In Search Of Lost Time.
The moor was plunged into total darkness on that moonless night. Peace and tranquility reigned supreme in the few houses present, scattered here and there, in that cold and rather hostile territory, apparently without the slightest logical rigor.
But in one of these houses, one of the oldest and in the worst conditions, it was not tranquility that reigned but rather anger, fear and bewilderment.
In the few shabby rooms, with old and chipped furniture and with the plaster split into several parts, a young-looking man, yet at the same time visibly more mature than his age, was intent on pouring all the few clothes which he still had in his possession into an open suitcase.
There was no rationality, no plan, in his actions but only fear and anger mixed at the same time in a dark and gloomy vortex.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and the man stopped short.
He took out his wand and slowly approached one of the few windows that looked right onto the entrance of that house: the hour was late and he hadn't received guests for several months now.
It was with no small effort that he managed to distinguish the figure waiting a few steps in front of the front door, a person the man hadn't seen for years. At first he wondered what he wanted, why he had decided to meet him after so long, but then the solution was all too obvious.
Sighing, he put his wand into one of the pockets of his unbuttoned pants and opened the door.
"Professor Dumbledore!"
The elderly headmaster of Hogwarts hadn't changed since the last time he had seen him, almost eight years ago.
"Remus, as always it's a pleasure. Sorry for the late hour but it's an emergency," he said, peering intently through his half-moon glasses. "May I come in? It's not wise to linger in doorways these days."
Remus nodded, ushered the old headmaster in and then locked the door again.
"Sorry for the mess, the full moon was yesterday and..."
Dumbledore smiled warmly, sitting down in a rickety armchair, but Remus didn't miss the look the old headmaster gave to the open suitcase on the bed, visible from their position.
"Do you want some tea? I should have…" he stammered, indecisive.
"Remus, you know how much I love social frivolities… but if I'm here, at this late hour, it's for a very specific reason and I'd like to get to the heart of the matter quickly," interrupted Dumbledore, an unprecedented note of urgency in his voice.
"I know you have many questions for me and I will answer them as best I can, if you like," he concluded.
Oh, he had too many questions since…
Remus sighed.
It was incredible how the person in front of him hadn't changed in all those years. How he could perfectly read his mind as if it was an open book.
"Sirius… did he escape? Really?" He asked, his voice trembling.
Dumbledore nodded gravely.
"How…how did he…"
"That, sadly, I cannot answer because neither the Minister nor the Dementors could," whispered Dumbledore. "The simplest answer, for tonight, might be that that prison failed to break Sirius' mind and will, not entirely, at least."
A small part of Remus feared it, he knew his old friend wouldn't be easy to destroy, his will had always been iron.
There was yet another thing that was bothering him since the war was over and Padfoot had finished his escape, imprisoned in Azkaban.
Sirius was an Animagus but Dumbledore didn't know it. It was a secret they'd sworn in fifth year they'd keep to the grave, a kind of blood oath he'd never thought of breaking until now.
Still, if Sirius had managed to escape from that prison, perhaps it was thanks to his skill, a skill the Ministry did not know.
Remus was silent for a few seconds, undecided whether to reveal that secret to the old headmaster.
But maybe his skill has nothing to do with it, a sinister little voice hissed in the werewolf's ear, maybe he managed to escape in another way.
If you now reveal to the headmaster that your friends have become Animagus, breaking the law right in front of his eyes, when he was the only one who trusted you… then you would forever destroy Dumbledore's opinion of you.
But no, he couldn't, not after all these years, that esteem was everything to Remus.
He had already made his decision, however, he would take care of taking Black.
Sirius.
He would make up for his mistakes.
"Sometimes I stop to think about it and even though it's been so many years, I still can't believe it," he finally whispered. He fought to hold back the tears and the urgency to confess: the last thing he wanted was to be seen in those conditions by Dumbledore but the other seemed to understand him, the headmaster leaned towards him and gently gave him a light pat on the shoulder.
"Let's not dwell on these sad memories any longer, Remus. Not now," Albus said. "I have two questions for you and I want you to listen very carefully."
Lupin wiped away his tears and nodded. Was the man finally going to reveal the reason for that visit?
"You're going to follow Sirius, aren't you?"
Remus stood for a few seconds with his mouth stupidly open. He had expected a thousand other questions except that one.
"I noticed the suitcase," the principal explained. "You believe you can track him down, that you can confront him, defeat him, and bring him to justice once again. Tell me if I'm wrong, please."
"No, you are not wrong," Remus finally whispered after a few moments of internal struggle.
There was no point in lying to that man, he had realized it since the first year of school.
"The Dementors and the Ministry don't know him, I do. I know where he might have taken refuge, to which places he is more or less connected, I have packed my suitcase and in a few hours I will apparate in Scotland, where I will start my research. I will scan the whole of England and I'm going to use my wolf transformations to exploit my sense of smell. I'm the only one who can find him, believe me," Lupin exclaimed. He was convinced of it.
It was because of him that the Marauders had become Animagus, perhaps, because of that, Sirius had managed to escape and then he would be the one to solve that problem. Only him.
"I don't doubt that you can. But what are you going to do once you find him, are you going to kill him?" asked Dumbledore, watching him intently. "Will you find the strength to forget your friendship and kill him in cold blood, if you manage to disarm him first?"
The headmaster's question further confused Remus. Damn, until a few hours ago he was absolutely convinced of his plan and now that old man was clearly crumbling it. Yes, in front of his old friend would she find the necessary fortitude? Sirius was a killer but he wasn't…
Maybe he wasn't cool enough, or maybe he was.
In his head he saw clearly before him the many moments they'd spent together, hours, days and years that had obviously had no value to Sirius. But for him yes, they had been his lifeline, the escape from a sad and hostile reality towards him.
Then why was he hesitating so much?
"Let me ask you one more question now, Remus," the headmaster's voice rang out clear and clear.
"The school year is about to start and we are dangerously short of a Defense teacher. Would you like to join my teaching staff for this year?"
Lupine stood still, his mouth slightly open in amazement and disbelief.
That question surprised him even more than the first.
"How? Did I get it right, headmaster?" He asked, stammering slightly.
"The Minister doesn't want me to talk about it but I guess you can guess Black's real goal," whispered Dumbledore. "I don't know exactly what he’s hoping to accomplish, but Fudge told me that Sirius, during his last days in Azkaban, was a sleep talker and obsessed with Hogwarts."
“Hogwarts… aren't you going to?” Remus asked, putting a hand to his mouth. “Harry… Harry's at school, right?”
The elderly nodded, his expression grave.
“According to the minister, Black will try in every way to get to his godson. Dementors will be placed around the school but…”
“Dementors? But Fudge is out of his mind?” Lupine exclaimed despite him. "Excuse me but..."
“You share my opinion, too bad the minister doesn't take it into account. I would never want to depend on those creatures but my voice is lonely. You understand then, ”said Dumbledore,“ if Black is going to try to approach Hogwarts he certainly won't do it through the front door. We are therefore in great danger because, I am sure, he knows the castle and its secret passages better than anyone. Except you."
Remus started to argue but remained silent. It was true, only then did he begin to understand. But would Sirius really try to kill his godson?
Once again his mind drifted to those sad memories: Sirius holding Harry and James and Lily smiling beside him in the only photo Lupin had managed to recover.
How far can human wickedness go, how far can a person sell himself to want the death of his best friends and their only son?
“I need someone trusted inside the walls, who can watch over Harry and at the same time control the various secret passageways. You have always been a very good student,” continued Dumbledore, breaking the tense silence, “I am sure you will be a great professor.”
"But…"
“At the end of June, if Black has not been captured, you are free to begin your solitary hunt. I'm only asking you for one year, Remus, one year for Harry and then I won't ask you for anything else."
"But the students and parents won't want a professor in my… condition," Lupin pointed out. It was pretty obvious.
Dumbledore shook his head, apparently amused.
“For seven years we managed to hide your 'condition'. We will succeed for one. Also, a new remedy just came out, a Wolfsbane Potion.”
“Yes, I know, but it is very expensive and…”
"And, should you agree, our Potions master will be happy to make a cauldron of it once a month," the headmaster interrupted, rising from his sagging chair.
“So, you see, if you want to accept, for a year you will have food, lodging, Wolfsbane Potion and the possibility of helping us defend the school. If there's no sign of Black in June, you're free to do as you please."
Put that way, Remus didn't have many choices.
Spending a year in the place he had called home for seven years, to which he had so many happy memories, and what's more without having to worry about the full moon…
Get the chance to meet Harry.
Dumbledore was right, if indeed Sirius' target was Hogwarts he was the only one with enough knowledge to stop him.
Hogwarts…Harry…
“How… how is he?” he asked, as the guest was about to open the front door. Dumbledore took his hand off the knob and smiled, a shadow of sadness behind his piercing eyes.
“Terribly similar to his father… and in many ways to his mother too. He's had to go through terrible ordeals before, but he's always come out on top, thanks in part to his wonderful friends."
At those words a fresh stream of questions flooded Lupin's mind.
"What…"
“Oh no, I'm not going to answer any more questions about one of my students…until you decide what to do,” the principal replied slyly. “You don't have to decide now, I'll expect an owl from you within three days.”
Remus smiled as the guest exited and then Disapparated. He looked at the suitcase and shook his head.
In his heart he had already made a decision and certainly would not wait three days.
/ / / / /
Being back at Hogwarts really had a strange effect, a mix of unprecedented sensations seasoned with a lot of nostalgia.
He never would have thought he could go back to that school, certainly not as a teacher, yet it hadn't been a dream but a reality: for that year he would have a warm roof over his head, regular meals and the possibility of passing on his knowledge to the students.
Yet there was something wrong, a sour feeling in his mouth that he couldn't get rid of.
He wasn't there simply to teach but he had a specific task. He wasn't going to the principal's office with his friends after yet another mess, but alone.
Alone.
That's what that bitter aftertaste was. Remus wandered through those corridors expecting, at any moment, to run into James, Lily, Peter… Sirius.
And instead he was the last Marauders on the loose. Alone.
From an early age he had clearly perceived how his condition would inevitably isolate him from the magical world, yet that school, the Marauders, had removed that perspective.
Unfortunately only temporarily.
Arriving in front of the Gargoyles guarding the entrance to Dumbledore's office, the man muttered "lemon sorbet" and the familiar magical staircase, which led directly to the headmaster's quarters, appeared.
It was nearly midnight yet Albus had already called him, he thought, as the stairway took him directly to an elegant closed door. He guessed the reason for that so late summon.
He knocked and entered.
He had been numerous times inside that office, not as many Sirius or James of course, yet the man could swear that in all those years it hadn't really changed.
He was greeted by a whole series of flashbacks, it hadn't been the first time that evening, and he advanced, staggering slightly. Too many emotions for one evening.
"Ah, Remus, forgive me but I wanted to speak to you before classes start," exclaimed Dumbledore, motioning the newcomer to a seat across from his desk.
Remus complied, taking up a comfortable chair. Immediately a rather tense silence fell between the two.
"Remus, thank you for what you did on the train. I hate to think what would have happened if you hadn't chased that Dementor away," the headmaster finally whispered.
It had been a shock to wake up from his stupid nap and see a Dementor slowly descend on Harry.
For a moment, seeing him lying on the ground, drenched in sweat, he had thought that he had intervened too late…
The professor pushed those images back and concentrated solely on the headmaster.
"His idea to get me on the train to Hogwarts, and thus be able to supervise the boys, turned out to be right, too bad I fell asleep like a fool," he commented harshly.
"You should start by not being so hard on yourself, Remus. You saved Harry's soul, that's what really matters. I've already sent a letter of complaint to the minister," Albus Dumbledore replied. "The Dementors are only interested in Sirius Black, they don't care about the welfare of the boys, that's why your figure inside the castle is so important."
"With all due respect, Headmaster, I think you're overestimating me," sighed Remus, lowering his head. "You expect so much from me and yet I haven't… I couldn’t succeeded…"
"Couldn't do what, Remus?" asked Dumbledore.
No, he couldn't bear the headmaster's gaze, that expression full of pity, pity for him.
He stood up, unable to take the tension any longer.
"For twelve years Harry lived with his uncles and I, his parents' only true friend left at large, did nothing to get in touch with him," he exhaled, at last.
“I could have grabbed him and run away or just go find him, explain who Lily and James were, his role in the wizarding world. I should have accompanied him to Diagon Alley, not Hagrid."
Dumbledore remained silent, watching him intently, hands clasped.
“But then I thought, who would want to deal with a werewolf? What protection could I offer him, when once a month he would be in mortal danger?”
Remus took a breath, wiping his eyes.
“You are divided, Remus. I understand it well, believe me,” Dumbledore finally whispered. “On the one hand you wanted to have a relationship with the boy but at the same time the fear of putting him in danger blocked you.”
"And now you’re asking me to protect him..."
"Yes, I'm asking you and you've already shown me that..."
"That I'm a fool," Remus replied bitterly. “I fell asleep and Harry nearly lost his soul. It's certainly not what I should do, to protect the boy."
Dumbledore shook his head.
“You see, it's that ‘nearly' that makes all the difference in this world. Think what would have happened if you had rejected my offer? What if in your place there had been another incompetent, like your predecessor?”
"Yes but…"
"Besides," continued the headmaster, stopping the professor's answer with a wave of his hand, "you know very well that I would never have allowed Harry to leave his uncles' house, I explained it to you twelve years ago, if I remember correctly.”
"But I could have visited him, at least," replied the other.
“We knew Harry was safe, probably loved, and we were all eager to look forward to the future. The only one who regrets, and rightly so, is I, Remus, because I have evidently overestimated the Dursleys' ability to love the boy,” said Dumbledore, a dark shadow in his eye. "But what matters is that Harry has arrived at school healthy, with a character ready to face the challenges that await him."
Lupin remained silent, weighing the headmaster's wise words. They seemed reasonable, yet they couldn't quite placate his thousand questions.
“I suggest that you do not dwell any longer on the past and on what you could have, or should have done. It's a terribly painful habit and, you can believe me, I know from experience that it's useless,” continued the headmaster. “Harry is in danger, he needs your help. That's what really matters."
Remus nodded, slowly, as Dumbledore stood up: it was clear that it was time for him to leave. He followed suit, feeling a little lighter than he had a few minutes ago.
There was only one last doubt, a question that he could not fully understand.
"I don't understand why the Dementors immediately attacked Harry, with all the kids on the train…"
Dumbledore remained silent, a small frown appearing between his eyes.
“I guess it's…” he started to say but he stopped and after a few more moments of unheard-of silence, continued, “Harry's had a lot of bad experiences in his life, something that must have greatly appealed to the Azkaban guards. But what matters is that the boy arrived in the castle safe and sound, he should be safe here... at least I hope so. Good night, Remus.”
Lupine nodded, only partially convinced.
The headmaster's reaction had been really strange, it seemed as if his question had put him in trouble.
Closing the door he distinctly saw Dumbledore approaching a stone basin.
Yes, there was something shady behind it. But it was not the time to think about the secrets of that man so old and at the same time impenetrable.
He had a mission, Harry, and he would do anything to help it. Not to feel useless again.
To make up for lost time.
But can time really be recovered?