Flat bottoms of green leather crackled against gravel. The sun shone bright against a set of blackened aviators. Two faces of alabaster matched cheshire smirks as curling night skied strands rippled down to white cotton collars. The soft sweep of tan morning pants sent a ghostly feathery against snowy ankles. A matching set entwined curated hands into one. Sirius, Regulus’s twin in every sense of the word save the biological one, synced their steps once they began strolling toward Lake Ambrosia.
The twins continued in tandem along the lake’s edge like they had done throughout their entire lives. Together always. Sirius left Regulus’s palm to push a decrepit wooden boat toward lapping water. Cold flooded his green leather dress shoes. Regulus shivered as if he himself could sense the freeze Sirius surely felt. An oar found its splintered handle to be held by the purified hands of Regulus Black. A foreign sight. Regulus never paddled. Sirius always did. Yet, this morning seemed destined toward the unusual. His brother offered a hand while Regulus took a step into the rotting wood contraception, wincing when mold briefly grazed his designer shoes.
Sirius abstained from murmuring a soft caution to the boat’s rocking sway, knowing his brother would pierce him with a stare for mentioning a danger so blatantly obvious. However, his eyes tracked graceful movements until Regulus was settled on the cracked bench closest to the middle with the oar placed over his lap. Unaware of his worry, Regulus meticulously preened and patted his shirt and pants as though a painter might do to perfect his vision’s model.
Sirius entered the boat soon after pushing it off the shore, unable to part from his brother for longer than a few moments. Led by the strong, athletic arms of the Black brothers, the boat wadded across Lake Ambrosia and toward a river fed by its crystal water. The trip to Lake Ambrosia was a common one for the Blacks; however, they had never once dared take this route. Rapids would meet them shortly, burbling and brisk without an escape. Fear prickled Regulus’s heart. Sirius rested his hand over his brother’s curated nails. His nerves washed away. Refined postures were a requirement in the Great House of Black. Regulus never let his falter. But today, today was the day a rigid back turned lax and slumped under a pressure he had never felt before.
Sirius wasn’t like him. His broad shoulders were rebelling. They moved with him, sighing and swaying with his dramatics as he laughed. Sirius deserved to be happy. He couldn’t do that when their mother tied a yard stick to his back and forced him straight. For someone so strong, Sirius couldn’t endure it. Not like Regulus.
The silence morphed from an embrace to a suffocation. Regulus dug his nails into the wood pressed to his skin. He wanted to scream, wanted to stop his brother from doing what he would do. Selfish. Sirius deserves this, don’t be selfish, the snapping voice whipped words at him. It sounded so much like his mother.
The chaos of his head opposed the present silence sitting between the Black brothers. Regulus’s selfishness grew inside him. Say something. Say something. Say Something. Stop him from leaving. Regulus remained quiet while Sirius prepared himself, moving his oar to lay on the boat’s bottom. The rapids scream their approach. Regulus couldn’t decide whether the bubbling of water beckoned the pair or warned them away. It didn’t matter. The twins made their choice. Only one Black would leave this river.
Sirius tapped Regulus’s foot with his own. He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows to see if he was ready. Regulus was not. Yet, he nodded. Sirius moved his hands to the sides of the boat and began rocking. The rapids shook with him.
Cold water flooded Regulus’s senses. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think. Sirius’s body brushed against him, only his warmth discerned his brother’s body from the rocks. Regulus gasped out as he broke the water’s surface. Panic distracted him from his years of training. Swimming had become second nature to him; however, in the time he needed his skills the most, they failed him. Regulus was dragged underneath the cold again as the boat pushed past a series of jutting rocks and over Regulus’s head.
Fear prickled Regulus’s mind, his lungs burned as he failed to gather a proper breath in the brief reprieve. Adrenaline pushed him to some level of sanity. His legs fought the tide like they had been trained to do under the coaching of his father. Swimming was an instinct. The formerly unformidable current became a slight pull. One twin reached the side; Regulus clutched a hanging root of the woods surrounding the river. One stayed in, a thin alabaster blur underneath the blood hungry water.
I’m sorry, both Blacks begged the other. Please forgive me.
***
Regulus Black never told a soul the truth about that morning. Not to Arthur Weasley who had found him along the river’s edge or to the cops that questioned him about his brother’s disappearance. Not even to his own mother who had practically beaten him to death in order to wrench it out of his swollen and bruised hands. And sure, the story he formed of a rowing accident gone wrong was tragic, but it wasn’t the truth. Some people just have a feeling, an inkling that eats away at them until they discover reality. Lily Evans was one of those people.
***
Although the rumors of Sirius Black’s mysterious disappearance and believed death were still making their ways among the cliques of Hogsmeade, the summer of 1975 came to a close and Hogwarts awaited with a baited breath to welcome its students once again. The night before the eve of the new school year Lily Evans sat in front of her vanity mirror and listened to The Most Beautiful Girl while applying a pink toned lipstick.
Remus, her best friend since Year 7, lay horizontal across Lily’s baby pink covers, writing in his journal as usual. “Do you think he’ll like this shade?” Lily turned around and pursed her lips toward her friend.
Through a tangled mop of hair, Remus glanced up for a moment to mutter, “Yeah, he’ll love it,” before looking back down at his notes.
Lily huffed, “Remus. I’m already stressed about tonight and your disinterest is not helping!” She turned to face her mirror again, looking over her freckles scornfully. “Ugh, nothing covers these!”
“You shouldn’t cover them, Lils, they’re beautiful,” Remus scolded lightly. Lily brushed off the comment like she always did.
“I just- I just want to look… perfect for him,” Lily breathed out the confession as she continued to analyze her features.
The comment was strikingly unlike the confident Lily Remus had grown to love. He looked at her and frowned, “Lils, what? You’ve known each other for ages, come on. Do you really think James would turn you down because you're not pretty enough?”
Remus rose to stand behind Lily’s chair. He placed his hands lightly on her shoulders and met her eyes in the mirror. “He’s going to say yes, Lils, I know he will. Just be yourself and everything will be okay.”
Lily sighed, her shoulders sinking to an ease. “You’re right, I’m just overthinking everything.”
“Yeah, you have a tendency to do that,” Remus let a small smile cross his lips. Soon, a matching one spread along Lily’s.
She laughed, “You’re such an idiot.”
“You’re such a perfectionist.”
“Oh, that’s it!” Lily pushed Remus back onto the bed and grabbed the nearest pillow, slapping Remus with it. Their laughter mixed and mingled like it always did when the two joined together. Lily’s nerves for her confession still stayed among the shadows of her heart but, for now, Lily ignored them, enjoying the slight peace her best friend always provided.
***
In the house next door, hidden from Lily and Remus’s curious eyes by her pink plaid curtains, the Potters welcomed a new addition to their family and home. “The bathroom is down the hall and well- you know where everything is,” Effie, James’ mother, wrung her hands as she showed Sirius the house. Although it was unneeded seeing as Sirius had slept over dozens of times before, he let her guide him through, knowing that it brought her comfort. James and his father, Monty, were unloading the few bags Sirius had packed from the car.
The two stood in the kitchen. A sadness hung in the air and sent a heaviness over Sirius’s shoulders. Effie stretched out her arms and pulled Sirius into a hug. His mind urged him to resist the foreign action, but his heart sank into the feeling of warmth. “You’re with us now. You’re safe.”
Sirius couldn’t decipher whether Effie was reassuring him or herself, either way he let the words wash over him. A nagging feeling tugged him into a slight discomfort. Regulus. Stop, don’t think of him. He made his choice. “I’m happy to be here, Effie, but how can I… I can’t live a normal life anymore, can I? If my parents- If they figure out where I am-”
Tears welled Sirius’s eyes, though they never fell. The Black family training still held some sort of grasp to his behavior however much he tried to rebel from it. “I can’t go to school or go out at all. I don’t know if I can stay cooped up in here like I was at the hotel. I spent months there. Months,” Sirius pulled away from Effie who matched his tears with her own.
She ran her hands up and down his arms in an attempt to ease his emotions, “We’re going to figure something out, baby, don’t worry, okay? We’ll figure something out. If we have to move or fight for custody, we will,” Effie pressed her hands to his cheeks and met his gaze, “I will do anything to protect you, Sirius. You’re family, now, right?”
Sirius nodded into her shoulder, moving to hug Effie like she had him, but hesitating, unsure of what to do. Effie picked up on his uncomfortableness and wrapped her body around his own.
“Family hug time?” Monty asked from behind Sirius. Another warm body covers Sirius’s back, sending him to flinch. Sirius forced himself to relax as footsteps came closer from the hall. Sirius heard bags drop to the floor suddenly. “I’m missing family hug time?” James asked aghast, “No one told me!”
Sirius felt James’s body hit the huddle as it sent them all reeling a few steps. “James!” Effie scolded lovingly, “Nearly knocked me over!”
“Sorry,” James’ reply was muffled by the knit sweater of his mother’s that he had chosen to bury his face into. Sirius briefly glanced at his best friend turned brother, noticing the smile James wore as he looked over at Sirius. This was good. James was good. Sirius could ignore the nagging feeling inside of him if it stayed like this. If he stayed with the Potters.