October 25th, 1976
Marlene loves writing songs.
She loves scribbling down lyrics she thinks have potential, she loves strumming her guitar and finding new melodies, she loves the process of making songs and the faces of her friends when she plays for them.
She finds her inspiration in everything and anything.
She wrote songs about her girlfriend, Remus’ favourite book, her favourite memories, when the sun is setting and the sky turns different shades of orange, the daily states of James’ hair, autumn, Lily’s buttons collection, and the posters in Mary’s side of the room.
She often writes songs for her friends’ birthdays and calls them presents. But as much as she loves music, the song she is trying to write for Sirius’ birthday is kind of kicking her ass.
She is sitting in her bed, hair hold up by her wand and guitar in hands. She is trying to find a melody, something that feels like Sirius.
She knows him like the back of her hand, they are halves of the same person. She has a lot of things to say about him, lots of song she could write. Nothing feels good enough.
She could sing about the time they got high, kissed and came out to each other afterwards but it wouldn’t be the best way to say, “love you, happy birthday”. She could write about his habit of hiding his shameful records and the time she found his secret ABBA records collection, but it might get her in trouble. She could sing about the time he made her laugh so hard, she almost pissed herself, but it would be flattering for him and really embarrassing for her.
She sighs and starts pacing in the middle of the dorm. She needs to think. What does she want to say to Sirius? What meaning does she want to put behind the song?
She would like to say “I love you” in a subtle way, something to show him she cares and is proud of him for running away. It was his only option. He would’ve died in this house, she knows it. It changed him, made him a different person. He can finally express himself and his identity. It took a toll on his mental health but he kept fighting and came out stronger. Marlene admires him for that.
She slumps back in her bed and start scribbling down lyrics as they pop up in her head. She tears up the page, scribbles more lyrics and scraps some others as the song starts to look like something playable.
November 3rd, 1976
Marlene knocks on the door decorated with balloons, a bottle of muggle wine and her guitar in hands. They decided to meet up in the boys’ dorm before Sirius’ birthday party in the common room to get ready and pregame together. James opens the door with a grin on his face.
“Hiya Marls.” His glasses are crooked and his hair looks like a right mess. He is wearing an opened light blue shirt with a white tee-shirt underneath and a pair of cuffed jeans. He put on his signature red converses and some rings.
She ruffles his hair and enters the dorm.
Black, silver and red balloons are attached to the furnitures and stuck to the ceiling. Confetti are falling without ever touching the floor and David Bowie is playing on the record player. The window is cracked open, an ashtray balancing on the windowsill.
“Hello!” Marlene greets the room.
Mary is sitting cross-legged in front of the mirror and is doing her eyeliner. Lily is hunched over Peter’s nails and is painting each one in a different colour while he is just lying on the floor, propped on his elbows. They are chatting together. Remus seems already ready; he is sitting next to the window with his book in hand and a cigarette between his lips. His nails are painted in a dark red shade which matches his cardigan.
James hands her a cup of liquor and sits next to her on Sirius’ bed.
“Where’s Sirius? We’re literally there for him.” Marlene asks after taking a sip of straight Fire Whiskey. She will not let James mix her drinks for the rest of the night.
“Bathroom.” Remus answers without looking up from his book.
“Yea, he’s been in there forever.” Peter adds.
“He’s trying to find an outfit for the party.” James whispers to her.
“Oh my god, we’re never leaving.” Marlene sighs, exasperated.
“I heard that!” Sirius says from the bathroom.
“Hurry up then, for Merlin’s sake Sirius!” Mary yells.
The door to the bathroom flies opens and Sirius comes out with a shit eating grin plastered on his face. He is wearing black bell bottom jeans with a cropped Led Zeppelin tee-shirt and a black vest. He put on his black boots, some silver rings and bracelets. He let his hair down and smudged eyeliner on his water line.
David Bowie is singing Lady Stardust in the background and Marlene thinks it’s a funny coincidence. She whistles and the rest of the room cheer him. He spins around to show the whole outfit and Mary starts to bark at him.
“You’re so good at talking with guys.” Lily muses. Mary sends her the finger.
Remus puts out his cigarette and stands up. “You look good.” He compliments Sirius.
He blushes. “Just good?” He looks up to Remus.
“Sexy.” Remus smiles and kisses him.
“Oh my god! Disgusting.” Marlene fakes a gag.
“You get used to it.” James reassures her.
“Really?” Lily asks, looking at them through the mirror where she is straightening her hair.
“Fuck no.” Peter is scandalized. “It’s horrible.”
“Come on, Pete.” Sirius jokes.
“You don’t hear yourself scream at 3 am.” He mumbles. The room erupts in laughter.
They all sit on the hardwood floor, sharing bottles between them. The ashtray is sitting in the middle of the circle, next to Sirius’ wrapped presents. Marlene is sharing a cigarette with Mary, who’s absentmindedly braiding Lily’s hair.
James interrupts the conversation. “Time for your presents!” He excitedly claps. He looks happier than Sirius himself, but Marlene suspects he tasted the drinks before handing them out.
Peter puts a pointy birthday hat on Sirius’ head and gives him his first present. It’s a little metal box. Lily sends a confused look to Marlene. Sirius smiles at Peter and opens the box to reveal ten rolled cigarettes.
“Is that weed?” Sirius asks, his smile growing bigger.
“Indeed it is, my dear Sirius.”
Never mind then, ten rolled spliffs.
“Thank you Wormy.” Sirius closes the box and puts it in his vest’s pocket.
“Wait, there’s something else.” Peter gets up and run to his bedside table. He grabs something out of his bottom drawer and comes back with a box of chocolate.
“For the munchies.” He says as he throws the box to Sirius.
“Can I have one now please?” Remus quietly asks. Marlene hears it and chuckles.
Sirius gives him the box of chocolate and grabs another present. “That’s mine.” Mary says.
It’s another little box but this time, it’s black velvet instead of metal. Sirius innocently shakes it before opening it.
Lily and Remus gasp when they see the ring with a silver lion on it. Sirius looks up confused. “What’s wrong? You don’t like the ring?” He asks as he slides it on his index.
“It’s a muggle luxury brand.” Mary explains. “It’s called Gucci. They do a lot of cute stuff, that’s where I got the purse you like so much.”
Sirius gasps, smiles and shoves the ring under James’ eyes. “Look at it, it’s so beautiful.”
“Yes, it’s very you.” James answers as he looks at the ring closely.
“I know!” Sirius exclaims, very excited. “I love it, thank you Mary.” He gets up and gives her a quick hug.
“I thought it could replace the black family ring you lost. A lion for Gryffindor, you know.” She blushes.
“Thank you.” Sirius repeats, fondly smiling at her.
“That’s oddly thoughtful for a cold-hearted bitch like you.” Peter blurts out.
“That’s what I was thinking!” Marlene says. They high-five before they both receive a slap behind the head. The others laugh.
The next present is from Lily. It’s a red and brown knitted sweater, large enough to fit Remus. “I thought you could use a sweater that is just yours and not Remus’.” She shrugs.
“I love it, Lils.” He holds it up to get a good look at it.
“Did you spray my cologne on it?” Remus asks, eyeing Lily.
“I may or may not did.” She smirks back at him. He shakes his head but laughs, nonetheless.
“My turn!” James exclaims. It startles Peter.
“You mean, our turn?” Remus looks at him.
“Yea, sorry.” He says sheepishly as he runs a hand through his hair.
Remus nudges him. “Go on, give him the present.”
James hands Sirius an envelope. He delicately opens it. He reads the piece of paper and his head snaps up. The three other boys are looking at him with big smiles.
“Are these real?” Sirius asks, the shock clear in his voice.
“Yes.” Remus answers calmly. “My mum has a friend who works at the venue, we got cheaper tickets.”
“I have no idea how any of it works.” James adds. “Remus and Lily tried to explain but muggles are complicated. You can thank Moony for it, really.”
“Shut up, you paid half of them.” Remus says as he blows smoke.
“I have no idea what’s going on.” Mary sighs.
“We’re seeing Queen.” Sirius jumps up. “We’re seeing Queen!” He screams.
Marlene fondly smiles as Sirius jumps in Remus arms, thanking him a thousand times. He opens an arm for James to join and Remus grabs Peter. They all hug and jumps around the room in anticipation.
“I can’t believe it.” Sirius runs a hand through his hair. “Thank you so much guys.” He kisses Remus and hugs James again.
Sirius is the biggest Queen’s fan Marlene knows. He was the one who introduced her to their music and forced her to learn their song on the guitar. He deserves this more than anyone.
“You’re last, Marls.” Sirius says and sits back down. He is holding Remus’ hand, his smile not leaving his face.
She starts to get nervous. “I wrote you a song. It’s not much but I think it’s my best one so far.” She gets up to grabs the guitar she left on Sirius’ bed and sits down at the end of it.
James stops the record and they all gather at the feet of the bed.
She played multiple times in front of them, and she has never been nervous. They all gave him great presents; she clearly cannot compare to Queen’s tickets. What if he doesn’t like the song?
She shakes her head and makes sure the guitar is tuned. She clears her throat and starts playing.
“You were riding your bike to the sound of ‘it’s no big deal’
And you’re trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels
Nothing about the way you were treated ever seemed alarming ‘til now
So you tie up your hair and you smile like it’s no big deal”
She is too scared to look up and see her friends’ reactions. Now that she sings it, the song seems silly. She never wrote anything serious, her songs are always fun and danceable, the kind who get stuck in your head easily. She doesn’t really do sad and soppy songs.
« Matilda, you talk of the pain like it’s all alright
But I know that you feel like a piece of you’s dead inside
You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days
It’s none of my business but it’s just been on my mind »
At the time, she thought it would be sweet to put ‘Matilda’ instead of Sirius. It’s a glimpse in the past, a good memory. They were in the Great Hall eating dinner and they were talking about what they would be called if they were born the opposite sex. They all thought Lily would be something along the lines of River or another nature related name and Peter came up with Matilda for Sirius. He thought it sounded posh and kind of sexy which Mary and James agreed on.
She thought putting a bit of humour in her song would help hide the sad lyrics.
« Anywhere you go, you don’t need a reason
Cause they never showed you love
You don’t have to be sorry for doing it on your own »
These lines refers to his runaway. It’s not very metaphorical but Marlene thought it would be useless to sugar coat it. Sirius run away. That’s the truth. He run away from an abusive household to survive. Marlene is proud of him.
“You framed all your posters and died your clothes, ooh
You don’t have to go
You don’t have to go home
Oh, there’s a long way to go”
He always dreaded going back to that place. He hated it. And Marlene couldn’t do anything to help. She had to let him go, terrified he would get hurt or worse. James and she had to stay with him multiple nights in a row after the holidays because of the nightmares. She had to bandage his cuts because he was too scared everyone else would freak out. She’s glad he left. She wouldn’t have let him go back another time.
“I don’t believe that time will change your mind
In other words
I know they won’t hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go »
Sirius is strong, stronger than most sixteen years old. He has a maturity and a sense of justice like no other and is always ready to defend the people who cannot defend themselves. He grew up fighting a battle no child should ever fight and protecting his little brother while doing it. Marlene knows that on the hardest nights, Sirius misses his brother. He was the only reason he stayed and she knows he waited so long to run away because he wanted Regulus to come with him. He did his best.
“You can let it go
You can throw a party full of everyone you know
You can start a family who will always show you love
You don’t have to be sorry for doing it on your own »
She strums the last chords and looks up. Mary has tears-stained cheeks and is holding onto Lily, who also has red eyes. James is standing up, so people don’t see him crying. Remus and Peter aren’t crying but they look sad. Remus has an arm around Sirius’ shoulders, who's fully leaning on him. He isn’t crying, he doesn’t look sad at all. He is looking at her with a blank face.
Fuck. He didn’t like it, it was too personal and he thought it was inappropriate. She is about to apologize but Sirius abruptly stands up.
“I loved it.” He whispers as tears quietly roll down his cheeks.
“Really?” She is still not convinced.
He takes a few steps and laces his arms around her back. She leans in the hug and puts her arms around his waist. “I love you too.” He whispers in her ear. She squeezes him harder and tears starts to fill up in her eyes. “Thank you so much. For everything.” Sirius adds.
“Oh my god, stop it. You guys are ruining my make up.” Mary sobs.
They both laugh and swipe their tears away with their hands. Sirius keeps an arm around her shoulders and kisses her head.