Never Saw You Coming

Regulus felt off. He felt completely off.

Everything was back to normal. Evan and Barty were laying in their beds talking about unimportant things. Everything was dark and lifeless. Everything was the same. But he felt wrong. It was so cold now. He was so alone.

What happened? It was two weeks. How had two weeks changed everything so drastically? He remembered this same room a week ago. He stood in this exact spot with papers all over the floor and James Potter sound asleep next to them. Everything was warm. He remembers the warmth like it was still there. Like he could still reach out and touch it with his fingers.

But James was gone. And the warmth went with him.

How was he supposed to go on like this? What was wrong in his head that he had somehow become attached to the one person he was supposed to hate?

The person whose last name his family spit out like it left a vile taste in the mouth. But to him it sounded like birds singing early in the morning.

A new day.

Hope.

And without it he felt torn open. Raw. Left out in the cold for the wolves.

He needed James’ voice to say hello to him in the morning. He needed his comfort after a nightmare.

For 2 weeks he had been right there. At arms length. He was a friend.

Regulus had a friend in James Potter.

A friend that he needed so desperately now it was going to kill him.

Breaths were becoming harder to pull into his lungs. He had to get out. He had to see the sun.

He saw nothing.

He heard nothing.

Heard no one calling his name.

He grabbed a blank parchment, a quill, and his wand. then ran out of the room as fast as his legs would carry him.

Past other slytherins on the stairs moving bags and suitcases back in.

Past confused faces of people lounging in the deep dark common room.

He finally got out. He could see the rays through the windows but he had to keep going.

He flew up all the stairs faster than he ever had. slamming open the door.

Thanking every god there was that the astronomy tower was empty.

It was cold, yes. But there it was. The sun. It allowed him to take his first deep breath.

He closed his eyes and tried to let them even out all together.

Lowering the volume of his heartbeat in his own ears. But it was still there. Not as loud but still his heart was racing. Nothing he tried to do would stop this panic.

He sat down on the cold stone and wrote as coherently as he could in his state.

I know you’re busy. I’m sorry. Please meet me at the Astronomy Tower now, if you can get away.

He quickly sent it off. Hoping James wasn’t too far.

Breathe, Regulus, breathe.

It was a voice in his head. It didn’t sound like his own voice but he couldn’t really hear it because the thumping of his heart was taking over everything.

What was this feeling? Why did he feel like the sky was crashing down on top of him?

Everything is the same. It’s all back to normal now. Why are you acting like this was unexpected?

You will go to classes and you will go eat in the great hall with your roommates and you’ll be the same as you always were.

But he’s not, is he?

That’s the problem.

Those 2 weeks changed who he was, whether he gave his consent or not. And now everything was nothing to Regulus unless it was with him.

That boy.

That silly boy.

He had wormed his way into everything. Every inch of his brain. Into depths that Regulus didn’t know he possessed. Somehow he knew how to peel back the layers that Regulus had so meticulously built around his truth. He didn’t cut. He didn’t dig. James took the time and unraveled the whole messy ball of yarn.

He didn’t run away when he saw who Regulus really was. Who he could be if he had the freedom to choose. He had agreed to be Regulus’ friend. He told Regulus that he could always come to him. That he could always count on him to show up when he called.

God, Regulus was in so much trouble.

James knew something was wrong. He didn’t know what was so off kilter but as he watched students pile out of the train he thought he was going to be sick.

Something just felt so completely wrong about this.

Then he saw it coming towards him above the waves and waves of students and parents.

A paper bird. Flying faster than he’s ever seen one fly. It ran right into the brick column beside James and for a second he felt bad for the little creature.

But it was all erased when he saw it.

I know you’re busy. I’m sorry. Please meet me at the Astronomy Tower now, if you can get away.

It‘s Regulus. He’s in trouble. He needs him.

After that he thought nothing else. There was no hesitation. There was no waiting to tell Moony and Padfoot where he was going. He just had to get there. He had to make sure he was okay. Oh God what if they’ve done something to him?

No. Don’t think like that James. He can protect himself if necessary. But he had to know. He had to see for himself that he was okay.

James took the stairs three at a time. Not stopping for a breath. Never uttering ‘hi’ to another soul. He threw open the door and looked around bewildered and out of breath.

James saw him. Standing by the railing, chest rising and falling very heavily. Like he was having trouble breathing.

“Regulus, what’s wrong?” He asked.

Regulus didn’t hear his feet on the stairs. He didn’t hear the door open. But he felt the warmth. It seemed to drift in like early morning fog. The way it instantly made Regulus want to fall to his knees in relief. The air came back. The warmth was back. The sun was here.

“Regulus, what’s wrong?” James’ voice cut through all the noise in his head. It was so soft. So concerned.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered. “I didn’t mean to take you away from your friends.”

James was having none of it and was shaking his head before the sentence was out of his mouth.

“No, baby Black, don’t apologize. If you need me, I’m here. Please tell me what’s wrong? What happened?” He stepped closer to Regulus trying to inspect any damage done to him.

“I just couldn’t… I couldn’t breathe. Everything was going exactly as it would be after any other Christmas. But it all felt so…wrong. And you- you weren’t there. And I know how silly that sounds. I do. But I can’t explain it, you just carry so much-. Warmth. Now that you’ve left, it seems colder than it was before.” He chuckled in self pity. “I know this sounds ridiculous.”

“No, Regulus. It doesn’t. I understand completely.”

With that, he strode towards Regulus with intent and wrapped him completely in his arms.

Regulus had no words to describe the feeling of being there. His face was pressed into the older boys neck and he could smell him.

Firewood and oak trees. Sunshine. He smelled like the forrest but in a good way. The way it smelled in the fall.

Regulus discovered his eyes had closed on their own. His other senses seemed to heighten. For a moment he thought he could hear James’ heartbeat through his jumper. His fingertips were gentle against the material. But he wanted to hold on. To cling as hard as he could to the other boy.

Then James was speaking directly into his ear.

“I’ll always come when you need me, Regulus. Everything will be okay. I promise.” He whispered. A chill ran down Regulus’ spine. But as he pulled back slightly he realized he was breathing normally. Air was coming in and out of his lungs as it always had. “Just ignore everyone who isn’t me, okay? Just for today.” James said this time, laughing with a twinkle in his eye.

“That shouldn’t be too hard.” Regulus whispered back. It was supposed to be a joke.

But Regulus knew that he would find this task extremely easy.

James couldn’t help but draw his eye every time he entered a room.

James’ smile transformed. From the cheeky joker, to a softer gentler smile. One that dusted his cheeks with pink.

Regulus wasn’t looking at him though. He was look down where his hand was on James’ forearm.

Just holding on.

The sweater the older boy had on was red, of course, and soft. Regulus was running his hands over the fabric and picking at a loose thread.

He didn’t know that James was watching him the whole time.

But James couldn’t seem to look away. He could only follow Regulus’ gaze down where they were still holding onto each other.

The cold of the astronomy tower completely forgotten.

“How about this.” James started in a quiet tender voice. “How about after I get the boys settled in, I tell them I need to go talk to my Divination’s tutor. They’d believe me. And technically it’s not a lie.” He smiled in laughter. “We could go somewhere warmer if you want.” He said quieter this time. Trying desperately not to scare Regulus off.

His words sounded like music to Regulus’ own ears. Yes please. He wanted to say. Please stay and never leave. I don’t know how I went so long without this.

But instead he nods. “I’d like that.” He whispered still refusing to meet James’ eye. “Just send a bird whenever you’re ready. I’ll be waiting.” He attempted to take a step back but James held onto him, keeping him in place.

Regulus did look up then. Trying to see whatever James was attempting to tell him. Regulus almost gasped. James eyes were pleading. Regulus didn’t know what he wanted but with that look in his eye, he would’ve given the boy anything he wanted.

“Just stay…please. Just for another minute.” James whispered. The desperation was not lost. Regulus could feel the pull in his own body. Begging him to stay right where he was.

“Okay.” He nodded. “I’m not going anywhere.” They were quiet. No one was going to come up here. No one could hear them for miles. And yet still they whispered.

Regulus returned his eyes to where their bodies met.

Arms still outreached and gripping the other.

Regulus decided he needed more. So he stole another hug. This time he wrapped his arms around the taller boys waist and laid his head right above his heart. It was going wild. Regulus could feel it vibrate against his temple.

“Your heart is beating so fast.” Regulus stated, almost offhand. He didn’t realize til it was out there that he had actually spoken. James just wrapped him up in those long arms of his and sighed.

“I know.” James said. “It’s your fault.”

Regulus broke the hug and looked up at James. He looked concerned. “I didn’t mean to-“

“Hey. No. None of that.” James all but threw Regulus back into his body to continue their embrace. “You didn’t do anything wrong. That feeling that made you come up here and send me a note, I’ve had that same feeling since I went back to my own room this morning.” James’ heart beat even faster under Regulus’ cheek. “I feel like I’m constantly unable to breathe because I can’t see you. I don’t know where you are or what you’re doing. It’s scaring me a little, ya know?”

Regulus nodded. If they were going to be honest, then he would tell James exactly how he felt. Leaving nothing behind. “I was just standing there, watching Crouch and Rosier talk and I kept seeing you. Asleep on the floor next to textbooks. And suddenly I couldn’t get any oxygen.” He held his breath. “If I feel this way all the time I don’t know how I’ll go on. And I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t feel this way. Normal people can leave their friend’s side and be fine. Go on about their lives. Why can’t I do that?”

“Did you just…” James began. “Did you just admit that we were friends?” Regulus could hear the smirk in his voice.

So he leaned back and slapped him on the arm. “Don’t let it go to your head, Potter.” He chuckled. “And you might not like it. I might be more trouble than I’m worth.” They were still close. Why were they still hanging on like the world would shatter if they parted? This wasn’t helping his fear of abandonment.

“That’s definitely not true, baby Black. You don’t have to prove your worth to me. I can see it. You can’t hide the goodness you have.” His tone was light but his eyes were burning through Regulus. The younger boy felt that warmth. The sun soaked through his cold exterior and made it into his core. He felt alive. He felt happy.

And James seemed happy. So that was all Regulus needed.

“I’ve never met anyone like you.” Regulus told him. He added nothing else. Allowing James to take it how he sees fit.

James blushed. Regulus could see the pink showing on his face.

“And I’ve come to the conclusion that you must be otherworldly. Or have some kind of power the rest of us just don’t possess.” James stated. Never breaking eye contact. Regulus would’ve looked away out of sheer intensity but he couldn’t. He was stuck. “You just seem to know everything. How do you do that?” He asked the younger boy with his eyes full of curiosity.

Regulus could only shrug lamely, smiling. “When it comes to you, you’re on open book. All your secrets are right there on your face for anyone who’s looking hard enough.” He laughed despite himself. “And there’s that bit about me being able to see the future. So that might help.”

James laughed too. “I can see how that would help.”

Then they just stood. Neither of them knew how long. They just stood and studied each other’s faces.

Until Regulus realized.

“You have to go, golden boy. You’ve got people waiting on you. Looks like I can’t keep you all to myself anymore.”

Regulus was miserable. He felt like a part of him was leaving.

James hated it. Seeing Regulus smile with so much sadness made him want to go get his blanket and stay up there with the boy all night.

Before thinking or saying anything, James let go of Regulus for the first time since they hugged. Removing the red scarf from his own neck, then placing it around Regulus’.

“So you won’t get cold.”

Regulus knew he meant more than the temperature outside.

Regulus knew that this was also something to warm his heart when he couldn’t be with James. When he didn’t have the ability to reach out and feel the sunlight.

“Thank you.” He whispered.

“Of course.” James smiled and Regulus almost passed out. He was so bright. So so bright.

“Okay. Okay, you have to go. Before they send out a search party.” Regulus smiled. Trying once again to step away from James. And once again, he was held still.

James seemed to be considering his next words.

“You’re right. Just… don’t be surprised if you hear from me fairly quickly, okay?“ He looked almost scared for the reaction.

Regulus wanted to laugh. Like he would ever turn him away. Like he could ever tell him no.

“It’s okay if you need more time, James.” He smiled. “But that’s fine. Whenever you want.” He said sincerely.

James groaned. And Regulus had to look away. He had to.

“Don’t say that. It gives me permission to bother you all the time.” The childish tone on anyone else would’ve bothered Regulus. But he only found himself extremely fond of this James. The clingy, needy James. He was always doing for others. He deserved to be needy.

“Bother me.” Regulus said shrugging. “I promise I’ll have more free time on my hands than you will, golden boy.” He smiled again.

Watching James slightly squirm under the name made his day. “Now go.” Regulus, still smiling, took 3 steps back.

He didn’t want to. God knows he didn’t want to. But he had to. The planet was still spinning around them even if they, in their own little world, were stood perfectly still.

James hadn’t moved.

“Potter.” Regulus tried to give a gentle but demanding look. And failed.

But James finally turned towards to door. Still not taking the steps that would lead him away.

“Don’t call me Potter, baby Black.” He said quietly.

“It’s your name, isn’t it?” Regulus said in amusement.

James just shook his head. Regulus couldn’t tell from behind if he was smiling or not. But he would bet everything, that he was.

With James just standing there not seeing him, Regulus could fully take him in. With no reservations.

And he was not disappointed.

Quidditch made James strong and lean. His muscles more defined than even a year ago. He was so much taller. Towering over Regulus when he got close.

Regulus was standing with his arms crossed, leaned against the wall, eyes traveling across the older boy’s broad shoulders. Down his sides. Letting his his observant gaze linger for just a moment.

He wondered what James looked like in the summer. With his bare skin in the sunlight.

Of course James decided to turn back around in that exact moment before Regulus could tear his eyes away.

He quickly tore his eyes up to see James smirking. Like he’d caught the boy redhanded.

Blood rushed to Regulus’ face. He had nothing to say in his defense. He had been looking. Shamelessly.

Of course James was never going to let it slide that easily. “Like what you see?“

“Okay. That’s enough of you. If you’re not leaving then I will. Just to make it easier for you.” Regulus was teasing to hide his own embarrassment. He started towards the door, passing James and not turning around to look at him, because if he did he would never leave.

Until he heard “Regulus?”

He stopped. His hand on the door. Over his shoulder, he saw James standing there. Looking like a kicked puppy.

Regulus couldn’t help but run back into his arms.

James relished in the feeling of him.

Regulus whispered into his shoulder. “Until I see you again, golden boy.” Pressing a gentle kiss into the clothed shoulder he was wrapped up against. James would never notice. Regulus knew it was all for his own satisfaction.

Then he spun on his heel and walked straight out of the room.

He was smiling. Though he was leaving, Regulus knew he would not have to go long without him and that made everything bearable.

The hope that came along with James Potter was intoxicating.

James stood there for at least five minutes after he left. Just staring at the door he had disappeared behind. But he had to go. He had to go so he could get back.

So he could feel him again. Just see him. Know he was there.

James rushed down the steps and beelined for gryfendor tower.

When he made it past the portrait, James found the common room empty. Everyone must already be upstairs.

He took two at a time until he got to his own bedroom door which he’d slept in maybe twice over the break.

He found his three best friends. James walked right into Sirius’ awaiting arms.

“Why weren’t you at the station you wanker? I thought you’d been kidnapped.” Sirius was holding him tight. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Padfoot. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to meet you, I was studying. If I didn’t, Euphemia would have my head.”

“Oh, don’t I know it. I heard plenty about it from her, myself.”

“Well, how was everyone’s break, aside from my mother?” James asked the room as a whole.

“Really good.” Remus was the first to answer. With a sweet smile on his face.

James had always wondered when Sirius was going to get his shit together and realize Remus was in love with him. Because everyone else could see it.

“Mine was same old. Helped mum cook Christmas dinner.” Peter said smiling. James smiled back.

“Moony and I had a very enjoyable holiday.” Sirius said. A little quieter than he had been when James entered the room.

“Good, then I don’t feel too bad for missing it.” He smiled. He gave it seven more seconds. Before he couldn’t hold it any longer.

“Look gents I know you just got back but I have to meet up with a tutor for Divinations.” They all groaned simultaneously.

“Haven’t you been studying all break? You can rest for a bit.” Sirius said annoyed.

If James really thought about it, he probably learned more about divinations in the last two weeks than he had the whole time he was at Hogwarts. But he also had a good teacher.

“I know but I’m really close to catching up here.” Lie.

He was caught up.

He was past the chapter they were currently on in the text book. The class was going to be a little more interesting for him this term.

Remus came to his rescue. “I think it’s nice that you found someone who can help you understand. Sirius, let the boy go study. You have plenty of time to spend together at dinner.” Thank God for Remus Lupin.

He shot Moony a very thoughtful smile.

“Sorry lads. Promise I’ll be at dinner.” He shot them all a dazzling grin. Then practically sprinted to the door.

“Prongs! Wait!” Sirius was standing there looking at him with an odd expression.

“Who’s your tutor?” He was probably just curious.

James almost laughed. “No one you’d know. But they’re a genius when it comes to the this. They’ve been helping me a lot.”

Sirius smiled then seeing how content his best friend was with life.

When he had left for break, James was sad. And losing hope for his grades. Now though, he seemed rejuvenated. Full of vibrating alive energy.

“Okay then. Go on.”

James didn’t bother responding. He was bounding down the stairs, almost scared he would fall down them. But even that would not ruin his day.

He took out an empty parchment he had in his back pocket.

It had only been half an hour. Would regulus grow tired of him?

If he did he could always tell James. He was a big boy, he could take it.

Baby Black,

I’ve managed to escape the Lion’s den. Fancy a study session in the room of requirement?

Golden Boy

James didn’t feel like studying. He just wanted to sit. And enjoy Regulus’ presence. He never really fully understood the meaning of the word until he got to know Regulus.

But now he knew, it was the way the air shifted. The way a quiet seemed to fall over his mind when Regulus entered the room.

But why?

Why was Regulus the one person who could turn his obsessive compulsive thoughts into something calm?

Why did he feel more at home with him than anywhere he’d ever stepped foot?

Of course he would never tell Regulus that. He had barely gotten him to admit they were friends. Let alone something else.

But James’ own mind couldn’t ignore it. Couldn’t ignore the way his body reacted whether he wanted it to or not.

When he was with Regulus, every unknowingly tense muscle automatically relaxed. He didn’t focus so much on the worst case scenario. And focused more on hopeful things. He felt like he was living.

When he and Regulus eventually had to part, it felt like he was being torn it two. And James had never felt that before. Even his infatuations over the years, he’s never felt something missing once they were gone.

Regulus Black had planted a seed in James that he didn’t even know was there and now it was growing into something he’d never be able to root out. He doubted he even wanted to.

Regulus was just beautiful. He was the most beautiful boy James had ever seen.

The delicacy in which he handles all things is something that fills James with awe.

James himself had always been obtrusive and clumsy. He had never possessed grace.

Well.

Maybe on the quidditch pitch but that didn’t count. In every day life, he was akin to a bull in a china shop.

Regulus knew he couldn’t go back to the rooms. Not right away. He decided he would go for a walk towards the green house. And that’s where he ended up.

Sitting in the green house, talking to a bunch of plants and smoking a cigarette he’d got off a quiet Ravenclaw girl he passed on the way.

She had been looking around like someone was going to catch her. Apparently she was one of the schools many dealers.

“Anything you need.” She said. “I can get my hands on it.” Then wordlessly handed him a pre rolled cigarette.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He said taking the cigarette and continuing in his way.

“I mean I have to go to class. I’ll have to sit in the great hall and pretend not to be watching him. How am I supposed to manage that after everything that’s happened?” He ranted wildly at the silent plants. Then he sighed heavily and took another puff.

“Someone is bound to notice.” He whispered staring at nothing. “If not one of my snakes then one of his lion cubs for sure. They’re too smart for their own good.”

Another puff.

Then

Tap tap tap

Regulus listened intently for sounds of other students. He heard nothing.

Except another

Tap tap tap

on the greenhouse door.

His first thought was That was quick. It had only been forty five minutes since he left the Astronomy Tower.

He got up off the table and opened the door. The little bird seemed to be trying to land on something but ended up crashing into the dirt.

Baby Black,

I’ve managed to escape the Lion’s den. Fancy a study session in the room of requirement?

Golden Boy

God. He’s something else. Regulus thought to himself.

It feels odd to be conversing in notes again after 2 weeks of just saying everything he was thinking right to James’ face.

He wasted no time throwing down the halfsmoked cigarette and running to the castle.

He had to stop by the dungeons first and grab his left behind bag of books.

James got there first. The 5th floor hallway held no students, as they were all together catching up after the hols. He stopped in front of a very unassuming door. The room of requirement transforms into whatever the student needs most. And it doesn’t reveal itself to everyone. Even if a student stands in front of this wall for hours just wishing for a toilet to appear, if it decides not to, then it won’t. It has a mind of its own. Like most things inside Hogwarts. It’s part of the charm.

The room must’ve thought James was worth it. Because the small piece of rotting wood that was a broom closet turned into a large looming doorway with a heavy stone door.

James really didn’t know what to expect on the other side. In practice, he only needed a room to sit and enjoy Regulus. It could’ve been an actual broom closet, he didn’t care.

He checked behind him again to make sure he wasn’t being followed. Then disappeared on the other side. Out of sight.

On the outside, the door changed back to its little split wooden appearance.

Regulus has managed to escape his room and the common room without being seen.

But his luck ran out once he reached the stairs leading to the 5th floor.

Mulciber looked like he was standing guard but Regulus knew he was waiting for someone of inferior birth to walk by.

Merlin, he was an idiot. The definition of idiot. He barely passed any classes and when he spoke he sounded like he lived as a caveman for the first half of his life. A lot of grunting and one syllable words.

“Black. What are you doing?”

“None of your business, Mulciber.”

He moved to keep going but the meat head stood in his way.

Regulus sighed. He should’ve known he wouldn’t let it go.

“If you must know, I’m going to find a place to study away from the noise, asshole.” He shouldered roughly past him, making it known that he wouldn’t be stopped, in any universe. And technically it wasn’t a lie.

Mulciber thankfully didn’t follow him but scowled angrily as he passed.

Finally Regulus made it to the empty hallway.

Suddenly he became nervous. Butterflies going rampant in his stomach. God he really shouldn’t let himself feel this way. But there was no stopping it. There was no shoving this feeling down like he had done every other feeling since he was born. This feeling took over his whole way of living.

The small seemingly unimportant door stayed exactly the same for a few seconds. And Regulus was scared for a moment that it would decide he wasn’t worthy. That he didn’t deserve to know what was hidden.

But he was scared for nothing.

It took no time for the door to widen and grow exponentially.

James is already in there.

He didn’t know how he knew, but he just did.

His body told him this like a fact.

He pushed open the door and the sight he was met with on the other side was unexpected.

It was a bedroom.

But not a dorm with multiple  single beds. It had one huge bed in the center. It was at a higher level than the rest of the room.

He had never heard of another student getting a bedroom for the room of requirement. One would assume the school didn’t want anyone having an out of reach bedroom to do anything they want in.

The room must trust them.

The thing that made Regulus gasp at the sight was the window. It took up the whole wall. And the view was breathtaking. He could see the sun in all its beauty. Black Lake sat directly below it, drinking in the light before night fell and the water could no longer put off freezing.

His eyes scanned the room again. Taking it all in.

And he saw him.

Sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace.

Drinking tea.

James Bloody Potter.

Future Head Boy.

He was lit up. The sun casting a glow around him that made him look like an angel.

That was the most breathtaking sight of all.

“Hi.” James smiled sweetly at him.

“Hi yourself, golden boy.” He smiled back. “Didn’t take you long with your friends.” He added, teasing James the way that made him feel lighter on his feet.

James was getting up now. Slowly making it way over to the younger boy.

“They see me all the time. I live with them. I’d rather make them wait then miss any time with you.” He said almost second hand like it didn’t do something crazy to Regulus’ insides. James was still slowly walking towards him.

“So this is what you require today, Mr. Potter? A bedroom?”

James didn’t know how to respond.

It’s not as if he had specially asked it to give him a bedroom. He didn’t even know it was possible.

“I promise, all I required was a room to sit with you in. I didn’t not specifically request this ridiculously oversized bedroom.”

“Oh yeah? Now I’m disappointed.” Regulus joked. “Are you sure you don’t take all your conquests here?”

They had never had that talk before. They had discussed many many things. But they hadn’t gotten to that.

James stopped walking. He had to sit down on the arm of the couch and collect himself.

“Um. No. I’ve never…been in this particular room of requirement before. I didn’t even know it was possible.” He was blushing and trying not to let it be seen but the sunlight streaming in was giving him away.

In an hour the sun would disappear beyond the horizon.

“I didn’t either.” Regulus said. He walked over to the window and looked down at some students wondering out of the castle. “It is beautiful though.”  He added.

Almost as if they knew I loved to see the stars at night.

He didn’t say this out loud.

“You’re right.” James smiled. “This place keeps managing to surprise me even when I think I’ve found everything.”

“I have never underestimated it.” Regulus stated. “I had a crazy dream once that there were wild animals running around the halls.”

He laughed at the memory. It had been a good one.

He had been standing in the hallway. It was night.

There were no people.

All the portraits were blank.

The first thing he saw moving was a wolf. A humongous creature. But he didn’t look like anything to fear. So Regulus didn’t fear him. He looked playful. And soon he found the reason.

A black dog came out from behind the wolf. A bit smaller. But fast. Running circles around his wolf friend in the hallways.

Regulus then heard a squeak from behind him. He turned and saw a rat. A big rat. Running after the pair of animals getting further and further down the hall.

It was a while before the last animal came into view.

A beautiful wild stag. Tall and proud. It wasn’t running like the others. It was bringing up the end of the party.

He was the protector, Regulus realized. Letting the others have fun while watching for predators.

It was approaching slowly.

Then it stopped and seemed to take Regulus in.

Its huge antlers pointed in his direction made him feel nothing but appreciative for being there in that moment to see it.

Then the magical being bowed its head to him.

At the time, Regulus didn’t know what it meant. But now he knows, thanks to James. It recognized him as equal. A part of the pack.

He woke up after that. Smiling, Weirdly.

“Ya know.” James said, pulling Regulus out of his mind. “You might be more on the nose than you think.” James was smiling. Big and bright.

Something clicked. Regulus put all the pieces together then and it all made perfect sense.

Remus always gone once a month to the infirmary for “not feeling well”. The wolf.

Of course he knew his brother would be the literal love sick puppy following after the courageous wolf.

Peter. The rat. Good at getting in and out of places quickly and unnoticed.

That only left one.

The protector.

He audibly gasps.

“You…” he said quietly. “You’re the stag.”

James thought he misheard him at first.

“I…I don’t….” He found himself unable to lie to the boy.

He couldn’t just say “you’re crazy” because he wasn’t and James wanted to tell him everything.

“Okay.” He sighed. “Please don’t tell anyone.” He said looking down.

“I would never, James.” He couldn’t keep the soft look off his face. “I think you’re brave. For doing what you do for Remus. He’s lucky to have friends like you.”

Regulus crossed the room and sat on the same couch that James had perched himself.

James back fell into the cushion.

Now they were facing each other. Cozy.

Regulus was happy. He couldn’t help but smile.

“Who’s got you smiling, baby Black?” James asked. “Do I have competition to worry about?” He was joking. Regulus knew he was joking.

“Of course you do. I have many suitors. Lined up out the door. Didn’t you see them on your way in?” This was a crack at himself. For never finding the love he so desperately craved.

“I’m glad there aren’t. It proves the ignorance of every one else. And I get to be the one in here with you, I get access to that methodical mind of yours.” James just knew how to undo him. Take him apart.

“I am fully at your mercy.” Regulus said in all seriousness. And James felt that tug in his stomach.

“Did you need my mind for Divinations today, Mr. Potter?” He asked already reaching for his bag.

A hand stopped his movements.

“Actually… I’m all caught up. And my brain is fried from all the books I’ve been staring at.” James laughed. “Maybe we could just…sit here…talk.”

Why was James always so nervous?

“Of course. Whatever you want.” Regulus replied almost too willing. Who was he kidding.

He would give James Potter his entire being if he asked for it.

Quidditch matches always pass in a blur for Regulus. He’s too focused and having too much fun to ever realize that time is going by at all.

All except one specific match.

Gryfendor vs. Slytherin.

Every year he plays his absolute worst.

Even when he was angry at them and tried to take all his anger out on it.

This year was a completely different animal all together.

Regulus kept finding those green eyes everywhere. Without meaning to, he sought James out every time he stopped to take it all in.

James was so light on a broom.

Regulus is captivated by the way he glides through the sky.

Like he belongs there.

Regulus actually does get distracted by another player.

There’s a scuffle of bodies at the goals.

He only looked away for a moment.

Then a gust of air caused Regulus’ broom to wobble slightly. But Regulus was never unprepared.

Someone was running literal circles around Regulus on his broom, in the middle of the sky.

Only one person he knows would be so immature.

“Watch yourself, baby Black. Wouldn’t want you to get dizzy and fall off that thing, would we?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing something other than bugging me, Potter?” Regulus tried to be that cold hearted snake, but the smile was already forming before he started talking.

James knew him too well. There was no way he could hide anything from him anymore.

James slowed to a stop and pulled up right beside Regulus, facing the opposite direction.

“Are you joking? This is the most fun I’ve had since she blew the whistle.” He laughed then and laid back on his broom as if he were taking a nap.

“Are you mad?! You must be trying to break every bone in your body!”

James’ legs were dangling 300 feet off the ground and he was laying flat on a two inch wooden stick.

Regulus had just a little bit of real panic coursing through his bloodstream, right now.

“You worry too much.” James smiled that dazzling smile, but sat up anyway.

Regulus was silently very thankful.

James leaned over the foot between them and into Regulus’ space, even though absolutely no one could hear them. “Come to the room later. Unless you’re off getting pissed to celebrate your win, of course.” There was no malice to his words. In fact they were encouraging.

“I won’t be drinking tonight, regardless of who wins.” He tells him. “I’ll be there.” He says quietly.

“Good.” James says just as quietly.

“People are going to notice you’re absence rather quickly if you sit up here chatting with me all day.”

“That, they will. I’d wish you luck, baby Black, but I don’t think that’s ever been much help to you.” James chuckled at him.

“Piss off! Before you ‘accidentally’ lose your balance on that broom.”

“You couldn’t live without me.” James said, backing away slowly but grinning ear to ear.

“Wanna bet?” Regulus quipped an eyebrow up at him before taking off at top speed and sending James in a twirl.

Regulus didn’t hear it but James was laughing after him.

Regulus caught the snitch.

It was a close call but he pulled through.

After holding up the golden object for the crowd to see, Regulus’ eyes immediately found James in the air.

He was clapping with a huge smile on his face.

Regulus smiled, just at him. No one else.

“You were incredible.” We’re the first words Regulus hears upon entering the room of requirement later that evening.

“I really wasn’t.” A pause. “But thank you.” He’s smiling small to himself.

“Don’t be modest now.” James is big and bright today. Regulus has noticed that quidditch matches tend to make him like that. Regardless of whether he wins or loses, he always walks off the pitch looking happier than he’d walked on. “All of Slytherin house is toasting to you right now. And you’re here with me because…?” James trails off wondering why Regulus wouldn’t want to bask in the glory of a win.

The younger boy only shrugs. He was sitting by the window now, looking to the stars when he couldn’t face the enormity of James Potter head-on.

“They’re boring.” He states with another shrug.

“So what does that make me?”

“That it yet to be determined.” Regulus answers in a laugh. “But definitely not boring.”

When the cold left. Regulus and James were forced to spend time apart.

Quidditch took up most of both of their schedules.

And if James wasn’t at Quidditch practice then his friends were carrying him off to plan a party. Or a prank. Or they needed his help with homework. The list was never ending.

Regulus was busy perfecting his technique on the pitch. When he wasn’t doing that, he was drawing. He couldn’t stop these days. It was like his brain was flooded with things he needed to get down on paper.

And he was mortified to look down one night and realize that seventy five percent of them were of James.

On a broom.

In the great hall.

In the room of requirement.

Asleep in Regulus’ bedroom dreaming of divinations lessons.

Regulus never really paid attention when he was sketching. He just let his hand move and tried to create the image the universe was sending him in his mind.

His bag. His bed. All of his notebooks. Full of scenes. Some of them were just cloudless skies. Black Lake on a winter day.

And of course.

A stag.

A beautiful majestic striking being.

With a name.

Prongs.

Regulus had seen him only once.

In that lovely dream.

But his mind never forgot.

Prongs was the muse for a lot messy, blurry shapes and shades. Until regulus finally realized what his mind was attempting to convey to him.

Then the image came out it crystal clear.

Now every sketch of Prongs was detailed. Precise.

But none of this made Regulus any less miserable about not being able to talk to James.

They saw each other a lot. But never without the presence of those pests called ‘other people’.

Regulus wishes they would all just empty the castle and let he and James have their fun.

But that was impossible.

They passed a lot of notes.

During lunch one afternoon, Regulus couldn’t bare it any longer.

He had sat. Day after day and watched James eat lunch with his friends.

Regulus was also surrounded by people he called “friends”. They weren’t really but Regulus could still find the humor in some of their jokes. He could still play the part. If only halfassed.

He looked up and saw the sun blinding him.

James was laughing. Doubled over laughing at something one of the girls had whispered in his ear.

Mary. His brain supplied. MacDonald.

Thank you for the specifics. Regulusinternallyrolled his eyes at himself.

Then he saw something out of the corner of his eye.

A blank parchment. Just the corner sticking out of his bag.

As if it was meant to be.

He grabbed it quickly. Then rummaged through his bag and pulled out a book and a quill.

Regulus could do this without anyone noticing, surely. He was always hiding something wasn’t he? This shouldn’t be too hard.

He opened the book in his lap and for a few moments acted as if he was reading. Then he laid the blank parchment on top of the flattened book and began to write.

If anyone around him asked, he would say he was doing an assignment.

They wouldn’t question further.

I haven’t seen you in ages.

I’m starting to forget the sound of your laugh and it’s making me sad.

Meet me tonight?

I have something for you.

No name. No signature. Too many people.

He folded the bird at lightening speed. He’d folded so many paper birds recently he’s surprised his fingers weren’t torn to shreds.

When he set the intention for the bird to be discreet, it obeyed.

Regulus released it under the table by his knees. He watched it fly quickly between students legs and cutting a hard left when it reached the correct table.

Regulus watched James reaction as the note flew right into his lap from below.

As soon as the shock left his eyes and realization set in, James eyes shot to Regulus and their gazes met across the crowded noisy hall.

But for Regulus everything was quiet. He could only hear his heart beating for that moment.

Before James broke it to read what the note actually said.

Joy danced across James’ face before he schooled it. Carefully tucking the note in his bag and reaching for a fresh one.

Regulus watched him write his response. But he also kept an eye on those around him.

Sirius and Remus were arguing so they weren’t paying him any attention.

Peter was gossiping with the girls.

And Lily.

Lily was leaned in close with another girl. A girl Regulus didn’t know.

But he thought they looked really happy.

His eyes traveled back to James who was folding up the parchment and lowering his hand below the tables.

7 seconds later, Regulus had a reply.

Of course. After dinner. I’ll sneak away. I’ll tell the lions that I’m going to the library.

I miss you.

Considering quitting the team just to shove off practice and hang out with you.

But then who would have a chance against you?

Reguluscouldn’t contain the amusement. The smile appeared on his face before he could take control of it.

He looked up and met James eye yet again.

They couldn’t do anything.

They couldn’t talk.

Or hug.

Or eat together.

Or do any of the things they would normally do.

But they can look.

They can share a private moment in a room full of people.

Things came to a head.

All because Regulus was a stupid genius. As he said before, it’s a gift and a curse.

Slughorn came to Regulus after a Potions class.

“Regulus, dear boy. I have a proposition for you.”

This ought to be good.

“My 5th year class tomorrow is brewing an advanced potion. I thought you might like to sit in and brew yourself. Just to have the experience before your classmates. I think you might enjoy it.”

Hmm. That was unexpected.

“Yes, that sounds fine.” He said nodding.

“Wonderful! I’ll get with your head of house to work around the scheduling.”

“Thank you, professor.”

“Of course! Of course!”

With that Regulus left the classroom.

And then he promptly forgot.

He went through the whole day not thinking anything of it until he got to Transfiguration, making his way to his seat and McGonagall stopped him in his tracks.

“Mr. Black, aren’t you sitting in on a Potions class today?” She sighed.

Shit.

How could he have forgotten?

She must’ve realized he’d forgotten by the sheer shock on his face.

“You’d better hurry before you’re late, Mr. Black.”

He was already running out the door yelling “Thank you, professor.” behind him.

He didn’t hear the

“Of course, Mr. Black.” She sighed at his disappearing figure.

He wasn’t going to make it.

Potions was on the other side of the castle and he had maybe 2 minutes.

That was being kind.

He ran as fast as his legs would carry him.

He showed up in Slughorn’s doorway sweaty and out of breath.

The door was already open.

Which means when he arrived, he had 14 pairs of eyes staring at him in his somewhat un-put-together state.

One of those pairs of eyes, belonged to his brother.

And the boy next to him, Remus.

But that meant-

No.

Oh no.

Please God no.

Let it be any other class.

His prayers went unanswered. His eyes fell on him.

The golden boy.

Mr. Perfect.

James Potter was sitting at the very back of the class.

How was one supposed to manage sitting through this lesson and actually learning anything with this beacon of light in the room?

“Mr. Black. I suspected you would forget about the change in schedule. Please.” The professor waved his hand towards him. “Come in. Take the empty seat next to Mr. Potter.”

I want to die, right here. Right now. Please just open a black hole right where I’m standing and put me out of my misery.

Another unanswered prayer.

He just took a deep breath and avoided looking at anyone.

Not his brother. Not Slughorn. And certainly not the very bright beautiful boy beside him who was staring at him.

Regulus knew because he could feel the warmth.

He could always feel the heat of James’ gaze. And it never got easier to conceal.

“Well, hi.” James whispered to him.

Regulus couldn’t help but smile. It was still him. Still his James.

“Hi yourself, golden boy.” He whispered back. Still not looking at him.

He just leaned down and grabbed his textbook from his bag.

“You must be pretty smart to be sitting in on a 5th year class.” James smirked. He wanted to play. He wanted to do the back and forth with Regulus right here in the middle of Potions.

And Regulus was never one to back down from a challenge.

He started with a shrug. “It’s a blessing and a curse.”

“So I’ve heard.” James really did have the most dazzling smile.

Slughorns voice interrupted them.

“I’m sure you all know what we’re brewing today. So let’s get right to the demonstration…”

Wait. Regulus was confused. He turned to James.

“What are we brewing?” He whispered.

James looked at him with wide eyes and laughed. “You mean you don’t know?“

He shook his head.

James didn’t say anything else but slid Regulus’ text book over into his own space and started flipping through the pages until he found was he was looking for.

Then he slid the textbook back to Regulus. The laugh never left his eyes.

But Regulus almost fell off his chair.

Of course.

How had he been so blind?

An “advanced potion”.

It was that time of year again.

Amortentia.

A very powerful love potion. That has an aroma of what or whom your heart most desires.

This is not good.

This is really not good.

And his partner was…

Oh no.

This would be the end of Regulus’ entire existence.

“Don’t look so scared, baby Black.” James whispered. “It’ll be over soon enough.” He had the audacity to wink at him.

If Regulus wasn’t so affected by it, he would’ve punched him on the arm.

“Now, the book really gives you very detailed instructions. If you need help or it looks like it’s going sideways, don’t hesitate to give us a shout.”

“Here goes nothing.” James said beginning to prepare the ingredients the way the book calls for.

Regulus decided he would gather the rest of what they needed while he contemplated how to run away from the school and never return.

The pair worked in silence but kept stealing glances at each other.

And Regulus could say without a doubt that James was the best Potions partner he’s ever had.

Not just because he’s his favorite person in the whole world. But because he actually knew what he was doing.

They were nearing the end of the potion before he knew it.

“You’re very good at this.” Regulus whispered to him as they stood beside each other at the cauldron.

James smiled. “High praise from such an advanced student of potions.”

“I’m really not that advanced.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why Slughorn singled me out.”

“Oh lay off it, baby Black. You know you’re a genius. He probably invited you because you get all the top marks in your class. And you happen to be one of the smartest people I know.”

“You don’t mean that.” Regulus whispered adding the last few ingredients and stirring.

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.”

“Thank you. It means a lot.” Regulus finally looked over at his temporary potions partner and let himself behave like they were alone.

Just for a single moment in his mind. And they were just looking at each other. Like they normally would.

But Regulus quickly remembered the other people in the vicinity.

“I think we’re done.” He whispered.

“Oh.” James seemed to realize too. “Right.”

He turned to the front of the room. “Professor? We’ve finished.”

“That was awfully fast. But I expected nothing less from my two star pupils.”

The two boys eye each other for a few seconds as he approached, trying their hardest not to laugh.

The cauldron was covered with a lid.

Slughorn removed it and stuck his face inside. Inspecting up close.

He inhaled it deeply into his nose.

“Exquisite!” He exclaimed. “10 points to both your houses. Perfect concoction on the first try.”

They both seemed to duck their heads at the attention.

“Well.” He looked at them expectantly. “You were the first to succeed, you get to tell us what you smell.”

Neither of the boys was about to jump to be first. But James was the lion. And he could sense the apprehension in Regulus. So he went first.

He carefully leaned in and hovered his head right above the cauldron.

At first he got nothing.

And then it was exploding in his senses. Stirring things inside his chest.

“Well go on.” The professor said, impatiently waiting his answer.

James didn’t want to say it. He knew what would happen.

“Lavender. Fresh rainwater. And the first snow.”

The first snow. This made Regulus remember a very fond memory.

They witnessed the first snow of the last Christmas together.

They had been studying for so long and reading and writing all their essays.

When Regulus heard James gasp.

“Look! It’s snowing! Let’s go!” He was up and out of the room quicker than Regulus could respond.

They played in the snow so long they both felt horrible the next day.

So they stayed in the room, eating cookies and drinking hot chocolate. Feeling horrible together.

All of his memories with James are special but that one is definitely in the top ten.

“Regulus, dear boy. It’s your go.”

Here we go.

He smelled it before he got within a foot of the bubbling purple substance.

Because he had been smelling it all class period.

And the whole term.

And every day since Christmas.

He couldn’t get that smell out of his system.

His body remembered.

The potion was everything he craved magnified by twenty.

He cleared his throat trying not to let his knees give out.

“Oak trees.” He started. “Summertime and warm tea. Honey.”

The lid was placed back on the cauldron and Regulus met Slughorn’s watchful eye. He was smiling. “Very good boys. Since you’ve finished before everyone else, you may leave early. But no funny business.” He said pointing at James specifically.

“Yes sir, professor.” He mock saluted but he had the biggest grin on his face.

When they both gathered their things and made it to the hallway, James grabbed Regulus’ hand and started running.

He didn’t let go until they were alone, in the 5th floor hallway.

“Why-“ panting. Regulus is panting. He just got dragged up five flights of stairs, basically,  whilst running. “Why must we always be running?”

“Because when you’re running, it’s an adventure. And I wanted to get away from other people as soon as possible.” He shrugs also trying to catch his breath.

Regulus narrows his eyes at James. “From now on, I’m not running unless I’m in mortal danger.”

Then he bypassed James and entered the room of requirement.

“C’mon, baby Black.” James says, coming in behind him. “Running gets your blood pumping. Keeps you in shape.”

“Are you trying to tell me I’m not in shape, Potter?” Regulus tilts his head accusingly, trying to fluster him.

It works.

“What?” His eyes go wide. “No. Of course not.” He’s stuttering a little. “Definitely not. I-I’m-You’re in shape.” He closes his eyes in embarrassment.

“This is fun to watch,” Regulus finally breaks and starts laughing. “Your face.” More giggling.

James seems to realize that he didn’t actually say anything offensive and looks relieved and amused and annoyed all at once.

“I can’t believe you deceived me.” He shook his head.

“You’ve done much worse.” Regulus can feel his face still grinning. “And pushing your buttons is so fun.” Repeating James’ own words back to him.

“Touché.” James smirks.

They finally settle onto the couch, sitting in comfortable silence, staring at the never ending flames in the fireplace.

James speaks first.

“I have a proposition for you.”

“Funny that’s exactly what Slughorn said to me yesterday.” Regulus shakes his head at the memory. “I hope your proposition is better than his.”

James smiles at him, with every ounce of joy he’s always had.

“Let’s skip the rest of the day. If someone asks, we’ll say we didn’t feel well after potions. It happens all the time, kids hurling into their cauldrons.” They both laugh at that.

Regulus knew what his answer would be as soon as he heard the proposal.

But he acted as if he were considering it.

Tilting his head back and forth.

“C’mooon baby Blaaack. Pleeeeeeaaasse. I’m tired of lessons and quidditch and parties. I just want to take a day to breathe.” James is tugging at Regulus’ sleeve like a toddler.

Regulus fakes a sigh.

“Fine. But. If we get caught. You are taking the blame.”

“It’s a deal. I think my reputation as future-head-boy can handle a bit of a scuff.”

“So what’s your plan?” Regulus peers at him expectantly.

“Considering we have limited venues, I say we stay here. But I do want to stop by the tower and grab my book.” He looks back to Regulus. “Come with me.”

Regulus can’t say no. Or maybe he could, but he doesn’t want to. Every molecule in his body is screaming ‘YES!’

“Okay.” Is all he manages to get out.

They make it to the portrait unbothered. Regulus is more than relieved. He doesn’t know how he’d begin to explain what’s happening here.

The room only reminds him of New Years Eve and eternal bliss.

James skips over to his bookshelf and picks out two.

“I’m bringing this one, I think you’ll love it. But I don’t-“

Regulus cuts him off by raising his hand and turning his head towards the door.

He doesn’t know what to call it. An itch. A gut feeling.

“Someone’s coming.” He whispers.

Then sprints to the washroom closing the door only seconds before he hears someone enter.

James had no time to process any of this.

“James? What are you doing in here? I figured you’d be on the pitch.”

Oh shit.

Sirius.

This is Regulus’ worst nightmare. But it’s actually happening.

He presses his whole body weight against the door. Straining to hear the conversation.

“I didn’t feel well after Potions. Came back here to lie down.” James says, cool as ever.

“I’m sorry, Prongs. Do you want to rest and I’ll bring you some dinner later?”

“I would appreciate that a lot, pads. Thank you.”

“Anything for you, darling. I’m just gonna wash my hands before I go. Potions makes me feel dirty.”

Regulus’ eyes go wide and he panics.

What’s he gonna do?

Hide in the shower?

“Please don’t!” James shouts.

Halting his brother’s footsteps on the floor.

“I really have to go.” James states as he sprints to get between Sirius and the door.

“O-Kay. I’ll wash up in a different toilet.” Sirius laughs at his antics. “Have fun, Prongs.” He yells back as he’s heading out the door.

There was silence for a few minutes.

The door to the loo opened slowly.

Regulus looked at James and they both had a sudden tremendous understanding of how crazy and terrifying that was.

Then they both started laughing and didn’t stop for a long time.

It was a good day.

Summer was fast approaching.

Dread was slowly pooling in Regulus’ stomach like an hour glass.

Sometimes being able to see the future means having a feeling when something awful is coming.

This summer will not be full of fun memories, he just knows it. No Hogwarts, no James, no friends, no nothing.

Just that place.

And those people.

The people he tried so hard to forget about.

James could sense it as the temperatures rose outside. Regulus was smiling less. Retreating back into that space where he exists when he’s unsafe. When he’s vulnerable and living with hungry wolves.

James cries a lot those last few weeks of term. Never in front of Regulus. But at night when he’s up worrying and overthinking, he cries for the boy who has to live in a house with no love.

He deserves the world. James knows this.

But every human on this earth deserves to be brought up in love. In appreciation. In unconditional support.

Regulus gets none of that. Not even from Sirius.

Which really hurts James in a different kind of way. Now that he knows who Regulus is, he wonders why Sirius didn’t bring him along.

When James was younger, he always assumed that Regulus didn’t want to go.

That he wanted to live in that world.

But he doesn’t.

He’s trapped just as Sirius was and no is helping him. No one is showing him a single shred of sympathy and James cries because he can’t be there to make sure he gets it. To make sure he’s okay. To protect him from the scum that he’s forced to call family.

How is James supposed to go home and have fun and act like nothing is wrong when he knows that there’s something horrific and evil happening at 12 Grimmauld Place. His mother would surely do something if he told her.

But James would never betray Regulus’ trust like that.

James decided one night while being angry and frustrated and really really sad, that if Regulus was ever in trouble. He would do whatever it took to save him.

I would burn the world down. He thinks for an instant.

He sleeps that night and dreams of the stars falling right out of the sky.

Tomorrow is the last day. Everyone is going home.

This time Regulus is forced to leave.