what if we're crazy?
Where the hell is Regulus? Pandora thinks, while waiting for her friend to arrive back from dinner. She would be lying if she’d said she didn’t race up to his dorm but that didn’t matter, all that did was talking to Regulus because she almost kissed Lily Freaking Evans last night and she needs her best friend!
She’s been waiting outside the door and when Barty and Ev round the corner absent Regulus, the worry was now starting to set in. Where the hell is he?
“What are you doing here?” she asks, jumping up from where she’d been sitting, leaning against their dorm door.
“We live here,” Barty answers, opening the door to let her in.
“What are you doing here?” Evan asks, jumping over to his bed, quickly followed by Barty. “Cause it's clearly not for us?”
“If you’re looking for Reg,” Barty says, “he and Cas went down to the Quidditch pitch, moving some things around for their practice tomorrow.”
“Ughhh,” Pandora says, throwing herself onto Regulus’ bed. “Do you know when he’ll be back?”
“Nope,” Barty says. “What’s so urgent?”
“I have girl problems,” Pandora says,
“As in you like a girl? Or you have your period?” Barty asks. The problem is I am utterly in love with the most beautiful girl in the world and don't have a clue what to do about it, she thinks. Pandora sits up in time to see Evan smack Barty’s arm.
“What? I’m clarifying.” Barty says, rubbing his arm pretending as though Ev would actually hit him extremely harshly.
“I like a girl, Barty,” she says, and both Evan and Barty turned to look at her. She really hadn’t told anyone other than Reg about Lily. Well using her name at least, it’s pretty much impossible to hide anything from her twin. Just like she’d known about Barty for years, Evan’s known about Pandora’s crush for months but he’s just respectful enough to not demand names.
“You like someone?” Barty asks. “How did I not know about this? Did you know about this?” he asks Evan.
“Yeah,” Evan responds half-truthfully but extremely confidently, always ready to play a minor trick on his boyfriend.
“What?!” Barty exclaims, looking betrayed as Evan tries not to laugh.
“Relax Barty, he doesn’t know who,” Pandora explains, wilfully thinking that will calm down Barty.
“But he did know!” She should know better. “Who else knows?”
“Well Reg, obviously,” Evan says.
“Of course he knows,” Barty says, keeping the betrayed look on his face. “Does Cas?”
“Does Cas what?” Dorcas asks, as she pushes through the door followed by a frowning Regulus.
“Know!” Barty says, giving zero context for the entire conversation.
“Know what? You idiot,” Cas says, jumping down on Barty’s empty bed while Regulus lies down on his own next to Pandora.
“What happened?” Pandora whispers to him, his face looks like it was recovering from a shade of beet red and Cas was smiling too much for having just moved around Quidditch supplies.
“What happened here?” Regulus responds, somewhat rhetorically because they were both being dragged back into the conversation.
“Pandora likes someone,” Barty explains to Cas. “Did you know?”
“Barty!” Evan says, again hitting his arm, guess that answers Reg’s question.
“It’s fine, Ev,” Pandora says, she expected nothing less when she told them.
“You like someone?!” Dorcas exclaims, mimicking Barty’s shocked expression, leaving out the bit of betrayal.
“You told them?” Regulus asks, quiet enough that if the entire focus of the room wasn’t on Pandora no one would have heard.
“You knew?” Cas asks Regulus but immediately re-thinks. “Wait, that’s not surprising. Why did you tell me?” she asks Pandora.
“I’m telling you now,” Pandora says, a weak excuse. The truth was she had wanted to tell Cas for a while but part of her was scared that she would have been able to convince her to do something, at least Regulus was just as terrified as she was.
“Can we circle back to who it is?” Evan asks. “Because Reg’s still the only one who knows that.”
“Well, Lily obviously,” Dorcas says and Pandora’s not sure who said it first but “What?!” managed to leave everyone’s mouth.
“How did you know that?” Pandora asks, had she been that bad at hiding it? Or was Dorcas just a genius? Most likely both.
“I’m the resident lesbian of this group,” she says. “I know everything.”
“Wait so it is Lily?” Barty asks.
“Yes, Barty, it’s Lily,” Reg says, probably just as curious as to how Dorcas knows considering his crush on a certain Gryffindor.
“Cas, why didn’t you say anything?” Pandora asks, it’s a relief to know that Dorcas had known and hadn’t changed in a single way towards her, not that she was expecting it but it’s always a fear stapled in the back of her mind.
“I wanted you to tell me,” she says, and Pandora doesn’t think she’s ever loved her more. “But if you didn’t I was definitely not letting that girl graduate without you saying something.”
Not being able to help herself, Pandora practically jumps over to Dorcas from across the room, hugging her so tight a flash of worry about the strength of her ribs flashes in her mind. “I love you,” Pandora says.
“I- love- you too- Dora,” Dorcas breaths out. “You’re crushing my lungs a little though.”
“Sorry,” Pandora says, she doesn’t let go.
“Does that mean you’re dating her?” Barty asks, as Pandora migrates back next to Reg, who was doing his trademark half-smile he always does when he’s around his friends but also completely lost in thought.
“No, Barty,” Pandora says. “I’m not dating her.”
“You get the chance to be soon,” Cas says. “Right, Reg?”
“Shut up,” he says to her, half-smile turning back to scowl. Now Pandora has never felt more confused. What does Cas mean? What does Regulus know? Damn it! I still need to talk to him about the almost-kiss, Pandora thinks.
“We have a party to go to,” Dorcas says and Regulus falls down on the bed putting his face in his hands.
“Tonight? Because I will kill you if it’s tonight,” Barty says, pointing a warning finger towards Dorcas but still sitting next to Evan, who looks half asleep, resting his head on Barty’s shoulder.
“Not tonight,” Dorcas confirms, looking over to Regulus. “What day did you say?”
“Sunday,” Regulus groans through his hands.
“Did you get the time?” Dorcas asks, and Regulus sits up to glare at her.
“No,” he says, looking completely embarrassed and annoyed, mostly embarrassed.
“Wait!” Barty says. “Regulus got all of us invited to a party?”
“Yep,” Dorcas says, looking proud. “Wanna guess by who?”
Pandora looks over at the boy next to her, instantly she knows who asked and why Regulus looks ready to die of embarrassment.
“Any chance you have a potion on you to knock me out until next week?” Regulus whispers to Pandora.
“No luck,” she whispers back. “Gryffindor party?”
“Yep!” Dorcas says, hearing everything. “And you’re getting a time tomorrow.” She says to Regulus.
“Ugh,” Regulus groans, nearly silently.
“You’re the one who said you’d go,” Dorcas says, so that’s why she was smiling so much on the way in here: a party with Marlene.
“You try getting ambushed by James Potter while you’re packing up books,” Regulus retorts. “It’s impossible to say no and he invited all of us.”
“But he asked you,” Dorcas says.
“Wait!” Evan asks, apparently he is either an incredibly light sleeper or that was just an excuse for lying on Barty’s shoulder. “James Potter asked you to a party?”
“Us!” Reg insists.
“Whatever,” Dorcas says. “We’re going and Panda will see Lily.”
Pandora has never felt her stomach drop so fast. Lily Evans at a party. I’m going to the same party as Lily Evans, Pandora thinks. She and Regulus have been actively avoiding Gryffindor parties together for months, especially since James and Lily got so close. Which reminds her…
“Dorcas, I’m not going to that party for Lily,” Pandora says.
“Why not?” Dorcas asks.
“Watch Lily all night with James? No,” Pandora explains and the flush of embarrassment on Reg’s face didn’t miss her.
“What are you talking about?” Barty asks, looking genuinely confused.
“James is in love with Lily. Lily is in love with James,” Regulus explains.
“What?!” All of them say, except Pandora and Regulus who are being stared at like they suddenly grew four heads. “What are you talking about?” Evan says.
“Lily is in lo-” Pandora starts.
“No no no no,” Barty says. “We heard that part but what?”
“Lily and James are not in love with each other,” Dorcas says, the only response she gets in confused looks from both Pandora and Regulus.
“Have you seen them?” Regulus says defending their ideas. Because they’re right.
“Yeah, they’re close, not in love,” Evan says, just more confusion from Pandora and Reg. James and Lily are in love, Pandora thinks, of course they are, everyone knows that, they’re practically dating already, everybody knows that too.
“Oh Merlin, they’re completely delusional.” Barty says, while he stares at them almost like he’s inspecting their sanity or trying to figure out if they were joking.
“We are not delusional!” Regulus insists, everyone just starts giggling.
“We’re not,” Pandora says. “It’s true!”
“Sure, Panda,” Dorcas says, jumping up from Barty’s bed and giving Pandora a kiss on the forehead before heading for the door. “I’m going to bed, see you tomorrow psychos.” She waved on her way out.
“Really guys,” Barty says. “They don’t like each other.”
“It’s true,” Evan confirms, lying down, pulling Barty with him and shutting their curtains. “Night, guys.” After a minute Barty’s voice turns out their lights and the room falls silent.
The only light left was Reg’s bedside lamp and Pandora kept her voice at a whisper knowing that her brother and his snoopy boyfriend were still listening.
“Are we crazy?” she whispers to Regulus.
“No!” he says, a little too loud, he grabs the curtains closed and puts on a silencing charm for the spies next door. “We’re not crazy, it’s true. I don’t want it to be true, you don’t want it to be true but we’ve seen it for months.”
“Right,” Pandora says. Damn hope, it’s getting dangerous, how could she believe any of this for even a second. “Why’d you say yes?”
“I don’t know,” Reg answers. “I’m an idiot, do you know how many times I’ve thought about hearing James Potter ask me if I’m doing anything on the weekend?”
“Probably the same amount as I’ve thought about Lily asking me,” Pandora responds, would Lily have asked me to the party if she didn’t know it would come to me through Reg?
“Exactly, I froze, I didn’t know what to say,” Regulus explains. “I’m an idiot, I keep slipping up around him now. I used to be able to have a little more self control.”
“What do you mean?” Pandora asks.
“Last night, I ran into James after dinner.” Regulus says. “And I- well I told him to fuck off, like normal.”
“Right.” Pandora says.
“But I also called him James,” he says. “I never do that, I wasn’t thinking straight, he just looked so beautiful and I wanted to kiss him so badly.”
“Wow,” Pandora says. “What did he do?”
“Nothing, he just stared at me, he looked confused.” Regulus says, and Pandora has a thought, a very dangerous thought, noticing Regulus asks,“What?”
“What if we’re crazy?” Pandora asks, hope may be extremely dangerous and potentially heartbreaking but for two seconds Pandora had a taste of it and that tiny bit of hope that Lily could actually like or even love her was too good not to want to get addicted to.
“Pandora-” Reg starts.
“I almost kissed Lily last night,” Pandora interrupts.
“What?!” Regulus asks. “Almost did? Or just thought about it?”
“Almost did.”
“Where?!” he asks.
“Outside Sprout’s classroom,” Pandora says. “But Regulus, what if we’re crazy?”
“Meaning what if Lily and James aren’t in love and the almost kissing and confused looks aren’t just in our heads?” Regulus asks for confirmation.
“Yes!”
“Then Sunday is going to an interesting party,” Regulus says, falling down onto his bed followed by Pandora.
They’ll probably be asleep in a few minutes but Pandora has to ask, “Reg?”
“Yeah, Dora?”
“What if we aren’t crazy?”
“Then the next time we lie here we’ll likely be crying,” he says.
“At least we’ll be crying together,” Pandora says.
“Has that ever made anyone feel better?” Regulus ever so pessimistically asks.
“It makes me feel better,” Pandora truthfully returns.
“Yeah, me too,” Reg says, turning over to hug her before he falls asleep. “Love you.”
“Love you too,” Pandora says. This weekend I am going to a party in Lily Evans’ house, Pandora thinks, I might have a chance to actually tell her how I feel. It might go terrible. I might get to kiss her. Too many variations were flooding her mind, one thing is for certain, Regulus was right Sunday was definitely going to be interesting.