Local Man Killed In A Swan Attack (Naruto)
Fuck, I hate swans.
When I was younger they'd terrorize me. They'd chase me around near lakes and rivers, and I was terrified they'd eat me.
Swans have always had it out for me. I swear they have a giant hivemind where all swans collectively mark feeble targets.
Ironically enough, dying by swan was exactly how I pictured myself to go when I was younger, and that never changed ; even as I got older and got into a more...'risky' career.
I won't get into the gory details, I don't think anyone should have to hear what those fuckers did to me - but I'll just say; swans are mean ass motherfuckers.
They have my begrudging respect.
I don't like them, but damn can I admire that work ethic.
But yeah, whatever, swans ate me alive; not a big deal. I admire swans now - but really, it's more the admiration of a reliable enemy than as "the majestic creatures" the entire world tried to gaslight me into thinking they are. That aside, not a lot has changed.
I lived, motherfuckers.
I'm not saying I survived the swan attack - fuck no, those little demons shredded me to pieces. I think I gave those fuckers a huge ego boast too - they probably actively hunt human flesh now. Not my issue though; I've ascended to a higher plane of existence, those guys on my last plane? They'll have to deal with murderous swans on their own.
I think.
Listen I'm not sure how this 'reincarnating across dimensions' shit plays out for everyone else ; but I'm pretty sure most people don't end up in a world full of superpowered ninjas. Maybe I'm just better than them, you know ; my karma coming back around.
I did shitty things as a person, as punishment a hoard of swans ripped me apart limb from limb, as a 'sorry about that!' I get reincarnated into a super ninja power world.
It evens out, probably.
Listen, at first I was fucking confused. Because I was about thirty minutes into fighting off a swarm of swans ; but they got the drop on me, they fucking ate my weapon - and honestly I accepted my fate. Then, suddenly, I wake up as a fucking baby.
Disorientating as all hell, honestly.
Once I got over that though, I started planning. Because honestly? The world was mine for the fucking taking here. I could be anything and anyone I wanted.
I decided pretty early on I did not want a repeat of my last life. I learned my fucking lesson there - don't get involved in shady shit or a horde of swans will kill you. It was a pretty clear message.
That aside, what else is there to do? Almost all the fun jobs are shady - am I meant to be a fucking accountant or something?
That all changed when, at the age of three, my shiny new (and hopefully not) limited edition mother sat me down and explained shinobi to me.
It sounded literally perfect.
I get to become a ninja with superpowers, and yeah I'll basically be an assassin for hire - but here everyone is an assassin for hire and no one sees an issue with that so therefor morally I'm doing nothing wrong.
Okay, flawed logic maybe, but I'm so fucking bored. Being a ninja - literally the perfect solution to that. Worse case scenario, I'm eaten by swans again.
They say everything is less painful the second time, and surely that applies to death also - so really I have nothing to lose here.
Of course, I just need to find a way around the fact that my new ma told me about shinobi more or less with the specific phrasing "do not go near those crazy blade wielding psychos, they could kill you with less energy then you use to walk every day. politely run away if you see them, dear"
Other then that though, I'm fucking golden.