Chapter 4
September 20, 1975
Regulus
It’s been over two weeks since Remus left Regulus’ room after the fight, and they haven’t spoken since. The full moon is tonight, and Regulus knows he will tear himself apart from guilt if he doesn’t reconcile with his best friend as soon as possible. He’s also supposed to finally give Dorcas the snitch he successfully stolea couple of weeks ago, as she’s been too busy lately hanging out with her (not so) secret lover to be bothered with the favour she asked him for in the first place. Regulus decides that the best way of killing two birds with one stone is to meet with both of his friends in Hogsmeade.
He goes straight to the library, almost sure he will find Remus there reading another muggle book. What Regulus loves about him is his dedication to reading. It scares him sometimes how Remus can quote almost every book he’s ever read. Regulus hasn’t read many muggle books, though Remus would be more than willing to lend some of his own to him.
Regulus and Remus pursue two different goals in reading. To Remus books are some sort of escape. It’s his coping mechanism, it’s the way he can distract from his own problems by focusing on the problems of others without having to actually solve them. Books help him find a way out of his own mind and place him in a different universe where his abusive dad doesn’t exist and where he was never bitten by a werewolf.
To Regulus, however, books are not an escape. On the contrary, the main reason Regulus reads is to be here and now. The books Regulus chooses are purely non-fiction, they have very little to do with feelings and everything with his own researches. He wants to know as much as possible about the world he lives in, he wants to know as much as possible about spells he can cast and potions he can brew, he wants to know as much as possible about the extents of magic and his own abilities.
Remus is sitting at his usual place, sunk in a large leather armchair, covered with white plaid blankets in the corner of the reading hall, where no one can disturb him. He isn’t reading but writing a letter, most likely to Hope, Regulus thinks. He looks at Remus, hesitating whether he should come up to him or simply leave while he’s still unspotted, and then decides that he’s running out of time, so it’s either now or never.
‘Hey,’ he says quietly, not knowing if he’s welcome and not daring to come too close, just close enough for Remus to hear him and tell him to go away, if that’s what he wants.
‘Hey, Reg. C’mere,’ Remus says, and Regulus immediately relaxes, placing himself on the sofa next to Remus. ‘I’m sorry for the last time, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just wanted to help.’
‘I’m sorry too, Remus. I know you didn’t have bad intentions, but I need you to understand that I don’t talk about some things for a reason, and I’m not sure I can do it now or any time soon.’
Remus sighs, putting the parchment and the quill aside. ‘I understand it, Reg. I’m just worried.’
‘I can assure you I have everything under control, there’s no need to worry.’
Remus furrows his eyebrows, not believing him for a second, as if he can see right through Regulus and his lies. Regulus hasn’t been in control for a very long time now.
‘Okay, if you say so. Now be the good friend you are and give me a hug, I’ve missed you.’
Regulus lifts up, wrapping his arms around Remus’ body and feeling Remus’ soft touch on his back. He isn’t short, but he still has to stand on his toes to reach Remus’ neck. Regulus feels so much better and safer now that he’s in his best friend’s embrace, though a feeling of guilt for not telling Remus the truth is still eating him up.
Eventually they withdraw, soft smiles on their faces.
‘By the way, I haven’t heard your summer stories yet.’
‘You would’ve heard them a long time ago if you weren’t a little shit.’
‘You love me anyway.’
‘That I do.’
They sit in comfortable silence afterwards, each thinking about their own stuff. Regulus is glad he finally made up with Remus and hopes that the transformation this night will be at least a bit less painful for his best friend. He knows better than anyone how even a minor change in Remus’ emotions or feelings can affect the wolf on the full moon.
‘How do you like going to Hogsmeade? I thought we could talk at the Three Broomsticks and maybe replenish your stocks of chocolate at Honeydukes?’ Regulus finally says, breaking the silence.
‘Excellent idea. Is it okay if Barty and Evan come along? We could also invite girls. Haven’t hung out with that lot since last term.’
‘Sure, I kind of missed being all together. Are Crouch and Rosier still refusing to admit there’s sexual tension between them?’
Remus lets out a laugh. ‘I don’t think either of them will have the balls to talk about their feelings until one of them is on the verge of death. It’s becoming painful to be with them at the dorm, they’re projecting their shit onto me.’
Regulus rolls his eyes. ‘Can imagine that. Now what about your love interest? Any progress so far?’
Regulus found out last Halloween that Remus fancied someone from his year, but never pushed him to reveal their identity. He doesn’t understand why Remus wouldn’t tell him their name or at least their house, because Regulus is sure that whoever they are, he will be more than happy for his friend if he ends up with the person he likes.
‘I actually talked to them once,’ Remus bites his lip. ‘They were staring at me while I was reading here, and I kind of told them to fuck off. They called me bastard. Three times, to be precise.’
‘You know, Lupin, I shouldn’t be surprised you suck at love if that’s how you act around someone you fancy. Thank Merlin that they didn’t punch you, because I sure would, if I were them.’
‘I doubt you would, Black. You love me too much.’
‘Don’t overestimate my feelings for you.’
‘And I’m actually good at love, when I’m not the one to give it.’
‘Sounds depressing.’
Remus sighs. ‘Guess it does. Shall we go now?’ Remus says, grabbing his things and waiting for Regulus to follow him.
Regulus, Remus, Barty, and Evan end up at a corner table at the Three Broomsticks drinking butterbeer and waiting for Pandora and Dorcas to join them. Regulus can swear he saw Dorcas in the alley with that McKinnon girl again, and his suspicions grow exponentially. The snitch is safely hidden under his cloak, and he’s almost sure he knows what exactly Meadows needs it for.
‘So, Lupin, what’s with that matter you’ve been dying to tell us?’ Evan asks finally.
Remus abruptly places his glass on the table, drawing the attention of his friends.
‘Well, I met someone in the summer.’
‘Did you shag her?’ Barty smirks, sipping from his glass.
‘Why do you assume it’s a she?’ Evan leans on the back of his chair, an eyebrow raised.
Remus lets out a laugh, locking his eyes with Regulus. Regulus gives him a questioning look, and Remus just shakes his head.
‘D’you think we wouldn’t know our Lupin fancies dudes if he did?’ Barty says, raising an eyebrow in response.
‘Barty, no offence, but your gaydar is shit if you think I’m into gals,’ Remus smirks, enjoying the way Barty’s face takes on a surprised expression, meanwhile Regulus chokes on his drink, clearly not expecting Remus to come out to them just like that. Remus lets out a laugh and passes him a napkin.
‘No way, Lupin. You’re kidding, mate. It’s a joke, right?’ Barty murmurs, his eyes widening. Had Crouch been holding his glass, Regulus is sure it would have shattered into a million pieces by now from the strain.
‘It’s none of your business who he shags, Barty. It’s 70s, for Merlin’s sake, be more open-minded, would you? If you start acting like shit just because one of your friends is gay, I swear I’ll crucio you till you forget your own name,’ Evan says angrily.
Now it's time for Regulus’ eyes to widen as he suppresses a laugh. He didn’t expect Barty’s reaction to affect Evan like that, considering that Evan doesn’t lose his temper easily.
‘I’m afraid you can’t do it, Rosier. Shughorn is still waiting for your essay on Everlasting Elixirs, you can’t end up in Azkaban just yet,’ Remus winks, getting back to his drink.
Barty finally recovers, ‘Shit, Lupin, I’m sorry. I swear I didn’t mean to sound rude or whatever, I just didn’t expect such a turn of events,’ he says apologetically, rubbing the back of his head. ‘As for you, Rosier, I didn’t think you’d take your best mate for a homophobe. I may be a dick sometimes, but I’m not like my dad. I don’t judge people by their preferences, so fuck you for thinking otherwise.’
Evan tenses up, ready to throw another punchline, when Remus puts his hand on his thigh. ‘Lads, I’m grateful you lot are so supportive, but let’s not turn it into something bigger, yeah?’
Barty is about to say something in protest when the doorbell rings, announcing the arrival of Pandora and Dorcas. They wave their hands and smile broadly, approaching the table where Regulus, Barty, Evan, and Remus are sat.
Remus quickly removes his hand from Evan’s thigh, ignoring Barty’s annoyed look. Regulus isn’t sure if Barty’s annoyance is due to Evan’s threats to torture him for alleged homophobia, or because he can’t tolerate anyone else touching his best mate.
‘Hi, losers,’ Dorcas says as she takes off her coat and sits next to Remus.
‘Did we miss something?’ Pandora asks, hiding her gloves in her pockets and looking at each of them one by one. ‘The aura here is...Not to my likings. I wish I had brought crystals with me to clean it, but I suppose we’ll just have to change the topic of your previous conversation.’
‘Can anyone tell me what’s going on here?’ Dorcas raises an eyebrow and waits expectantly.
‘Sure, Dor. Remus just came out as gay,’ Regulus brushes it off like it’s not a big deal, deciding to leave aside the argument between Barty and Evan.
‘No way,’ Dorcas whispers, taking Remus’ hands in hers. He just smiles and nods, affirming Regulus words.
‘See, that’s what I said, and Evan threatened to fucking crucio me!’ Barty cries.
‘Boys will be boys,’ Pandora says thoughtfully as Evan starts raising his voice again.
Barty and Evan start shouting at each other with drinks in their hands, Pandora sits closer to Remus and starts telling him about nargles and the tarot cards she made in the summer, and Regulus sees a perfect opportunity to finally talk to Dorcas one-on-one. He nods his head towards the door and stands up, expecting her to follow him outside.
‘So, Meadows, you still need that snitch?’ he asks as she follows him to the alley.
‘I do, but I heard that James was caught breaking in Hooch’s office couple of weeks ago, so I figured you wouldn’t take any risks now,’ Dorcas replies, leaning on the stone wall. Regulus ignores how Dorcas called Potter by his first name, though he doubts it was just a slip of a tongue. Meadows, however, doesn’t seem to notice any changes in Regulus’ expression. ‘I wonder why he did it, though. Didn’t take him for a thief.’
‘Who told you he was one?’ Regulus winks at her, taking a golden sphere from under his cloak and spinning it in his hands. ‘Potter just happened to be at the wrong place at the right time.’
Dorcas just opens her mouth in shock.
‘Merlin, you did it! Reg, I’m stunned,’ she says happily, when her expression suddenly changes. ‘But Potter had a snitch on him-’
‘No, he didn’t. He was caught with a parchment I transfigured into a snitch,’ Regulus says smugly. ‘The initial plan was to break into the office and replace your snitch with the fake one, but Potter showed up out of nowhere, so I had to leave quickly. Then I realized I could simply put the blame on him without having to return to the office, so when he was distracted I put the fake snitch into his pocket.’ Regulus skips the part about how close they were and how he could feel James’ breath on his ear. He feels his cheeks turn hot as he thinks of the memory, so he bends down pretending to tie his shoelaces.
Dorcas comes up to him and puts her hands on his shoulders, looking like she’ll burst into tears any second.
‘Reg, I’m forever grateful, you can’t imagine how much it means to me.’
Regulus rises and straightens his back. ‘I didn’t think that some prank on McKinnon would mean so much to you,’ he says suspiciously, watching Dorcas’ cheeks turn red. ‘Or is there something you’re not telling me? Don’t you think I deserve to know why I broke the school rules and framed James?’
Dorcas sighs. ‘Okay, you got me, I have a thing with Marlene. Are you satisfied now?’
‘Indeed I am,’ he replies. ‘Seriously, Meadows, I’m happy for you, even though your girl is a Gryffindor.’
‘She’s very nice, you know,’ Dorcas says shyly. ‘She makes me very happy, Reg.’
‘You deserve happy, Dor.’
‘You deserve happy, too,’ she smiles at him softly.
‘Thank you,’ Regulus says quietly. ‘Now let’s get back, we still haven’t heard Remus’ story about the dude he shagged in the summer.’
‘Guess me and Pandora came just on time,’ Dorcas grins, taking the snitch from Regulus’ hands and heading back to the Three Broomsticks.
‘Where’ve you been?’ Barty asks as Regulus and Dorcas approach the table.
‘None of your business, Crouch,’ Dorcas throws, winking at Regulus.
Regulus notices that Evan and Barty look much calmer now, so he assumes they must’ve reconciled. Pandora is lying on Remus’ lap as he strokes her hair with his fingers.
‘So,’ Remus clears his throat, ‘as I was saying.’ He pauses for a second and when he makes sure that everyone’s eyes except Pandora’s are on him, he continues, ‘I met this guy at a local shop. He refused to sell me cigarettes, so I showed him my passport with a changed birthdate. I enchanted it for such cases,’ he explains. ‘Turned out he graduated from Hogwarts himself, so he felt my magic and didn’t buy it. He looked cute, so I decided to flirt my way into getting cigarettes and I suggested that we go on a date if I get the fags. It was risky because I didn’t know how he would react but he agreed, and basically that’s how it all started.’
‘Can’t believe you manipulated him into selling you fags,’ Dorcas laughs.
‘Well, technically, Remus didn’t manipulate him. It was a win-win situation, though Remus clearly benefited more as he got both cigarettes and a boyfriend,’ Regulus says knowingly.
‘What is his name?’ Pandora asks thoughtfully. ‘We have to make sure his energy is good for you’.
Remus keeps on stroking her hair, letting out a laugh. ‘Alwyn.’
Pandora smiles. ‘I can see a lot of green around his name. That’s a good sign.’
‘Thanks, Pan. I’m glad you’re approving of him,’ Remus gently kisses her on the head as she rises from his thigh and takes a vertical position.
‘D’you plan to see him again on Christmas?’ Evan asks.
‘I do, he’s a very nice lad. We both decided we’re better off as friends. It’s pretty hard to be in a long distance relationship.’
Barty squints his eyes suspiciously. ‘Are you better off as friends because of the distance, or is it because you fancy someone at Hogwarts?’
‘It is one of the reasons, yes,’ Remus smiles sadly. ‘I couldn’t have anything serious with Alwyn because I knew I could never give him more.’
Pandora squizes his hand in support. ‘That’s for the best, Remus. At least you’ve got yourself a friend.’
‘And cigarettes,’ Dorcas adds.
‘Who knows, mate, maybe this year that boy will look at you the same way,’ Barty says supportively.
‘Yeah, maybe,’ Remus replies distantly. ‘Shall we go to Honeydukes now? I haven’t eaten chocolate for ages.’
‘But you had a chocolate frog this morning,’ Evan notices.
‘Exactly, Rosier. For ages,’ Remus says as the company leaves the Three Broomsticks.
‘The letter you were writing in the library, it wasn’t meant for Hope, was it?’ Regulus asks when he and Remus sit themselves comfortably in front of the fireplace in Slytherin common room after dinner.
‘No, it wasn’t,’ Remus smiles softly. ‘I was writing to Alwyn, he’d promised not to bother me until I decided to write to him first.’
‘How sweet of him. You got yourself a respectful friend.’
‘Indeed. It would be disastrous if he inundated me with weekly letters.’
‘You’re lucky he’s understanding, then.’
‘Yeah, I guess. I was actually telling him about our argument and asking his opinion on it,’ Remus says casually. ‘No details about the nature of it, though, so don’t worry,’ he adds. ‘But I have to rewrite the letter now because of you.’
Regulus feels warmth in his chest. It’s not that hard to keep someone’s personal struggles a secret but most people don’t care about it. He’s glad that Remus pays attention to such minor yet important things and respects him enough to keep Regulus’ private life private.
‘Oh really, Lupin? I’m sorry I’m causing you so much trouble. Should I take my apologies back?’ Regulus asks, slightly raising his voice.
‘Don’t you dare, Black,’ Remus grimaces threateningly, though smiling with the corners of his mouth.
Regulus grins.
‘Was never my intention,’ he replies.
‘By the way, I haven’t had a chance to tell you but Slughorn gave me and Barty Felix Felicis, so one of the two luckiest men at Hogwarts is sitting right in front of you.’
‘Impressive. Did you imperio him or something?’
‘Ouch, Black, we would never,’ Remus pretends to look hurt. ‘We just brewed the Draught of Living Death, and he said, I quote, “incredible work”.'
‘What are you planning to use it for, then? You know, there’s this Quidditch match against Gryffindor soon, so maybe you could help a friend out?’ Regulus raises an eyebrow, smirking.
‘You wish,’ Remus says, tousling Regulus’ hair and looking at the clock above the fireplace. ‘Shit, Reg, I gotta go. The moon is calling,' Remus smiles sadly.
‘S’okay, I’ll see you in the morning. Chocolate frogs will be waiting for you.’
‘And I’ll be looking forward to eating them,’ Remus says as he leaves the dorm, waving Regulus goodbye.