Chapter 17
James had felt so excited to come back after christmas. Even though he was absolutely terrified, he had been sort of relieved when Remus found out. It was nice to talk to someone about it. It made the whole thing feel very real all of a sudden, which had sort of freaked him out at first. Just like he had told Regulus all that time ago, even though something is terrifying, it can end up being the greatest thing in the world. And that is exactly how James felt about Regulus at the moment.
Though it was terribly complicated, it had changed his life in the best way possible, and he wouldn't change it for the world.
In case of Sirius suspecting anything, he had decided not to try and find Regulus on the train. This had turned out to be a bit of a problem, seeing as he was also an incredibly impatient person. He was looking out the window, his leg bouncing, and a thousand thoughts racing through his head.
He couldn't wait to tell Regulus how excited he had been about the books, seeing as he couldn't really tell anyone else. But what he was most excited about, was to see what Regulus thought about the present James had gotten for him. He had been so nervous at first, but after Regulus had gotten him something too, it helped a whole lot.
“Mate- merlin, Prongs?” Sirius had now full on punched him on his shoulder, in an attempt to get his attention “Sorry, what?” James asked, sort of embarrassed at how gone he always was, when he was thinking about Regulus. Everytime thoughts about Regulus would take up his mind, which was often, his whole body felt like it was floating. It was bloody pathetic, he thought, but oh how he hoped that was also how Regulus felt when thinking about him.
“You really went somewhere, I just wanted to ask if you were alright with the plan? I mean good old minnie might hang us in the dungeons. But personally i feel like it would be worth it” Sirius said, with a mischievous chuckle “Yeah of course I am fine with the plan” James smiled. Sirius simply nodded, with a very suspicious look in his eyes.
James felt like he was eight years old, and sprinting to open his presents for Christmas, when he made his way to the astronomy tower that same night. His heart was racing, like it always was around Regulus, but god he was excited to see him.
Completely out of breath, he had finally made it to the top of the stairs. But he was alone. Regulus was nowhere to be found, there was also no trace of him having been there at all.
Panicked, James pulled out the map, desperately searching for his name.
There he was, his name standing still in the slytherin common room. Disappointed, he put the map away, and just walked back to his room.
Why hadn't he showed up? Had something happened with his parents over christmas break? That must be why.
James felt off, the entirety of the next day. Luckily nobody really mentioned it, probably scared to even ask. He had been so caught up in his thoughts, that he hadn't even touched any of the breakfast layed out in the great hall. This was of course very odd behaviour for James, which also earned a concerned look from Remus, but he never said anything.
After their last class of the day, it had become clear that Remus had enough of James sulking. He roughly grabbed his arm, holding him back, as they had just left potions. James rubbed his arm in pain, since he always forgot that Remus was oddly strong “James, I mean this in the nicest way possible. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?” he asked, making James take a step back “Alright relax a bit. He just didn't show up last night, he always does. And you know me, I have the worst possible reasons all lined up in my head” James explained “Alright, well I can understand why that would upset you. But as I am sure you are aware of, you are James Potter. First you don't eat breakfast, no lunch either, but you have barely said a word all day. If sirius didn't have any sort of suspicion before, he certainly does now” Remus folded his arms, looking at James like he was a child “I know okay, but I just don't know what to do moony. I mean it's not like i can just waltz up to him and Barty and ask what is wrong” he explained, clearly frustrated “i am aware, but just keep it down a bit okay? For your own good, or you'll very soon have to explain to Sirius why you are so bloody miserable” Remus explained “Fine, I will keep it down-” James froze.
Behind Remus, Regulus and Barty had stopped, and were talking. At least he was alive. Was James first thought. He wanted nothing more than to just run up, dramatically pick him up and kiss him. But he couldn't. As frustrating as it was, his eyes immediately fell to his hands.
James had thought long and hard about what to give him as a gift. He knew better than to give him anything too feminine presenting, but had still settled on jewellery. He had found a thumb ring, with a star cut-out in the middle, while in hogsmeade one weekend. He had snuck off to buy it. And to make it even more personal, he had asked to get R.A.B engraved on the inside.
As angry and confused as James had been, that very ring was currently on Regulus's left thumb. And just like that, James was far from angry, in fact he had turned bright red.
James was still very much determined to get Regulus to speak to him. He simply had to know what was going on, and of course wasn't going to take no for an answer. He watched the map constantly, looking for any loophole where Regulus was alone. He was sitting in one of the many armchairs in the common room, eyes locked on the map. He was so distracted, that he had no idea what Sirius and Peter were currently very passionately discussing.
Then there it was. His name was moving away from Barty, and was going in the direction of the library.
James nearly jumped out of his seat “Jesus christ, where are you going?” Remus asked “I'll explain later!” James shouted, as he sprinted down the annoying amount of stairs, to get to the library.
He felt his heart in his throat, as he spotted Regulus. He figured there wouldn't be much time to convince him, so the best solution was to pull him into the nearest empty room, which he did.
“You know that you cannot just keep running off with me like that. I am a person, don't I get to decide if I feel like going with you or not?” Regulus asked, folding his arms, as he stared angrily up at James
“Actually, I feel like this time it is okay. Why didn't you come to the tower the other night? Did something happen? Do you realise how worried I have been?” James explained “Of course something happened, I might be mean but not so much to just leave you hanging without a reason” Regulus said “Fine, then explain” James leaned back against the nearest desk, feeling slightly relieved “Well I am not gonna bore you with the details. Basically when I got home, they confronted me immediately. Explaining to me that since Sirius is very much out of the picture, I am their only heir. This means that it is now my responsibility to represent the family” He explained, and James just listened “This of course also means that whatever I do and say, can and will be used against me. This also includes associating with non purebloods, and people my parents deem improper” he said, making James cringe “So me?” James asked, already knowing the answer “Yes, not just you of course, but yes. They suddenly want so much from me, which I certainly wasn't expecting. If I am being completely honest, I was fully expecting them to disown me as well, or force me to detransition” thus made James nauseous. The fact that Regulus had expected that from his own parents? No child should ever feel like that. “So what I am hearing is, they set up a clear set of rules but nothing bad happened to you per say?” James asked “Pretty much. It felt odd, when they explained how important my place in the family had become. And how many great things they were expecting from me” Regulus said, sort of still in disbelief about it “Thats- I mean that's great then, that they aren't mad at you. Of course the whole ´not associating with improper people´ is still kinda shitty” James chuckled “yeah well I am not really thinking that I will be able to keep that promise” Regulus smiled.
“Aww, you really can't keep away from me can you?” James smiled brightly “Not what I meant. But I guess it would kinda suck, not being able to be with you” Regulus confessed, making James smile even more “So what i'm hearing is, that you will keep seeing me, and Sirius on occasion ofc” James said “Yes, I guess if I have to” he tried his best to hold back a smile “Oh you definitely have to. Nice ring by the way” James smirked, taking a step closer, making Regulus look down at his hand, almost immediately blushing “Its nice, fits well” he simply said, not wanting to give James the pleasure of how excited he had actually been when he got it “Good, it looks good on you. Thank you for my gift too. J’ai beaucoup aimé les livres” James smiled proudly, making Regulus look sort of impressed “tu es le bienvenu mon amour” Regulus finally smiled, and James felt like his knees might cave in.