muggle TVs are quite the spectacle for purebloods
Lily couldn’t believe that worked. How did she let Sirius and Remus talk her into delivering Sirius’ stupid homework? Lily hated the fact that she’d let them manipulate her with their couple cuteness. Lily blamed most of her anger on James who’d gotten her back for saying that he should invite Regulus by basically inviting Pandora too.
Lily had seen Pandora at parties before and she was just so beautiful when she was dancing, like she was in the middle of nowhere and no one could even see her, she always looked so free. It was a mesmerizing sight and every time Pandora would pull Regulus or Barty or Dorcas over to dance with her Lily would always just stare with jealousy and wish that it was her.
Pandora was already so distractingly gorgeous in class that Lily could barely focus especially when they were working together, and Lily knew that the intoxicating sight of her at a party was just as gorgeously beautiful but that didn’t change the fact that her nerves were going haywire thinking about it. Especially after seeing her in the library, if she had heard what she said. Lily wasn’t sure she would ever live that down, let alone be able to ever ask Pandora on a date if she’d heard.
There were some times that she’d see Pandora with her friends at parties and she’d thought about going over and actually talking to her and there were times where she would just stare at her while she danced completely freely and she would wish that she had the courage to just go over and talk to her. But those were times before Pandora had been dating Xenophilius. After that whenever Lily would see Pandora at a party she would be with Xenophilius and Lily would end up crying because maybe if she’d been more courageous she would have asked Pandora out before Xeno and she would be the one dancing with her. Aren’t Gryffindors supposed to be courageous? Lily remembers thinking. Even now they were broken up and Lily still couldn’t find the courage to ask out Pandora.
All of those times seeing Pandora at a party were before James knew about her crush and if he still didn’t she’d have been free to stare longingly from a distance without having a “wingman” as James put it.
She’d told him when they left the dorm that he shouldn’t have said to invite Pandora. To which he claimed that he had just said Regulus’ friends and to that Lily smacked his arm, he laughed and told her not to worry, that they’d be there together. Two friends staring at their unrequited loves all night, best party ever.
James had suggested that she ask Pandora to the party personally but Lily insisted that since James was already asking Regulus it wouldn’t matter. Of course she knew it would but the one area where Lily Evans got this nervous was love and asking Pandora out had been scaring her for so long that she was so used to overthinking that it felt natural to run away.
James had left for the dining hall and Lily heads for Sprout’s classroom, trying to ignore how close it was to Ravenclaw Tower. The chances of running into Pandora this late at night are basically none, Lily has nothing to worry about.
Lily is wrong. As soon as she turns towards Sprout’s classroom she sees Pandora coming from just there. Lily would have thought that she would be flushed with panic at seeing Pandora, alone, in the halls, at night. She would assume complete and utter fear would come upon her but when Pandora walks out of Sprout’s classroom Lily’s immediate reaction was minor shock quickly conforming to a smile. Because how could she not smile when the most gorgeous person in the entire world was right in front of her. She was very grateful when she got to see Pandora’s beautiful smile back.
“Hi,” Lily says, trying to keep her tone steady as she walks closer to Pandora.
“H-hi, Lily,” Pandora says, sounding surprised but it’s not like Lily was expecting to be seeing her either.
“What are you doing out here?” Lily asks, knowing that just staring at her wasn’t an option, though she really did look unbelievably gorgeous, and also she did want to know.
“I uh, forgot my bag in Professor Sprout’s classroom,” Pandora explains.
“I didn’t know you had Sprout’s class this year,” Lily says, and even she would call herself crazy for knowing it, maybe even a little stalker-ish, but she knew Pandora’s classes. She didn’t even realize that she knew them until that moment but she knew mostly from talking with Pandora in class and apparently Lily’s photographic memory decided to keep this.
“Oh, I don’t, I just needed something for a potion,” Pandora says, and it didn’t miss Lily how bright Pandora’s eyes became when she said it.
“Oh,” Lily says, potions were a shared interest among them, Lily was always a little jealous that James and Regulus had potions together instead of her and Pandora, I bet she looks utterly beautiful in that class. Lily knew how bright Pandora’s eyes got when she talked about potions, Lily wished she could see it in class for herself. But it was still basically what they would talk about in Transfiguration, Pandora’s ideas were always brilliant and Lily could watch her talk about them all day.
Last year they’d had another class together, in fact it had been Professor Sprout’s and once Lily had been brave enough to suggest that they keep talking after their class time ran out. She could remember that day, it was back in December, and the windy rain had come out of nowhere. Nearly all their classes had planned to be outside so the teachers canceled giving them a day off, they’d made the announcement right at the end of Sprout's lesson.
Lily and Pandora had been talking about a potion which caused one to only see in black and white. Pandora said she’d gotten the idea after visiting a muggle TV shop, must have been an older one if they only sold in black and white but Pandora was transfixed on the idea. Lily would always laugh when her pureblood friends gawk at muggle inventions but she had to admit that the idea was intriguing.
They’d walked in the halls and planned to go to the Library but it was overly crowded with students escaping the rain. Pandora had suggested going back up to her room which Lily had agreed to knowing going to hers meant having to walk past all her friends which could potentially mean having them see the blush that was extremely present on her cheeks. If she was just with Pandora she could chalk it up to the weather and really she had just wanted to stay with Pandora anyway.
Lily remembers seeing her room, she’d mentioned having a roommate but said something about her being with her other friends during most of the day, Lily couldn’t remember her name. Pandora’s room was nothing like she’d expected but she had no idea what she expected. Her love of potions and experiments was evident everywhere from the walls to her desk, which was covered with notes, plans, and strange bottles of leaves and soils. She’d gotten Lily to try on her Spectrespecs, and Lily could tell why a vision potion might interest her especially after seeing that.
They’d talked for hours about the black and white vision potion, Pandora had shown her sketches, one of a TV that she said she’d seen in a shop this summer, and ingredients that she still needed to acquire. She thought she’d finish it over winter break and she promised to show Lily when they got back.
After Lily’s less than jolly Christmas back home she’d been looking forward to Pandora’s potion. She met with Pandora in the morning before Sprout’s class and they’d taken the potion, it was amazing. Truly the whole world turned black and white, like an old TV screen. They’d giggled all through class knowing that they were the only ones who were seeing this. A black and white world may also have been a rather unappealing cliche but it wasn’t the drab and depressing mindset often associated with it, it felt like they were seeing a beautiful world, beautiful not because of color but just because it was different.
Unfortunately, the joy and happiness didn’t last long. At lunch that day, no one could tell what was wrong with Lily or why she was laughing when she looked at her food. The potion was supposed to last for 24 hours and Lily had been determined to enjoy this strange view for as long as she could. But her smile faded just like color had from her eyes when she looked over and saw Pandora at the Ravenclaw table where she was smiling, looking next to her where Xenophilius sat. He was smiling back at her and when she leaned over to kiss him Lily wasn’t sure if the potion was deceiving her but she knew the image brought tears to her eyes.
She’d stood up before her feelings took over and she started crying. Remus and Mary had asked if she was okay and she’d told them she was fine, just that she forgot to turn in a project. She’d gone to the bathrooms and let the tears cry. She’d chosen the Moaning Myrtle bathroom strictly so no one would come in and if they did they would just think it was Myrtle crying.
Eventually, as more tears fell, the colors of the floor tiles began to appear and so did the wooden stalls and the blue tinted windows. Pandora had said the potion was supposed to last 24 hours but apparently tears were quite counterproductive to it. Within minutes Lily could see in full color again but she was still crying.
She talked to Pandora later, after she’d stopped with the tears and could manage to hold herself together. They talked about the potion and Lily didn’t ask about Xenophilius.
When this year started Lily had been sad but almost relieved when she didn’t have any classes with Pandora, less chances to be hurt. She’d learned later that Pandora and Xeno had broken up before the summer and it had almost given her hope. Apparently that was a dangerous thought for fate because about a week later her class was changed and now she sat by Pandora every day, she had to admit she’d missed it. Talking about potions and hearing Pandora’s passionate ideas, she really was most beautiful when she was talking about what she loves.
“What’s the potion?” Lily could help herself from asking, she’d be lying if she said that she didn’t want to hear Pandora talk, especially about potions.
“It’s–” Pandora starts and Lily looks at her like whatever she says next could be some of the most beautiful words ever spoken. “I can explain it better after I figure out all the details, the idea is still running around my brain.”
The words sends a wave of sadness crashing into Lily. Did she not want to tell me about it? Would she tell someone else? Lily thinks but she would be damned if she let it show, the jealousy, the hurt, Pandora deserved none of it. What had she done, not love Lily back? So Lily puts on a smile.
“Right,” she says. “Well, I’ll look forward to hearing about it, I’m sure it will be great.”
“Yeah, of course, thanks,” Pandora says, smiling back at her. “What are you doing out here? I didn’t think you had Professor Sprout this year either.”
The question briefly catches Lily off guard, she’d still been focusing on not letting her negative feelings touch her face. “Uh, I don’t, I– uh, told Sirius I’d drop off his homework, is Professor Sprout still in?” she asks.
“Yeah, she’s still there, caring for the midnight plants,” Pandora answers, how does her voice sound so silvery and beautiful? Lily thinks as her eyes drift over towards the door to Professor Sprout’s classroom. “I’ll leave you to it then, goodnight Lily.”
“Oh,” Lily says, snapping back to Pandora who looks ready to move but stops and stares down at her. Lily doesn’t know exactly how they got in this position but their eyes are locked together. Hardly eye to eye, Lily’s height probably went up to Pandora’s forehead at most but the difference was barely noticeable to Lily at this moment, all she was doing was looking at Pandora’s eyes, they were hazel and deeply colored. All Lily wanted to do at that moment was lean up and kiss Pandora, they were close enough that she could take one step and pull her in. She couldn’t stop her mind from wondering if Pandora’s lips were as soft as they looked. Once again maybe if she were more courageous when it came to love she would have but she wasn’t so of course she pulls away for her gaze. “Goodnight, Pandora.”
It’s for the best, Lily thinks as Pandora walks away, it’s for the best. If she’d kissed Pandora all that would come of it would be rejection and more tears. It’s for the best, but no matter how many times her mind repeated the words it didn’t change her feelings.
She dropped off Sirius’ homework and headed back to her dorm. Hoping that she wouldn’t run back into Pandora, she didn’t think she would be able to stop herself again from kissing her or pouring out her feelings.
I really need to talk to James, she thinks but it’ll have to wait till tomorrow.