Shared Scars

Christmas at the Blacks' were never particularly merry or family-oriented, that's something Regulus had grown up with. They tended to be rather cold, full of people getting drunk and generally talking about dark magic and curses, politics, and ministry reforms. They weren't fun for kids, but acceptable, usually giving them a couple of books and family heirlooms that both Sirius and Regulus were too young to appreciate, and not much else. Regulus had never been a fan of Christmas, they were boring.

He couldn't sleep the night before Sirius returned. Too nervous. He couldn't wait for his older brother to tell him everything that had happened at Hogwarts, his new friends, the classes, Quidditch, magic... On the other hand, Reg was deeply worried about what might happen during the meeting. He knew in good faith that it wasn't going to be peaceful, his mother hadn't hesitated about hurting her children before as punishment and Regulus was sure that she would hurt Sirius again if she saw it necessary.

Regulus rolled up his pyjama bottoms above his ankle. He looked at the elegant scars, almost invisible now, that his mother had made in the last prank of the summer that Sirius and he had pulled off. Walburga said it was just punishment. Regulus knew that she had been much harder on her older brother, Sirius had many more scars than he did. A shiver ran through his body, and he lowered his pants again, he didn't want to see those horrible scars any longer.

Tuesday 21st of December 1971

Sirius returned on December 21, 1971, to spend the holidays at the Black house. Regulus wanted to go to the station to pick up his older brother, but of course, Walburga did not allow that.
He waited on the bench in the entrance, his mother had made him dress in a fully black outfit, “purely Black”. He was sitting up, his back straight and his eyes fixed on the doorknob, waiting to see the slightest movement from it that would announce Sirius's arrival.

It was not necessary to see the movement of the knob, the screams of the now twelve-year-old were heard meters away from the front door. Regulus stopped smiling long before his mother and brother opened the door.
They both entered, without suitcases, these would be carried by the domestic elf to his room later. Sirius seemed genuinely upset to be back home, his mother, terribly disappointed. Reggie knew from that moment that the holidays would be long and definitely noisy.

Regulus inspected his brother, he was wearing his Hogwarts robe, it wasn't a Slytherin green but a deep Gryffindor red. Of all possible houses and his brother had to enter Gryffindor. Reg thought that his parents probably wouldn't have been so angry if he had been a Ravenclaw, no, of course they would have, he immediately changed his mind. The young man wore his hair loose, as usual, slightly wavier, reaching past his shoulders, it had grown during the trimester. His height remained intact, Reg thought. His eyes were shining, but not with the usual mischievous gleam, this was different, Regulus had seen it before, knew it, but couldn't place it at the time.

— Go up to your room immediately young man! you better think about it, or you won't have dinner to feed you tonight! And don't you dare answer me now!

Regulus had no idea what had happened, but his brother didn't say a word, he didn't even seem to notice the little boy in the room. Sirius rushed up the stairs and the next thing that was heard was a resounding slam that made Walburga's face turn even more red.

— INSOLENT KID! YOU WILL KNOW HOW TO RESPECT YOUR MOTHER!

Regulus knew immediately what would come next, he wanted to do something to avoid it, but terror seemed to have glued him to the chair and he was unable to move a single muscle. He sat there, alone, for at least another half hour.

During dinner, Regulus didn't open his mouth to say a single word, his parents didn't seem to notice. Sirius had been punished in the end. When finished, Regulus went into the kitchen and picked up secretly some bread and meat that had been left over.
He went up to his brother’s room and knocked two times.

— For the last time, I'm not going to tell you where my Gryffindor scarf is, mother!

Regulus waited a second, not quite sure what to say, and finally decided to just go inside. He opened the door very carefully and went in.

— Merlin! Leave me the two of you alone! — Sirius began to yell, turning around and discovering the shape of his brother, scared, once again on the verge of crying — Oh… Reg, it's you… sorry, come in if you want.

Sirius seemed to relax a bit when he saw that it was Regulus, the frown disappeared. He ran his hand through his hair to tidy it up a bit and prevent his little brother from seeing him like that. Regulus took a quick look around the room, Sirius hadn't been there a day and it was already a mess. Quidditch magazines strewn all over the floor, cushions thrown everywhere, bed in disarray and open trunk messy all over the middle of the carpet. After looking around the room, Reggie looked up at Sirius, his face was red, Regulus knew right away that Sirius had cried. Sirius didn't cry very often, but Regulus always knew when he had because the characteristic blue of Sirius Black's mischievous gaze turned darker until it resembled the eye colour of Orion Black, his father. Regulus shuddered.

— Oh! Is that food? Merlin! Thanks Reggie! I'm starving! That bloody witch won't let me have dinner if I don't give her the bloody red scarf.

— She’s… she’s your mother…— Regulus said, a bit dazed to hear so many curses coming out of his brother's mouth in a single sentence.

Sirius got down from the bed and walked over to Regulus, picking up the plate of food and directing him towards the bed again so that they both sat down.

— Yeah, whatever, let's not talk about her, alright? - He put in his mouth on one of the buns, his eyes recovered a bit of brightness, which recomposed Regulus minimally - how have these months been here? Have you been very bored without me? Sirius smiled at his brother.

— I erm… yes, well, yes, a bit lonely. Actually… they've talked a lot about you around here. — Regulus assumed that Sirius would know about Bellatrix's letters, but he still found it difficult to break the news to his brother.

— Oh yeah? and what do they say about me? Sirius seemed to be enjoying the conversation, he was laughing it off and that was driving Regulus crazy.

— Well, erm…they say that you…they say you haven't…you haven't…entered…well, you know…

— Come on Regulus! You can say it, I didn't get into Slytherin, I'm the disappointment of the family! — Sirius laughed — I will end up disinherited like our cousin, Andromeda.

— Don't say that! — the little boy who had been calm jumped suddenly, shocking Sirius — you're not like her… you're not...

— Oi Reg, Like her how? How is she?

— She… she is…

— At least she has good music taste — Sirius laughed again.

Regulus was angry now. How could his brother be so foolish sometimes?

— Come on, let's not argue. Do you want me to tell you about my friends? We even have a group name, The Marauders!

Regulus cheered up slightly, he noticed that his brother had changed, not necessarily a bad change, he seemed more confident, but Reg couldn't help but think that this change could lead to a lot of problems for Sirius, especially with his parents.

— Potter!? Regulus couldn't believe it. — Sirius, the Potters were first on the list of families to avoid, and the Pettigrews were probably third! — The little boy was horrified; it was worse than he had expected —

— Ha, then wait till I tell you about Lupin, he's a half-blood, he grew up in Muggle children’s home.— He's cool, a little shy, but definitely one of us. —

Regulus didn't want to hear more, enough revelations for one day. If Sirius had formed a gang with two of the families to avoid and an half-blood orphan, Bellatrix would definitely tell their parents and they would probably be even more horrified than little Regulus Black.

The following days weren't very different, Sirius was fighting with his entire family, not just his parents, but his cousins, uncles as well. The entire Black family had gathered as usual to celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas on the 24th and 25th.

Regulus tried to talk to Sirius on several occasions, but he was always interrupted by his mother, who considered that the young one could be corrupted by his older brother and tried to avoid at all costs that they could have any relationship as two brothers should have. He got several new scars for trying, one for bringing Sirius dinner on the night of the 21st and another for catching them both trying to go out into the garden to fly around on their broomsticks. The Black brothers were unable to speak during the days that Sirius was there.

Thursday 23rd of December 1971

After dinner, in which Sirius had not been for been punished, Regulus went up to his room to change into suitable clothing. The entire Black family would attend at 8:00 p.m. for the traditional pre-Christmas Eve tea. Sirius was forced to go down as well, which in a way comforted Reg, he didn't want to be alone in the room with his cousins again, Regulus was sure Bellatrix was completely mad and Narcissa… Narcissa just terrified him.

When it was time to go downstairs, Regulus knocked on Sirius's door, they had agreed to go down together, at least that way none of the adults would yell at the older brother.

— Come in Reggie — Sirius’s voice was Heard across the dorm —

He obeyed, walking into Sirius's room. Surprised, Regulus noticed that it was still a mess, but clearly tidier than before.

— It was him — Sirius said, coming out of the bathroom all combed and dressed in a shirt accompanied by a red tie. Regulus made a confused face. — he cleaned the room, Orion. Well, if you can call cleaning to throwing away all the red things you find. Lucky, I hid a Gryffindor tie for dinner!

— Sirius... do you think that's a good idea? The whole family will be here. — Regulus spoke softly, concern could be heard in his voice, it was almost palpable —

— Fuck the family! It's just the colour of the tie Reg, you can't come at me because I like colour red.

— No. You know it’s not just that.

— Why then? Because it’s a Gryffindor tie? Because I am a Gryffindor? — Regulus nodded timidly without wanting to speak — Well… To hell with the houses too! They've done nothing but accuse me of being a blood traitor since I've arrived. As if I had any choice! That damn talking hat chose, not me! — Sirius was yelling, and Regulus hated that, it reminded him of his parents — Anyways Reg, it's not that bad, it's just a house, I don't understand why so much drama… You know? James says I'm a drama queen, S’pose it runs in family, eh?

Sirius put his arm around his little brother's neck, who was still pale. They both went downstairs. When they reached the door of the salon, Regulus felt his brother’s body tense and saw how the playful smile that had been on his face minutes ago disappeared.

Regulus removed Sirius's arm from around his neck and stood directly in front of him. He looked at him, studying his expression as he always did. Sirius's blue eyes glittered with terror, Sirius always played brave, but Regulus knew when he was lying. He was scared too; it would be the first Black meeting since Sirius’s arrival. The older turned his head towards Regulus, finally taking his eyes off the room where some familiar figures were already visible. Looking at Regulus, he felt sorry for the little one, he was the oldest, he should set an example, not worry him. Regulus held eye contact for a few seconds, wanting to tell him telepathically: "everything will be fine" but he couldn't do that, so he settled for hugging Sirius. The older brother wasn't expecting this, but he hugged back the scared little ten-year-old Reggie.

— I love you Sirius— Regulus said as he could with his head buried in his brother's shoulder.

Sirius took a while to react, no one had ever told him that they loved him.

— Oi Reg, me too, you know that — he tried not to sound sarcastic — Come on, we'd better go inside — he pushed the little boy away and they both entered the living room hand in hand —
That would be the first and last time Regulus Black would say "I love you" in his life.

They had barely been sitting in the living room for an hour when everything got out of control. Regulus would never forget the sensation of cold sweat that first appeared on his neck that night in 1971.

Since they had entered the room, all eyes had been on the eldest of the Black brothers. Sirius had been ignoring that. Regulus too. The first 45 minutes were tolerable, just whispering from his cousins, probably about Sirius's tie or laughing at the expression of terror in Reg's face. It was around 20:55 when Orion broke the grey scene and turned it bloody red.

Orion Black, Reg and Sirius’s father, spent many hours in his office, working, which is why on many occasions he was the last to join the rest of the family at meetings. This was one of those times. Walburga had been present throughout the evening, glaring at Sirius every time he got up to get a pastry or sugar for his tea. Orion joined around 20:50. Upon his arrival, he dedicated himself to cordially greet each member of the family, the Black sisters, their parents, uncles, cousins, everyone. When he got to where Regulus and Sirius were, his smile turned into a deep frown and anger in his eyes. For a moment, Regulus considered it was because of him, then he remembered that when it came to family gatherings, he was practically invisible.

Regulus prayed that his brother, who was now looking up at their father with that maniac Sirius Black expression, would shut his huge mouth for once.

— What? — said Sirius breaking the silence that had appeared in the room as soon as Orion had entered minutes ago —

— Insolent child! How dare you?

— What? — said Sirius smirking — Now I haven't done anything, what are you looking at?

Regulus realized years later that this attitude that Sirius used to have on such inconvenient occasions was nothing more than a defensive mechanism proper of a 12-year-old scared boy.

— So that is going to be your attitude huh? — Orion stood up looking even bigger than he already was — do you want to talk about what you've done? Wretch! you're a wretch! You are going to ruin us! you have broken years of tradition and you dare to show up to a Black meeting with that stain of shame around your neck.

— Ah… is it because of the tie? — Sirius didn't seem to give up. —Yeah, it’s pretty, right? I thought red looked better on me.

— SHUT UP! HOW DARE YOU? IT SEEMS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE MATTER — Orion was now shouting.

— SIRIUS ORION BLACK — their mother joined —

Sirius seemed to tense up a bit, but the smile didn't go away. Not yet. The whole room was looking at him. Regulus knew what would come next and fought the urge to cry.

— DAMN… NOT ONLY HAVE YOU BREAKED CENTURIES OF TRADITION, BUT DISOBEYED OUR DIRECT ORDERS TO ASSEMBLE EXCLUSIVELY WITH PURE BLOODS, YOU HAVE ASSEMBLED WITH HALF-BLOODS AND FAMILIES THAT WE MADE CLEAR NOT TO BE OF OUR APPROVAL — Sirius's smile disappeared the instant the marauders were mentioned —

— YOU ARE DISGRACE IN PERSON, YOUNG MAN — Walburga kept adding fuel to the fire, a fire that Regulus feared could burn his brother —

— IF YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO FOLLOW THE LINE OF YOUR FAMILY BY WORDS, OTHER METHODS WILL BE USED.

Regulus let out a terrified sigh. Nobody heard it.

Orion uttered one of the countless curses he knew, causing the cup of tea Sirius was holding to burst. The exploding porcelain cut Sirius's hand and the boiling tea probably caused burns.

— THAT'S JUST A PICTURE OF WHAT'S AHEAD OF YOU IF YOU KEEP LIKE THIS, DID YOU UNDERSTAND IT, SIRIUS?

Sirius nodded sheepishly, gripping her wrist tightly with his unscratched hand, his eyes completely red, fighting back tears.

— AND NOW YOU BETTER RETIRE TO YOUR ROOM.

Sirius got up and ran up the stairs. A door slammed and Regulus rose, ready to help his brother dress up the cut. He had always been better at healing wounds, which was why his scars were less obvious than Sirius's.

— Regulus Arcturus Black, where do you think you're going, dear? — Bellatrix Black said behind him —

— I… I was going to see…

— Sirius? — she laughed with that crazy laugh that made Reggie's hair stand on end — cousin, your brother will be fine, a little tea doesn't kill anyone — she picked up her cup and emptied it into her hand — see? — Regulus confirmed any doubts that remained, his cousin was completely out of her mind. The Black’s mixture of cousins had made its appearance in Bellatrix's mental health. He watched as the tea ran down her hands and turned red, her expression unfazed, while Reg could feel the pain as if it was his own — come on, your mother asked me to take you back to the table of the cakes, something about a family signature…

Bellatrix grabbed the boy by the shoulder, digging her nails through Regulus's shirt. That hurt. Regulus didn't care about that, just looking back as he was pushed by his cousin. He wanted to scream, to run to help Sirius, but he knew that putting up another act would not help his brother's position at all.

Once in his room, Sirius knew that it had been enough, he wouldn't last all Christmas like this. He made the decision; he would go back to Hogwarts and have a better time there. Remus Lupin would be there too and some of the seventh years were staying as well. Sirius didn't have time to stop and think about his brother until he was at Hogwarts. He packed his bags very quickly, he didn't bother to heal his hands, he would go to Madame Pomfrey if it still hurt when he got back there.

Friday 24th of December 1971

Around six in the morning, the little twelve-year-old boy caught sight of the school and felt a surge of relief. When he entered the room he tried not to make any noise, he didn't want to wake Remus, but he did anyway.

— Sirius?! — Remus said as he saw him enter the room —

— Hi there Lupin — he tried to pretend everything was fine, he didn't want to think about his family, he was safe now —

— Damn you Black, what are you doing here? it's Christmas eve.

— Mhh… Yeah, I know. Lots of family drama for a vacation. I've had enough shit.

— Oh, sorry mate, is everything alright? — Remus had fully stood up now and was looking at Sirius with concern in his eyes, on one hand this touched Sirius, Remus didn't usually show emotions, but on the other he hated it. Who was he to complain about family to a boy who didn't even had one? —

— All right, enough blood traitor crap for a year haha. I'm hungry! Breakfast?

— Breakfast! — The answer seemed to satisfy Remus Lupin for the moment —

Regulus didn't sleep a single minute on the night of the 23rd. Before entering his room, he had knocked several times on his brother's door without an answer. He would have loved to sneak into Sirius's room at night to talk to him but Walburga had a warding spell to keep the children from going out at night, by the time their tea party ended, the spell was already active.

Reggie came out of his bedroom, pale, with huge black circles under his eyes. The first thing he tried was to knock on Sirius's door. Once again, he got no response. He stopped in front of the door and remained motionless for several minutes, just looking and thinking. “He may have already gone down to breakfast. Mom made him get up early. His hand hurts and he doesn't want to open the door. He's mad at me for not standing up for him yesterday." So many options appeared so abruptly in the little boy's head that it overwhelmed him. Thoughts were clouded with sleep and each one was worse than the last. “They have punished him for life. Dad's getting him out of Hogwarts. They have punished him without seeing me again. He thinks I'm a coward. He doesn't even want to see me. He hates me. He hates me."

A loud cry from the kitchen was what snapped him out of his trance. His mother was screaming hysterically. Regulus gathered his few strengths and went down to the kitchen, hoping only to find Sirius there with the screaming. No luck this time.
Regulus walked into the room, stretching his back, and trying to look smart. Both Orion and Walburga looked at their youngest son when he entered, but neither gave him a word.

— What happened? — Little Reggie tried to be noticed by his parents —

His voice was so thin on the air that even himself doubted any sound had left his mouth at all.

— Where is Sirius? — He gathered the courage to say it without hesitation, knowing that he could be punished just for mentioning his name—

— At Hogwarts — Orion’s response was sincere and cold —

— WHAT?!

— Your brother left this morning, probably down the chimney. — the little one was so shocked that he couldn't formulate a single word — Don't worry about the blood traitor Regulus, he will have a suitable punishment this summer upon his return and of course, he will spend the rest of his vacation at school.

Walburga did not look at her son at any time, which made the whole conversation much colder and distant. She had a talent for making her children feel small and insignificant and that was exactly how Regulus felt.

Regulus Black spent the holidays in lockdown with his family. He only said one word in the next days until vacations were over. "Coward" he told himself. Looking directly into the green of his eyes reflected in the mirror. Eyes full of anger and tears. He did not repeat it, it was not necessary. Regulus hated himself like never before. He hated himself for not standing up for Sirius, for letting him go.

Nobody noticed his silence. Not even Sirius, he wasn't there to notice.