unmoving seesaw
Hanbin hates lying. And he's fairly very bad at it too.
Zhang Hao on the other hand, has always been eerily good at acting his way out of everything.
So when Hanbin is having to lie on Hao's behalf and control the damage Hao is causing, he feels pretty bad about it. This must be really taxing on Hao. On top of that, their opponent being Danbi doesn’t make this task any easier.
Hanbin had some hope about this. He was expecting for it to go smoothly for the primary talking and had decided he would make up an excuse to send Danbi back. But when he opened the door to Danbi holding an overly excited Bori in her arms, who jumped Hanbin at the sight of it– aww his little baby. Oh, he has missed Bori. Bori is just so lovely, Hanbin still remembers the day he first held her in his ar–
This is not the point.
When Bori splayed herself on Hanbin's lap and started licking his chin, he himself all but expected Hao to join in and smother Bori with kisses. By the time reality sets in and Hanbin notices a stiff Hao beside him, he realises they have fucked up. Hao is supposed to love Bori more than Hanbin does himself. He should’ve warned Hao. He’s the one who forgot his dog at Danbi’s house. But with all the shit that happened yesterday, he thinks he deserves to be cut some slack.
Never mind.
Danbi has an intense stare pointed at Hao, occasionally glancing at Bori who has now had enough of her actual father and wants to go to the other one, who isn’t even her other dad. But in her defence, dogs can be stupid. But that’s rich coming from Hanbin considering he’s the one who fucked up. Again.
Hao looks half mortified and half confused. Hanbin signals him to take Bori in his arms but Hao is quick to retaliate.
He takes Danbi’s coat from her back instead and puts it on the coat hanger. “Welcome, eomoni. Sorry, I’m really hungover right now, don’t really feel good.”
Hanbin takes the cue and tries to calm Bori down, “Bori-ah,” he boops the dog’s nose, “Bàba is sick, he’s gonna love you later, okay?”
Hao awkwardly smiles at that and leads Danbi inside and plops down on the sofa before even waiting for her to sit.
Damn, Hao’s taking this hungover act seriously.
Hanbin realises Hao isn’t acting when he groans into his hand and starts massaging his temples. He lets Bori down, who circles in front of them and Hao’s headache seems to grow at the sight of it.
Hanbin turns his attention to Danbi who’s studying Hao, “Coffee? I’ll brew some for you.”
Danbi smiles and Hanbin addresses Hao, “What do you want? I’ll make you your favorite lemon tea.”
Hao seems taken aback for a split second. Hanbin wonders if it’s because this Hao doesn’t like lemon tea. But when Hao gathers himself and says, “Yeah, that’d really help now.” Hanbin realises it’s because Hao didn’t expect Hanbin to know what he likes.
Hanbin doesn’t particularly enjoy knowing so either. He is really starting to hate how similar his Hao and this one are.
Danbi starts talking then, “What happened last night?” She looks at Hanbin, “You spent the night outside.”
“Oh, so we’re stalking and spying on people now?” Hanbin raises a brow.
“Don’t be dense. Jiwoong told me you spent the night at his place.”
“Hao and I got into an argument. I needed some time away to calm down.”
Danbi addresses Hao, “An argument? Are things okay now?”
Hanbin replies on behalf of Hao before Hao finishes articulating his thoughts, “Yeah, we’re good. We talked this morning.”
Danbi nods wistfully and Hanbin puts the teabag into Hao’s mug, “I’m sure that’s not what you came here for?”
“I did have things to say, but you don’t look like you’re in a mood for conversing at the moment.” Danbi says to Hao.
Before he can realise it looks suspicious, Hanbin answers on his behalf again, “He’s just badly hungover. The quicker you finish this the quicker he can freshen up and take some rest.”
Danbi gives Hanbin an amused nod, “Alright then,” She braces herself, “As you know, we’re soon hitting the 29th anniversary of Zhang and KHP group merging. You have seen some of it but you haven’t seen all we’ve had to tackle every day since. It’s been exhausting for all the families.” Hanbin hands Danbi her coffee and Hao his tea who accepts it with a reluctant nod. He plops down on the sofa beside Hao and braces himself for the rest of the lecture.
“I’ve done everything I can to keep the companies functioning as smoothly as possible. And the hardest thing has always been trying to keep the personal grudges the Sungs and Zhangs have against each other out of the business. It isn’t easy to supervise East Asia’s biggest conglomerate with it's core international subsidaries absolutely hating each other.” Danbi looks at Hanbin then, oh its coming. “And yes, Sung&Co may be the biggest moneymaker, but it still has been an utterly unreasonable pain in the ass. All thanks to your father and his hatred for the Zhangs.”
Hao speaks up for the first time in a while then, “The Zhangs hate them just as much.” This little shit.
Danbi laughs at that and Hanbin rolls his eyes, “What our parents do has got nothing to do with us. I thought this was well established?”
“That’s been established for what, the last 2 years? Don’t think I’ve forgotten how it was before that. You and Hao were merely heirs with no legal autonomy over the business but it felt like you’d make KHP collapse single handedly. Simply because of how much you despised each other.”
Hanbin grimaces at the memory and feels Hao shift uncomfortably beside him. Hanbin thinks how what Danbi is saying right now is Hao’s current reality and what happened back then is going to happen again. He’s screwed.
Danbi speaks again as if she can read his mind, “I saw how distressed the boys were yesterday. The tension between you two felt too much like how it used be. I know it’s inevitable for people who start off with huge differences and have different ideologies to fall apart but you both have responsibilities. I will not tolerate you ruining this for the families.”
Hanbin snorts, “So you only want us to stay together ‘cause it benefits the companies?”
Danbi firmly nods as she sets her cup down at the table. Hanbin smiles at her bullshitting. He himself with his tender heart doesn't care about everyone as selflessly as Danbi does.
But Hanbin humours her, “You don’t have to worry about that anymore, Sung&Co is starting anew anyways.”
Danbi’s features twist momentarily and Hanbin can see Hao beside him grimace. Hanbin gestures at him to play along.
Hao rolls his eyes and sighs, “Don’t worry, after they buy themselves out, it’s not like they won’t maintain active partnership and collaborations with us.”
Well, that surely isn’t what Hanbin expected Hao to say that but he will take it over nothing.
“I can’t be sure of that when I'm handing over all the shares, can I? None of us are comfortable with what’s happening but we will help your father, Hanbin. If being forced counts as helping." Danbi huffs, "But that aside, what we are not going to do is pick up after the other messes that creates hurdles in this.” She pointedly looks at Hanbin and Hao. “I want– need this to go smoothly. So, I’ll be watching you both closely to make sure you’re deserving of the help for the demerger. Until the fundraising gala. I will finalise the paperwork then.”
The fundraising Gala is in two weeks. He really hopes he gets his Hao back by then. Because this Hao would definitely fuck it up. He could still somehow convince his Hao to help him but this one? It would be easier to walk to Cheonan on his hands.
Danbi moves to make her leave and they both get up to walk her to the door. She takes her coat and smoothens the fabric while walking out. On the door she says her goodbyes and leaves but not before she puts her hand on Hao’s cheek and says, “This is gonna be hard, just have some faith.”
Hanbin feels uncomfortable when she says that, something knowing in her tone. After she leaves, Hao practically all but waddles back to the sofa and plops down aggressively. He fiddles with his cup, clearly not wanting to talk to Hanbin.
Hanbin awkwardly informs Hao he’s going to go give Bori a bath and as expected, he isn’t given back a response.
Hanbin gives an extremely bratty Bori a bath and revels in the distraction at hand. Bori, on the other hand, is not having fun. She clearly wants her other dad to give her a bath. This leaves Hanbin wondering what his Hao might be doing right now. 'I really hope he's holding up well, I wish I could see him, I wish I could tell him again how sorry I am’, Hanbin finds himself thinking. But he stops himself as he realises he really does not have the right to do so.
With a deep sigh, he lets Bori free after drying her. Upon walking out to the bedroom, he feels oddly cold. The curtains are drawn shut and the darkness is suffocating. He walks over to the windows and presses the switch. When the curtains are opening up, the first thing Hanbin notices is the glass tainted star-catcher missing. He flunks the rest of the curtain aside to check for it and inspects the room to find it missing. His heart crumbles in on itself. The star-catcher that had made its place on the windows for two years is just– gone. Hanbin has never seen a day where Hao let the thing get misplaced. He would even clean that part of the window personally to make sure the first gift Hanbin had ever given him was in its place, safe.
It’s fitting to be honest. Hanbin’s life turning upside down and him losing Hao– even from before he was switched out– and the starcatcher being gone, it all makes sense.
And it's all his fault.
Hanbin sighs and picks Bori up, making his way outside the room. When he reaches the living room he lets Bori down and she immediately runs to Hao who’s seated at the same place Hanbin left him. Bori tries to cuddle with Hao and Hao shows no response. Only discomfort.
Hanbin sits across him, “I know you hate Bori. But she can’t tell the difference. She smells you and thinks you’re her other dad. Bori has always been a little dumb to be honest.” Hanbin smiles fondly. “I know you hate her and this situation but there’s nothing anybody can do right now. Just try to trust the boys. They’re out looking for a solution. Don’t make this even harder for yourself than it already is.”
Hanbin thinks he’s probably crossed a line, considering Hao hates hearing his voice even. But when Hao sighs and agrees with him, it takes him by surprise, “You’re right. But don’t expect me to suddenly be okay with your presence. I’ll tolerate this for formality. But I can’t just magically be alright with everything overnight.”
“Fair.” Hanbin says and moves to go back to his room, not wishing to drag out a conversation neither of them wish to have.
He could really use some sleep right now. Before Hanbin is out of the living room, he hears Hao say something really quietly.
“I don’t hate your dog.” Hao all but whispers.
“Huh?” Hanbin looks back.
Hao is a little more audible this time, “I don’t– hate her. If anything it’s the opposite. I’ve always wanted a pet, my parents never got me any. So, you and Gyuvin– I guess I really envied you two.” Hao finishes and his features twist immediately, clearly regretting oversharing.
This is the most Hao has said to Hanbin since this morning. And Hanbin can resonate, really.
Always the same thing, their damn families.
“Well, be her guest, she’s all yours for now, pretend or not.” Hanbin drones and watches as Hao lets Bori nuzzle closer to his stomach and slowly runs his fingers through her fur, her little tail wiggling.
Then Hanbin goes over to his room, thinks back to what his life has turned into within the span of a day, curls in on himself, and cries while he drifts to sleep.
☆
The weather is good right now. The clouds have cleared up and the sun is just hot enough to keep Gunwook warm. So there’s no reason for him to be sweating his balls off. He’d lie to himself and say it’s because of the Hao situation but nobody’s buying that. Taerae has been nothing but himself the whole way here. Gunwook tried to tell him he doesn’t have to do this but Taerae just politely brushed him off and continued making some calls to clear his schedules for the day. So why does Gunwook feel like he's walking on molten lava?
Gunwook is about to die from awkwardness when he finally decides to stop right before they enter the library and scoots over a little to the side, a confused Taerae promptly following him.
“I don’t know how to say this but this is just– really sudden, no? It’s just really hard for me to pretend everything’s normal.” Gunwook says, blunt as ever.
“I mean, our friend just got sucked into a parallel universe so obviously nothing’s okay.” Taerae thoughtfully replies.
“No, I don’t– I was talking about us.” Gunwook immediately feels regret build up at the pit of his stomach, years worth of regret.
Realisation seems to dawn on Taerae’s face. Maybe, he wasn’t pretending after all.
Taerae’s features soften, “It’s gonna be awkward if you make it awkward. It’s been 6 whole years, we were in high school back then so it’s obviously not gonna be easy to just fall into the old routine.”
“I know but this isn’t fair to you. Especially having to do this with me.”
“What?” Taerae softly laughs, “Man, come on. It’s been so long. We were kids. I don’t even remember most of what transpired back then. I’m happy where I am, if that’s any consolation. I wanna help my friends. We might not talk anymore but they’re still my friends. I won’t sit at home knowing I can do something. Besides, it’s not gonna be fair to me if I’m the only one trying to be normal and reconnect but you keep looking at me like you’re guilty– that too about something stupid that happened years ago.”
Gunwook would think Taerae was saying this for the sake of it any other time, but the casual tone and the genuineness in his voice makes Gunwook feel a little at ease. Taerae’s right. It’s only fitting considering Gunwook had heard that Taerae himself had moved on with someone. And he seems happy with his work and life too. They’re both just old flames (to Gunwook, at least) from their childhood in the passing to each other now, as it was always meant to be.
Gunwook nods and gives Taerae a genuine smile for the first time on the day.
“Let’s get going then.” Taerae enters the establishment, Gunwook following right behind him. “Starting with history?”
Gunwook nods and Taerae dramatically sighs with a smile, “Always hated history, took up church choir to escape exactly this but here we are.”
Gunwook laughs. “You have a new reason as to how you started singing every single time, hyung.”
Taerae snickers a little too loud for the quiet ambience around them, “What did I tell you the reason was when we first met again?”
“You told me your mother left you at an amusement park so you chose singing as a coping mechanism.” Gunwook thinks back to their first conversation. “Three days later, I met your mother, I was confused as fuck. I even asked her why she was suddenly back after abandoning you as a child.”
Taerae laughs until his stomach hurts and Gunwook joins him.
There's a storm brewing surrounding them, but the one in Gunwook's stomach seems to have slowed its pace. Maybe, just maybe, they'll be fine.
☆
Hanbin wakes up to the sound of his phone buzzing relentlessly. He rubs his eyes groggily and grunts while trying to open them enough to see the Caller ID. Upon seeing Ricky’s name he sobers up almost immediately. It’s stupid but he really hopes they’ve found a way out of the current situation. Even though the sun hasn’t even set yet.
“Hyung, hi. Before you ask, we’ve found nothing. We’re trying though.” Ricky says from the other end of the line, his voice dripping with exhaustion. “But, we have to pause for a while now because Jiwoong-hyung has asked all of us to meet him at the usual place.”
As if Hanbin hadn’t had enough for the day.
“Usual place being Oscilia or Danbi’s?”
“Oscilia, thank fuck. Going to Danbi’s mansion and trying to hide what’s happening from both her and Jiwoong-hyung would be impossible.” Ricky sighs in relief. “I think Jiwoong-hyung wants to meet up to give you and Hao post break-up therapy.”
Hanbin groans into his hand. Jiwoong’s been going through enough. Hanbin would beat himself up for being such a menace to his hyung if he didn’t already have so much on his plate. He says no to Ricky for the sake of it but Ricky convinces him to come considering Jiwoong would show up at his doorstep if he didn’t. Plus, Hanbin doesn’t need to make this any harder for Jiwoong or himself.
He keeps the phone down and gets out of his room to check up on universe-swapped Hao. To his surprise, Hao wasn't where he had last left him. Instead he’s greeted by their home maintenance lady who sets the pet bowl up for Bori. Hanbin didn't even remember to feed his fucking dog.
Hanbin apologises to the woman who kindly brushes it away. He lets out a deep sigh and his first instinct moves him towards the patio and once he is nearing he sees Hao on the other side of the glass, leaning against the railing of the balcony, staring at Seoul’s skyline. The sun is about to set, the sky is a mirage of orange. Blue and pink serenading the sun in their subtle hues. Hao has always liked sunsets and everything beautiful nature had to offer. It’s one of the reasons why Hanbin fell for him. If he could, he would give his life for a little bug.
This one would probably take Hanbin’s life first though. So he braces himself, carefully walks towards him not wanting to break him out of his thoughts.
He stands beside Hao who snaps his head to the side, almost flinching. He decides to ignore Hanbin and continues to stare at the skyline.
Hanbin sucks in a defeated breath, “We need to go to Oscilia in a while. Jiwoong-hyung wants us there.”
Hao’s head snaps to face Hanbin again, fierce with his eye contact while Hanbin tries to look anywhere else.
“What?”
“You heard me, Jiwoong-hyung saw us– me and our Hao-hyung break up last night, it was really bad. So now he wants to see if we're okay and I don’t know, try to make things lighter I guess.” Hanbin finishes.
“Okay.” Hao drawls. “And I should give a flying fuck about any of this because?”
Hanbin wants to snap, but he knows he needs to be the reasonable one here, “You know why. If you wanna go back you’re gonna have to cooperate.”
Hao looks defeated, “Fucking,” he seethes as his head drops down. He runs his hand through his hair and tries to gain his composure back, “Fine, yeah okay, what the fuck do I have to do now?”
“Dodge his questions, we will all cover for you, pretend to get wasted as soon as you get there, it will be easier for you to dodge his questions that way. And, you know how Jiwoong-hyung works, you know the basics of what happened, so just act according to that.” Hanbin explains carefully.
Hao looks lost in his own thoughts but he responds nonetheless, “Okay.”
Hanbin thinks that this is enough for now. They both will need time to process everything, in their own ways.
“Okay, I’m gonna leave you to it then. Be ready by 6. I’ll drive us there.” Hanbin prompts and waits for a response while Hao just gives him a small nod.
He moves to leave but then stops in his tracks and looks back, “Hao, we will find a way out of this. Just hold on a bit.” he adds. Without waiting for a response, he makes for his room.
☆
It’s almost 6:30 when Hanbin reaches his garage and walks over to his car. He looks at his watch and sighs after he realises Hao is gonna make them reach even later than they already are. Or maybe, Hao is planning to not show up, at all. Hanbin will probably have to go upstairs and beg him.
“God, what a brat.” Hanbin croons to himself while shuffling his pockets for the keys.
“I have my reasons for being a brat, Sung-ssi.” Hao seethes from behind Hanbin.
Hanbin’s head snaps in Hao’s direction. He hadn’t even heard Hao come. At first glance, Hanbin almost chokes on air when he sees Hao’s satin grey shirt, hanging loosely above his waistline and– that damn choker. And of course, of fucking course, the leather pants. Hanbin always had trouble breathing around Hao when he’d wear them. Even two years in, it never gets old. And it really doesn’t help knowing that this isn’t his Hao. They both look the fucking same. Hanbin’s face suddenly feels hot, so he clears his throat and moves to open the car’s door and slip into the driver’s seat.
“Yeah, you are just, 30 whole minutes late, Zhang-ssi. You know Jiwoong-hyung hates when people are late.” Hanbin says as he starts the engine.
“Oh, do I? Last time I checked, I don’t know anything about any of you. Cause if you haven’t heard, I’m in a different fucking world than my own.” Hao snaps from outside.
Hanbin can already feel a headache coming. Hao’s chattier than before and he supposes it’s because the initial shock has worn off, much to Hanbin’s dismay.
“Don’t be dramatic, Ricky told you nothing significant is different here than your world, just some situational differences.”
“I don’t give a fuck what Ricky says.”
“At least be a little thankful? He’s trying his best to help you. It’s only been a day, give us a break.” Hanbin huffs.
Hanbin can feel his patience wearing off. That rarely happens and he fucking hates it.
“He isn't doing shit for me. He’s doing this for your Hao.” Hao reasons and Hanbin sighs. He knows it's pointless to argue with Hao. He has never won an argument with him and knows very well he won’t now either.
“Just get in the car, I don’t want to be any later than we are. Ricky has been blowing my texts up.”
“Excuse me? What do you mean get in the car? I’m going alone. I’m not putting my ass in there.”
Hanbin wants to bang his head against the steering wheel.
“Sure, keep your godly ass as protected as you want but right now there's guards on watch. If they see us in different cars they will rat us out to Danbi. You know that. So if you want to go back to your universe, get in.”
Hao defeatedly huffs, “You need to give that manipulation tactic up to God, it’s fucking foul.”
Hao gets in and makes an act of looking disgusted as he does so, scrunching his nose and dusting his hands off every time he touches something.
As they wait for the guards to open the gate he quips, “Never call my ass godly again, I will resort to murder, you don’t know how scary I am.”
Hanbin’s natural instinct is to snort but he stops himself in the fear of getting lashed out at again.
He greets the guard as he mumbles to them to look after the place while he is gone as a form of courtesy, and once he starts the car again he responds to Hao, “I think you keep forgetting that I’ve been dating your twin for the past two years.”
Even though Hanbin had meant it as a light nudge, that seems to make Hao put his guards up again. He mutters a simple ‘right’ and the rest of the ride is silent.
Hanbin really hates how he would rather have Hao yell at him. He has always hated silence.
☆
Hanbin parks his car inside Oscilia’s parking lot and Hao steps out immediately. Hanbin feels uncomfortable walking towards the establishment. Which is ironic really, this place has been his and the other boys’ comfort place for ever since they’ve been born. The Sungs had opened the place up two years into being a subsidiary of KHP group. Back then, it used to be a simple diner and now it’s one of the only few sacred queer spaces of Seoul. A queer-only cafe by day and a typical gay bar at night.
Hanbin walks first and Hao reluctantly follows him. They’re greeted at the entrance and Hanbin notices how the place is emptied entirely. Before they arrive, there’s usually orders to close the place to customers but the lack of servers and drag queens is making Hanbin feel very uneasy. He sees Ricky waving at them from the other end of the bar, a martini in hand, which he hands to his boyfriend and walks over to them.
“What took you so long? Oh god, Jiwoong-hyung wouldn’t stop harassing us.” Ricky says pointedly at Hanbin.
“What do you think?” Hanbin indicates at Hao, who is uncomfortably looking around from his side.
Ricky then turns his attention and lurches onto Hao in a suffocatingly tight hug. Hao squirms in his embrace and tries to break free.
Ricky whispers into his ears, “Jiwoong-hyung is watching, ge, play along.”
“Where the fuck is Jiwoong-hyung because I’m not seeing him anywhere.” Hao squirms in the hug again.
“He’s everywhere.” Ricky drawls.
“You’re very annoying.” Hao tells Ricky after he finally manages to pry himself free.
Ricky grins, “It’s my charm, among other things.”
Ricky tells them to follow him as he leads them to Jiwoong. Jiwoong and Gyuvin seem to be engrossed in very serious conversation when they get there. Upon getting closer they realise the duo is having a heated argument about Animal Sex Representation In Media, their usual. Hanbin clears his throat and the ambience becomes less heated. Or not, depending on one’s standards.
Jiwoong turns to look at them and frowns, “Why’re you so late?”
“Damn, no hi, hello, good morning, how are you– nothing?” Hanbin responds.
Jiwoong only scoffs, “Hanbin-ah, you’re in line to take over your soon-to-be independent company after your father and you still don’t understand the importance of time management?”
What Jiwoong said had no bite, Hanbin knows he only meant it as a joke but hell, if these jokes aren’t getting old.
“I really shouldn’t be the one who deserves to be subjected to this harassment.” Hanbin replies, hinting at the man beside him.
“Shut the fuck up.” Hao bites out, instantly regretting talking.
“That bad, huh?” Jiwoong asks no one in particular.
“Worse.” Ricky and Gyuvin say together. Their heads turn to each other immediately and they kiss.
Hao looks away from the scene in front of him and goes over to the other side of the bar, asking the bartender for drinks. Hanbin sighs in relief upon seeing Hao follow what he had told him to do.
Jiwoong speaks up then, “Now that you’re single, you should go chat some people up. Talk about capitalism and systematic oppression and everything. Chicks dig that.”
“I don’t know what chicks dig but I can sure dig a grave for you, hyung.” Hanbin says.
Hao comes back with his drink when Gyuvin says, “Ooh, foreplay.”
Everyone collectively ignores Gyuvin and continue making small talk. Ricky goes to get more drinks for everyone and Jiwoong moves his attention to Hao.
“I need to talk to Hao, alone. Both of you go somewhere else.” He says to Hanbin and Gyuvin.
Hao’s eyes go big and before Hanbin can say anything Hao speaks up, “There’s nothing to talk about. I’d rather have this time to myself.”
Jiwoong frowns, “There’s a lot to talk about, Hao. I think we should get that out of the way first.”
“Not everything is your responsibility, hyung. You’re allowed to have one day to yourself where you’re not picking up after our shit.” Hao replies with a firmness in his voice that makes Hanbin think this was personal. Maybe Hao’s thinking back to an incident in his own universe that prompted him to say this.
Either way, Jiwoong looks taken aback for a beat but he quickly regains his composure, “I’m not trying to pick up after anyone. I just wanna know how you’re holding up and what’s on your mind. It’s for my own peac–” Jiwoong’s sentence gets cut short when he looks at a spot behind Hao and gapes, “Is that– fucking Kim Taerae?”
Everyone’s heads snap at the direction Jiwoong is looking at and they see Gunwook walking in waving at them while an awkward Taerae is tailing behind him.
“Woah, yeah that is. Did you just curse?” Gyuvin asks. “I swear this is the first time I’ve heard you curse since like the 18th century.”
“What the fuck, he has gotten so much hotter than I last saw him.” Jiwoong drawls and Hanbin thinks, this is gonna be a long night.
Gunwook and Taerae get to them and Jiwoong immediately moves forward, his attention fixed at Taerae. “Kim Taerae, wow, this is insane. You look really hot, by the way.”
Hanbin cringes while everyone else uncomfortably smiles. Taerae however, seems to take the compliment with an open heart and giggles airily.
“You remain the same, hyung.” Taerae offers his hand for a handshake, “It’s nice to see.”
“Gunwook, what the hell? You should’ve told me Taerae-ssi was gonna be here today, I would’ve dressed up better.” Jiwoong pouts to his brother. Hanbin wonders if this is just a way of Jiwoong politely asking what the hell Taerae is doing here after all this time.
Gunwook quickly answers, “I didn’t expect to see him either. After Hao and Hanbin broke up last night, Hao contacted Taerae to reconnect and asked him to be here today. I just happened to meet him outside.”
Beside Hanbin, Ricky whispers to Hao, “He’s so good at making up stories, no?”
Hao annoyedly replies, “It’s not a story.”
Hanbin guessed that much. There’s no way Hao would agree to go through with this night with all of them and Taerae not being present. Hanbin will need to talk to Taerae personally and thank him for being so nice later on.
Jiwoong addresses Taerae again, “What do you wanna drink?” He looks at Gunwook, “Get him a drink, come on. You’d know what he likes.”
Everyone squirms uncomfortably. This is odd, Hanbin thinks. There’s no bite in Jiwoong’s voice– if anything there’s– mirth? Jiwoong seems to notice the disturbance he caused and speaks up again.
He uncomfortably laughs, “Oh– no I didn’t mean it like that. Wook’s known Taerae-ssi the longest so I thought he’d know what he would like.”
Gunwook turns towards his brother, “You think his preferred drink wouldn’t change in six years?”
Taerae laughs then, “Gunwook-ah, you didn’t even know my drink preference back then. Weren’t we both not of legal age back then?”
Jiwoong breathes out an amused laugh, “Don’t think I don’t remember you guys doing beer can raids in 7-11, Taerae-ssi.”
“What’s with the formality? You’ve never called me Taerae-ssi.” Taerae arches his brow.
“Well, it’s been a while since I’ve last seen you. Plus, with the way you look right now, the formality is kind of slipping out.” Jiwoong winks at Taerae who giggles again.
“Well thank you. Credits to my boyfriend, he picks most of my outfits out for me, actually. Says I can’t be trusted with dressing myself. I think we’re pretty much the same in the style sensibility department, though.” Taerae says, with a proud boxy grin.
At that, Jiwoong’s face all but deflates and Gunwook looks like he wants to dig himself a grave.
Amidst all this Taerae seems to take note of Hao on the other side. He takes a drink Ricky offers him and makes for Hao after excusing himself. Hanbin sees Taerae sit down on the stool beside Hao and Hao almost immediately relaxes as they start talking. Ricky and Gyuvin move to the dance floor, dancing to a slow ballad all by themselves. Jiwoong excuses himself to go talk to Hao and Taerae. Hanbin hopes they don’t slip up.
Gunwook takes a big sip from his drink, “Looked around the biggest library in Seoul and still couldn’t find anything. The internet isn’t helping much either. Yujin’s trying to find something in different forums, from people who’ve been through the same but it all’s just the same thing, stories of how they landed here. No solutions.”
Hanbin looks at one of the booths at the opposite corner of the bar then, Yujin crumpled up with his phone in his hand, if it was any other day Hanbin would give him a lecture about eye health and good posture but for now all he can do is feel thankful for Yujin doing everything he can to help.
Hanbin moves his attention to Gunwook, “But do these people like– stop talking? Maybe if they did that’d mean they went back.”
“There’s not a lot of people talking about this. Most of these could even be fake. But there’s also some people talking about how they’ve been stuck here their whole life.”
Hanbin sucks in a deep breath, Gunwook continues, “But I do remember reading something about the origin of this. The very first dated case, some form of urban legend. Gyuvin, Ricky and I are gonna continue our hunt, searching every piece of paper we can. Have hope, okay? We got you.” Hanbin can’t help but smile a little at that. Gunwook’s always so logical, so mature since such a young age. So having him be wishfully hopeful is kind of nice for a change. Maybe, they could find a way out of this. They have to.
“I’ll help however I can.” Hanbin says with a nod.
“Yeah, I know. But you focus on your work.” Gunwook smiles. “I gotta talk to Hao-hyung though, he’s the key to all this and I have to find out everything I can about his situation. So– your job right now is to distract Jiwoong-hyung.”
Hanbin looks to where Jiwoong is standing beside Hao and Taerae. Jiwoong seems to be lecturing Hao on something– occasionally turning his head towards Taerae to say something with a flirtatious stature that makes Taerae put his head back and laugh. Hanbin seriously needs to have a conversation about boundaries and unethical humour with Gyuvin and Jiwoong one of these days.
“You might as well have just told me to jump off somewhere, that would’ve been easier.”
Gunwook scoffs, “Don’t be dramatic, hyung. It won’t even be hard for you. Isn’t he your favorite hyung?”
“I literally have only one hyung.”
Gunwook lifts an eyebrow in reply and Hanbin defeatedly sighs. “He was my boyfriend, it doesn’t count. But ugh, okay, fine.”
The things he has to do in this family.
Hanbin walks over to Jiwoong and asks him to move to one of the booths to have a one on one conversation. Jiwoong seems to comply almost immediately. Odd, Hanbin thinks. But when Jiwoong looks at him with eyes filled with concern, Hanbin realizes Jiwoong’s worried about how Hanbin is holding up after everything that has transpired. Ah, typical Jiwoong.
Gunwook was right, that’s his favorite hyung, alright.
Hanbin takes his seat on one of the booths right beside the window to the parking lot and Jiwoong sits across from him. He sees Gunwook already engaging in conversation with Hao, Taerae sitting there listening to the conversation intently. Jiwoong tries to take another drink from one of the servers but Hanbin swats his hand and takes the drink away, replacing it with a cold glass of water and squeezes some lemon on top of it.
Jiwoong pouts when Hanbin hands him the glass, “You’re so boring. You haven’t even downed a single drop of alcohol tonight.”
“Oh you noticed? Thought you were too busy out there.” Hanbin says pointing his head to where Taerae is, who is now being escorted by a very excited Ricky and Gyuvin to the dance floor.
“Those two are way too cheerful considering everything, must be nice.” Jiwoong sighs dramatically.
Hanbin feels bad for Jiwoong, really. He does have too much on his plate. He hopes Jiwoong doesn’t find out that there's so much more to everything that is happening, he doesn't deserve to be burdened with so much.
“I’m not drinking because I still need to drive home, with Hao. Because Danbi has a bounty on my head. If she sees me being irresponsible with Hao or travelling without him she’s gonna have my head on a plate.”
“Fair. But why are you saying that to me like I did something. I’ve got nothing to do with what my mother does.” Jiwoong says, grimacing as he takes a sip of his lemon water.
Before Hanbin can say anything, Jiwoong has a sudden realisation, “Oh wait, is this payback for us blaming you for siding with your father?”
Hanbin cocks his head, “You were blaming me? I thought you said you were neutral on this.”
“Well– I mean, if the shoe fits.” Jiwoong shrugs and Hanbin shakes his head while snorting. “Anyways, how are you with the whole Hao situation?”
Ah yes, the breakup. Hanbin hadn’t even had time to process his emotions after last night. As much as he had mentally prepared himself for it for weeks, it hadn’t been an easy decision. And he sure as hell didn’t expect his post-breakup depression time to be consumed by Hao practically disappearing from the face of this earth, leaving Hanbin a copy of himself he’d known ages ago, prior to when they fell in love.
But well, he deserves it.
Hanbin sighs, “It’s fine. We’re gonna go our own ways after the deal passes anyway. I’ll probably be shifted a lot– would have to travel around a lot for work so that’s gonna keep me disengaged from this world. I’ll be fine.”
“We won’t though.” Jiwoong mutters.
“Huh?”
“We’re gonna miss you, Hanbin. The table will always feel empty when we have our bi-annual gatherings and you’re not there to make bets with me on which one of the parents will pick a fight first.”
“I can’t believe my bet on Mr Shen lost that day, by the way.” Hanbin laughs at the memory, “I’m gonna miss you guys too but please stop talking about me like I’m dying, I’ll still come over all the time. Plus, I’m never missing a Chuseok or Seolnal at Danbi’s, are you crazy?”
“You just wanna watch everyone fight.” Jiwoong laughs when Hanbin agreeingly shrugs to that.
He adds, “But then you’ll have to keep seeing Hao though.”
“I’d like to. I don’t want us to be strangers, I still love and respect him a lot.” Hanbin looks at Hao then, he’s being dragged by a very persuasive Ricky to the dance floor, once he refuses, Taerae seems to gesture at him to join them and he finally agrees. “But we were always very different people. So I guess– we were never meant to be.”
☆
Yujin makes his way to Hanbin in the booth when the rest of them are taking a break from dancing and getting some refreshers at the bar. He sits down beside Hanbin and sympathetically smiles.
“Not gonna force you to come dance with us today but you don’t have to sit here looking so miserable.”
Hanbin straightens up, “What? I’m not miserable. I’m just resting.”
“Hyung, you’re looking at him like you’re gonna have a heart attack anytime.” Yujin looks at Hao, who’s made his way back to the floor and is practically grinding with a giggly Taerae at this point. Jesus christ, how much did Hao drink?
Hanbin quickly turns his face back to a neutral expression when he realizes his eyebrows are underturned in worry. Yujin speaks up again, “Don’t. Don’t give yourself shit for feeling anything about him. They look the same. And I talked to him, it’s the same story. But just– some things changed two years ago and well– butterfly effect. Things kept changing one by one from the smallest things. But for the most part, it's all the same.”
“You’re so grown up now, it’s crazy.” Hanbin ruffles Yujin’s hair and his face scrunches up in disdain, “And I’m not giving myself shit for that. I’m not supposed to feel anything in the first place. Definitely not at the expense of our Hao.”
Gunwook, who overheard a bit of their conversation slips into the seat beside Yujin, “Hyung, he’s supposed to be your ex of like, a day, you’re gonna need time. Take this in a positive way, since this guy here isn’t our Hao, you can try to desensitize yourself from your feelings.”
“Damn, I can't believe I live to see the day I get relationship advice from the kids I raised on my back." Hanbin says as he pretends to wipe away a tear, both Gunwook and Yujin rolling their eyes. He continues, "Anyway, yeah, that shouldn’t be too hard. I’m good at turning off my emotions.” Gunwook gives him a sad, knowing smile and Hanbin switches topics, “Speaking of exes, how was it seeing yours?”
Gunwook turns his head towards the floor where Taerae is exercising his skills on the pole while the rest of the boys cheer him on.
Gunwook sighs, “Haha, I wish he was my ex.”
Hanbin softly scoffs this time, “It’s bizarre. Your brother, who your now taken not-ex has extensive history with, is hitting on him and you’re sending him puppy eyes. It’s so weird. Unethical even.”
“Oh, so it’s not unethical when Gyuvin is joking about giving me head right in front of Ricky?”
“I seriously miss when you guys would infantilize me and put each other on death row trials for mild cursing ‘in front of the baby’, I seriously do not need to hear all this, dude.” Yujin winces.
Hanbin flashes Yujin a sympathetic smile and carries on, “Ricky and Gyuvin are a disturbed pair in a questionably beautiful relationship where they know their boundaries. But we don’t know Taerae like that anymore, let alone his relationship.”
“Jiwoong-hyung still has absolutely no idea about the extensive history you spoke of so you can’t blame him for appreciating beauty in his drunkened state. And– I’m not sending Taerae-hyung puppy eyes. I just feel bad. I’ve hurt him a lot, you know? And seeing him just come here and help us is not helping my conscience.”
“Wook-ah, I’ve seen you contemplating apologizing to Taerae every single day of your life. You were literally just a kid with big feelings back then. But you still sent him that letter and he told Hao he has nothing against you– and you still, still blame yourself for– for not wanting to lose your first love? You hurt him but he was also too young. It seriously is not as big as you make it out to be.” Hanbin squeezes Gunwook’s hand, “Taerae’s got a new life too. He’s moved on, sounds like he has a lovely boyfriend, it’s time you do the same.”
“I’ve moved on, of course. Just seeing Jiwoong-hyung and Taerae-hyung smiling together made me think of what I ruined.” Gunwook says and Hanbin’s lips upturn in frustration, “If I’m still reeling from the remnants of my first love, he could be too, you know. I know he’s happy but I’m just haunted by the what could’ve beens I ruined because of my selfishness. But well, there’s bigger things to worry about now.”
Hanbin nods, “I think you should talk to Jiwoong-hyung about it, it’s about time really.”
“You guys are doing too much, this really is not that serious. Remember when I thought in high school it was the end of the world because I fell in love with this Noona who had a boyfriend? Look at where I am now, gay and thriving, although lowkey non practising but still happy.”
“Are you not bisexual?” Gunwook asks.
“When I’m bored.”
“Wow, Gyuvin really is right about having birthed you, please stop hanging out with him.” Hanbin contorts his face.
“A-nyway," Gunwook drawls, "You’re right I guess. It’s been too long and it’ll just open a pandora box of webs if I bring this up with Jiwoong-hyung so I might as well just take the guilt to my grave.”
“You would know a lot about opening boxes.” Yujin helpfully offers.
Gunwook groans out a, “I’m gonna kill myself.” at the same time as Hanbin says, “Yujin, please.”
Hanbin is left wondering why not a single person in their family slash friend group is remotely functionally normal as the conversation draws to an end, with much left to be said.
This is going to be a long night.
☆
It’s around midnight when Hao keeps falling off of every surface he puts his feet on. Initially, it was Hao being Hao. But when Hao almost falls face flat from standing on top of one of the booth tables and screaming about how much he hates Hanbin, that is when Hanbin realizes he needs to immediately escort Hao out of here or Jiwoong’s going to find out what’s happening. To his fortune, Jiwoong tells him to take Hao home considering it’s not good for him to be drinking this much two nights, back to back.
Hao walks his way to the bar again with the boys following him and he almost falls when he tries to sit on the stool again. This time, both Jiwoong and Taerae hold him from falling, their shoulders bumping into each other in the process.
Jiwoong laughs, “This is like a scene out of a romance movie.”
“Ah yes, peak romanticism is when one drunk ajussi is about to throw up on me and another drunk ajussi.” Taerae replies, balancing Hao on his side.
Jiwoong turns to look at Gunwook, “Drive me home, your pretty ex boyfriend just called me ajussi.”
Gunwook grimaces, “Only place I’m driving you to is the hospital.”
“You don’t even have a license.” Jiwoong slurs.
Gyuvin puts a hand on his chest, “He has the license to my heart.”
“Hao, we need to go home.” Hanbin says, ignoring the rest of the conversation.
Gyuvin addresses Jiwoong again, “Also, not to make this situation even more awkward than you’ve already made it, but I call Hanbin-hyung ajussi all the time.” Gyuvin looks Hanbin straight in the eye and winks, “But I still kinda want him.”
Ricky laughs and calls his boyfriend a freak (affectionate), weird dynamics if you ask Hanbin– at the same time as Hanbin says, “Okay we’re leaving. Let’s go.”
Hao refuses to go with Hanbin and talks about his tummy hurting when Hanbin asks Taerae to help him walk to the bathroom so he can puke it out. Once they reach, and Taerae has sat Hao down on the floor with the trashbin, Ricky and Gyuvin offer to stay and help but Hanbin asks everyone to leave because this might take some time. Gunwook quickly says his goodbyes after informing everyone that their driver is here to pick them up and takes Jiwoong home. Hanbin asks Ricky and Gyuvin to leave and drop Taerae off as well, he’s had a long day. Taerae insists he can find himself a cab and go back by himself but Hanbin doesn’t hear a word of it. Gyuvin practically drags him out and Ricky looks back a couple times, reluctant to leave Hao alone. Hanbin reassures him and Ricky finally leaves after patting Hao’s head once, who swats his hand away in response.
Once they’re alone, Hao starts muttering about how much he hates Hanbin.
“Do you think you can throw up now or do you wanna go home?” Hanbin asks, squatting down to face Hao.
Hao turns to the other side, holding the bin tight in his hands, possibly planning to hit Hanbin with it if necessary. Hao looks around and muses, “What a sexy bathroom, amazing architecture. I can’t tell if I wanna get fucked here or fuck my head up by banging it against the tiles.”
“Alright, we’re going back.” Hanbin gets up and wraps his jacket around while Hao faintly tries to push Hanbin away, but fails due to the weight of his own head. Hao almost passes out in his arms when Hanbin tries to carefully hold him over the jacket and walk him outside. Hao squirms around a lot making it difficult for Hanbin to be as careful as to not touch him while he’s drunk. He adjusts the jacket properly on him and holds his shoulders lightly over it to walk him over to the car.
Hanbin carefully opens the car door with one of his hands and helps Hao get in with another on the back seat, Hao immediately splays himself down on the seat, his boots still on. Hanbin ignores that for now and hands Hao a paper bag in case he needs to throw up. Hao instead takes it and starts blowing air into it, giggling as he pops it and it tears on the side.
Fuck. Hanbin had forgotten how cute Hao gets when he’s shit-drunk.
Sung Hanbin, get it together. Don’t romanticize the doppelganger of your ex being drunk. Be normal.
Okay.
He’s gonna be normal.
...
Fuck.
He can’t be normal.
Hanbin realizes halfway through the drive that it’s impossible to stay normal when Hao is snoring lightly behind him and keeps slightly waking up and muttering something incoherent and– giggling then falling asleep again. Hanbin should’ve gotten drunk. He’s way too sober for this.
It’s past midnight when they reach the apartment complex. Hanbin carefully fixes the jacket on Hao who leans his entire frame on Hanbin, scent of citrus and pinewood filling Hanbin’s nostrils. This is driving him insane. Hao smells exactly how he used to– two years ago, when Hanbin first fell in love with him.
Hanbin speeds up his steps, Hao stepping on him multiple times, too sleepy to process what’s going on. When Hanbin reaches the penthouse, he sighs in relief. He half contemplates putting Hao on the sofa but what’s a few more steps? He can do this.
When halfway through his strides to the bedroom, Hao snuggles in closer, his head in the nape of Hanbin's neck which sends shivers down his body, Hanbin realizes he should’ve thrown Hao’s ass on the sofa.
He places Hao on the bed and carefully takes his shoes off, he wonders if he should remove Hao’s choker– it looks uncomfortable to sleep in– not that Hanbin has noticed how it sticks to his throat and rests right on his Adam’s apple, because that would be creepy. Hanbin doesn’t even know this Hao like that– he might as well be a complete stranger. He decides he will let it be how it is. He doesn’t want to violate Hao’s personal space anymore.
When Hanbin adjusts the blanket on top of Hao, he hears him mutter something, “Are you real?” Hao’s eyes flutter open a little, struggling to keep them open, Hao speaks again. “You don’t feel real.”
Hanbin sits on the side of the bedframe and sighs, “Why? What do I feel like?”
Hao squirms under his blankets and huffs, “Mm, sleepy.”
Hanbin sighs again, this time getting up to leave. Once he turns, he hears Hao’s voice slur, “Rain.”
Hanbin stops, he looks back to see Hao turn once more and snuggle deeper inside his blankets, falling asleep.
He doesn’t know what to make of it. His Hao loves when it rains. He used to hate it once. This Hao is stuck in that exact time. He shouldn’t be surprised that Hao compared Hanbin to something he hates. But what surprised him was how softly Hao said it– fond even. Hanbin shakes his head and walks out. He plops down on the sofa and sighs, Hao’s drunk. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying– there’s no need to overanalyse it. Because, however Hanbin interprets the situation they’re in, whatever happens from now on, he knows it won’t be good.
Unless Hanbin closes his heart, it won’t end well for him.