happens.”
Harry frowned, but he did as told. “Y-R-R-A-H. Yrrah? But that makes no sense. Unless… R-E-T-T-O-P. Fuck, it was me the whole time?”
“Who else could it be?”
“But why did you have to go through such trouble with saying my name?”
“Oh, I’m sure you will take it well if I climb onto bed with you and confess my prolonged love for you. A Slytherin always leaves himself a way out, Harry.”
“I’m not sure I’m happy if you will also leave a way out in our relationship.”
Draco pondered that for a second, carefully choosing his word. “Our relationship, maybe. But you, no. There’s no way out when I’m in love with you, or I should have done it by now. The only way I’m able to stay away from before was knowing you will never return my feelings, and that I should not stand in your way to happiness just because I want some more stolen kiss with you.”
“You are standing my way to happiness, Draco, because I have to pick you up on the road to complete my journey.”
“Wow, that’s cheesy.”
“I can’t help it. Words seemed coming out of my mouth without control.”
“Well, I can help you shut your mouth for a while, if you want?”
“I think I would love it, Ocard.”