Chapter 4
Christmas break rolled around faster than Sirius cared for it to. Especially since he had gotten a rather threatening letter from his mother the week leading up to it, telling him he would be coming home for Christmas. James had invited them all to stay at his house and was utterly devastated when Sirius had to decline. Remus declined as well, for unknown reasons. But Peter, they found out, only lived two miles away from James. He would go visit as much as he could.
Sirius didn’t want to go home for Christmas because of the obvious…having to go home, but also because Hogwarts was especially grand during winter and around Christmas. Sparkling snow blanketed the mountains and trees, tinsel and mistletoe hung on bannisters, students and professors in bulky jumpers, and great trees lining the Entrance Hall covered in snow and tiny figurines charmed by Flitwick.
“I’ll die without seeing you for two weeks!” James wailed to Sirius, in the Hogwarts Express on the way to London. James was stretched out, taking up half of the compartment.
“You didn’t even know each other before four months ago.” Remus mentioned.
“In my heart, I always have.” James whispered, dramatically.
“Then that’s what will get you through it.” the painfully logical Remus said.
James sighed loudly.
“Exploding Snap?” Peter asked, rummaging in his trunk.
“Go on then.” James said, staring curiously at Sirius who had been silent for most of the ride.
In the midst of their game of Exploding Snap, Andromeda passed the compartment door. She paused and waved at Sirius grimly, as if saying she felt the same way about going home. Sirius held his hand up in a single wave motion back. He realised he had never fully understood how she felt. He knew she fared better than him at home, got along well with her parents, alright with her sisters, but she’d been getting restless and even at Sirius’s young age he could tell.
“Who was that?” James asked, immediately distracted from the game that Peter won two points.
“Just my cousin.” Sirius said.
“Right, what’s happening here?” James spoke to the compartment at large, “You’re suddenly getting along with your cousins, who were horrible the last time I checked, Remus is off ill every week, and now Peter’s beating me at Exploding Snap!” as Peter won three more points.
“I’m not ill every week.” Remus said, quietly.
“Ah ha!” Peter shouted as he won the game. A thing he rarely accomplished when playing with James.
“It’s only Bellatrix I really despise.” Sirius explained, “I like Andromeda and Narcissa’s alright, I reckon.” He didn’t feel the need to go into much more detail. The affairs of him and his brother still felt too personal to share with almost anyone.
The rest of the journey went smoothly. James seemed to forget about his irritation, at least then, and Sirius tried to be more talkative. James and Peter played two more games of Exploding Snap both of which James won. Then Peter somehow convinced Remus to play until the train pulled into the station.
Walking along the platform with James, Remus, and Peter beside him, Sirius felt a dark looming presence in his very near future.
Remus and Peter smiled and waved and ran to join their parents across the platform. But a tall man and woman, who Sirius guessed to be James’s mother and father, came over to where Sirius and James stood.
“James. Oh, my baby.” his mother cooed as she bent down to hug him.
“I’m not a baby, mum.” James said, embarrassed, letting go of his mother and letting his father pull him in. James’s mother then turned to Sirius.
“Oh, and is this your friend?” she asked, glancing back at James for confirmation, “Sirius? I’m James’s mother Euphemia, and his father is Fleamont.”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs Potter.” Sirius said politely.
“Just call me Effie. Everyone does.” she smiled.
“Effie.” James said quietly from behind her.
“It’s mum to you!” Euphemia laughed, gently hitting James on the shoulder. Then, to Sirius’s shock, she held out her arms. He let her hug him. It was an awkward experience, as he was not used to such extreme physical affection. As Euphemia stepped back she said,
“We would have loved to have you over for Christmas. But I’m sure your family wanted to have you home for the holidays. They must have missed you terribly.”
Sirius somehow doubted it. James must not have told them what his family was like, but of course James didn’t fully get it and that wasn’t his fault.
With a loud crack Kreacher, the family house-elf, appeared next to Sirius. Euphemia greeted him but Kreacher ignored her.
“Young Master Black must come with me.” the elf bowed, then held out his arm to Sirius.
“See you soon.” Sirius said to James. James held out his hand and Sirius shook it, not ever wanting to let go. But he did, and gripping his trunk, he took Kreacher’s arm and they apparated to the front of the Black house at 12 Grimmauld Place.
“Master Black is at work and Mistress Black is out. She did not tell Kreacher when she would be returning.” Kreacher said over his shoulder, already heading downstairs to the kitchen.
Sirius was glad that at least his mother was not home yet to greet him. He climbed the stairs, careful not to anger the old portraits by banging his trunk on the bannister. It was unlucky that Sirius had to pass the old house-elf heads that his twisted family had hung on the wall everytime he went upstairs. Everytime an old house-elf had died his grandparents and great-grandparents and great-great-grandparents had stuck their heads on the wall with Permanent Sticking Charms. The sight of it made Sirius want to spew. It sort of felt like reminding him of his own fate. As he walked up the four flights of stairs to his bedroom, he realised he had forgotten how dusty the house was. Almost to the point where it got harder to breath, but that could have possibly just been in passing his mother’s bedroom.
Sirius felt his heartbeat quicken slightly as he approached the fourth floor landing, where Regulus’s bedroom was, as well as his own. He studied the door but decided that his brother would find him when he was ready. Sirius unloaded his trunk in his bedroom then fell back onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He never felt fully alone even in his own bedroom. There were strategically placed portraits of relatives, most of them seemingly ancient, on his walls. He’d learned that if he earned the suspicion of any of them, his mother would know about it almost immediately.
After what felt like hours, Sirius heard the unmistakable sound of heeled shoes climbing the stairs, light and sharp, to the landing. There was a knock at the door of his small bedroom. Sirius shot up onto his feet, smoothing down his robes and hair before the door was opened.
Walburga Black was a tall, thin woman with high cheekbones and piercing grey eyes. She wore dark green robes and her black hair was pulled back into a tight bun. Even just by standing in the doorway, Sirius felt a chill run through his body.
“Sirius.” Walburga said, “Your hair is too long.”
“I like it that way.”
She disregarded this.
“You are barely home an hour and you’ve already made a mess.” Walburga said, sharply, flicking her wand at the books littered around her son’s trunk before turning to the door, “Be downstairs in ten minutes for dinner. We’ll have a talk.” she added, sweeping out of the room.
The dining room was almost identical to the rest of the house; emerald green curtains, dark wood and velvet furniture. When Sirius entered, his mother and father were sitting at either end of the table and Regulus sat across from the door, all staring solemnly at him. It felt horribly like a trap. Sirius sat down.
“Son,” Orion started, “we have been informed of how you have been getting on at school… All of your ancestors as far back as you look have all been sorted into Slytherin.”
Sirius had suspected this was where this conversation would go.
“You are the heir of the Black family.” Walburga said every word with a mean emphasis, “You should know better.” Sirius stayed quiet. His whole life in that house had, mostly, taught him when to shut up. Walburga continued,
“I will not have this stain on our family, Sirius. This is not only dishonour upon myself and your father but your entire bloodline. What is more, we have heard from Horace Slughorn of all people, that you have been seen around with that young Potter boy, a Pettigrew, and a half-blood. Do your father and I a favour and tell us…what in the name of Merlin do you mean by this? Gryffindor is bad enough, but associating with blood-traitors and mud-bloods–”
“They’re my friends.” Sirius blurted out, without thinking. He snapped his mouth shut and watched his mother closely, who’s features did not budge.
“I promise you, they are not.” Walburga said, in a tone that sounded like a threat to Sirius, “You may not see them again.”
Sirius opened his mouth, figuring he would finish what he started. But at that exact moment Kreacher appeared in the doorway, levitating stew in silver plates and goblets of wine onto the table in front of the four Blacks. After he had gone, Orion and Regulus both dug into the steaming platters of stew in front of them. Sirius looked down at his food, not feeling able to eat.
“I am disappointed in you, Sirius.” Walburga continued, “I knew you were troublesome as a child, but I expected you to grow out of that… I knew it was a mistake sending you to Hogwarts. I knew it. Especially you.”
Sirius picked up his goblet and took a sip. The wine flowed through his mouth, searing his throat as it went down. Walburga shook her head to herself,
“I don’t know where we went wrong with you. Why not make friends with well-bred pure-blood Slytherins… You are the heir to the House of Black. It is not your place around that filth.”
“They are not filth.” Sirius couldn’t stop himself muttering under his breath.
“How have they polluted your mind so much?” Walburga peered at her son, a hint of disgust on her face, “Shall I have a look?”
Sirius felt the blood drain out of his face. He’d forgotten, in the four months he’d been away, how often his mother used Legilimency to get information she wanted. Sirius had tried and tried but was still not strong enough to teach himself Occlumency. He thumbed the House of Black crest on his goblet and suppressed a shudder, tearing his eyes away from her. In doing so he caught Regulus’s eye across the table. It was the first time he had made eye contact with his younger brother for months. Regulus looked somewhat older than he had over the summer. His features seemed more defined and his curls a little shorter than Sirius’s.
“I will if I have to, Sirius.” Walburga said, gaining his attention back.
“I know.” he answered. He did know.
“Kreacher!” Orion called, obviously trying to break the tension, “Salt.”
Kreacher snapped and Orion sipped his stew, seeming to like it better than before. Kreacher left again. Sirius stared down into the depths of his bowl, wishing he could just leave.
“Actually, Sirius, there’s something else.” Walburga put her spoon down, some five minutes later, “You must stop avoiding your cousin.”
“I’m not avoiding her.” Sirius lied. He had been avoiding her. And successfully.
“Do not lie to me.” his mother said coldly, seeing right through him, “Bellatrix wants to protect you. As do I.”
“She does not!” Sirius said, louder than he meant to, his spoon clattering onto the table, “She’s never cared about me.” he added, more quietly this time.
“You do not speak about her that way. She is your cousin, and older than you.” Walburga said.
“So?” Sirius said, feeling brave all of a sudden, “Doesn’t mean she’s not mental.”
“Sirius Orion Black…” she did not yell, but Sirius could tell it was his cue to leave. He pushed his chair back, making a loud scraping noise, and fled the dining room. He could hear his mother say something as he climbed the stairs, but didn’t hear what it was.
Sirius sat on his window ledge, peering down at the street below, until he was sure dinner was over and could no longer hear anyone’s footsteps. He had not ended up eating a single bite, only poking at it. He was hungry now.
So when he was sure everybody must still be in their bedrooms, he slipped into the landing. Sirius had learned this trick years ago; to not make the noise of footsteps on the stairs, he flattened himself on the top of the bannister and slid all the way down. Praying the bannister didn’t break. He then stole some bread and cheese from the kitchen, eating it quickly.
Once he got back to his bedroom, Sirius pulled out parchment and a quill, settling himself on the floor to write a letter to James. Before he could even write the first word, his door swung open.
Regulus stood leaning against the doorframe.
“Hi,” he said, somewhat shyly.
“Hi,” Sirius said back. Regulus took a breath,
“How was school?”
“It was good.” Sirius said, “It was really good, Reggie. You’ll love it.”
“Yeah, I’m sure.” Regulus blinked, then hesitated, “So…you’ve made friends.”
Sirius nodded and stood up so he was level with his brother,
“Oh, I wish I could introduce you.” Sirius gushed, “Remus is just brilliant and witty. Peter is funny, he’s clumsy as hell always cracking us up. And James, well James is…my best mate.” He hadn’t realised how much he’d wanted to tell someone about his friends until that moment. But Regulus’s eyes darted to the floor, and he nodded curtly,
“Right. Uh…well…goodnight.” he turned and walked back to his own bedroom before Sirius could get another word in.
Sirius kept mostly out of trouble until the Wednesday after he had arrived. James had sent him a letter a couple days in, and Sirius had sent one back. Though Sirius realised his mistake when he arrived downstairs that morning to find Walburga holding a letter from James, furious. James's family owl had flown in the wrong window, the stupid bird. Sirius’s mother had ripped it up and forbade him from eating until the Christmas Eve feast, which was two days away. Under normal circumstances he would have been fine, but he’d been eating so many heavy meals at school that his body wasn’t as able to have food withheld as it used to be.
By the evening of the twenty-fourth, Sirius was famished. As he and Regulus stood at the door, waiting to greet their relatives, he had to keep himself from shaking.
The first to arrive were their grandparents Pollux and Irma. Pollux, who never spoke much, nodded and draped their outdoor cloaks over Sirius’s arms. Irma pinched both her grandsons cheeks and made a horrible kissing noise before following her husband into the house. Sirius grimaced at Regulus, who reflected back the same expression.
Barely a minute had passed before the front door opened with a bang. Sirius was sure it was almost blown off its hinges. Bellatrix cackled from outside, as her mother and father passed their cloaks to Sirius.
“Really, Bellatrix…” Druella chided, but a flicker of a smirk passed her face. After Cygnus and Druella had moved away, the girls came in. Narcissa brushed over to join her parents. Andromeda shot a half-smile in Sirius and Regulus’s direction. And Bellatrix shoved her heavy cloak onto Sirius, making him feel even closer to collapsing. At least Rodulphus hadn’t decided to join them.
“Here we go,” Regulus muttered, as he and Sirius put the cloaks in the cupboard. Sirius looked over at his brother. He had never told him before, but Regulus had always made him feel much less alone in these sort of family situations.
In the dining room Kreacher had put names at each place at the table. Sirius found his name. He had been seated between his uncle Alphard, who had meandered in at some point, and Bellatrix. He looked around to make sure no one was paying attention to him, but they were all already in a heated discussion about some dozens more muggle-borns being hired at the Ministry. So he reached over to quickly change Bellatrix’s and Narcissa’s names to put as much distance as possible between himself and his eldest cousin. Alphard, who was leaning back in his chair, grinned slightly at this. As Sirius was in the midst of changing the names, Walburga caught his eye and shot a warning glare at him. He grimly changed the names back before he was withheld meals for another day.
Sirius shovelled down his dinner, ignoring the pointed looks from his mother and Bellatrix’s remarks of disapproval.
“Honestly, do you not get fed enough?” she asked him. He held back from saying, “no” and kept eating.
“So,” Druella said, when everyone had finished, “my daughter’s wedding this summer…” Sirius stood up to leave.
“Sirius!” Walburga barked, “Sit down!”
Sirius sat down. Andromeda grinned at him from across the table, but her grin quickly vanished as Druella said,
“We’ve already decided the bridesmaid’s dresses for Andromeda and Narcissa will be a deep violet, and Bellatrix will wear my old wedding dress. A factor we still need to count for are Sirius and Regulus robes seeing as they are in the wedding party as well.”
“Of course.” Walburga agreed, “Whatever you think suitable.”
This discussion continued well into the evening, until Sirius and Regulus were ushered upstairs to the drawing room with their cousins. Sirius had never witnessed wedding planning before and was somewhat surprised by how uninvolved Bellatrix was from all of it.
“I wish I could hear what they’re saying.” Narcissa sighed, collapsing onto the settee as Regulus closed the door. Bellatrix pulled out a cigarette and lit it with her wand, taking a drag before saying,
“We already know what they’re talking about. It’s about him obviously.” she blew smoke out sharply, “Besides, I don’t think I could stand one more minute of that horrendous wedding planning.”
“But,” Regulus asked innocently, “don’t you want to get married?”
“Don’t be stupid, of course I do.” Bellatrix leaned back against the mantle-piece and took another drag before continuing, “If it could just be over with already… Oh, I’ll show them I’m capable of more than belonging to someone.”
“I think weddings are romantic.” Narcissa said.
“Of course you do.” Bellatrix shot back, a grin curling her lips.
“Now, now, no need for fighting.” Andromeda smiled, “I’m sure you both will have perfectly dull weddings with your perfectly dull husbands.” She sat down beside Narcissa, who hit her with a cushion. Bellatrix’s mouth formed a line and she blinked a couple times before clearing her throat,
“Anyway,” she changed the subject, putting out the cigarette on the brick fireplace, “Sirius, is your bedroom ready for me?”
“Sorry?” Sirius asked, caught off guard, eyes darting around to the other faces in the drawing room.
“Did your mummy not tell you?” Bellatrix asked, adopting that annoying baby voice she occasionally used, “I’m taking your room for a few days. Now, run along, move your things to your brother’s bedroom before I get tired.”
As Sirius left to quickly pack a trunk of his few prized possessions, he heard Andromeda tell her sister,
“You should really think about being kinder to him, Bella.”