Chapter 2
jegulus:
After looking at him from under the invisibility cloak, for a probably not socially acceptable time, James decided to stop being a creep and greet Regulus.
“Hey.” He said, sitting down next to him. Regulus was, as usual looking through his telescope. “Looking at them again?” Them, meant his family. The Black family, especially Sirius. Regulus had once said that was the only way he could look at them without feeling their judgement, from both sides. It had broken James’ heart.
“Can’t take a hint, Potter?” Ugh, yes. Regulus had been avoiding James for longer than normal – he didn’t feel comfortable telling Sirius about their relationship, so they had to sneak around, and sometimes the shame after having spending time together would be so much for Regulus he couldn’t look James in the eye. He didn’t mind it. He understood. Or well, having been raised by Effie and Monty, of course he didn’t really understandit, but even James Potter had problems with his sexuality. Most people didn’t have nice things to say about queers. And he had spent enough time with Sirius to know how much worse it was when you were brought up a Black.
“I’m choosing to ignore it, like usually.” He grinned and leaned in to kiss Regulus. He flinched.
“I mean it Potter. Piss off.” And he turned to look at the stars again.
Now James was worried. And guilty. Regulus seemed to be actually be uncomfortable in James’ presence this time.
“I’m sorry.” He awkwardly said. “I uh- I didn’t mean to make you so uncomfortable. Did I do something wrong?”
Regulus looked down at these words. You didn’t. I did. Something unforgivable.He thought. Unfortunate James wasn’t a legilimens.
“I think we should end it. Whatever we ar-were.” If he had stabbed him in the stomach it would’ve hurt less.
“I-” He didn’t even know what to say. No one had broken up with him before like this, so out of the blue, so vaguely. “Did I do something wrong?” He asked again. “Or did something happen, at home? Do you wanna talk about it?” He was careful to not seem to prying. He knew Regulus hated talking about home, even more than Sirius did.
“I just think we should break it off, we’re not fit for each other, I mean-” Regulus shut his mouth, as to prevent himself from telling any more information.
“Reg, what’s-”
“Don’t call me that.”
“What’s going on?” James heartbeat was speeding up by the minute. “You know you can tell me anything right? I wouldn’t-" While saying this, James had reached for Regulus arm, trying for a calming motion to console him.
“Don’t touch me!” He snapped, eyes ablaze, and stood up. James saw where his sight went. To his sleeve, and if it had ridden up.
His heart sank. His vision blurred. His ears started ringing.
“I-Reg, do you have-” his voice broke and he tasted bile. “Please.” Tears were forming in his eyes. “Please tell me it’s not true what I think.”
Regulus was crying too, and very unsuccessfully trying to hide it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
James shook his head and stared up at the ceiling. “Reg, don’t do this to me. If it’s true, at least tell me. Please, don’t lie. It’s not like it would matter anymore.” The last sentence broke Regulus.
He didn’t tell him, he was afraid his voice would crack and he would end up sobbing on the floor. Instead he just lifted up his sleeve.
And there it was. A tattooed snake, with a skull above it. I’ve never seen one up-close beforewas a weird thought that popped up in James’ head.
He looked up, into Regulus’ eyes. They stared back at him, blank. He couldn’t do it anymore. He turned and cried the loudest wails he ever had in his entire life. Still, at some point, he could hear a faint, broken “sorry” and the sound of footsteps walking away.
It was a long time before Remus found him.
~ ~ ~
drarry:
“Gonna try to pitch yourself off the astronomy tower again?” He heard Harry joke behind him. Draco was standing close to the edge of the astronomy tower, admiring the view. He liked to come here to calm down, somewhere no one else could find him. Except, well, Harry. He didn’t know how to describe their relationship, but he guessed it didn’t matter now. It had to end. Now.
“Funny one, Potter.”
“Oh, it’s second name basis today?” Harry came to stand next to him. His gaze immediately went to the moon, Draco noticed.
“From today forward, yes.” He tried to not let the hurt in his voice the best he could.
“What’d you mean?” Harry said, half-laughing, half-worried.
“I mean,” he swallowed to make sure his voice was clear “whatever we had is in the past. So don’t think about,” he swallowed again “soughting after me, or calling me Draco.” It was weird to say his own name.
Harry’s face fell. “I-why?” He said it like a confused toddler.
“Because.” He really couldn’t come up with a fake reason as to why, so he had to result to childish comments.
“Draco,”
“I told you not to call me that!”
“Draco,” Harry said again “you’re not making any sense. Last week you told me- you told me you loved me,” pain blossomed in him, from a seed in his heart to a fast-growing plant through his entire body “and this week you want nothing to do with me? And you can’t even tell me why?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes!” Harry called immediately. “Yes, it matters, because if it’s something I did, I swear I’ll make it up to you, and-”
“It’s not something that can be made up.” Draco stated simply. He really didn’t want to say anything even remotely suspicious, but it hurt him to hurt Harry like this, leaving him without understanding.
“I fucked up big time then.” He muttered, more to himself than Draco it seemed. Oh darling, he wanted to say, you have no idea how badly I fucked up.
“I must be able to do something right?” His hands were in his untidy hair now. Only looking at it, Draco felt it as him, how it was to run his hands through it, the soft black mess, how it pathetically comforted him.
“You can’t do anything.” He added, in a tinier voice. “It’s got nothing to do with you.” Stupidly, he scratched his arm, just because it was itching, nothing else, but it was the dumbest thing he could’ve done.
Harry averted his gaze from him, to his arm, and back and Draco stared back like a deer caught in headlights.
Harry’s wounded face would forever be etched in Draco’s mind. On the bad nights he would fall asleep to the image of it, and the thought of hating himself.
He swallowed again, his pride along with it this time. “Harry, you have no idea of how sorry I am.” He breathed out. “But I’ve made my decision. And we can’t see each other anymore.” He didn’t dare speak another word, for he feared it’d come out incomprehensible due to the tears. And he couldn’t show his mark, or more the failed attempts of cutting it out that came with it.
Then Harry did the strangest thing anyone in that situation could’ve done; he hugged Draco. Draco didn’t hug him back, but they could both feel how much at ease it put him.
“I’m sorry too.” He whispered in his ear. “I should’ve tried more, I should’ve helped you.” Draco could feel the last words he hadn’t said out loud. Now you’ve too far gone.
He doesn’t remember much of the rest of the night, only that it was one of the worst in his entire life. Harry must’ve pulled away, at some point, and they must’ve walked away from each other, into separate paths, to never cross so long again.