Chapter 9
The halloween party had only made things even more confusing to Regulus. He had always been sort of set in the way he felt about Potter. He was annoying, he had taken away his brother, and he just had to be so bloody perfect all of the damn time. He had made it physically impossible for anyone to be mad at him for more than a couple of seconds, including Regulus.
He would find himself being prepared to close off and be unconditionally mean to everyone who would dare to approach him. But then there was Potter. Always showing up somehow, with that stupid smile of his, ready to save the day. He had absolutely no reason to be protecting Regulus the way he had been, but he did it anyway. It was like he hadn't thought twice about risking everything, just to make sure nobody would be mean to him. This of course, made Regulus unable to hate him, or at least hate him in his head.
He had felt an intense amount of anger, and an immediate need to vomit, as he had watched Potter snog Evan. Wanting absolutely nothing to do with the both of them at that moment. Though he knew he had no right to, he also had no idea why it made him so upset.
Then Potter had waltzed in, a hero as always, and asked if he had been alright. He had even done so much as to go out of his way, to ask where Regulus had gone alone. Again, he had absolutely no reason to do that.
“Evan, I mean this in the nicest way possible. Shut the fuck up about Potter, or i might actually murder you” Dorcas told him, as the three of them were sat in the common room. Evan looked incredibly offended at what she had said “Excuse me, for being open to my best friends about my feelings” He said dramatically hurt “But Reg” he said desperately, now having turned towards him “What?” he asked annoyed “I kissed him, I mean it was a right snog but still. I actually succeeded and god it was amazing. He is a brilliant snogger, like I had imagined he would be of course. Which is why I simply cannot just let it go” He explained, laid back in his seat “I can see why you are completely smitten my friend, but seriously we have heard enough. Just go talk to him, he might snog you again” Regulus told him “You really think so?” he had a hopeful tone in his voice “No”
“What are we talking about? Looks intense” Barty had walked in smiling “Evan is just being delusional about Potter once again, Just because he has gotten a successful snog out of it” Dorcas chuckled “Barty please reason with me on this. Isn't it brilliant? I mean at this rate I will single handedly have the inter-house unity in place in like a month. I'm sure Potter is as smitten as I am by now, I mean with a kiss like that, how could he not?” Evan said, a little too excited.
The smile that had been so clear on Barty's, had now completely vanished, being replaced by a sort of hurt “Sure Evan, sounds fun. I've got a herbology essay” Evan said flatly, just walking off towards his dorm.
Regulus turned towards Dorcas, who had recently come to the same realisation that he had. She simply shook her head, knowing they both felt sad for their friend.
James felt as though his hangover had lasted for days after the halloween party. It had also been the fact that so much had gone down, it had taken a bit of a mental toll on him, which he wasn't used to experiencing. He had comforted one of his best friends, who was hopelessly in love with their other friend, which was heartbreaking enough. He had never seen Lily that upset before, the closest he had ever gotten was when she had forgotten about an assignment for the first time in her life. It had been heartbreaking to hear. He had tried to compare it to when Sirius had come out to him, but in their situation there had been mutual feelings.
None of them were sure if Mary could be queer. Even if she was, it wouldn't be guaranteed that she was in love with Lily. This had made James so heartbroken, he had almost forgotten the whole Marlene situation.
It was sort of like every member of their friend group had turned out to be queer in some way, and it was confusing for James.
There had of course also been the fact that he had kissed another guy, and it hadn't been one of his best friends this time. It had felt very odd for him afterwards. It wasn't that he had necessarily really wanted to snog Evan, but he hadn't exactly pulled him away either. He had not even been thinking much, and had felt the exact same as if it had been someone of the opposite sex that he had kissed. This was not exactly a queer awakening for James, but it felt nice. Sort of comforting that he knew what he liked, or at least had an idea.
It was now around 2 am. And he had been staring at the ceiling ever since he had laid down. He was restless, and was simply unable to fall asleep. He caved in and grabbed the map on his bedside table, just for some form of entertainment.
Most of the names stood still, since they were of course sleeping, except one. At the very top of the astronomy tower, Regulus Black was pacing back and forth. Being who he was, James immediately thought of the worst possible explanation as to why he was there.
He had stolen a couple of muggle newspapers from his father, having seen tons of articles about queer people being such a huge percent of the suicides these last few years. It made his stomach turn, just imagining it. He felt himself just get out of his bed, and grabbing his invisibility cloak.
He honestly had no idea what he was doing. What would he even say to Regulus? What if he actually was about to throw himself off the tower, would James even be able to stop him.
He wouldn't need to worry about any of that. As he had crept up the stairs he caught a glimpse of a head of black curls, bent over a book, with a thick green jumper on. He took a second, planning how on earth he would even approach him.
It was windy up there, which made his curls fly around, making him have to constantly put them behind his ears. This revealed his slightly rosy cheeks and nose, from the cold weather. James wondered why on earth he would choose to sit up here if he was cold.
He took off the cloak, putting it down and walked up the last few steps. He made sure Regulus heard, so he wouldn't startle him in any way. Regulus looked up, so James was now able to look at his whole face. God he was really beautiful, James had been absolutely right the first time he had thought it “Potter” Regulus said confused “Sorry didn't mean to interrupt if this is like your spot” James said, now standing in front of him “Its school property Potter, I can't really tell you where you can't be” He simply said “Right” James then sat down in the spot beside him, clearly taking him by surprise “Any particular reason why you are suddenly here at this hour? I haven't run into you before” Regulus asked “Just felt like it. Giving me a chance to enjoy it before it gets too bloody cold to even stand up here” James flat out lied “Fair enough” Regulus still had his eyes on his book “May I ask what you are reading?” Regulus turned to him, and carefully handed him his book. James took it, quickly scanning the page “Astrology, makes sense i guess” he chuckled, looking back up at a not so pleased Regulus “Sorry I'm sure you've had enough of the star jokes” James handed the book back to him “Kinda” He told him “Are any of you visible up there tonight then?” James asked “It's too cloudy, but yes mine is” He replied, sounding almost embarrassed that he had wanted to watch his own star. “It's beautiful though. I looked it up once, after Sirius had explained the whole thing with your names” James told him “You did?” he sounded surprised “yeah, it was really interesting actually. All of your names are, your family too” James smiled “My family really isn't” Regulus was now just looking towards the sky, like he had a lot on his mind “I should get back, early quidditch practice you know” He closed his book, and stood up, while James just watched him “Oh of course” He didn't want him to go at all. In fact he wanted nothing more than to just sit with him, feeling a sudden craving for his company. He walked towards the stairs, and then James was once again alone.