Chapter 10
Carina groaned and rubbed her eyes, successfully smudging the leftover makeup from the night before.
When she opened her eyes she froze.
She was not in her own bed.
She was still in her dress from the prefect party.
And most importantly, James Potter’s arms were wrapped tightly around her waist.
His face nuzzled softly into her shoulder, and his legs wrapped protectively around her own.
Carina sat wide eyed for a few moments, recalling the events of the previous night.
Remus had told her to take Potter back to bed.
She dragged him up the stairs.
She sat while he fell asleep.
And then… she drank? More? The details were still fuzzy.
But Potter was asleep. Nothing happened between them, she was sure of it.
Carina breathed a small sigh of relief.
“Prongs, you awake?” Carina could hear Lupin say from behind the curtain.
She froze, holding her breath.
Carina swore she could hear a murmured chuckle from under Lupin’s breath, before the boy slowly started peeling the curtains open.
This was not good.
She stared at him wide eyed, and he just smirked right back at her.
Remus set a lazy hand on his hip, and Carina thought he looked like a scolding mother.
“What are you doing here?” Remus asked, the smirk still not dropping from his face.
Carina just started shaking her head fervently.
Eyes pointing to the area of the room she knew her brother slept on.
Remus let out a small chuckle, “He’s passed out. You wouldn’t wake him up if you tried.”
Carina smiled and started to attempt to untangle herself from James’ grip. It proved impossible.
She looked over to Remus desperately, “I can’t move.”
Remus snorted. “I don’t know how to help you there mate.”
Wonderful. This was just splendid.
Carina went to push some of her hair behind her ear, but flinched when she saw a piece of dark ink swelling to the surface of her forearm, the makeup having worn off mostly through the night. Quickly she threw her arm against her chest, concealing the mark from Remus.
Remus narrowed his eyes a bit at the movement. But started walking away. “I’ll erm- leave you to it.” he said with a chuckle.
“Lupin.” She said in a hushed whisper. “Lupin, you can’t just leave me here.” But the boy was already gone.
Carina groaned, throwing her head back down onto the pillow.
Waiting a moment, Carina collected her thoughts before she turned as much as she could, facing James.
He looked so soft like this. So delicate.
Carina sighed, but lifted her right hand to poke him in the spot between his eyes gently.
“James.” She whispered tenderly. “James, you have to move.”
Leisurely the boy’s eyes opened, he blinked slightly, still in the haze of sleep and smiled at her sleepily before closing his eyes again.
Carina held back a snort.
“James, I need to leave.”
“Hmm.” He hummed, nuzzling his face into her neck.
James jumped up quickly, almost falling off the bed. “Carina?”
She huffed a laugh, and began standing, keeping her left arm locked to her side. “Finally, that took ages.”
“Wadrya doin’ere?” James spat the words so quickly they came out as jargon.
“I must have fallen asleep,” Carina peels the curtains open gingerly, moving to grab her shoes from the spot on the floor. “I’ll be out of your hair momentarily.”
Glancing down to her dress, Carina grimaces.
Rubbing his neck and smiling sheepishly, James asks, “Nothing- erm- Nothing happened right?”
Carina grins up at the boy, “Unless you count me drunkenly falling asleep in your bed something? No, nothing happened.”
“James?” The voice comes from across the room. Sirius’ voice, he must have just woken up. His voice cracks softly as he speaks, “Who’s here?”
Freezing on the spot, Carina stares wide eyed at James.
James just smirks down at her, “No one, Pads, go back to sleep. I’m going to breakfast.”
A moment later, a snore tears through the room.
“Are you going back to the dungeons looking like that?” James’ smirk resides pleasantly on his features.
She just glares back at him. “I didn’t exactly pack a spare change of clothes.”
“Here.” James reaches into his closet, pulling out a jumper. “You can wear this.”
“Puddlemere United?” Carina scoffs. “Of course you would like Puddlemere United.”
James just smacks her on the side of the head before handing her a pair of Peter’s sweatpants. He's the shortest, so the most likely to be near her size.
“Turn around, Potter.” James grins at her before turning around.
When she finally signals that she is done changing, she can see James holding back his laughter.
“Shut up.”
He just laughs harder.
The clothes are overwhelmingly large on her, and she looks as if she’s swimming in them, but she supposes that it’s better than her day old rumpled dress.
“I’ll walk you to the dungeons.”
Carina just nods and starts making her way to the door.
As she reaches the bottom of the stairs, some of the students sitting about the common room look up at the pair questioningly. But they just continue on their way, unaware of the gazes.
“James, I really can make it there on my own. There’s no need for you to walk me.”
James narrows his eyes at her, “Maybe I like spending time with you, Black.”
Carina lets out a scoff in response.
“I do.” James rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Enjoy spending time with you, Carina.”
Gazing up at James, Carina searches for an answer in his eyes.
“You shouldn’t.” She says after a moment.
“What do you mean?” Taken aback, James takes a small step backwards.
“What do you mean?” Carina asks incredulously. “James, there are too many complications here.”
“I know that.” James rubs his eyes from underneath his glasses while he releases a groan. “Merlin, do I know that. But- I can’t- I can’t pretend like I don’t have feelings for you anymore.”
Looking at her, his eyes begged with her own, showing just how truly he meant the words that he was saying.
“Then we can’t do this anymore James.” Carina stared him down. “No more tutoring. No more-” She waved her hands in exasperation, “No more whatever this is.
“You can’t seriously mean that? You’re going to throw away everything?” James stepped closer to her, hovering over her intimidatingly. “All because you can’t handle the fact that someone finally cares about you?”
Carina knew that there was no point in hiding the flicker of hurt that flashed through her expression.
“We’ve spent months. Months. Together.” James said, his voice raising slightly in frustration. “And you’re going to throw away whatever this is. Why? Because of your brothers? Because it takes up too much time? You’ve grown tired of pretending you don’t know Transfiguration spells?”
Carina held her ground, standing as tall as she could while she spat her words at James, “I am engaged.” She glared through his glasses, at the eyes that were usually swarmed with warmth. They had been, just a few moments ago, no longer. “To be married James. It’s not some stupid fling. I am marrying him in August, and he will be my husband.”
“I don’t care.” James threw his arms out in chagrin. “I can get you out. Just say the word and I will find a solution for you.”
“Have you thought that maybe I don’t want out?” Carina spat the words at him.
“You cannot seriously mean that?” James searched her face for a hint of deceit, he would find none. She had mastered her mask years ago.
“I have known of my duty since childhood. I will not back out of it for some boy.”
Carina wished that it wasn’t this way. That she did not have to choose between her family and the boy she had ever-growing feelings for.
“Your duty?” James asked incredulously, “What about your duty to yourself.”
Surprise must have flickered over her face, for James explained himself not a moment later.
“Your entire life, all of your decisions have been based on what was best for your family. Do something for yourself.”
He was right. Merlin, was he right. But she could not afford that. Not yet. Not with the ugly mark on her arm. And certainly not with the matching one on her brother.
So instead of agreeing with him, he shoved him away from her. “Fuck off, Potter.” She said quietly before continuing her walk to the dungeons.
When Carina returned to her dorm, she knew there was no chance of her resting. And her dormmates had begun openly glaring at her after she had aggressively kicked her trunk for the third time. Susan had even gone as far as to snap at her, telling her to find something else to take her anger out on. Remembering that Fabian was in the castle, Carina headed off towards the hospital wing. When she arrived, she found him restocking some potions in a cabinet near the end of the room.
“My favourite first year!” He shot her a grin as soon as she was close.
Scoffing, Carina said, “I’m no first year.”
With a chuckle, Fabian ruffled her hair.
“Could’ve fooled me.”
Carina shot him a glare and sat on the edge of the nearest bed.
“You’re in a mood.” Fabian pointed out, still grinning.
When Carina responded with nothing more than a grumble, he arched an eyebrow. “Need me to prank anyone? All these years, and I’ve still got it in me.”
Finally Carina let out a small smile and huffed a laugh, “You’d just be giving him ideas.”
“Ah,” Fabian looked away from the cabinet that he was restocking for a moment to shoot her a smirk, “A fellow prankster, seems dangerous, doesn’t it? Two of you in one relationship.”
“We’re not in a relationship.” Carina grumbled, “Besides, I haven’t pranked anyone in years.”
Instantaneously Fabian’s smirk faded into a frown. “What do you mean?”
Carina grimaced, she had forgotten her audience. Fabian had taken notice to her in his final year, and her first, and had determined that she would become his mentee, continuing his legacy after he left the school. Gideon of course also chose a mentee, well a couple of them.
Fabian had noticed that she spent more time in the library than anywhere else in the castle, always alone, and always with her nose stuck in a book. So, he had tried to get her out of his shell. And it had worked, she had spent more time with him than she did any of her friends, or brothers. And he had gotten her to have fun, to laugh until her stomach hurt for the first time. He had made her a better person too, listening to all of the nonsense that her parents had spent her childhood teaching her, and teaching her the truth. All he had asked in return was that she continue his legacy of some of the greatest pranks in Hogwarts. And she had failed miserably.
“I’m sorry.” Carina “I know- I’ve failed. I’m a terrible mentee. Truly. I’ve just- I’ve been so busy recently.”
Fabian looked at her unimpressed. Brushing his hands on his trousers he walked over to her quickly, throwing a befuddled look at her clothing choice.
She had forgotten to change before leaving her dorm. Grimacing yet again, she shrugged.
“Well. I’m not here for long, and I’m done for the day. So go grab that notebook I gave you, and we’ll get straight to work.” When Carina began to groan, Fabian shot her a glare and she froze, feeling like a chastised firstie again. “I’ll be right back.” She grumbled, heading towards her dorms.
“Hold up- I’ll go with you.” Fabian grinned, walking with her towards the exit. “I miss sneaking into the old snake's den”
He got an elbow to the side in response.
When they arrived at the entrance to the common room, she whispered the password into the portrait's ear, when a questioning eyebrow was raised by Fabian, she just shrugged. “Can’t let the enemy know the password.”
Sniggering, he threw his shoulder against her own.
Once they climbed inside the portrait, Carina ran up the stairs to her dorm, telling Fabian that she’d be right back.
When she returned after scouring her trunk for the notebook full of pranks, she found Fabian alone in the middle of the room frowning, seemingly deep in thought.
“What’s wrong?”
Fabian blinked, and threw a lazy smile on his face, one that didn’t reach his eyes. “Nothin’ Kid. Let’s get out of here.”
Carina followed him to the exit, knowing that something was wrong, but not wanting to upset him.
“Slytherin’s never do change, do they?” He eventually said.
She furrowed her brows, but he just shrugged nonchalantly, “Forget I said anything.”
“Alright.” She grinned up at him, “What first?”
Spending the day pranking unsuspecting students was exactly what Carina had needed to get her mind off of James, and it had worked perfectly, but Carina still had the feeling that Fabian was upset about something. When they would prank the other kids, he would smile brightly, but looking over to her it would dim a bit.
Finally after the 14th or so prank, Carina got tired. “Speak your piece.” She finally spat at him, raising her brows. “What’s making you so pissy today?”
Fabian was quiet for a moment, just staring at her contemplatively. “Carina.” He cleared his throat. “Carina, roll up your sleeve.”
She froze.
Staring at him like a deer caught in headlights, she didn’t know what to do.
After staring at him for a moment, she finally said, “I can’t.”
With the makeup on her arm long since smudged, she couldn’t, not without revealing the dark mark swirling on her skin.
Fabian grabbed her hand, and before she could respond, shoved the sleeve of her left arm up towards her elbow, exposing the horrid ink.
Fabian took a step back from her, running both hands through his hair. She pulled her sleeve back down immediately.
“Are you stupid?” He all but shouted. “Carina! Are you insane?” He glared holes into her eyes, searching for the answer to his question.
“I didn't have a choice.” She ground out finally, she wanted to sound strong, but her voice wobbled.
“Bullshit.” His expression showed nothing but anger, and hurt. “There is always a choice.”
“If I didn’t want Regulus to die, then no. There was no choice.” She clenched her jaw.
“Sirius got out. Why couldn’t you?”
Carina let out a sound of exasperation, “I am not my older brother.”
“Carina. This is war.” He argued. “This isn’t something you can just talk your way out of. People are dying.”
“You think I don’t know that? I’ve been to the meetings. I’ve seen the names. Smelt the death.”
“And yet you signed up for his following?”
Carina took in a measured breath. “I cannot save my brother’s life from outside his execution room.”
“What are you talking about?”
Carina shoved him. “They are going to kill him.” She shoved him again. “They are going to be the death of him.” Shoving him again, she continued, tears now streaming down her face. “And I have to save him.”
“Why would they kill him? He seems like one loyal fucking subject.” He spat at her.
“He’s realising. Slowly. He’s noticing that Voldemort’s beliefs, that our parent’s beliefs are wrong.” Carina laughed, a cold, emotionless laugh. “And if that doesn’t get him killed? Well than me being a spy for Dumbledore’s little group sure as hell will.”
Fabian rocks back on his heels and buries his face in his hands. “Merlin. You’re stupider than I thought.”
Carina just scoffs and wipes the tears off of her cheeks.
Groaning, Fabian pulls her into a hug. “It feels like seventh year all over again. Except you’d be crying because I dragged you out of the library, not because you joined the ranks of a murderer.”
She can’t help it. She snorts, and then begins laughing, probably looking like a maniac, with her face still red from the tears.
She holds Fabian for a moment, reminiscing on the feeling of having him at Hogwarts.
“I’m going to miss you Fabian.”
He sighs, “I’ll miss you to Black, although I’m sure we’ll see each other more often now.”
“We will?” She looked up from his chest.
“Dumbledore’s little group?” He grinned down at her, “I’m a part of it. It’s actually why I’m here.”
Carina sighed deeply before placing her head back on his chest, “I’m glad I’m not alone.”
Ruffling her hair, he takes a step back, “I should get going, Pomphrey’ll be expecting me. You’ll be alright?”
“I’ll be alright Fabian.” She sent a small smile his way, “You don’t need to worry about me.”
Fabian smiled back at her, and turned away, walking down the hallway.
She waited until he was around a corner before leaning against the nearest wall, falling to the cold floor, as sobs racked her body.
When she finally returned to her room, Carina was exhausted, and wanted nothing more than to flop onto her bed and sleep until Monday, but when she got to her bed, someone was already there.
“Reggie,” Carina sighed. “I’m exhausted, can we talk tomorrow?”
Regulus’ eyes grew a bit, but he did not move from his spot, instead he just shook his head and gestured for her to sit across from him.
With another sigh, Carina climbed onto her bed, closing the curtains and murmuring a silencing spell so the twins could talk in private.
“What’s going on?”
“I lied. About why I couldn’t come to the prefect party.”
Carina blinked, “Ok.”
“He summoned Evan, Barty, and I.” Regulus closed his eyes and shook his head slightly, like he was trying to make sense of his thoughts.
Narrowing her eyes, Carina asked, “Why didn’t he summon me as well?”
“He-” Regulus took a steadying breath. “He wants us to test you. He doesn’t trust you.”
Carina buried the urge to start fidgeting. “Why doesn’t he trust me?”
“I- I don’t know.” Drawing in a shaky breath Regulus’ lip quivered. “He said that if you don’t prove yourself, and fast, well, he said we had to kill you.”
Carina closed her eyes for a moment, taking the extra second to calm her mind.
“Alright.” She threw a lazy grin on her face. “I guess I’ll have to prove myself.”