Shooting Star
All of this turbulence wasn’t forecasted.
Apologies from the intercom
And I am relieved I left my room tidy.
They’ll think of me kindly
When they come for my things
They’ll never know how I’s stared at
the dark in that room
with no thoughts like a blood-sniffing shark
and while my dreams made music in the night
Carefully I was going to live.
Sirius did not stop receiving letters in the time he was home that summer. Walburga hated it and wouldn't let any in without reading it first, Sirius was crazy about it.
Regulus read as many as his brother allowed, not all. Most were from James Potter, Sirius and he spoke almost daily by letter, Regulus came to envy him, his brother spent more time in his room writing to his new friends than with his own brother.
Every night, Regulus would stop by Sirius's room to climb through his window onto the roof. It was the best place to stargaze according to the little one, it was calm, it was cold, which somehow recomforted him, but most importantly, it was far from any screams. Some nights Sirius would join in, and they would spend hours looking up at the sky trying to identify stars, constellations or just talking about other things. Regulus loved the nights his brother came too; it made him feel less alone.
It was one of those nights when Sirius joined in that Regulus got the news.
They were talking about the piano lessons Walburga had made him take for months. Regulus confessed to his brother his love for music. He had found peace in something that had been imposed on him by his mother so, naturally, Sirius didn't understand at the time. Regulus had tried to explain it to him, to explain how he felt his fingers float while the room melted away, how everything went black around him and all that was left was the smell of candlelight and the sound of his fingers pressing the piano keys.
— It's wonderful, Sirius.
—Wonderful — repeated the older one — what a word… so... so formal.
Regulus did not answer. He felt annoyed that his brother didn't take what he was saying seriously. They were silent for a couple of minutes until Sirius realized that he had offended Regulus. Regulus never said out loud when something had bothered him, he just kept quiet. Sirius was well aware of his brother's behaviour and decided to remedy it.
— Your hands — he turned his head to look at his brother instead of at the sky — are they like that from playing so much?
Regulus wished he was wearing a sweater to hide his hands, but sadly, he wasn't.
— Calligraphy — he answered coldly, still annoyed —
— What?
— They are like that from the calligraphy classes, not from the piano classes.
— Merlin Reg!
Regulus didn't know what to say, the anger had dissipated, a small wave of self-pity passed through his head, his hands ached, they still ached.
Once again silence fell between the two. A shooting star passed over their heads. Regulus closed his eyes and made a wish: I wish that I could see the stars with my brother for endless nights. Regulus would think of that wish with disgust all his life, he would remember it as something stupid and childish, but at that precise moment, for this eleven-year-old Regulus, lying on the roof of his house watching the stars with Sirius was everything.
It was then that Sirius opened his mouth to deliver the news that made Regulus' blood run cold.
— I'm looking forward to seeing lots of those with the boys, I'm something of an expert in astronomy for them, you know?
— Is there a roof stargaze at Hogwarts? — Regulus asked unconsciously. —
— Hogwarts? No, in James's yard in a couple of weeks, — Sirius replied casually. —
— What? — Regulus was too smart not to understand what that implied, but he didn't want to process it, so he just let his brother explain —
— Yes, they won't let me go to the Potters' but Pete's mother has spoken with our parents and apparently the Pettigrew family is more respectable for the Noble House of Black,— Sirius said with a mocking tone as he said that last thing — I'll spend the rest of the summer there with them, Peter and James are neighbours and James has invited Remus to stay at his house too so…
Sirius went on explaining his plan with his friends, but Regulus had switched off in "I'll spend the rest of the summer there." Suddenly his body was filled with anger, his brother was leaving, Sirius was leaving!
— What?! — Regulus repeated this time visibly angry and sitting up —
— Hey Reg, calm down, will you? You're going to wake up the whole house.
— Fuck the house Sirius, I don't want to calm down. — Regulus snaped very few times and that's why Sirius was much more scared when he did. —
— Hey Reggie, what's up? — Sirius also incorporated as well facing his brother directly —
— What's up?! What's going to happen Sirius?! You are leaving! You're leaving the whole bloody summer! And what about me?
— What about you? What's wrong with you, Regulus? — Sirius snapped too.
— Are you leaving me here? that's it?
— Hey Reggie, don't be so dramatic, I have a right to want to be with my friends more than in this shitty place with people constantly yelling at me.
— What about me? Don't I have the right to want to spend a summer with my brother? — Regulus had been a bit intimidated when Sirius had started yelling. He hated when people yelled at him, it made him want to cry. —
— Come on Regulus don't be childish. You don't know what it's like to be in a house where absolutely everyone looks at you with contempt, everyone calls you a blood traitor, even your own parents give you looks of disgust and disappointment! You have no fucking idea what that's like! You are the good boy, the obedient one, the one who will enter Slytherin and make mommy and daddy happy! You don't know what it is and you never will so don't give me that crap Reggie!
It was true though; they would never look at him the way they looked at Sirius. He would always be the obedient little Black. He would always go after his brother the rebel, he would be the one his parents would go to complain about Sirius and vent their fury on, but they would never look at him the way they did Sirius. Regulus understood this, but it didn't make it hurt any less that his brother was leaving. He didn't cry that time; he had learned to hold back his tears and pretend. He just stood up straight and turned one last time to look at his brother.
— Don't call me Reggie, I hate it.
Until that moment it had never been true, he didn't care about nicknames, he actually liked them, but at that moment every word he said was felt. He hated hearing his name shortened in Sirius's voice.
— Oh, come on Reg… we'll see each other in September to go to the station together.
Sirius's regretful voice was lost in the air as Regulus stepped through the window and left his brother's room, returning to his own carefully avoiding his mother's surveillance spell.
Regulus never wished on a shooting star again.
(Last words of a shooting star – Mitski)