Evan never felt like enough for Barty, it was never an inferiority thing, but Barty had the average high sex drive of a teenage boy and Evan, for lack of a better explanation, just didn't. He rarely had a sex drive, and he avoided thinking about sex most of the time. Barty, on the other hand, could make sex jokes or innuendos day and night. Of course, if he thought that someone around him was uncomfortable with the jokes, he'd stop, but the jokes were still present.
And Evan barely understood why he never felt like he wasn't enough for Barty because it's not like Barty tries to seduce him or compel him into having sex. Barty was always respectful when Evan said he wasn't in the mood, he'd always smile and say, "That's alright, we don't have to," and nod. It made Evan feel safe, but deep down he hated turning Barty down, but he was rarely ever in the mood. He can't force attraction. He wishes he could, because then maybe he could give Barty what he wanted.
But time after time, Barty proved to be a wonderful boyfriend. He never made Evan feel like he was a bad partner for turning down sex, he never tried to pressure Evan into anything, and during times when they were intimate, he always told Evan that it was okay if he wanted to stop at any time, and when Evan occasionally did ask to stop, Barty would stop immediately. He also made Evan feel comfortable enough to preface makeout sessions with, "I just want you to kiss me, I don't want anything else," and he'd always laugh and nod. It made Evan's heart swell being respected like that.
But as lovely as Barty was to him, Evan couldn't ignore the comments that other Slytherins in their house made. It's hard keeping things private in Hogwarts since everyone is in such close proximity to each other, so Evan usually expected to hear comments like, "Crouch really isn't getting anything from Rosier, huh?" and, "It's a shame, honestly. Rosier seems like he would have a good sex appeal." It made Evan sick to his stomach, he hated pretending not to hear the whispers during the Slytherin common room parties. Usually, he could deal with people being dicks to him since he had quite the mouth on him, usually, he could think of comebacks pretty quickly, but each time he heard the whispers, he was rendered speechless. And what's worse is that people always seemed to start talking when Barty wasn't around, so Evan would always have to deal with it himself.
It's one of the many reasons he wasn't in the common room this Friday. He had an awful and tiring week with exams and he couldn't deal with the whispers from his fellow Slytherins. He was about to head to bed when Barty walked into the dorm room with a half-full drink in hand. He set it down on a random nightstand and walked over to Evan, who was smiling at his boyfriend's appearance.
"Hey," Evan greeted.
"Hey," Barty smiled, pressing a kiss to Evan's forehead, "Why aren't you at the party? You're always there."
Evan shrugged and dropped his smile, replacing it with a small frown, "I'm tired, I guess."
"Yeah," Barty laughed, "Exams will do that to ya', but at least they're over."
"Merlin, I hate exams so much," Evan chuckled lightly and rested his head against Barty's abdomen since his boyfriend was still hovering over him, "They really are pointless," he mumbled.
Barty laughed and ran his fingers through Evan's blonde hair. He enjoyed how soft Evan's hair always was, he really did admire how much his boyfriend took care of his hair. "Utterly pointless."
They stayed like that for a moment, Evan sitting on his bed resting against Barty's abdomen and Barty playing with his hair. Evan thought about pulling Barty down onto the bed and just cuddling him. He wasn't lying when he said that he was tired, but he didn't want to sleep until the party was over so he could sleep next to Barty,
"Are you gonna go back to the party?" Evan mumbled after a while and pulled away from Barty.
"Do you want me to?" He asked, cupping Evan's face lovingly.
Evan shook his head, "No.. not really."
"Then, no. I'll stay here with you," He stepped back and started taking off some of the bracelets he collected while at the party. That was something Evan always found interesting. During every party, Barty seemed to come back to the dorms with an assortment of bracelets and necklaces, he had always wondered where they came from or who was passing them out. He found it funny, really.
Barty walked toward his dresser to change into more comfortable clothes and pulled out a jumper and sweatpants then looked over to Evan, who was just eying the jumper with puppy eyes. Barty chuckled and threw it to the blonde, who smiled at the gesture. Barty pulled out a different jumper from his dresser and started changing. Evan did the same.
Barty looked over to Evan and let a small smile fall onto his face. He'd seen Evan naked before and he's planted kisses all across the porcelain skin, and yet time after time he always thought Evan was like a sculpture. He had never been interested in art much until it came to Evan. Honestly, he thought everything about Evan was perfect, he never expressed it much though. He and Evan weren't the sentimental type of couple, no. They were the type of couple to banter with each other and play pranks on each other, but both boys loved it that way.
He walked over to Evan and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, nothing too bold or suggestive, but enough to show his love. He helped Evan pull the jumper down his waist and a, "You're very handsome," left his lips.
Evan turned around with a smile and wrapped his arms around Barty's neck, "Really?"
Barty kept his hands on Evan's waist and nodded, "Love, you're stunning."
"I think you're stunning too," Evan muttered as he pressed his lips to Barty's.
It was a sweet kiss, lovely and slow. Passion-inducing, even. Evan's arms were still around Barty's neck and Barty pulled them closer together. Somewhere along the line, they made it to the bed and Evan was now giggling into the kiss a bit, and so was Barty. His hands stayed at Evan's waist, never traveling lower or higher and never suggesting anything more, just sweet playful kisses between the two.
A small pit of anxiety settled in Evan's chest. He was familiar with this feeling, it often happened in situations like this where they were often shy of something sexual, and when things were sexual, he could feel the anxiety all around his body. He couldn't ever distract himself from it. He pulled away from the kiss and steadied his shaky hands on Barty's shoulder. He closed his eyes and breathed a bit to calm himself. Barty was about to ask if he was alright when he blurted, "We should... continue."
"Continue as in sex?" Barty asked curiously and Evan nodded. Barty hummed out, "Are you sure?" and Evan nodded again, but Barty still wasn't convinced. He had been with a few partners before Evan, he knew what genuine consent looked like, and he definitely knew what Evan's consent looked like. This wasn't it. This was forced, he could tell, "We really don't have to if you don't want to."
"Barty," Evan masked his anxiety, "I said sure."
Sure. Barty replayed it in his head. Not a yes, a sure. He just barely stopped his eyebrows from furrowing together and just nodded. He carefully pulled Evan off of his lap and laid him against the bed. He wasn't going to have sex with Evan tonight, he knew that. But if Evan didn't want to tell him why he was forcing an attraction, he'd go along with it.
He slipped a hand under Evan's jumper and started touching his chest and began to suck on his neck. He never went lower than Evan's abdomen and never touched his nipples, just ran his hand up and down. He created the illusion that maybe he would touch Evan in a more suggestive way, but he refused. He wasn't doing this for either of their pleasure, but rather to see if Evan would tell him what was wrong. He sucked a few hickeys onto Evan's neck and peppered Evan's jaw with kisses but pulled away once he heard Evan sniffle.
"Evan, love," Barty pulled his hand out from under Evan's jumper, "You're crying."
Evan looked away from Barty and choked back a few sobs. He put on a mask again when he said, "You like making your partners cry. I've heard you talk about it before," but his voice wavered at the end.
Barty sighed, "Yeah, I do like making my partners cry... from pleasure, Evan. You're crying because you don't want it."
Evan turned his head away from Barty and wiped at his tears, but it was pointless since they were still streaming down his face anyway. "Just continue," he whispered.
"Fine," Barty said sternly, "If you won't call it, I will. Red."
Evan let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, and the air suddenly got easier to breathe. Red. They wouldn't be having sex at all tonight. Red meant stop everything. Evan sat up and hugged Barty, "Thank you."
Barty pulled Evan onto his lap again and rubbed a hand over his back. He kissed Evan's head and held him softly. "Do you wanna tell me what you were trying to accomplish with that stunt, baby?"
Evan stayed quiet for a minute and looked into Barty's eyes. He saw the concern and love. It only made him want to cry more. He breathed out, "Are you really okay with barely getting sex from me? From our relationship?"
Confusion flashed across Barty's face and his eyebrows furrowed together, "Of course, I'm okay with it. Where is all this coming from?"
Evan shrugged and wiped his tears again, "I hear people talk about me... us, I suppose. They say things about how you never get it from me and how it's impossible that you're not cheating on me. I don't know, it just gets to me sometimes."
"Oh, Evan," Barty's face softened, "Fuck those people. They don't know anything about us."
"No, I know. It's just..." Evan trailed off and bit his lip, "It's just I think I might be asexual."
Barty tilted his head a bit, "I don't think I know what that is, please tell me though."
"It's kind of like a spectrum of sexual attraction. There are people who feel sexual attraction for people they have a strong bond and emotional connection with and then there are people who feel little to no sexual attraction... And I think I'm one of those people. It's nothing to do with you, you're really handsome. Sexy, if you prefer, but I don't know. My mind, my body, it just won't let me feel that way for you," Evan explained, looking off to the side when he did, "I still feel a romantic attraction to you, I just... I don't know."
"Ev, why didn't you tell me about this before?"
"I didn't know there was even a term for it until a few days ago and, I mean, I was scared," Evan shrugged.
"Why were you scared?" Barty asked, taking Evan's hands into his own.
"What if I'm not enough for you? What if one day I wake up and decide that you could never touch me like that again? I mean, it's just that I don't think I ever want to have sex. Would you be willing to give that part of your life up for me?" Tears started to form in Evan's eyes again.
"If one day you woke up and told me that I couldn't touch you like that again," Barty paused and kissed Evan's hands, "I'd come over and say you looked lovely because you're more than enough. We don't have to have sex for me to know that I love you."
Evan let his tears stream down his face and smiled, "You love me?"
"Yes, I do. I really, really do," Barty smiled. He hadn't said that to Evan before. Why hadn't he said that to him before? It's as true now as the day they met.
"Say it again," Evan rested his head against Barty's chest.
"I love you, I love you, I love you," Barty repeated, "Evan Rosier, I love you."
"I love you too," Evan cried and let Barty hold him, "so much, more than you could know."
They stayed like that for a while, content and happy in each other's arms. It felt nice to be loved by one another, and it felt Evan felt even better with that anxiety and weight lifted off his chest. He wondered if you could miss a memory while it's happening, because he missed hearing Barty telling him he was lovely. He smiled to himself.
"You won't touch me?" Evan asked, his voice soft with sleepiness.
"No, I won't. You're too lovely," Evan smiled and pulled the blanket over them both and they kissed just to kiss. It was sweet and loving, a memory neither would ever forget.