Chapter 2
Hermione came around slowly, squinting at the brightness in the hospital wing despite the curtains drawn around her bed.
“Severus! Lad, are you ok?” She recognized Minerva’s voice, and squinted at her in confusion.
“Where’s Severus?” she asked, her voice indistinct and far too deep. “And what happened to my voice?”
Minerva’s eyes widened in shock, and she turned to the matron’s office at the far end. “Poppy!”
Madam Pomfrey hurried towards the bed at the sound of Minerva’s shout.
“Poppy, I don’t think he knows who he is.”
“Of course I know who I am – Professor Hermione Granger, Transfiguration Master and Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. And last I checked, I was a she, not a he. Now, what in Merlin’s name is wrong with my voice? And is Professor Snape ok?”
The two women could only gape at her, until an enraged female voice shouted from the next bed, hidden by the curtains.
“Merlin’s saggy left testicle, what the hell happened to my body?!”
Poppy shook herself out of her daze and turned to the voice. “I’ll be with you in a moment Professor Granger, just need to help Professor Snape briefly.”
There was a pause, then the voice replied. “How the devil can you be helping me if you’re over there, woman? And what on earth is going on? Where’s Professor Granger?”
Poppy’s eyes widened in sudden comprehension, and she abruptly pulled the curtain between the beds open.
Hermione looked at the other bed in shock. Staring back at her with an equally stunned expression was a perfect copy of herself.
The copy pulled her – his? – expression together quickly, and began speaking with a deadly softness. “Granger, how the fuck are we wearing each other’s bodies?”
Hermione looked down at herself, and saw her body for the first time since waking. Legs, longer and thinner than her own, hidden beneath the blankets. Black robes. Large hands, currently grasping each other anxiously, with sparse black hairs on the back.
The room started spinning. Hermione was distantly aware of a large metal bowl being pushed into her hands, and Minerva’s arm around her shoulder as she perched next to her on the bed. What in Merlin’s name…?
Severus looked over at his body – no, at Hermione Granger in his body – and turned to Poppy.
“How did this happen?”
Poppy shook her head. “I don’t know, Her– Severus. Mr Digby, the student who alerted us to the incident, said only that there was an explosion, but we couldn’t find anything in the room that would cause an explosion, and certainly not that would cause such an effect as this.”
Severus smiled grimly. “Mr Digby is going to be in detention for the rest of his life if I have anything to say about it. And I suggest you get hold of George Weasley, since it is his invention that did this, apparently.”
Poppy nodded, still slightly dazed, and left to owl George Weasley. Severus winced as he heard Hermione finally give in to the urge to throw up the contents of his stomach.
**********
Unable to sleep, late that evening Severus got up and sat next to Hermione’s bedside, where she had slept deeply since Poppy had sedated her. The question of how they had switched bodies had been teasing him as he tried to rest, and he’d been unwilling to ask for sedation as well.
If this were a potion, one could expect the Kneazle saliva to amplify the effects. But Severus didn’t know enough about the mechanism of the Conversator to draw any useful conclusions, besides the fact that it seemed to replicate some limited sort of Legilimency. He tried to satisfy himself with the knowledge that Weasley would be coming to Hogwarts first thing in the morning, and turned his attention to Hermione.
It wasn’t often that Severus had the opportunity to study his body at leisure, and certainly not when he was asleep. He didn’t know whether it was due to the relaxation of slumber or the fact that Hermione was currently the inhabitant of his body, but his face looked less drawn than he was used to; the lines finer. His hands, still twisted together from Hermione’s nervous hand-wringing, rested above the blankets. In a fit of fancy, Severus put one of his hands next to Hermione’s, marvelling at how petite her hands were.
Could be worse, he thought. At least these hands can still make potions.
He turned at the sound of a scuff near the door, then relaxed as he saw Minerva walking towards him, wrapped in a tartan dressing gown.
“She’ll be all right after a bit of sleep – must have been quite a shock for you both.”
Severus snorted softly. “That’s one hell of an understatement.”
Minerva smiled faintly. “We’ve told the students that there was an accident and that your classes are cancelled for the next few days, until we can sort this out. But I think it’s best that we keep this quiet for now. No sense creating trouble.”
“Do you truly expect problems over this from parents?”
Minerva shook her head. “Frankly, I’m more worried that if news of this gets out, you’ll both be targets. There are still Death Eaters that were never brought to justice, and as much as they’d like to get their hands on one of the Golden Trio, you and I both know that given a choice they would all prefer to take you down. I doubt very much that they would care who was really in the body they caught.”
Severus looked at her soberly and nodded. While the death threats from Voldemort’s former followers had tapered off with time, they still occurred once or twice a year, and with increasing viciousness. His house at Spinner’s End was long since destroyed, and the last ‘message’ had been an attack on his owl, Nimue. She’d been able to return to him, but her injuries could not be completely healed. Despite Hagrid’s best efforts, she’d never carry anything heavier than a single-sheet letter again.
The thought of Hermione being exposed to that danger because of this bloody Weasley cock-up made him intensely uncomfortable. He chose not to examine the feeling too closely.
“Minerva...” he trailed off. After a moment, he started again. “Minerva, what happens if we can’t fix this? Or if it takes longer than a few days? We can’t not teach three core subjects.”
“You’re right,” she agreed, “we can’t. But if we haven’t figured it out by this weekend, we’ll work something out. In the meantime, George will be here tomorrow, and hopefully he can give us an idea of what went wrong, and how long it will take to fix it.”
She pulled a small bottle out of her robes and placed it gently into Severus’s hands. “In the meantime, I suggest you get some rest – I suspect we’ll all need it.” Patting him on the shoulder, she pulled her robes tighter against the evening chill and left.
Severus looked at the bottle of Dreamless Sleep for a long moment, then drank it quickly. Casting one last look at Hermione, he went back to bed and swiftly fell asleep.
**********
The meeting with George Weasley went as well as could be expected as far as Severus was concerned – full of embarrassment, stammering apologies and wringing of hands. It took half an hour or so before Weasley was capable of contributing anything useful to the discussion in the Headmistress’ office.
“You’re right, Professor, in that it is a variant of Legilimency. It was a charm that Fred and I used to muck around with when we were in our last year at Hogwarts, helped us keep old Umbridge on her toes.” He chuckled lightly at the memory, then sobered. “I’m not entirely sure what effect the Kneazle saliva will have had on the charm, but my guess would be that it would amplify it somewhat.”
Severus nodded. “That would be the result in a potion, so I agree. In a potion, ground unicorn horn would nullify the effect, but I’m not sure how it would work in a charm.”
George shook his head. “We’ll probably need to develop a counter-charm or a potion that reverses the effects, which could take weeks, if not months.” He looked up at the Headmistress, who was looking grim.
“Mr Weasley, do you think you are able to develop the counter-charm?”
“I think so, but I think it will be more effective if we reverse it using a potion. Probably quicker, too. Professor Snape, would you be able to help me with it?”
Severus nodded stiffly. “We’ll still need to work out teaching arrangements, however.”
Hermione stood up abruptly and walked over to the staff timetable on the wall. After a few minutes of concentration, she turned back to the group.
“It’s not impossible – but Minerva, it would mean you taking on the full Transfiguration load again.”
The Headmistress frowned slightly. “What about the other classes?”
“I’d take all of Professor Snape’s classes, while he takes the junior Defence classes and uses his spare time to develop the reversal potion with George at the shop.”
Severus slowly nodded. “And we’ll tell the students that you are undertaking a special project outside the school to explain why Minerva is taking junior Transfiguration again. But will you be comfortable with teaching the Potions syllabus?”
“I think so. I didn’t get to study NEWT-level potions, but I’ve brewed most of them on my own anyway.”
Minerva clapped her hands together. “Agreed then. Now, we need to work out living quarters in the meantime. I’m sure you’ll both agree that as few people should know of this as possible, yes? Good. In that case, what I propose is a complete swap. Hermione, you’ll stay down in the dungeons, while Severus, you’ll stay in Hermione’s quarters adjacent to Gryffindor tower.”
Severus frowned slightly and Hermione bit her bottom lip. Minerva noticed the expressions and smirked slightly.
“Come now children, think of it as a learning experience. How many people get the opportunity to live someone else’s lives? It will only be for a short while.”
Slowly, they both nodded their agreement.
“Excellent. I suggest you use the Floo to show each other around your quarters. Mr Weasley, I’ll owl you once we finalise when Severus will be free so that you can arrange a time to work on the reversal potion.”
And with that, the meeting was over.