Pardon
It had been over an hour since Sirius had locked himself in the bathroom. He had tried by all means, but he couldn't stop the tears from coming out and therefore his eyes from reddening.
His friends had gone down to dinner, they had told him, but he had refused to come out of the bathroom. He knew it was true that he had to talk to his brother, and, in fact, he didn't understand why the idea was so difficult for him to imagine. He and Regulus had always been able to talk about almost anything. Merlin, Regulus had been his best friend until just a few months ago! Before Hogwarts… why can't everything be as easy as it was before Hogwarts? Sirius shuddered thinking about his life before Hogwarts, okay, why can't my relationship with Reggie be like before Hogwarts? Yeah, that was better. Slytherin… why did he have to be a Slytherin?
Sirius couldn't help it. He had tried not to see it when they passed each other in the halls, but every time his brother appeared dressed in his house uniform, Sirius couldn't see more than the memory of his father's photograph that was in his room at home. His nerves asked him to run away and that's just what his body did. Then he felt bad and cried and, that was the vicious circle in which he had been playing since September. He knew he was doing it wrong despite being dumb, he had discussed it with James. He knew he was hurting his brother, who Sirius knew very well had always been very sensitive, but something had changed in this conversation. Maybe it was the fact that this time it wasn't James but Remus who said it, maybe it was how he said it, or maybe it was the terror that invaded him when Remus had suggested that his own brother thought he hated him. How was Sirius going to hate little Reggie? His little Reggie...
There were the tears again.
After another half an hour, Sirius's stomach won over his eyes, and he was finally able to get out of the bathroom.
When he went through the door to enter the room, he almost had a heart attack. Remus Lupin was sitting on his bed, waiting.
— Merlin Remus! You almost killed me! — Sirius put his hand to his chest exaggerating his gestures as he used to do — what are you doing here? You never miss dinners.
— I was waiting for you.
— Remus Lupin skipping dinner for me? Do you have a fever, mate? — Sirius approached and touched him jokingly on the forehead. —
— Get away from me! You're going to make me regret this.— Remus slapped him away from him. —
— Regret what exactly?
— I…well…I'm sorry.
Full silence. A look of surprise was reflected in Sirius' pale blue eyes.
— You're sorry? why?
— ‘Bout earlier… you know, the conversation… James thinks I've been a bit… rough.
— Sensitive Remus... ohhhhh I like it! — Sirius teased trying to change the subject. He didn't want to start crying again. —
— I knew you would make me regret it!
— Come on, if we hurry we can still catch the last turn of dinner.
Both boys ran up the stairs to the Gryffindor table, where they joined Peter and James, who were on their way to get dessert.
— Just in time! We have saved some food for you — Peter said smiling broadly —
— Pete, I love you right now, thank you, thank you, thank you, apologizing to a drama queen is a job that requires a lot of food. Remus teased taking the plate that Pete handed him.
— Hey! How dare you mess with the purest member of the Noble house of Black?! —they all laughed as Sirius imitated the sophisticated speaking of his parents —
— Just reaffirmed me… drama queen… —He added already with food in his mouth—
— You should watch your manners Mr. Lupin! —Sirius continued to sneer as he stared at Remus, who turned red. —
— Let's ignore Sirius for a while, what do you think? — James intervened laughing. —
— In favour — Peter added. Remus held up his hand without speaking with his mouth full this time. —
— Perfect then.
Sirius switched off, hearing that part of the conversation as background noise. He turned to the Slytherin table and saw his brother sitting next to Barty Crouch Jr.
Perhaps as fate would have it, Regulus turned around at that precise moment and saw his brother smiling at him and he smiled back. Or perhaps it was the simple fact that after Regulus had turned to look at Sirius in the dining room night after night expecting a return look, Sirius just happened to decide to do so one day.
A smile. No more was needed for now. They both understood that smile as a sign of forgiveness and a “I miss you too”.