The First Day
I sat up straight in my bed, something was wrong. It was too dark, what happened to the fairy lights I had up all around my room? Not to mention I felt off, like my body was too small, that wasn’t a negative per say, but it was cause for concern. I felt around in the dark for my phone, which led to more questions. What happened to my sheets and blankets? What happened to my pillows?
Someone knocked a wall that was far too close to me to be in my room anywhere near the bed.
“Up! Get Up! Now!” a shrill voice said.
Oh no, this was far too familiar.
There was more knocking next to me and the voice repeated, “Up!”
I reached up, flailing for a cord, and found one. Pulling on it turned on a dim old light, and my fears were confirmed true. I was Harry Potter.
“This is fine,” I said in shock, a voice I wasn’t used to escaping my lips. “I’ve read and watched the Harry Potter series more times than anyone else I know!” Well, personally at least, there are some people on that discord server that scared me.
“Are you up yet?” Petunia said before rapping her knuckles on the door again.
I could figure out what was happening later, right now I needed to keep from getting in trouble with the monsters I currently live with. I left the cupboard under the stairs, and found my way to the kitchen.
*Not good. The layout’s more like the books than the movies. That means Hogwarts will be a nightmare to navigate.*
Allowing my newfound muscle memory to find where the frying pans were, I began making scrambled eggs for the Dursleys.
Clearly not everything was as the book described it, however. Vernon didn’t seem as fat as the books described him, and he definitely had a defined (if barley) neck. Petunia also didn’t seem quite as much of a stick as the books made her seem, and not as long a neck. JK must have had some weird proportions in her head. With luck, Hogwarts wouldn’t be horrible.
“You need a haircut,” Vernon grumbled.
I felt my hair was too short now, but I simply plated the eggs.
“What’s this, boy?” Vernon said angrily. I winced.
“Eggs, sir?” I tried.
“You’ve made them all wrong! There’s no milk, and it’s hardly mixed!”
“Sorry sir,” I said hurriedly. “I’ll make them again, sir.” I took the eggs and set them aside for myself, specifically in a spot the Dursleys wouldn’t spot them. I hadn’t even meant to make myself eggs, I was proud of myself.
“How many are there!?” I heard Dudley cry.
“Thirty-six, counted them myself.” Vernon said.
“Thirty-six? But last year -- last year it was thirty seven!”
*Well that’s the movies, not the books. This is going to be an annoying amalgamation isn’t it. Well, at least that way it won’t be all crazy nonsense you can only get away with in books, like the confusing halls of Hogwarts.*
I plated the eggs again, staying as far from Dudley, who looked much more like the movie version than the book version. Still blond though.
“It’s okay Diddums,” Petunia said. “While we’re at the Zoo today, we’ll buy you two new presents.”
*Okay, now, options, first those nuts on tiktok were right, and you’ve been thinking about Harry Potter too much, second, all those “I became insert character” stories were actually autobiographies, in which case I’m writing everything down in a hidden notebook, or third option, this isn’t real and the real me thought this would be funny. . . It’s probably one of the last two. In either case, hi there readers!*
The phone rang in the other room, and Petunia went to answer it.
*I’m making Harry trans. . . again, but this time I get to have the better than normal HRT, I will miss my friends at home though.*
“Bad news, Vernon,” Petunia said. “Mrs. Fig tripped over one of her cats and can’t watch him.”
“What about your friend from work?”
“She’s on holiday. What about Marge?”
“She’d never agree to it, you know she hates the boy.”
I knew this wouldn’t work, but I had to give it a shot.
“I could stay here.”
“And come home to the house nothing but ash? It’s not an option.”
“We could bring him along?” Petunia said. “And leave him in the car?”
“I’m not leaving him in there alone, he’ll ruin the upholstery.”
Dudley, who seemed to finally have caught up to the conversation, said, “but I don’t want him to come!” in a tone more suiting my five year old little sister than it did the eleven year old boy.
“I know Duddy,” Petunia said as though talking to a toddler “But there’s nothing else we can do.”
*I’m definitely going to hate this.*
________________________________________________
I soon found myself dressed in the least raggedy and oversized clothes available to me, squished between Dudley, and Piers Polkiss, a boy that looked remarkably like a younger version of the man who played Peter Pettigrew.
Vernon was ranting in the front seat about a whole lot of things, somehow all coming back to Harry, or rather now, me.
I don’t care about any stinking blood wards, I’m renting a room at the leaky cauldron as soon as I can.
As we got out of the car -- I had no idea what make or model, but it was a gross looking greenish gray and had four doors. *That’s called a sedan, right?* -- Vernon pulled me aside and leaned close to my face.
“Now you listen here, boy, if there’s any funny business, anything at all, you’ll be in your cupboard for a week.”
“Yes sir,” I said, keeping a calm face. “Nothing will happen, sir.”
Vernon gave a dark chuckle. “You’ve finally decided to show me proper respect. Keep it up and I might let you eat at the table tomorrow morning.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said, while trying not to gag.
*All the theories why Vernon and Petunia are such terrible people and it turns out it’s just some sort of superiority complex.*
I surprised Petunia by saying I didn’t want anything at the Ice Cream stand, and Surprised Dudley when I offered him my soggy fries at lunch.
“Wha’s gotten into you,” he asked, taking the fries from me. “You’re acting strange today.”
“I just don’t like them,” I said. *Stupid sensory issues staying. Now Harry’s a minorly autistic transgendered girl. Take that Rowling.*
In the reptile house, I stayed away from everything. As interested as I was to find out how Parseltoung worked, I was more interested in not getting locked in the cupboard until the first letter arrived.
We went home with no problems, I ate the scraps and my hidden eggs that night, and Dudley opened all his presents.
“Hey Dud,” Piers said after all the presents were put away. “Want to play our favorite game?”
Dudley turned to me with a predatory grin.
*I’m going to take a page out of every smart Harry fanfic I’ve read and hide in the library.