Held Hands
Eventually, Draco came back to himself, stepping back to look at Blaise properly.
He held his fiancé by the arms, looking over everything he could see, "You're alright?"
Blaise nodded, studying Draco just as intently, though he would undoubtedly find more difference than Draco had. He wouldn't ask what Blaise and his mother were doing here, they could speak about that later, with less of an audience.
Suddenly remembering where they were exactly, Draco stepped forward, subtly pushing Blaise behind him, "Kreature?"
The house elf walked into the room from where he had obviously been listening at the doorway, "Yes, Lord Draco?"
"Get Dumbledore, tell him I need to speak with him." Draco commanded, keeping his face level, and taking the opportunity to study the faces before him.
He hadn't noticed, but Granger and Weasley were there too, standing at Potter's back like protective gargoyles.
Granger in specific looked like she would quite like to slap him again, "Dumbledore's the Headmaster, you can't just summon him-"
"I think you'll find I can, quite easily." Draco cut in, he had no time to explain himself, not now. He would speak with the Gryffindors later, after he clarified his loyalty to the old bastard.
Draco slid his wand from where it was holstered to his forearm, he didn't want to fight, but if he must . . .
"Alright, alright! I think we're all overreacting a bit? Yeah?" Sirius spoke up, stepping in between the two groups.
Dymphna humphed, walking over to Draco and Blaise, "Draco, dear, it's been too long." She held out her hand, palm down, and on muscle memory alone Draco bent at the waist to kiss it.
"That it has, I'm delighted to see you well." Draco replied, still shaking off the shock of having Blaise at his side again.
"What? No flirtation? Straights really are dire." Dymphna said, sticking her nose up.
Draco let his lips twitch, but it was half-hearted at best. He startled when Blaise slipped a hand into his, a steady and solid presence. Draco squeezed softly, some adrift part of him settling further.
Before any more words could be spoken, Dumbledore returned, accompanied by Severus and Kreature, "Well, I see I'm missing quite the party."
"Yes," Draco smiled, "Before the festivity begins, however, I'd like for us to speak." He caught Severus' eyes, "Alone."
"That would suit me just fine, Severus, make sure our guests don't break down the door?" It was said with Dumbledore's usual amount of levity, but his gaze bored into Draco, aiming to strip him down to the core.
Draco stepped forward, unwillingly letting his hand drop from Blaise's, and together, he and the headmaster walked to the study. The journey was silent, neither willing to risk being overheard.
When they both settled, taking up their respective positions. Draco rested his cane on the arm of the chair, and Dumbledore removed his spectacles from his pocket to put them on his nose.
Draco took out his gun, not above open threats, and began to fidget with the safety, "I believe this may be the part where I'm supposed to reassure you that I don't mean to kill you."
"That would be the natural course of action, yes."
"Hm, too bad I won't do that." Draco smiled thinly.
"If I may ask, what will you be doing?" Dumbledore asked.
Oh how Draco loved seeing the old man off kilter, and with none of the assumptious air he usually had, "Exactly what you asked, using my unique position."
"So you intend to help the Order?"
"To an extent," Draco looked up from where he was still flicking the safety on and off, and on and off, curious how Dumbledore would react to the non-answers.
Dumbledore's lips thinned in annoyance, "Well, I'm sure your time elsewhere is demanding-"
"Not nearly as demanding as it was here." Draco interrupted.
"Pardon?" Dumbldore said, eyebrows rising, progressively more irritated with Draco's verbal cat and mouse.
"I just think you could use the reminder, that's all." Draco leaned forward, "That I am here, because you are useful to me."
He put the gun down on the table with a decisive clank, "I will continue passing on information, to those I see fit, when I see fit, but I will not be avoiding any Order members, or Aurors I see while taking advantage of my unique position. I will kill anyone who gets in my way, Death Eater, Order member, or child soldier."
Draco smiled, baring all of his teeth, "Matter of fact, tell your Order members to stay out of my way, because you and your lot are one infuriatingly vague comment away from being right on top of my list, next to Voldemort."
"I was under the impression you wanted to fight against Voldemort?" Dumbledore intoned, more statement than question.
"I was, because I had a job to do," Draco laughed, and it grated against his throat, scraping it even more raw than it already was, "And you see, Albus, I've already done that job!" The laughter came quicker now, making his lungs ache, "This is all secondary! I don't care! All I need to do, is secure my family's place in the aftermath! And then I'm done."
For the first time, Draco thought he saw fear in his headmaster's eyes.
"I'm tired, Albus." Draco said, laughter leaving him, "I'm tired. And Voldemort has given me more than you ever have." He looked up, "I could kill you, right now."
Dumbledore raised an eyebrow, putting on an excellent show of composure, "They would know, and someone would come."
"Oh yes, most definitely, but they would not find you." Draco grinned, suddenly gleeful, "I could lock this house down completely, and kill every one of them, too, And then, when they've lost all of their best, when the need has grown too much, I’ll open it again, a little, and they'll have no choice but to risk sending a party in, because they think they need you, and will expend any effort to avenge you and Potter,"
Draco leaned in conspiratorially, "and I'll kill them, too."
"Severus would know, and work to stop you."
Draco laughed again, standing and towering over Dumbledore, “you are an ignorant fool if you think Severus has enough sway or power to stop me. You did that part for me, and I can't thank you enough. No one will ever, ever, trust Severus. No one in the Order, no one in the Death Eaters, and no one in Hogwarts. You've twisted him so far he wouldn't know how to rally support if he tried, if he wanted to at all."
He snarled, suddenly furious, "How long have you been stringing him on? Pushing for the next goal? He'll have no purpose when you die, except to protect Potter, and he will come to me to do that. Because I have listened to him. I haven't pushed him into giving his life for a cause he doesn't believe in."
"Does it feel good? Is it satisfying? Pushing us all around like pawns? Watching us shatter like cheap plastic? I hope it is. I hope you enjoy what comes next, because I know I will." Draco grinned, taking hold of his cane and pushing away from the desk.
"Thank you, your pitiful attempts at manipulation have made me see the light, and I've ended up exactly where I belong." Draco said, bowing deeply, "I'll give you information if I can, but know that I will have the heads of every single member of your little company the second I deem their use outplayed."
He walked to the door, turning around one last time to speak over his shoulder, "Good luck, Albus, you'll need it."
And Draco wished he could say it satisfied him. He wished laying it all out and baring his soul gave him even a small amount of peace, but it didn't. Draco didn't feel even remotely more calm, only scraped raw, empty in a different way than he usually was.
But he lived empty now, and there was little difference between absences, empty was empty, alone was alone.
He could feel the Blaise in the kitchen, so that's where he went, feet moving without thought. All sound in the room died as Draco walked in, every eye in the room swinging to track his steps.
Draco was sick and fucking tired of all of this attention.
If anyone had told him a few months ago that he couldn't stand to be watched, he'd have laughed in their face, the idea was so ridiculous, but here they were.
"Well, don't stop on my account." Draco muttered, dropping into the seat at Blaise's left, a crystal glass immediately appearing in front of him, filled with amber liquid, "Someone should be able to get into a fistfight today, and it sure as Salazar won't be me."
Draco eyed Sirius and his godfather from where they appeared to be trying to viciously murder the other with eye contact alone and snorted, was that what he and Potter looked like? Merlin, how absurd.
"Draco," Sirius began, "Where were you?"
Really? They all knew where he'd been, it was quite obvious.
Draco found Blaise's hand under the table, using the simple contact to keep himself level, "Oh, you know, places." He waved his other hand vaguely.
"Dumbledore asked, and I tried to disobey, but now I've kneeled. May I live to be of service." It was said with such open contempt and anger everyone flinched, except Blaise.
Blaise tried to muffle a burst of laughter, disguising it with a cough, infecting Draco with urge. He tried to take a sip of the scotch in front of him as a distraction, but managed to catch Potter's worried face from the corner of his eye, and it sent him over the edge.
Draco couldn't hold it back anymore, and began to laugh, not the harsh, broken laugh he'd used so often lately, but a true one, almost a giggle. At his breaking, Blaise let go too, and soon they were slumped into each other, pressing smiles into the other's shoulder like they were young again, trying to sneak down to the kitchens in the middle of the night.
It wasn't truly that funny, but something about the relief of it all, the sure knowledge that if he leaned right, Blaise would be there to bump into. So they laughed, near hysterical with the happiness that they could actually see their fiancé whole and hale.
When Draco looked up through the tears, it was to see the surprised and slightly worried faces of the adults around them. Even Potter, and Weasley were snickering into their hands, slightly bent over the table.
"Oh Merlin," Draco gasped through the laughter, "You know where I've been!"
"Well-" Sirius said, still looking thoroughly thrown off, "I mean-"
"I believe there will be no productive conversation today, we should let them . . . settle." Severus intoned, surveying the troupe of giggling children with resignation.
Lupin sighed, "I think Severus is right, we'll reconvene in the morning tomorrow."
All three rose to leave, with Severus pausing at the doorway, casting an unreadable look at Draco, who was still trying to recover from his bout of laughter. Only Dymphna, previously silent, stayed, looking over her two sons with a small smile.
"Are you staying the night?" Draco asked Blaise, sudden terror dropping his stomach at the thought of Blaise leaving, even for a short while.
"No, we're staying here indefinitely." Blaise reassured, squeezing Draco's hand under the table.
Draco let his forehead drop onto the table, suddenly exhausted, "Ah, fantastic."
"I do believe that's my cue to leave, don't stay up too late boys." Dymphna nodded, walking out of the room without a backwards look.
"We should get to bed as well," Blaise said, tugging Draco up from his seat by the hand, "I don't even want to know what your sleep schedule has become."
"Hold on! Malfoy," Granger spoke up, "We need to make a plan!"
"Tomorrow, Granger, I will tell you everything." Draco sighed, he didn't dislike Granger nearly as much as he disliked Weasley, and anyone was better when compared to Potter.
She wrinkled her nose at this, but Potter butt in, "We're all tired, let's go to sleep, right Ron?"
Weasley looked like he'd rather do anything else, but nodded, causing Granger to immediately fold, "Oh alright, we'll plan in the morning."
"Great, glad I got your approval." Draco snarked, but Blaise dragged him out of the room before anything could escalate. Draco left his cane at the table, he would just have Blaise take his weight for him.
"You and Gryffindors, I'll never understand it." He muttered, pulling Draco along.
Draco leaned all of his weight on Blaise, "Says the one cavorting around with them."
"Cavorting?" Blaise turned suddenly, "Are you serious? Have you hit your head recently? Been involved in a time-turner incident?"
Draco laughed again, "Oh my Salazar, your face!"
Blaise rubbed his forehead with the hand that wasn't holding Draco's, "I should have stayed at Hogwarts, I forgot how annoying your face can be."
"Yes, you should have." Draco replied, his tone noticeably more serious. He tugged Blaise to a stop, opening a random door.
"Isn't that a closet- Oh, right."
Draco pulled Blaise into the Master's Suite, shoving the door closed with his foot. His knee was beginning to ache, even with Blaise holding him up, so he near-collapsed into the desk chair. The reminder of what Blaise gave up to be here, at Grimmauld, was sobering.
But none of it mattered, not the lingering pain of crucio's, not the fresh scars, or the blank space where this mourning should be in his memory. Nothing mattered more than Blaise Zabini, standing a few feet in front of him, whole and alive.
Something in him broke, something that had kept him together since he'd made the deal with Voldemort, and all Draco could do was sob.
There were no tears, but the sound came all the same, tearing at his sore throat.
At the first cry, Blaise broke from whatever trance he was in and rushed to Draco's side, sliding on his knees the last few inches to throw himself at Draco.
"Please-" Draco heaved, curling in under the weight of his sobs, clutching at Blaise, "Please don't say this is a dream. I won't survive it."
Blaise grabbed his face, looking up at him, "Oh, Draco, no, I'm real, I swear it."
And what else could Draco do but believe him? If Draco couldn't trust Blaise, he couldn't trust anyone.
After all that he had done, all that he would do, if there was no one but his parents left for him, Draco would break all over again. He loved his family, more than he loved anybody else, but he couldn't trust them. His father was the reason Draco needed to do any of this in the first place, and his mother had let it happen, to say nothing of Bellatrix and Sirius.
Blaise was the only one Draco had left, the only person Draco both trusted and loved.
So Draco made a choice.
"Ok." Draco rested his forehead against Blaise's, shutting his eyes tightly, "Ok, I believe you."
"I'm so sorry Draco, I'm so sorry." Blaise murmured, still holding Draco's face, "I should have tried to find you sooner."
"No." Draco said harshly, opening his eyes to look at his fiancé, "No, you shouldn't have, I left so you wouldn't have to deal with any of this-"
"I think I'll decide for myself what I will and will not deal with. Especially when it comes to you." Blaise snarled, taking Draco back, "I get it, I do, really, you needed to leave Hogwarts, but don't- for one fucking second- say that you did it to protect me."
He stroked a thumb over the crest of Draco's cheek, "Tell me everything, show me everything, and I'll decide how stupid you're being."
Draco inhaled shakily, allowing himself to smile, "Alright." He leaned into Blaise's hand, starved for the touch, "Will you and Severus stop being so observant? He called me on the glamour right away."
"Well, I'm no Pansy, but I can see the difference, I know you well enough." And he did. Blaise knew him better than anyone. Had seen him at his worst, and his best, from cradle to Lordship.
So Draco dropped the glamour for the second time, letting Blaise see every difference.
Blaise studied him, his leg, his face, his eyes, and Draco expected some remark, some comment on the scars marring his face, or the limp he knew now would be permanent.
But Blaise just cupped his face, studying the difference between the Draco he knew, and the one in front of him, "You've gotten taller."
For some absurd reason, that's what got Draco. That's what makes the tears fall.
Blaise swiped them away with his thumb, "Hey, don't cry, I'm here now."
Draco sniffled wetly, smiling "I know."
"I've missed you," Blaise laughed, a small smile on his face.
"I've missed myself." Draco answered, finally letting his shoulders drop.