After

She did not sleep that night. She doubted if she could have, even if she left the castle. These hearings weighed heavily on her thoughts, and new questions leapt to mind throughout the night, even as she attempted to distract herself by working on a new school budget. 

Just before first light she sent Ariadne to the ministry with letters for both wizengamot members and felt confident that they would be on their desks before the first session of the day. She sent the letter to Molly as well, with one of the smaller Hogwarts Owls, thinking he would probably arrive in time for breakfast at 12 Grimmauld Place. 

She went back to the Library. She needed something bigger to take care of. She reset the bookshelves in the unrestricted area. Leaving the books in the corridor, to be evaluated later and hopefully returned to their designated places. She stood up all of the shelves in the restricted section next and accidentally shifted one of the highly protected curse books so that it started letting out an inhuman wailing and she nearly jumped over the banister. She managed to slam it closed again and steady herself again before giving up on the library for a moment. 

Then she apparated to her new office. There were still things to do in there, and she desperately needed something to do. 

Before she could do anything An owl swept through the open window of her office and dropped yet another letter, Minerva closed her eyes for a moment and hoped it was anything but bad news. She should have known better. It was from Molly,

Professor Minerva,

That meeting will have to wait. I know it is important, but these kids cannot take another blow. And really, if I’m being honest, neither can I. I know you do everything not to hurt them but this is something that only time can dull. Next week sometime maybe. I just hope that you or Kingsley can get them to hold off. I’m sorry all of this is falling on you, I’m sure it isn’t pleasant. In fact, I’m sure it’s awful. I know my place in this clean-up is. 

I hope you’ll consider coming to the funeral, I’ll be glad comforted to see you there. Then we’ll be glad to see you when this week is over. 

Take care,

Molly

Minerva nodded, she expected as much. She never meant for this meeting to come before the week was out. She hated to let it drag out, to wait for the pain to dull was also to wait for more confusion to settle in. More time to purposefully forget what had happened that night. But it was the kind thing to do, and Minerva, when given the choice, will choose what is kind over what is most efficient. 

She found yet another letter there on the desk and sighed heavily. She was dreading this too. It read.

M,

I assume you don’t know and don’t want to, but I also assume you’ll regret it forever if you don’t go, there are seven funerals tomorrow. Remus and Tonks, Colin Creevey, Pauline Cohen, Charlene Thompson, Reuben Cole, Lorraine Elders, and Terrence MacClare. Septimia will be going too. If it will make it more bearable we can go together. It would be more bearable for me.

Please?

Pip

P.S. We know you’re still at Hogwarts. Filius found your house empty yesterday. Please, take care of yourself. 

There was a vacancy where Minerva’s heart should be, as it had temporarily moved to the pit of her stomach. The grief that flooded over her didn’t just manifest in tears, there was a physical sensation of pain in her chest. 

She wanted to scream. She wanted to throw herself down on the floor and just let out the wild howling pain she was in. She was tired of being constrained, tired of reigning in her every reaction. At the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to let it all go. There was no telling when, or if, she could get it back under control. So she stifled it again, wondering how many times she could attempt to suffocate her grief before it suffocated her. 

Her hands shook as she wrote a reply. 

Pip,

You’re right. When and where should I meet you? 

M

P.S. I knew I couldn’t hide it long. I’m fine. 

She was most adamantly, not fine. She was almost the furthest that a living person could be from fine. But she wasn’t dead, she should be, but she wasn’t dead.