Chapter 10
Tommy's hand explored the space between his bed and the wall, idly picking at loose paint chips. The words on page 83 looked like small ants. His wrist disappeared below the mattress, searching for anything other than the annoying tingling that threatened a loss of blood flow to his hand.
Straw, maybe- his fingertips brushed against some kind of basket. The wooden frame of his bed scraped at his forearm as Tommy pushed his hand further, reaching for the odd texture.
Sharp pain flashed through the side of his palm and he drew it back with a strained yelp, hand catching painfully against the bedframe. Pain flared through his wrist. He wrenched the bed from the wall with his foot and winced at the loud crack that came from somewhere underneath him. Something had bitten him, hard.
Small droplets of blood bubbled up in a somewhat deformed arc and he watched with horror as his hand began to visibly swell, ignoring the two pairs of eyes boring craters into the side of his skull.
"Fucking doxies," he hissed, swinging his legs over the side of his bed. He drew his wand and muttered, "Lumos," grinning lopsidedly despite himself as the tip of his wand illuminated. "There you are, you little bitch," he grimaced.
The doxie looked comical, almost, with the lighting of his wand, and Tommy withdrew himself from the underbelly of the bunk bed, finally acknowledging that the two had been staring frustratingly hard at his antics. "One of y'two get Sirius," he slurred. "There's a...uh..." He closed his eyes, trying to remember what he was just saying.
"Doxy," he finished finally, opening his eyes. Lupin loomed over him, holding an empty vial. Tommy was lying, face up, on the floor of his bedroom. His head throbbed. "What the hell?"
"You passed out," Lupin began, sighing quietly. "You we-"
"Found the source of our doxy infection, though," Sirius interrupted. He yelped as Lupin smacked his leg, shooting a wolfish grin at Tommy. "Anyways, as I was saying before Sirius so rudely interrupted me, you were bitten by a doxy queen. Their venom is ten times as powerful as a normal doxy's. I was lucky enough to have some antidote on hand, or you would've had a week-long visit with St. Mungo's."
Tommy's eyes lit up and he sat up with a little too much haste, wincing as Lupin narrowly dodged his head. "Sirius, the bite and run from earlier- when we were cleaning the room."
Recognition flashed across the Animagus's face and he raised his eyebrows, nodding down at Tommy. "You must have kicked the nest under the bed."
"Nest?" Tommy repeated. No one but he, Sirius, and Lupin were in the room. He was grateful for the privacy.
Lupin spoke before Sirius could. "Yes, doxy queens make nests to lay their eggs in. Usually they're much more extensive than the inside of a basket, but it was newly built."
Unbelievably grateful, actually. Sirius was the only person who he remotely trusted in this house, and Lupin was a close second. Being asleep - asleep meant vulnerable - around the rest of the house's occupants...Tommy grimaced. "It's always something that goes wrong with my day. Yesterday I lit Sirius' hair on fire."
The Animagus tugged absentmindedly at the freshly lopped ends of his hair, laughing. "I was due for a haircut."
Pain flashed through Tommy's heart and he clutched his chest, nearly falling to his knees. "Fuck- ow." A burning feeling seared through that same spot and he swayed on the spot, eyes squeezing shut.
Sirius almost dove to catch him, hesitating as Tommy managed to keep himself upright. Concern flitted across his rugged face. The world swirled around Tommy, everything circling the unbearable pain in his chest. It soared, flickered out, and died. Only light prickling remained. Tommy slowly opened his eyes, letting his hand slip from where it was poised above his heart. The cause of his suffering became apparent.
"Phantom pains," he explained, dazed. "They've never been...that bad. Before." Tommy shuffled over to his bed, falling back onto it. He closed his eyes and breathed. The thundering heartbeat in his ears slowed and he stood back up, fidgeting with his shirt hem as he gazed tiredly at Sirius. "I'm sorry. Everything seems to be going to shit today."
And, just at that moment, the world decided to spite Tommy. A loud crack- and screaming, and blood splattered across his face but he couldn't look, he couldn't - he had to save himself - so he spun and threw the full force of his body into his clenched fist.
The debris cleared in an instant as his knuckles hit his...not attacker. A tall, lanky redhead flew back into his clone's arms-
what?
-a nasty bruise already blossoming across his jaw, eyes half-closed. There were two of the same person. "Why the fuck are there two of him?" Tommy breathed, addressing no one in particular. "Oh, SHIT, I HIT ONE! I'm so sorry, fuck, I didn't mean to!" His head whirled to Sirius, terror spewing from his voice. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. I'm...I didn't mean to. I swear." Tommy's hands trembled as Sirius broke from his shocked stupor.
He was going to pay for what he did. Sirius was going to make him pay - no, not Sirius - his mind pleaded, but he knew it was worth nothing. The freedom he'd been basking in; the safety and warmth and...fuck, now he'd just gone and thrown it all off a cliff.
The uninjured clone tended to its injured counterpart, and so Lupin and Sirius were the only ones to see Tommy flinch so hard that he hit his shoulder on the upper bunk's bedframe, hands flying up to shield his face as Sirius came within striking distance. His body cringed away from the Animagus, a near-silent whimper escaping his lips.
Please. Not Sirius.
The footsteps stilled in front of him and Tommy flinched once more, eyes squeezed shut, though it was less dramatic than the first. Sirius padded away, moving quickly towards the clones.
"Tommy." Lupin's hushed voice did little to break through the feral panic in Tommy's head. "Tommy," he repeated, "Lower your arms and look at me. Please."
Fuck, he was so fucked. He did as he was told, eyes locking with Lupin's. They were getting him to lower his guard so they could hit him harder. He could do nothing but comply. He was all too familiar with the beating that would follow if he didn't. "I'm so sorry," he croaked, the beginnings of tears prickling at his eyes. "I didn't mean to."
"It's okay, Tommy." Something about his voice made the roiling fear in his mind settle. It was all an act. He couldn't allow himself to relax. It was so clearly an act.
Lupin took a wide path around Tommy, tapping Sirius on the back. The Animagus stood and, had Tommy been calmer, he would have considered the possibility that he was shielding Tommy from the clones' view.
He switched positions with Lupin and walked slowly towards Tommy, hands gently raised. Both of them were trying to lower his guard. It wasn't going to work. Tommy wouldn't let them.
"Tommy," Sirius started, worry cutting deep lines across his face. "I'm not going to hurt you. Could you come with me?"
Tommy didn't give a shit how much the Animagus tried. He saw right through his act. If his eyes weren't blurred with tears, he'd be able to look Sirius right in the face and prove his point. "Yeah. Sure," he whispered, and his heart sank. He had sealed his fate.
He followed Sirius up the stairs, stomach twisting further with every step. Somewhere quiet and secluded. Sirius was taking him somewhere his cries couldn't be heard. The man in front of him warped, flashes of green jutting through his visage.
They only climbed one flight of stairs, stopping near Sirius' bedroom. Sirius sat down against the railing, patting the space in front of him. "You can sit as far away from me as you want," he offered. Tommy wasn't stupid. This wasn't a genuine offer. It had an invisible boundary, one that Tommy would only know when he overstepped it.
He crouched down, sliding to a seated position against the wall opposite Sirius. Sirius was cross-legged, hands placed on his knees. Everything about his posture screamed that Tommy was safe. Dream had done this before, more times than Tommy could count.
"Tommy, I would never hit you. I would never do anything to hurt you- surely you know that," Sirius whispered. "So what was that?" Tommy searched his expression, fumbling blindly for anything that would give away his true intentions.
"Stop acting all confused," Tommy hissed. "People always act nice until I fuck up."
Some unreadable expression flashed across the Animagus's face and his eyebrows drew together, sadness gleaming in his eyes.
No, it was wrong.
"I've long since crossed off...every sign of past abuse since you've been here, Tommy. I need you to talk to me," Sirius pleaded. A whine crawled into his voice like some kind of parasite. A parasite; trying to worm its way into Tommy's brain and lure him into some sense of belief in Sirius.
"There's nothing to talk about, bastard," Tommy spat. "It's not your fucking business."
"Yes it is, because I care about you, and you're under my protection. Something else happened to you, and you still haven't told me," Sirius said quietly. "I understand that we've only known each other for a month, but you can't just keep these things bottled up. Like...war, Tommy? No one should have to go to war. Ever. And you're sixteen. You're just a child."
"I am not a child," Tommy hissed, standing up abruptly. "I am not a fucking child. And my age doesn't fucking matter." Tommy allowed himself to glare at the Animagus, eyebrows drawing together. "It was my country-" he hit his chest with a palm, "-and I was just fuckin' fine with dying for it if I had to." His anger almost got the better of him, and he almost added that he had died for his country. Almost.
He took a shaky breath, tilting his chin up. Challenging Sirius. Daring him-
"I guess I can't change your opinion on war today, then." Sirius ran a hand down his face, and his eyes darted away from Tommy's. Tommy stood there, stunned. "Wh- huh?"
"It was worth a try," he muttered. "Tommy, I need you to know that no one in this house would intentionally hurt you. Tommy, whatever mental...bastard-"
"Don't." Tommy choked out, sweat beading across his face. "Don't." His fingernails carved crescents into the wall behind him. "I don't wanna talk about him."
The Animagus sighed, "Okay. I'm sorry. I will never hit you, Tommy. You're safe here, and the only thing that matters to me right now is that you believe that. Please, promise me that you feel safe here."
Tommy's face twisted with rage, chest heaving. "I don't feel safe anywhere, you fucker," he shot, heart pounding. This was going against everything he'd drilled into himself. Everything- everything. It didn't help that some small part of his heart called this place home.
"You deserve to feel safe, Tommy," Sirius whispered. "You deserve to be happy. I'm so sorry that someone took that from you."
Tommy's heart was encased with a tough, dull shell. From the outside, no one could tell if the organ inside still beat. Sirius plunged his fist into Tommy's soul. The shell cracked once. Twice. It shuddered and burst.
Tommy sunk to the floor, wrapped his arms around his shoulders, and let himself go.
And the residents of 12 Grimmauld Place were none the wiser to the boy wailing into his friend's shirt just two stories above their heads.